Archive for ‘Time Management’ Category

In Search of Lost Time: Productivity, Proust, and the Culture of Availability

Posted on: January 31st, 2022 by Julie Bestry | 14 Comments

Marcel Proust’s seven-volume novel, In Search of Lost Time, translated from the French À La Recherche du Temps Perdu, was first translated into English as Remembrance of Things Past and is known for its theme of involuntary memory.

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It’s apt because, as I tried to decide what to write about this week, conversations and internet discoveries kept bringing me back to the concept of time: the way we accommodate our time for others, how we aspire to (and fail to) use time for tasks, and how we struggle with “managing time,” which is really an attempt to manage our thoughts, actions, and inner selves.

So, rather than a typical Paper Doll post of how-to and what-to, today’s post is a chance for you to look at my Proustian involuntary thoughts and memories. I’m going to share the thoughts that resulted; please join me in these rabbit holes of time-related thought. 

IT ALL STARTED WITH SOME ROCKS

I wasn’t even searching for anything about time. But one of my superpowers is to notice headlines with words related to my work, like organizing, time management, clutter, lost, missing, etc. And a headline caught my attention.

A Billion Years of Time Are Mysteriously Missing. Scientists Think They Know Why.

I mean, I’ve had clients lose checkbooks and passports, Halloween costumes and crockpots, birthday checks and tax returns. And, as we’ll get to, I’ve heard them complain about many ways they lose (and lose track of) time.

But I can’t say that any of them have ever reported losing a BILLION YEARS!

Scientists are savvy. They can tell how old a body is by its bones. Cut down a tree and they can look at the rings to know its age.

Well, geologists can reconstruct whole chunks of our Earth’s history from the rocks, fossils, and detritus of eons under the surface. And it turns out that while we were all searching for free COVID tests and KN95 masks, playing Wordle, and seeing how Irish fisherman were putting Vladimir Putin in his place, found a big, gaping whole in our planet’s history.

Well, not a hole. Maybe a wormhole? But definitely a huge lapse in time where there’s no evidence that anything has been going on. It’s like how you eat lunch and figure you’ll just check your Twitter feed before getting back to your next project, and then next thing you know it’s 5 o’clock and there’s no evidence of what happened with your whole afternoon!

Rock/Geology Photo by Aaron Thomas on Unsplash

More than one billion years of time is missing! This period is known as the The Great Unconformity, and it’s been puzzling geologists, who have been trying to figure out why sometimes, in some places, there are 550 million-year-old rocks sitting on top of completely ancient layers of rock that apparently date back as far as 1.7 billion years ago. And there’s no sign of what happened during all those lost eras, epochs, periods, and TV seasons.

Scientists are still working on the mystery, and there are some theories you can read about at the above link. But this is what first got me thinking about lost time.

LOST TIME

Do you ever wonder where the time goes?

In the last few days, I kept hearing people say some version of, “How is January over already?” 

Last week, a client was referring to something that happened “last year” when her spouse chimed in that, no, what she was thinking of was actually two years ago, in 2020. 

Culture of Availability

Some of the amorphous aspect of time is because modern life just moves at a different pace, with a greater sense of immediacy baked into “instant” messaging and expectations of immediate responses. If we’re “always on,” when do we have the opportunity to recuperate and rest our engines? 

If we’re always living for others’ expectations, when are we living our own lives?

If we're *always on,* when do we have the opportunity to recuperate and rest our engines? If we're always living for others' expectations, when are we living our own lives? Share on X

In ye olden days, people wrote letters. They arrived when they arrived (if at all, not unlike the current postal kerfuffles); if you needed someone’s attention sooner, you sent a telegram.

Eventually, you could place a phone call through the operator (and later, directly), but there was no guarantee you’d reach someone when they were in. (And on the flip side, much time was lost in the lives of young women who waited by the telephone, as immortalized in the plaintive prayers in Dorothy Parker’s famed A Telephone Call short story.)

At work, one might have a secretary to take messages during business hours, but it would be another half-century before “important” people (doctors, physicians, movie stars) would have answering services.

Answering machines were still uncommon enough in the 1970s that the opening sequence of The Rockford Files, with a new inbound message each week, was still novel.

(But click to hear the show’s actual theme music.)

And of course, voicemail was still even further away. And this doesn’t take into account all of the other places we can be found today — and where we are expected to reply. There’s email, texts, Facebook messages, Twitter DMs, WhatsApp, SnapChat, Slack, and who knows what else.

To that end, I direct you to I’m Not Sorry for My Delay, a recent piece in The Atlantic about our culture of availability.

The piece quotes Melissa Mazmanian, an informatics professor at UC Irvine, about the trend that started with the post-beeper, circa-1999 invention of RIM’s BlackBerry.

BlackBerry Photo by Randy Luon on Unsplash 

With this magical “two-way pager” came the almost-miraculous ability of professionals to conduct business on-the-go, and it’s easy to see how, in two decades, we got to what we have now, including the ubiquity of ways we can — and are expected to — be available. The author notes that “The superpower morphed into an obligation” and Mazmanian calls it a spiral of expectations. 

Yeah, it is!

Certainly, the more work we are expected to do, and the more often we are expected to be available (at the in-person meeting that could have been a Zoom, the Zoom that could have been an email, and the email that could have just not been), the less time we have for anything, and especially, anything important.

As an organizing and productivity expert, my job is to guide clients past the morass of overwhelm brought on by this spiral of expectations. The key (and I do not mean to ignore the difficulty in the simplicity) is to set and maintain boundaries. For example:

To set boundaries for yourself:

  • Know how, when, where, and by whom you are often distracted. 

You can’t change what you can’t identify. If you tend to get lost online, but aren’t sure where the quicksand is, try an app that tracks your time and gives you a report of where you’re spending it. RescueTime, Toggl Track, and MyHours are a few good options to consider.

And if your lost time is more vague and non-techie, try keeping a time log for a week. Set a phone alarm at frequent, regular intervals prompt you to fill in the log. A few years ago, A Life of Productivity’s Chris Bailey interviewed time management expert Laura Vanderkam about how to track time. There’s even a link to time logs you can fill in, either via excel or on a printable log.

  • Make some rules regarding how you will respect your time.

You can start with a classic Paper Doll post, R-E-S-P-E-C-T: The Organizing Secret for Working At Home.

Set specific office hours. When does your work day start and end? When will you do only “work” things” and when will you do only “home/family” things and, yes, shockingly, when will you do only “personal” things? While there’s certain to be overlap in some parts of your day, having a plan for who gets to pull you or push you when is a mighty first step in controlling your day.

  • Head technology off at the pass.

Your employer may dictate when you must be available and via what technology, but the rest of your time, you get to decide! Try removing all (or even all but one) social media app from your phone for a week. (You can easily download it again next Monday.) If you have an urgent need to see what’s going on at Twitter or wherever, you can always use your browser.

Turn off your app notifications. That doesn’t mean you won’t know someone tried to reach you. You’ll just only know when you decide to go find out. Read your email at the time you’ve blocked off for email review instead of having to focus while your email dings at you. Check your Twitter retweets and DMs when you decide to, rather than having your phone “whoosh” at you all day.

To set boundaries for others to respect:

  • Put a message in your signature block of your emails, letting people know that you check and return emails once in the morning and twice in the afternoon (or once a day, or never). The key is to set expectations.

Maybe you’re one of those folks who prefers a call to an email. Or an email to a text. Or perhaps you want everyone to call your assistant…who happens to be on a planned leave for the next six months, or forever, so everyone better be forewarned! 😉

The point is that if you set an expectation, nobody else (except within the realm of what your employer can control) has any final say.

  • Change your voicemail’s outgoing message to reflect your availability. Decades ago, I was shocked by a colleague’s outgoing message that said that “all calls would be returned by the end of the next business day.”

Really? 

No getting back to her home office from a full client day and returning calls at 8 p.m. as she rushed to make dinner? No returning calls that came in on Saturday afternoon? No identifying with Superman that someone out there needed her?

And no turmoil over the idea that if she weren’t sitting by the phone to answer a prospective client’s call AND she didn’t return the call the minute she finished with one client, even though she was supposed to be at her daughter’s dance recital, the person might call another company? (Some echoes of Dorothy Parker’s story, perhaps?)

After having spent my first career in the fast-paced world of television, where a succession of general managers and master control room operators would call me at dinner time, at 3 a.m., and on holiday weekends, this was a revelation. And it’s one I teach to my clients. 

