Archive for ‘Psychological’ Category
Paper Doll Explains Aspirational vs. Inspirational Clutter
Do you ever think about all the different flavors of clutter?
A few years ago, I wrote The Boo-Hoo Box: Organizing Painful Clutter.
In that post, as a precursor to discussing the kinds of heartbreaking clutter people keep, I introduced some of the major categories of clutter, and this is worthy of a review as we explore today’s topic.
CATEGORIES OF CLUTTER
When working with my organizing clients, we tend to identify six different kinds of clutter (though these are only the main ones — there are others).
- Practical clutter — These are things that are useful, in and of themselves, like clothing, bedding, or kitchen implements. It’s not that we don’t need these things, but we generally don’t need so many (black skirts, frying pans) and we need to let go when specific items no longer suit our needs.
- Informational clutter — We keep documents and clippings, whether on paper or digitally, because we believe the information is valuable. The problem is that we rarely go back to consider how valuable something is now vs. when we acquired it, and we tend not to think about whether it might be better to eliminate (outdated) information, digitize it, or access the information anew via the internet to reduce the bulk.
- Identity clutter — Sometimes, the clutter we keep is an excess of items that we feel help define us. Our clutter may not be useful (in a practical sense) but we perceive it as useful for defining who we are or who we wish to be seen as. Our clutter might say, “I’m the kind of person who runs marathons [or wins spelling bees or bakes from scratch].”
- Aspirational clutter — This type of clutter accounts for all of the items in your space which support hobbies you tell yourself that you are going to take up, but never really do. Whether you are saving a closet full of fancy papers and Cricut gadgets for the day when you finally decide to become a scrapbooker or amass shelves of books on the topic of “How To [train championship Greyhounds, write a novel, become a successful crypotocurrency miner],” there comes a point when you’ve got to recognize that you have an excess of items supporting a life you don’t really lead.
- Nostalgic clutter — Nostalgia is defined as “a sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations.” Obviously, life is made better by the things that truly remind us of happy (or happier) times, but an excess of nostalgic emblems of our past can fill up our homes in the present and prevent us from having space in our lives to make a future. Sometimes, we just have to take photos of those ancient macaroni art projects and discard the originals, letting them crumble in peace.
An excess of nostalgic emblems of our past can fill up our homes in the present and prevent us from having space in our lives to make a future. Click To Tweet - Painful or sad clutter — This category encompasses things that remind us of bad times or bad people.
Break-Up Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
Clients tend to have a good handle on both practical and informational clutter. Someone might save useful things that they used in the past (or acquire in the present) because they might be useful now or in the future; the same is true of clippings or online information in case they might be desired later.
Identity clutter, nostalgic clutter, and painful clutter is almost always about the past. But as we’ll see, aspirational clutter is about the future.
WHAT KIND OF CLUTTER IS IT REALLY?
Too often, we think of clutter as if it were a monolith. Yes, a house full of clutter is daunting, but identifying what kind of clutter something is helps us determine why we’re holding onto it so we can (eventually) confidently let it go.
I do prospective client consultations by phone; this gives me a chance to get to know what a client may need and helps them determine whether they like my philosophy and can bear my goofy sense of humor. Early on, I ask them to describe what kinds of clutter they have.
I’m not looking for a hierarchy or categorization, just a sense of what “stuff” is bothering them. Usually, I hear something like: too many clothes that don’t fit (or don’t fit in the closet); outgrown children’s toys; an overwhelm of papers, books, and digital media. This gives me an idea of the tangible items needing attention. However, once in people’s homes, I’m able to see that clutter is not so simple.
For example, a closet filled with maternity clothes may reflect that that a client has spent a number of years bearing and raising kids. If she’s in her 30s, this may just be practical clutter. She’s been pregnant one or more times, acquired clothing through shopping and gifts, and hasn’t yet winnowed the collection down. However, if the woman is older, perhaps in her 50s or 60s (and her own children are already having babies), she may be holding onto the clothing out of a strong sense of nostalgia, remembering fondly when her family was small (but growing) and possibilities were endless.
It’s even possible that now that her children are adults, she may feel adrift and unneeded. At this point, all of the maternity clothes can be identity clutter, items that people hold onto out of fear of becoming unmoored from their identities. If the woman’s sense of self is closely tied to being a mom, the idea of letting go of those clothes may feel very much like letting go of one’s sense of self. Until a client is prompted to discuss the possessions in question, the category of clutter may not