Notwithstanding hiccups (a toddler’s meltdown, a canceled flight, fire, flood, blizzards, or burst pipes, you get to decide what to do with your one wild and precious life.

*Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?* —Mary Oliver, The Summer Day Share on X

If you’ve been following good time management guidelines, you’ve mapped out what you need to accomplish, grouped categories together, time-blocked your tasks, and scheduled them.

The next step is to analyze whether anything new that comes in is (truly) more urgent or (really-and-truly) more important enough to kick a pre-scheduled activity out of its slot.

And if it’s not? Well, it can go on the schedule for another day.

  • Only use the messaging apps at which you want to be reached. In my stride toward giving Facebook less and less control over my time, I deleted the app from some devices and deleted the Facebook messaging app from all of them. Only my friends and clients know my cell phone number; my public-facing phone number is my office landline, and you can’t text it.

Living in a Pandemic (and Still Not a Post-Pandemic) World

Of course, not all of our lost time is due to the culture of availability. Much of it is still dictated by the vagaries and whims of living and working during COVID.

All of the benchmarks and signposts of our week (and children’s weeks) have come unglued. To gain as much control (as possible) over the flow of your time, I encourage you read some of my lovingly crafted (and only rarely unhinged) posts from the past two years (but especially the very first one):

Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is? 5 Strategies to Cope With Pandemic Time Dilation (Seriously, kids. Read this.)

The Perfect Unfolding As We Work From Home

Rhymes With Brain: Languishing, Flow, and Building a Better Routine

Count on Accountability: 5 Productivity Support Solutions

Organize To Reverse a Bad Day

TIME- AND TASK-RELATED PRODUCTS CALLING OUT TO ME

So, all of this has been on my mind. Massive lost geological time. Lost time due to the culture of availability. The weirdness of pandemic time. And then two products kept showing up in my analog and digital life.

Post-it® Noted Line

Post-it® has developed a whole series of Noted products only tangentially related to the regular (but beloved) Post-it® Notes we use daily. 

Yes, they’re paper. And yes, they’re adhesive. But if traditional Post-it® Notes are quotidian, workaday items for the home and office, and Post-it® Extreme Notes (which I covered in Sticky to the Extreme: Organizing Information in Extreme Situations with Post-it® Extreme Notes) are Brawny Man-level solutions, Noted items seem to be up-and-coming executive who appreciates pretty things.

The Noted line, which I’ll cover in greater depth in a future post, includes notebooks, organizing tools, pens, and of course, notes. But in my forays online and off, I kept finding myself face-to-display with a few Noted products related to keeping track of your tasks and time, including:

Noted by Post-it® Daily Agenda Pad — This 100-sheet pink pad measures 3.9″ x 7.7″ and is designed as a no-frills agenda pad to schedule or track your day hour-by-hour. If you generally use a digital calendar and are finding you’re missing the tactile granularity of a paper calendar, you might want to try this. You can affix a note to the front of a notebook or portfolio or stick it on your wall or the top of your desk to keep it in view.

Noted by Post-it® Daily Planner Pad  — Like the agenda, the planner is 100 sheets/per pad of adhesive notes with a more task (rather than appointment) oriented view. The Daily Planner Pad measures 4.9″ x 7.7″ and has section headings for:

  • Do That Work (with a checkbox on every line)
  • Move That Body
  • Drink That Water (with little water glass illustrations you can check off)
  • Morning, Noon, and Night activity spaces
  • “Etc.” for free-writing and other activities

Noted by Post-it® Habit Tracker Notes — If your lost time is keeping you from hitting your goals and keeping up with your habits, these 2.9″ x 4″ habit tracker notes (also available in a mini size) give you a teeny, tiny calendar-esque view to check off your important habits. Stick it in your planner or on your desk to track whatever habits you want to acquire or eschew. (This one one has a self-care theme, but there’s a generic Habit Tracker version.)

Mover Erase Combo

The precursor of the Mover Erase Combo had been just on the periphery of my attention for the past few years as part of Bravestorming’s crowdfunded Mover Line. (Mike Vardy, the Productivityist, mentioned it once and the notion stuck somewhere in the recesses of my brain.)

But for the last week, though I’m certain I hadn’t clicked on anything to put a cookie in all of my devices, it kept showing up! If a white board and sticky notes had a baby, and the midwife were magnetic, and the baby shower were thrown by crowdfunding sources, you’d get Mover Erase Combo, a reusable (analog) system for scheduling, accomplishing tasks, and brainstorming ideas.

I’m still wrapping my head around the new iteration, but rather than losing any more time (heh) before sharing it with you, I thought I’d see what you think of the video.

Please share your thoughts in the comments, below.

Readers, I doubt anyone would imagine that Marcel Proust and I have much in common. I’m certainly more likely to hit on unanticipated memories when I scarf down a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup than he experienced with his famed madeleine:

“No sooner had the warm liquid mixed with the crumbs touched my palate than a shudder ran through me and I stopped, intent upon the extraordinary thing that was happening to me.”

But lost time and thoughts pervaded this week, and I thank you for letting me indulge in them.

Organize To Reverse a Bad Day

Posted on: January 24th, 2022 by Julie Bestry | 26 Comments

Summer Tears by Mark Seton (Creative Commons License)

In a perfect world, our time and task management wouldn’t depend upon our moods. Unfortunately, we don’t live in a perfect world.

In theory, our organizational systems should be designed so that we can accomplish our goals whether we’re feeling motivated or not. That’s the whole point of a system, to give us a framework when something external or internal prevents us from feeling our usual drive to achieve.

Last September, in Rhymes With Brain: Languishing, Flow, and Building a Better Routine, I wrote:

We also depend on activation energy. Because the hardest part of what we do is the getting started, we have to incentivize ourselves to get going. There are all sorts of ways we can trick ourselves (a little bit) with rewards, like pretty desk accessories or a coffee break, but the problem is that action precedes motivation. We’re not usually psyched to get going until we have already started!

Action precedes motivation. We're not usually psyched to get going until we have already started, whether it's a runner's high or Csikszentmihalyi's flow. Share on X

We may not feel like working out, but once we’re dressed in our best approximation of Venus and Serena, or the yogi of the moment, or whichever quarterback is getting all the endorsements, and have gotten ourselves warmed up, we’re well on our way.

When we lack our usual oomph, our knowledge of the benefits of staying organized may not be enough to keep us motivated to track our expenses, pay our bills on time, file our papers, and stick with our routines, but if we nudge ourselves with giving it just a little try (“just five minutes” or a Pomodoro of 25 minutes or whatever), we may find ourselves able to get into flow.

In other words, well begun is half done.

In that post on languishing, I talked about how to get past the (likely pandemic-induced) blahs and generate flow. We looked at several rhymes-with-brain solutions:

  • Abstain from the distractions that steal your focus.
  • Retrain your brain by shaking up the synapses and making different connections.
  • Restrain yourself from frequenting the people who eating up your time and energy.
  • Constrain your work areas and minimize the space they take up to keep from spending all your energy looking for your supplies and resources instead of using them to achieve your goals.
  • Contain those items in the areas you’ve constrained (above).
  • Maintain your successful routines.
  • Attain (and explain) knowledge to keep your brain active.
  • Gain momentum and jump-start your enthusiasm.

If you haven’t read that post, skedaddle over to it first, as conquering languishing might be just what you need.

BEYOND LANGUISHING

The problem with productivity is that sometimes, we’ll be going along just fine and hit a brick wall. If languishing is the “blah,” a really bad day is the “waaaaaaaaah.”

Judith Viorst captured it best in the title Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. Whether you remember it from childhood, babysitting days, or from parenthood, you know what she means. There are days that can go wrong and completely wreck our moods and take our whole day off course.

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Maybe it starts small: you accidentally pour the orange juice into your cereal or realize your gas tank is almost on empty when you’re running late for work.

Perhaps you have a fight with a loved one or the person with whom you get along the least well (that’s a nice way of saying it, right?) gets a promotion or media attention or some other kind of success.

Or maybe something truly terrible (but still in the realm of “bad day”) happens, like a fender bender or news of impending layoffs at work. 

When a few small bad things happen in sequence, no matter how strong your intention, the collective experience tends to upend your schedule, foul your mood, and destroy your day. If you let nature take its course, you may feel better after a delicious grilled cheese sandwich or a tearful phone call to your bestie, or your bad morning may turn into a bad day that scrolls into a bad week.

So, let’s not let nature take its course. Let’s stop that bad day in its tracks.

ORGANIZE YOUR WAY OUT OF A BAD DAY

Organizing your space, time, and thoughts can be powerful. It can even prevent catastrophes. But other times, the best it can do is make catastrophes less catastrophic. At those moments, we must accept what has happened, or what is happening, and turn inward to control our response.

Insert a Break

Anyone who has ever used a word processing program knows the command to Insert Page Break makes sure that there’s ample white space between one set of content and another. You insert a page break between chapters in a book, or between sections in a report. It keeps unrelated material from flowing together.

In your time management, when you’re having a bad day, take a pause to keep your bad morning from flowing into a bad afternoon.

Let’s say something annoying happens at 9:45 a.m. Depending on how resilient we’re feeling, we may get a fat-laden snack from the vending machine or take a walk to get some fresh air, and then regroup. If that little break is enough to reverse course on your bad day, count it as a win!

Embrace Time Blocking

But if you’re feeling resentment from multiple recent annoying things bubbling up inside of you, you may be at risk of bringing the whole day down. Here’s where your break needs to be a little more focused. This is where we can steal from the concept of time blocking.

We’ve explored time blocking often, most recently in Playing With Blocks: Success Strategies for Time Blocking Productivity. At its most basic, time blocking focuses on creating chunks of time for particular activities. 

The whole notion is that an endless to-do list never sets aside fixed time for the categories of activities we claim to value. If we are constantly putting out fires and dealing with interruptions, the most important tasks never get done. With time blocking in the way we normally approach it, there are some basic tasks:

Start with a brain dump of everything you need to accomplish. 

Group all your tasks into categories. At the time, I said, Work categories may not be all that different from school categories. You had math (now it’s bookkeeping or bill-paying) or English (now correspondence, marketing projects, or reading for fun). All of those activities were regulated by a fixed schedule that ensured you had ample time to focus on each subject. A bell triggered transition time. Your schedule even accounted for lunch and phys. ed. to keep your brain and body healthy.

Schedule your blocks so that you guarantee yourself set time for dealing with each important category.

I also said to “bubble-wrap” your time blocks with buffer time, so instead of trying to having Zoom meetings and major projects back-to-back, you’ll have recovery time. 

Sometimes, life circumstances require you to replace a planned day with different activities. But by grouping categories of tasks into blocks, it’s easier to slide the tasks around and move them to where they’ll fit.

And this is where time blocking comes into play on a bad day. When teaching clients how to time block, I usually suggest they make use of 90-minute blocks. Just focusing on the workday, and not taking into account your early mornings and what you’re trying to deal with from dinner to bedtime, it’s easy to see we have not one big blob of a day, but multiple blocks:

  • Early Morning
  • Late Morning
  • Early Afternoon
  • Mid-Afternoon
  • Late Afternoon

Let’s say you have a run-in with a co-worker or get bad news from your boss in the early morning. Or you have a fight with your spouse or a frustration with a parent in the drop-off line at school. Or, someone is wrong on the internet!

©XKCD/Randall Munroe (Creative Commons License)

It is so freakin’ easy to let an ugly mood settle into your day like a bad cough in your chest. If inserting that page break into the story of your day did work, your next option is to tell yourself that the day isn’t lost.

Take a deep breath. If you’re actually time-blocking, look at the the blocks you have on your calendar and figure out what’s the next possible block you can slide to a different day so that you can use your Bad Day Rescue Toolkit (see below) to get out of your funk.

If your day is not so carefully blocked out, mentally flip through your obligations for the next several hours until a good dividing line appears. If it’s 11:30 a.m., declare bankruptcy on your late morning block, know that lunch is a built-in daily mental health repair kit, and try to move or cancel whatever is in that first block in the afternoon.

The point isn’t to run away and join the circus, but to give yourself ample time to treat the yucky experience as a bad chunk, rather than an entire bad day. Then apply chocolate, or a soothing phone call, or an unplanned yoga class, or whatever, to the bruise forming from your crash with whatever ruined your mood. Instead:

  • Acknowledge that something unpleasant happened.
  • Give yourself permission not to deal with all of your emotions regarding the experience right now.
  • Take responsibility for clearing the decks for the next block (or two) so you can recuperate.
  • Use your Bad Day Rescue Toolkit.
  • Find your path to resilience. 

Create a Bad Day Rescue Toolkit

More than a decade ago, Daniel Powter had a hit with the song Bad Day.

My favorite part of the lyrics is when, after cataloguing the various travails, Powter sings, “You need a blue sky holiday.”

Every person’s Bad Day Rescue Toolkit will include different items, but use these ideas as a guidepost. The key is to organize as much of this now, when you’re having a fine or neutral day, so you’ll have it when you need it.

  • Make a list of the phone numbers of your most upbeat and/or most supportive friends.

Note: these may not be the same people. Scroll through your phone and think about who you might call if you need to vent or need to be perked up. My BFF is my go-to when I need to vent, and I try to be that for her. I’m not as good at refraining from trying to fix the situation as she is. (If you just want to vent, tell the person that before you get started.)

But here’s a sneaky tip. Try to tell the whole story of whatever frustrated you only once, to just one person. Get it out — all the “grrrrr, arghh” — and then move on to the rest of the experience. If it’s the right time to start looking for support with solutions, do that. Otherwise, invite your callee to distract you. Let them tell you about an awful situation at work, something ridiculous their mother-in-law said, or what’s making them bananas these days. (Try to avoid politics. That’s giving us all bad days.)

  • Keep a browser-bar folder on your computer or phone for websites that distract and amuse you — better yet, sync them for easy access. On Mac/iOS, back them up to iCloud. And here’s an article for How to Sync Browsers Between Your Phone and PC.

Similarly, start maintaining a folder (digital or paper) of jokes, funny stories, cartoons, or goofy memes. If you’re on Twitter, use the bookmark tool to save those long, ridiculous threads where people report silly family stories or embarrassing tales.

 

This classic is one of my all-time favorite threads, and by the time I get days into the contributions, I usually end up looking like the laughing-crying emoji.

For professional humor, I particularly like comics that are gentle. My favorites are:

Liz Climo’s The Little World of Liz books and Twitter feed

Dinosaur Comics and Twitter feed

Nathan W Pyle’s Strange Planet comics, books, and Twitter feed

 

  • Start saving videos that make you happy.

It’s shockingly easy. Make sure you’re logged into Google (because Google owns YouTube) and then whenever you come across a video that makes you laugh or lifts your spirits, click on the SAVE button to the lower right of the video.

This is how you create a playlist. When the little window pops up, click “Create New Playlist” and give your playlist a name, like Make Me Happy! You can also decide whether this playlist is public or private.

  • Consider making YouTube playlists of other kinds of videos, like travelogues or workout routines — anything that focuses on what take you out of your head long enough to regroup.

Sometimes, you don’t even need to do the workouts (though it helps). Consider watching The Kilted Coaches. (Your mileage may vary.)

  • Create a playlist of songs that reverse crankiness.  

Having grown up in the era of mix-tapes, I found the late-90s/early-00’s experience of trying to make CD mixes frustrating. 

Nowadays, most folks are going to make playlists directly in Spotify, so whether you want to do it on the desktop or via mobile, here are Spotify’s directions for creating playlists. (And, of course, if you prefer to watch videos along with listening to your music, you can search out your favorite songs on YouTube and follow my directions above.)

If you’re not that up on popular music, you can also search online for happiness-including playlists that other people have created. For example, The Ultimate Happy Playlist on Spotify runs almost two-and-a-half joy-inspiring hours and has more than 10,000 followers. From Katrina and the Waves’ Walking on Sunshine to Pharrell Williams’ Happy to many less obvious choices, it’s a good starter for dissipating a bad mood.

 

  

  • Build up your success folders.

As we’ve discussed before, having tangible folders for papers and digital folders (generally for email) allow you to keep proof of your successes to read when you’re feeling down on yourself.

In my prior career, I had one particular manager who bore a striking resemblance to Dilbert’s evil, pointy-haired boss — I’m not sure what exactly went on during his long lunches, but depending on his mood, he’d either hunker down in his office or roam around to a pick a fight. He was once heard to scream at a hapless employee, “Everyone hates you because you use too much copy paper!”

That was the point when I first recognized how valuable and life-affirming it can be to keep written copies of positive comments.

You might have an email from a client saying that they couldn’t have accomplished their goals without you, or a handwritten thank you note that shows appreciation for something you’ve done for a friend. Or you might just get a note that says, “You’re the best!” or “You really made me laugh.”

The point is that we never know when an evil, pointy-haired boss, or a bad boyfriend, or a good person having a bad day is going to do or say something to puncture our self-confidence. You can’t organize your way out of being disappointed in a representative of the human race, but gathering up the equivalent of a positive affirmation in the form of someone else’s handwriting (or over their email signature block) can really help reverse a bad day.

Other options to develop for your Bad Day Rescue Toolkit might include:

  • a happy list — Whether you keep a note on your phone or have a sprawling list at the back of your journal, keep a running list of things that please you. My own list is a heady mix of things my friend’s four-year-old has said (most recently, with a big sigh, “HOW am I ever going to find a wife?), experiences I love (like waking up, seeing I have hours before the alarm will go off, and going back to sleep), funny lines from beloved TV shows like The West Wing and Ted Lasso, and a sub-list of just completely unexpected experiences that always remind me that you never know what might happen next!
  • a workout plan with moves that boost your endorphins, or a bookmarked schedule of live exercise classes (in-person or remote) for when you need some human interaction along with your running/biking/downward-dogging.
  • a set of mantras to get you going again (whether it’s a serious one, like “I am not defined by one mistake” or one that makes you laugh, with expletives not deleted) 
  • a meditation app —  Good Housekeeping has put together a list of the 15 Best Meditation Apps of 2022. Calm and Headspace get all the media buzz, there are lots of good alternatives, including quite a few that are free.
  • essential oils — OK, to be fair, I really don’t know anything about essential oils. Mostly, I know that my favorite scent is a grilled cheese sandwich, but many people swear by essential oils, either in the bath or through a diffuser. And I hear lavender oil can release tension. (If you’ve tried this option, let us know in the comments.)

When It’s More Than a Bad Day

Obviously, all of these suggestions are for resources that will help you tackle a garden-variety bad mood or bad day. If you find you’re having more back-to-back bad days or weeks than simple organizing can handle, please give yourself the gift of qualified professional support.

Call your health insurance Member Services number or check their website for mental health providers in your network. If you are experiencing a mental health emergency, please know that you can call NAMI (the National Alliance of Mental Illness) hotline at 800-950-NAMI or text “NAMI” to 741741, or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255)

A Parting (Musical) Note

I hope you’re having a good day right now and that this post has helped you prepare for the future, in case you need to turn a bad day around. Please share your own ideas for organizing your way out of a bad day in the comments section below.

Finally, when I originally created this post, YouTube would not let me share the official video for Bad Day, which you can now see up above. Over the past few years, so many people have told me through the years that it lifts their spirits, so in case YouTube makes the official video unavailable again, I wanted you to have the option to at least year the song and read the lyrics. While there are a variety of explanations for the neurological or psychological mechanism, but truth is that sometimes a sad song helps turn a bad day around.

Cross-Training for Families: Organize for All Eventualities

Posted on: October 11th, 2021 by Julie Bestry | 21 Comments

WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH CROSS-TRAINING?

The term cross-training appears to have originated in the fitness and athletic world. One’s usual sport strengthens certain muscle groups and develops a specific set of skills; training in different disciplines, allows you to address other muscle groups, gain and sharpen different skills, and create a more well-rounded overall performance.

Photo by Marta Wave from Pexels

Cross-training in business yields the same kinds of benefits. Let’s say you work for a widget-making company. (“Hi! I’m <insert you name here>. I work for a widget-making company!”) Your job might be to oversee the complicated machine that cuts out the widgets; your friend down the factory line has a complementary job, making sure that the widgets are quality-controlled to meet international widget-production specifications.

If your company is run smoothly, each employee must be crackerjack at his or her job. But what if there’s only one person who knows how to do a specific thing? What if that person wins the lottery and quits, or gets hired away by a competing widget maker? Sure, the company can hire and train a new widget quality-control specialist, but until that happens, a manager with prior experience might have to step in, reducing the time the manager can, well, manage.

But what if the staff were cross-trained so that in addition to knowing your own job up, down, and sideways, everyone had at least a little training at other people’s jobs? Wouldn’t that make things better?

When I worked in television, I was a program director at local network affiliates. My assistant and I each had our separate spheres of influence, but the truth was that on most days, I was handling managerial tasks (research, contract negotiation, meetings with syndicators, etc.) and my assistant was handling day-to-day operations (maintaining the film vault, overseeing satellite operations, quality-controlling programming tapes — because this was in ancient times, before programming all lived inside computers).

Ours was a two-person department; without cross-training on the intricacies of satellite operations and whatnot, my assistant would never have been able to call in sick, take a vacation, or move onward professionally without things grinding to a stand-still. Cross-training saves butts!

Photo by Christina Morillo from Pexels

Major advantages of cross-training in business include:

  • Better efficiency, because the more people have a good handle on how to do any one thing, the better it will get done.
  • Improved flexibility, because the organization as a whole can be nimble.
  • Clarity for emergency response planning. Back-up plans can save companies and that can save lives.
  • Better “coverage,” so that if there are greater needs in one area (like greater demand for boxing up widgets) employees from other departments can fill those roles.
  • Better integration and institutional knowledge across the company. If you only know how your department works, and are fuzzy on the operations of the rest of the business, not only does it hold you back from spotting potential problems and making suggestions (for the company’s benefit), it keeps you from achieving personal growth by seeing what other possibilities exist for you.
  • Better morale. The more you know how to do, and the better you are at it, the more self-confidence you’re going to have.
  • More satisfied customers. If you are involved in client/customer-facing work, cross-training means you can respond wisely, deftly, and quickly to questions, yielding more confidence in the company and in you as an expert.

Cross-training in your family, especially with regard to essential paperwork, information, and rituals, has the same benefits. Think about what happens when one parent is the main caregiver for a child but has to leave for a business trip or to help an ailing grandparent. The other parent (or other adult in the household, if there is one) needs to step in and step up!

Cross-training in the family has the same benefits as with companies.

  • Better efficiency, because the person who usually pays the electric bill, does the carpool drop-off, or renews the car insurance policies may not always be available without difficulty or overwhelm.
  • Improved flexibility, because the family as a whole can be nimble.
  • Clarity for emergency response planning. You back up your computer; shouldn’t you have backup for when you’re headed to give a career-defining speech and the school calls to say your child just threw up?
  • Better “coverage,” so that when one adult in the family is overloaded, the other can pick up the slack without having to explain what to do, how to do it, what the pitfalls may be, and who may complain (about the color of the frosting or how the sandwich is cut).
  • Better integration and “institutional” knowledge across the family. It’s not 1957; it’s unreasonable to expect that one member of the household is “in charge” of all things related to the kids or that one (other, or the same) person is “in charge” of all financial, legal, and organizational goings-on.* 

*This is a really complex topic. Being a caregiver for children and running a household, even when one works outside the home for pay, involves not only the physical labor but the mental load and emotional labor of anticipating cognitive, emotional, and other needs of stakeholders (but instead of CEOs and shareholders, it’s tiny humans and life partners). I’m excited to note that my colleagues Regina Lark, PhD and Judith Kolberg have written Emotional Labor: Why A Woman’s Work Is Never Done. It was just released, and deals more specifically with this concept.

  • Better morale. It’s a reality. The more active a part of your family you are (or your partner is), knowing everything from which lullaby scares away the monsters to which color notebook into which the teacher requires permission slips be inserted, the happier everyone will be.
  • More satisfied “customers.” OK, your kids and your spouse/partner, and maybe even other members of your household (like aging parents) want to feel confident that you’re a full-fledged member of the family, that you know what you’re doing and that you want to be there doing it.  

Cross-training rocks!

SO WHY DO PEOPLE AVOID CROSS-TRAINING?

If cross-training is so great, why do people groan and avoid it? (I’m so glad you asked!) The sticking points are the same at work as they are at home, though they are expressed differently.

Inertia

At work: businesses tend to focus on urgent priorities, so even if there are directives from on-high requiring quarterly cross-training sessions, management often finds a way to avoid taking time away from meeting deadlines to carve out slots in the schedule for cross-training.

At home: same deal. Your life is busy. Maybe you read a blog post like this, or your professional organizer calls your attention to a problem waiting to happen. 

Baby & Teddy Bear Image by StockSnap from Pixabay 

Or you hear a horror story about spouse who went on a business trip and the at-home parent couldn’t find the right sleeping stuffie, and so the child cried for two days straight. Or you hear about a widowed friend of your parents who didn’t pay the insurance bill because they didn’t know it came to the deceased spouse’s email address, not via mail. These are cautionary tales.

Focusing on the benefits rather than the inconvenience will help everyone acclimate.

Learning curve on new material 

At home and at work, nobody gets everything right on the first try. It’s human nature to avoid attempting something if you fear you won’t do it well. In the workplace, Impostor Syndrome may kick in, and an employee may fear attempting something outside the usual skill set, fearing the inability to get it right immediately might lead to firing. And at home, someone might feel nervous about being slow to succeed at a task one’s partner already does well.

When you invite your partner to join in household cross-training, acknowledge that you have different skill-sets and you may not be equally adept at everything. The point at home isn’t to be perfect, it’s to be perfectly satisfactory as a back-up.

Job security

At work: If you’re the only one who knows how to do something, you may feel like you have job security. (Of course, the flip-side of this is that management will tend not to promote you if you’ve convinced them nobody else can master your area.)

At home: While most people aren’t afraid that a spouse will divorce them if they don’t pick up right away on how to use the digital password manager, we all feel a little anxious about being seen without our halos. 

Fear of higher expectations, higher workload, and being taken advantage of

At work: It’s a reasonable fear that if you know how to do more, you might be expected to do more. To some extent, this can be a positive thing, allowing you to do your own rendition of “This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine!” This is your chance to step up!

But if your workplace tends to be firmly on one side of the continuum, anywhere from moderately dysfunctional to toxic, you’ll want to watch for signs that you’re being taken advantage of, and be prepared to negotiate for better pay and benefits (or depart for greener pastures with your newfound skills).

At home: Unlike in businesses, where capitalism is the basis of everything and mutual loyalty can be a dubious concept, families are based (or should be based) on love, mutual respect, and loyalty. The point of family cross-training is to strengthen the family, for the benefit of everyone!

Focus on how improving skill training and sharing knowledge will support the healthy growth of the partnership and create a financially and emotionally sound foundation for the kids, the parents, and everyone in the family.

AREAS FOR FAMILY CROSS-TRAINING

Your family is unique, so I won’t presume to know everything you should consider when cross-training. However, this list should get you started.

Organize financial paperwork together

Smead All-in-One Financial Planning Organizer

Get clarity on the status quo. Do both partners know the following:

  • What household, credit card, and other bills does the family receive?
  • What is the frequency of the billing? (Sure, most utility bills come monthly, but your water and sewer bills may be quarterly. Some insurance premiums are paid monthly, others quarterly; car insurance is often paid every six months.)
  • When do the bills usually arrive? (The partner regularly paying the bills may have a gut sense of these dates and know there’s something wrong if the Capital One bill doesn’t arrive by the 10th; with the postal service continuing a massive slowdown, the other partner might be in for a shock if the bill arrived days or weeks late.)
  • How do the bills arrive? Via U.S. mail on paper? Via email notifications prompting logging in? Are the bills auto-paid?
  • How are the bills usually paid? If you were in the hospital and your partner sat down to pay the bills, not knowing that a particular bill is auto-paid could lead to an expensive double-payment.
  • What’s the typical amount of each bill? If you don’t have a chat about these things periodically, you or your spouse might not notice an error in billing or a significant jump in costs.

This probably won’t be a one-time cross-training event. Discuss these issues, then consider spending one month with the partner who usually doesn’t handle the bills taking care of things and “reporting” back; alternatively, you can go through the process side-by-side. The key isn’t to micromanage, but to support one another for common financial goals.

Once your kids are tweens/teens, you might want to include them in some aspects of this cross-training so that they understand the complexities of household finance.

For more guidance on organizing financial paperwork, you might want to start with a classic Paper Doll post, Financial Filing—Scrapbooking snapshots of your money’s life.

Know your household computer set-up

Depending on your ages/generations, you and your partner might be a digital immigrant (a person born or brought up before the widespread use of digital technology) or a digital native. If one of you has discomfort with technology, you’ll need patience to approach these topics. If both of you are digital immigrants, consider hiring someone to help walk you through making sure you’re fully trained on how to achieve your computer-related goals.

Computer security image by TheDigitalWay from Pixabay
 

  • How and where do you keep the essential passwords? It does no good for your partner to be willing to pay the bills if, in an emergency, they can’t log into the credit card or auto loan account.
  • Are you happy with your password management system? (Do you HAVE a password management system?) Know where to find all the passwords that allow your household to run smoothly.
  • Do you know (and know how to use) your computer backup system? From family photos to your browser’s bookmarks/favorites to all of your documents, everything needs a backup. I recommend a belt-and-suspenders approach, with local back-up to an external hard drive and cloud back-up via one of the popular backup companies. (I use Backblaze.) For more on backup, you might want to read a guest post I wrote for Alexa Bigwarfe’s WritePublishSell.com called 9 Ways to Keep Your Writing Safe.
  • What about all your household tech? Do you know your DSL/Cable modem configuration URL (and the user name and password)? What about security settings for your internet router? If you (or your partner, or the internet tech) set up your Wi-Fi password eons ago, would you be able to find it to set up a new device?

Do you know the state of your estate?

From wills to beneficiary lists, from a Power of Attorney for financial decisions to your healthcare proxy, from your advanced care directives to how much (and what kind) of life insurance you have, chances are good that one person in your family took point and the other is only vaguely aware of what’s going on. Or, maybe you haven’t gotten around to squaring any of this away yet?

Either way, start with making sure you’ve both read up on the topics. You can begin with:

How to Replace and Organize 7 Essential Government Documents

How to Create, Organize, and Safeguard 5 Essential Legal and Estate Documents

The Professor and Mary Ann: 8 Other Essential Documents You Need To Create

Nobody ever likes talking about death. But talking about your estate documents, and maybe even working together to create them in the first place, is the first step to knowing that your family is safe and covered in case of the worst eventualities.

Other ways you can cross-train in the family

There’s obviously so much more than financial and legal paperwork and information to consider when cross-training. Your entire family might want to sit-down to brainstorm ideas. Some possibilities:

  • Medical issues — Does everyone (or at least every adult) have a working knowledge of what to do in a medical emergency? My friend has Type 1 diabetes, and her 10-year-old has known, from an early age, how to help his mom by fetching a juice box to raise her blood glucose. Kids should know how to make a phone call to 9-1-1 and how to identify themselves, their address, and some basic information to relay about their parents.
  • Medical care — Do you and your partner both know the pediatrician’s name and phone number? Where to find the First Aid kit? What medication you and your kids regularly take, so they can convey this in case of an emergency?
  • Parenting essentials — This could be a blog post (or a book) all unto itself. From favorite sippy cup to which kids (and the kids’ best friends) have specific dietary requirements and preferences, from the name of the kids’ teachers to how to contact their friends’ parents (in case one of the tiny humans independently decides to get off the bus and go to a friend’s house without informing you), there’s a lot of essential information and skills that go into parenting. The grownups in the house need to share that wealth of information with one another!
  • Laundry and household care — Are there sneaky tricks to getting household appliances to work properly? If something in the basement makes a weird, loud teapot-whistle sound, would you know that it was the sump pump having run out of distilled water? Does it do any good if your partner knows that and you don’t? (So much NOPE!)
  • Auto care — Does one partner always handle the interactions with the mechanic? Maybe you need to share the knowledge so that you can speak authoritatively when you’re pressed to make a pricey decision.

Photo by MART PRODUCTION from Pexels 

HOW TO PROPOSE FAMILY CROSS-TRAINING

You are the expert on how your family and household works. This post is just designed to give you an idea of how you can not merely share the load (and the information) but do it in a way that ensures your family’s immediate and long-term security. Whether the stakeholder is your toddler (who is sobbing that “that’s the wrong bedtime book”) or the finicky garden hose, the mortgage company or your partner’s grandmother, having a complete sense of what gets done — when, where, and most importantly, how — is essential. 

I encourage you to share the concepts of this post with your partner. Talk about the benefits: efficiency, flexibility, clarity for emergency response, better coverage when one family member is overloaded, more integrated family “institutional” knowledge, greater morale, and a happier constituency of family members.

But don’t just talk about the benefits. Speak honestly about potential fears and reasons for avoidance (including inertia, worries about learning curves, the sense of “job security” and higher expectations). Ignoring them won’t make them go away, but talking may be just what you need to conquer those challenges and support your family team.

WHAT IF YOU’RE ON YOUR OWN?

I get it; not everyone has a partner. There are a lot of single parents, widows or widowers whose children are “grown and flown,” and just random singletons (like Paper Doll). That doesn’t mean that you’re completely on your own. Think about who you’d call in an emergency. To whom would you reach out if you needed someone to watch your tiny human? Who would you trust to log into your accounts and pay your bills for you?

These may not all be the same person. You may need to do cross-training with a number of someones: your ex, a sibling in another city, a best friend, a professional organizer trained in financial organizing (whom you can find through NAPO and AADMM), an accountant, an attorney, a hoc nanny, and others. The key is to start thinking now: 

Who can be you when you can’t be you? 

Rhymes With Brain: Languishing, Flow, and Building a Better Routine

Posted on: September 13th, 2021 by Julie Bestry | 22 Comments

Are you having trouble getting back in the saddle? 

Yes, I know, this is not your first rodeo. You’ve had to get back into a routine before: after the easy pace of summer, after the winter holidays, after vacations.

But perhaps this feels a little different? Maybe you’re distracted because this is the first time you’re headed back into the office after a year and a half of working remotely? Or perhaps you’ve realized that you can’t keep working from your kitchen table anymore, and it’s time to really get back into a routine.

There are a few reasons why you might be feeling at loose ends. First, you might be stuck in the past. It happens to all of us. Last week, in Emerson, Angelou, Ted Lasso, Tashlich & Zen Monks: Letting Go for a Fresh Start, I walked you through rituals and mantras for helping you let go of past mistakes and frustrations.

A LESSON ON LANGUISHING

Perhaps the problem isn’t the past, but the present. Over the summer, the New York Times got a lot of attention for a piece called Feeling Blah During the Pandemic? It’s Called Languishing. (Depending on where you’re located, you might have more luck with this link to the piece.)

Some people have flourished as a result of the past 18 months; people who’d lost time with their families due to long work hours, commutes, and work travel were sometimes able to bask in the joy of remote work; others were able to put energy into side hustles that became true callings and got to leave careers that weren’t fulfilling.

Meanwhile, of course, many others have found working and just getting through life to be agonizing. This has been a period of distress, whether a constant onslaught or troubles that come in waves, worrying about keeping themselves and their families healthy, coping with financial strife, and being expected to work and act as if all of this {picture me waving my hands all around} was remotely normal.

So, for some, after the initial period in Spring 2020, life has been a collage of yoga positions and perfectly golden sourdough bread. For others? Let’s just say Edvard Munch could easily time travel from 1893 to 2021 and paint The Scream all over again. (Except he’d have needed to draw a mask.)

But in between flourishing and drowning, the Times article found that many of us are having trouble gaining traction because we’re languishing. It’s not depression or anxiety, but in an excerpt of the piece, we see exactly what’s making it difficult for many to get back into a routine:

In psychology, we think about mental health on a spectrum from depression to flourishing. Flourishing is the peak of well-being: You have a strong sense of meaning, mastery and mattering to others. Depression is the valley of ill-being: You feel despondent, drained and worthless.

Languishing is the neglected middle child of mental health. It’s the void between depression and flourishing — the absence of well-being. You don’t have symptoms of mental illness, but you’re not the picture of mental healtheither. You’re not functioning at full capacity. Languishing dulls your motivation, disrupts your ability to focus, and triples the odds that you’ll cut back on work. It appears to be more common than major depression — and in some ways it may be a bigger risk factor for mental illness.

The author of the piece, Adam Grant, is a organizational psychologist at the Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania, and his TEDTalk really clarifies what languishing is, and how it negatively impacts our motivation and focus, and thus, our productivity. It’s definitely worth watching:

 

Cheatsheet: the best predictor of well-being (and thus, I’d say, productivity) is not optimism, but flow. We’ve talked a lot of Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s concept of flow recently in Back-to-School Solutions for the Space-Time Continuum and in the spring in Flow and Faux (Accountability): Productivity, Focus, and Alex Trebek (where you also learned how to pronounce Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi).

Flow is that experience when you’re completely absorbed in what you are doing. Time and space and your annoying neighbor and the fight you had with your teenager and the stresses you’re feeling all dissolve, or are at least held at bay, and you are completely focused, without distraction, on what you’re doing. It might be a creative endeavor like playing a piece of music or writing a blog post; it could be playing with your child or dining with your family; and if you’re lucky when you’re sitting down to work, it’s whatever you’re supposed to be doing.

Grant advises us to have some small, achievable goals to work toward to chip away at languishing and give us the opportunity to achieve flow. I have a few more ideas to add to his.

So, having looked at how to let go of past troubles in last week’s post, now let’s look at how we can make your near future an opportunity for flow so you can get back in the saddle.

FLOW FACTORS THAT RHYME WITH BRAIN

Abstain 

There are all sorts of distractions, from within and without. Some come at you, and some you go out of your way to pick up. You know what leads you down a rabbit hole. Maybe it’s social media. (OK, yeah, it’s probably social media.) Maybe it’s the news. Maybe it’s one TikTok or YouTube video someone sent you that leads to you watching the next and the next, and suddenly you’ve missed lunch.

I’m not saying that you should eschew all social media or news reports or videos. But instead of reaching for your phone first thing in the morning when you wake up, or while you’re eating breakfast, making it more likely that you’ll be late to your desk (and in a less chipper and more distractible mood), consider alternatives activities.

Retrain 

From bed to desk, whether that involves a commute or a stroll down the hall, your brain needs buffer time. You definitely can’t be expected to go from zero to 60 with work (or life) mere minutes after you were in La La Land. Retrain your brain by selecting different types of sensory inputs from your usual fare.

Instead of starting with the news and social media, how about reading a book, a short story, or a few non-news-related articles while eating breakfast? What if you read a poem before getting out of bed, and then spent your shower-and-grooming time thinking about what the poem means, both the words on the page and what it means to you?

I’ve covered a number of ways to have more opportunities to read:

12 Ways to Organize Your Life to Read More — Part 1 (When, Where, What, With Whom)

12 Ways to Organize Your Life to Read More — Part 2 (Reading Lists, Challenges & Ice Cream Samples)

How To Make Your Reading Time More Productive With Book Summaries

If you complain that you never have time to read, this eliminates that problem along with the trouble of a whirring mind. You’ll “make” time by trading a task that swallows you up (like doomscrolling) for one that can give you gentle practice at immersion and flow. And if your prep time in the morning requires a lot of hands-on work (packing lunches, walking the dog), an audio book or a podcast can give you that immersion in an auditory instead of visual way.

If you don’t think you can focus on words and meanings longer than a tweet, explore listening to a genre of music that’s new to you. If you like rap, try Broadway. (Hamilton blends the two.) If you only listen to country, noodle the dial to a jazz station. Retrain — shake up your brain.

Restrain 

If you’re not unwittingly seeking out obstacles to flow, both in advance of getting things done and once you’ve started, it may be others standing in your way. Perhaps one of the parents in the pick-up/drop-off line wants to gossip and (no matter how entertaining) doesn’t seem to understand that you’ve got a deadline, a doctor’s appointment, or something else that requires your immersive attention.

Build some muscles for restraining that tendency to go along to get along. I’m not suggesting you wear dark glasses and a trench coat so you won’t be seen by Social Suzie, but perhaps you can cut her off at the pass and let her know for the next few months, you have to be on a daily conference call at “oh-will-you-look-at-the-time?!” If she’s someone you do want to hang with, schedule a phone call, a Zoom lunch, or a weekend walk (to get your steps in) at the park. You don’t have to eliminate people from your life, just be more deliberate about what part of your life (and schedule) they can take up.

Constrain

Restricting how much space you take up for your work and resources means fewer attempts to find things, fewer guesses where something might be, and more time to do the important work on your plate. 

If you’re working remotely, your whole house may be available to you for work, but that doesn’t mean you should take up all of that space. Sure, you could work on your bed, at your dining table, and with your computer on the coffee table when you’re on the floor with your back against the bottom of the couch. But should you? Nope. 

Create an atmosphere where a space is designated for a task. If you do expense reports in the bedroom, you’re letting your financial brain seep into the space that should be for sleep, rest, and intimacy, making it more likely that math-y concepts will pop up into your mind when you’re trying to, um, do something else in that space. If you work where you hang with your family or binge-watch Netflix, you lose that delineation between work and life, making it harder to leave work at work, already made difficult when you’re working from home!

Contain 

If you’re back to working outside the home, you already have a space assigned to you, whether that’s a desk in an office, a counter in the bank, a conveyor belt in the cashier line, or the cockpit of a plane. (If it’s the latter, can you hook a girl up with some of those Biscoff cookies? Yum.) And if you’re working from home, it just makes sense to promote one space in your home to your ideal workspace.

But either way, limiting the spread of your stuff is going to make it easier for you to focus and get into flow.

So, as you move to contain the things round you, you’ll want to clear your desk of excess and keep your workspace for the project or tasks you’re working on now, or at least today. Read the Paper Doll classic article, Clean Desk Club to make your deskspace functional, hygienic, and secure. If paper clutter is the problem, read If You’re Drowning in Paper, Build a RAFT.

And for a detailed look at how to organize your home office so it’ll deliver opportunities for you to be comfortable and focused, explore the bonus-sized guest post I did for meori, Home Office Storage Ideas: From Dad’s Study to the Modern Home Office.

 

Containing and constraining aren’t just about tangible items. They’re also about how we schedule our time. If we have a long to-do list with nothing prioritized, no game plan, and no firm schedule, chances are, we’re going to spend more energy thinking about what we have to do than actually getting started.

Developing routines, where we can put the efforts of part of our days and weeks on autopilot, is a key. To help you contain your worktime and constrain your output to acheive the most good, start with the advice in these posts:

Playing With Blocks: Success Strategies for Time Blocking Productivity

Checklists, Gantt Charts, and Kanban Boards – Organize Your Tasks

Getting in the flow so you can get back to a (hopefully better) routine means setting boundaries in your time as well as your space. (That’s where that time-blocking post really comes in handy!) We all know that we never get enough done if we only do what we feel like doing. Most of us never feel like working out or vacuuming or writing monthly reports. 

Just as our stuff has to have a place to live in our desk, our tasks need a place to live in our schedules. Merely giving them homes is a super way to jump-start ourselves back into the saddle if we were loosey-goosey with our schedules all summer (and even before).

We also depend on activation energy. Because the hardest part of what we do is the getting started, we have to incentivize ourselves to get going. There are all sorts of ways we can trick ourselves (a little bit) with rewards, like pretty desk accessories or a coffee break, but the problem is that action precedes motivation. We’re not usually psyched to get going until we have already started!

Action precedes motivation. We're not usually psyched to get going until we have already started, whether it's a runner's high or Csikszentmihalyi's flow. Share on X

If you are struggling to get back into the thick of it with your routines, the best way to “contain and constrain,” time-wise, is to borrow accountability support from others as described in:

Count on Accountability: 5 Productivity Support Solutions

Flow and Faux (Accountability): Productivity, Focus, and Alex Trebek

Maintain

One of the best predictors of future productivity is past productivity success. Stop and think about when and how you are good at maintaining your routines.

What is it that has helped you in the past?

  • Interspersing short work sprints with breaks? Embrace the Pomodoro Technique.
  • Deadlines? Borrow a friend as an accountability partner to give you some external spinal fortitude!
  • Physical activity and/or time in nature to get your creative juices flowing? Block times for daily mid-afternoon walks. Research shows that shinrin-yoku, the Japanese concept of “forest bathing,” has a variety of benefits, including mental focus, increased energy, improved mood, decreased blood pressure and stress hormones, and boosted immunity.   

Know where you excel. Every professional organizer and productivity expert will look at your systems and resources and ask some variation of “What’s already working?” The key is to build strategies on the foundation of your success and link future approaches atop them.

Attain (and Explain)

Remember how I said, earlier, that developing routines and going on autopilot helps? But I also said we should do it for part of our days and weeks. But we can’t be on autopilot all the time.

Our brains will atrophy if we don’t keep learning.

If you’re having trouble getting back into a routine, add something to your list that will energize your brain. For me, when I’m in the doldrums, practicing Italian with Duolingo peps me up. If I’m having trouble motivating myself to reply to a frustrating email or draft a blog post, a few challenging lessons in the Italian future perfect tense will have taken me out of the doldrums. (That’s a future perfect tense joke, readers. OK, yeah, more tense than funny.)

What can you do that will shake the cobwebs loose, improve your cognitive function, boost your self esteem, and get you revved up to sit at your desk and do the next important thing?

  • Learn/practice a language.
  • Look ahead in your child’s schoolwork and study the concepts (long division, the parts of a cell, the causes of World War I, the themes in War and Peace) so you can discuss them together.
  • Find something you’re curious about and become an expert on some small element of it. You don’t have to know everything, but if you know one thing really well, it’ll give you confidence to explore all sorts of areas of your current work, and maybe help you consider bold, new options for work and life.
  • Develop a skill, whether it’s silly or serious, visually creative or experiential.

Once you attain this knowledge or skill, you can share it with others. You really know you’ve learned something when you can explain it to someone else. And when someone asks you how you were able to get back into your post-summer, post-pandemic routine so easily, maybe you can answer them in Italian or in Ubbi Dubbi! 

(Shoutout to all my GenX readers for whom “Zoom” will always mean “Boston, Mass 02134” rather than video conferencing.)

Gain

It’s impossible to get excited about doing the same thing every day, day in and day out. There’s a difference between being in a groove and getting stuck in a rut, between having a routine and things being routine. All these years later, I still feel sorry for this guy.

Gain momentum by jump-starting your enthusiasm. The easiest way to do that is to have a goal to look forward to or an achievement toward which you’re striving. As with learning a new skill, I know it seems counterintuitive to add something to your activity list when you’re trying to buckle down and commit to what’s already hard to accomplish. 

Most of the time, I implore my clients to let go — of excess clutter, obligations that don’t meet their goals and values, outdated ideas that no longer fit who they’re trying to become. That’s logical; cutting down the excess lets you focus on your priorities.

We could eliminate excess, only work on the work tasks and projects we’re assigned (or which we’ve assigned ourselves), and keep our heads down and our noses to the grindstone. But with our heads down, we’ll never see the sun, and with our noses to the grindstone, well, I’m not sure, but I think we’d have sore, pointy noses.

But we’re not robots. Just as learning helps us expand our minds and gain confidence, having aspirations and goals gives our lives purpose. Consider the Japanese concept of Ikigai (sounds like icky guy), or “reason for living,” or Viktor Frankl‘s wisdom in Man’s Search for Meaning. 

As humans, having something to aspire to in our work and in our lives, beyond a paycheck and the same-old, same-old, imbues our days (and thus our lives) with meaning. Think of something you’d like to achieve and build time into every week, preferably every day, as part of your routine, to move you closer to that goal. Maybe you want to write a book, plan the trip of a lifetime, train to be a Rockette — the what doesn’t matter, as long as it’s your what.

Embracing a gain in your life as you head back into a day/week/life of routines will be easier when you’ve planned space in your schedule for anticipatory joy.

Just be sure to reject perfectionism on the way to spelling out your gain. The key to improving your delight in getting back into a routine is that it will grant you space in your schedule to do everything that matters, including that aspirational entity that gives it all meaning. Think progress, not perfection.

Take action every day. Get back in the saddle. Get back on the horse. It may not be your first rodeo, but it can be your best rodeo yet!

Emerson, Angelou, Ted Lasso, Tashlich & Zen Monks: Letting Go for a Fresh Start

Posted on: September 6th, 2021 by Julie Bestry | 15 Comments

THERE’S SOMETHING IN THE AIR

Officially, the summer doesn’t end until September 21st. But you just know that something is changing right now. For all intents and purposes, in the United States, Labor Day is the unofficial start of Fall (and pumpkin spice doughnut season at Krispy Kreme).

Growing up in New York State, we always started school the Wednesday after Labor Day, so you knew that the holiday weekend was the last time you got to stay up late, sleep in, goof around, and wear comfy summer clothes. Companies around the country that had lax Friday afternoon schedules went back to firm attendance expectations once the calendar flipped to September. 

This year, sundown on Labor Day coincides with Erev Rosh Hashanah, the start of the Jewish New Year. (For those of you keeping track of such things, we’re ending the year 5781 and ushering in 5782.) And I think we can all agree that any opportunity to start fresh with a new year, whether it’s January 1st or a new school year, Rosh Hashanah or Chinese New Year, or the start of the new TV season (Monday, September 20th, the day after the Emmy Awards, baby!), is a good thing, psychologically.

Because of remote work, remote school, and nothing feeling remotely normal last year, it didn’t feel like we had a clean demarcation between summer and fall. This year, it’s shaping up, globally, to be another weird one.

But locally? As in — your job, your family, your little world? You can still have some control. You can embrace this period as the end of those fuzzy, mirage-like summer dreams and the start of a period of motivation, enthusiasm, and a bias toward action.

Speaking of which, before we get to the focus of today’s post, watch this TEDx talk about The Science of Taking Action to help rev your engines.

I encourage you to take the 9:47 to watch the whole video, but if you don’t have the time right now, know that Steve Garguilo‘s central lesson is, “Everything in life that is hard is just a series of things that are easy.” But you have to take that next step.

[FYI, Garguilo’s spontaneous foray in looking at a bias toward action began with some free Post-It Super Sticky Big Notes and a friend. They’re 11″ x 11″ squares, $6.49 for a 30-sheet pad in Bright Yellow, and great for brainstorming. (Friend sold separately.)

Though harder to find, Big Notes also come in Neon Green and Neon Orange, and in 15″ x 15″.]

But as usual, I’m getting ahead of myself. While you can always brainstorm, actually taking action requires a prior step. 

To be productive and embrace new things, you have to let go of the old and unproductive ways of thinking and acting. In professional organizing, when my clients are dealing with tangible clutter, we have to do what I call a “Level 1 Purge” and remove as much excess as possible before grouping and containing what remains.

With time management coaching, this involves eliminating tasks and obligations that don’t resonate with someone’s values and goals so that they can say, “Hell Yes!” to the things that will bring more meaning to their lives and work.

And with everything, a huge part of letting go means decluttering mental and emotional clutter.

LET IT GO!

That tune from Disney’s Frozen isn’t just catchy. It’s good advice. (Well, at least the “I’m never going back, the past is in the past” and the part about letting go of perfectionism.) 

It’s really difficult to start fresh with the weight of the past hanging over you. As I’m writing this over Labor Day weekend, I (and I expect, you), probably don’t want to be weighed down with heavy thinking and step-by-step instructions. Instead, we’ll look at approaches from different cultures and for different audiences — sectarian and non-sectarian, children and adults, highbrow and middlebrow. 

Zen Meditations from a Panda Perspective

Many years ago, friend-of-the-blog Erin Doland introduced me to the 2006 Caldecott Medal–winner Zen Shorts by Jon J. Muth. In Muth’s books, three siblings meet Stillwater, an oversized panda bear carrying a red umbrella and speaking with a “slight panda accent.” In each chapter, Stillwater shares an anecdote with brothers Karl and Michael and their sister Addy to help them surpass an emotional obstacle. (The books have since been turned into an a delightfully soothing animated series, Stillwater, on AppleTV+.)

Muth’s telling of A Heavy Load is a version of my favorite Zen story. (I’ll summarize it here, but it’s absolutely worth getting the book, reading Muth’s words, and embracing the lovely illustrations.)

Two monks are traveling when they come to a swollen river that must be crossed. A wealthy woman’s servants attend to her belongings and thus cannot help her cross to the other side. Without comment, the older monk lifts the woman and carries her across, but after he puts her down, she doesn’t even deign to thank him. The two monks continue on their way, but his younger companion still ruminates on the woman’s rudeness and lack of appreciation. Eventually, the older monk says, “I set the woman down hours ago. Why are you still carrying her?”

Whoa.

When I was younger, I would do this. I’d ruminate and brood over indignities suffered at the hands of the “mean girls.” I’d kick myself over l’esprit d’escalier, the French term for thinking of the perfect reply, but just too late. And sometimes I’d be frozen in place by small errors, anything from typos to falling short on goals, even when nobody cared about those benchmarks but me.

It’s hard to let go, but sometimes rituals (actions) and mantras (sayings) can help us over the hump in letting go of counterproductive ruminations on our own shortcomings so that we can start fresh on a new project or class, or in a new season of life or a new “year” (however we define the year).

Tashlich

Tashlich literally translates to “casting off.” It’s a ceremony held in the afternoon on the first day of Rosh Hashanah. Jews who observe this ritual head the shores of a river or lake or a bridge over flowing waters, and throw in small pieces of bread* to symbolically cast off or throw away one’s “sins” or failings, the things they’ve done wrong in the past year.

*Bread isn’t good for the duckies and other wildlife, it seems, so there are a number of modern takes on tashlich that are more environmentally-friendly.

Tashlich is a physical ritual to representationally cast off what’s weighing you down. It’s not a magic hall pass. We’re still expected to apologize to those we’ve hurt in the past year and make amends to them between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, the next week. But Tashlich gives everyone who participates the opportunity to reject dwelling on our mistakes. We’re encouraged forgive ourselves and focusing on what we can do better.

Of course, you don’t have to be Jewish to develop your own ritual. Many faiths and cultures have “burning bowl” or similar rituals for writing your mistakes, your upsets, or as “Money Goddess” Morgana Rae teaches, “lessons you are done learning” (e.g., letting people stomp on your boundaries) on small pieces of paper and then burning them.

Paper Mommy doesn’t let me play with matches, so you could similarly write on a small piece of biodegradable paper and flush those troubles away. You can even teach children to let go of last school year’s mistakes or troubles by using sidewalk chalk to write or draw them out and then bring the river to them with a garden hose to wash everything away.

The point? Acting out such a ritual is more than just cognitive. It involves your whole body in saying, “I’m letting go of what I did wrong, what I let others do, and whatever stood as an obstacle to my moving forward.” Sometimes, our brains aren’t so smart until we get our bodies involved.

A (Famous Literary) Parent’s Advice to His Child

Starting fresh depends on being able to absorb the lessons of our mistakes while doing better the next time.

In 1854, Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote a letter to his daughter Ellen, who was away at school. In the 1880s, his letters were carefully preserved in a six-volume collection, and in 1939 (and again in 1943, 1959, and 1982), his advice was re-edited and re-punctuated. But the central notion of what he wanted his daughter to understand is this:

Finish every day and be done with it.
You have done what you could;
some blunders and absurdities crept in;
forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day.
You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

It’s hard to argue with good old Ralph Waldo. Post this (or any of the various edited versions of his advice) near your desk, so you’ll see it before you close up shop on your work day, or on your mirror so you’ll see it before going to bed at night.

Give yourself permission not to be encumbered with your old nonsense!

Be a Goldfish!

Of course, not everyone wants or needs such a long message as Emerson’s to inspire letting go of self-imposed difficulties. If you need a short mantra to remind yourself to let go, Coach Ted Lasso has some advice that resonates.

Be a goldfish. Have a short memory for the times when you failed and things you can’t go back and change.

OK, in actuality, scientists have proven that goldfish can actually recall things for at least three-to-five months. 

But the lesson holds true. Acknowledge what didn’t work, vow to do better, identify what specific steps you can accomplish to achieve your goals, create new systems (of which, more next week), and start fresh.

Oh, and an excellent way to let go is to embrace something that captivates and delights you. For me, an episode of Ted Lasso makes me grin until my face aches, fills me with unexpected laughter, and inspires me with lessons about forgiveness (and self-forgiveness). It’s a great show for reinforcing the idea of being supportive (and accepting support) so you can learn essential lessons and move forward.

Maya Angelous Wasn’t Speaking Only to Oprah

The amazing Dr. Maya Angelou is often misquoted or incompletely quoted on this topic of recognizing our past failings but moving beyond them. She actually focused on her own experience:

I did then what I knew how to do.

Now that I know better, I do better.

Of course, Oprah (being Oprah) managed to turn Dr. Angelou’s lesson around, turning it outward as actionable advice.

 

“When you know better, you do better.”

As you head into this “new year,” and start getting back into routines and begin making your ideas biased toward action, take the lessons you learned but leave behind the pain and the guilt.

And, as a bonus, directly from Dr. Angelou, here’s another great mantra to take with you after you’ve let go of what weighs you down:

Just do right.

Next time, we’ll look at more practical ways to get back into the swing of things. Until then,

Happy New Year!

L’shana tovah! 

Have a great school year!

Enjoy fall!

And I’ll see you at Krispy Kreme!

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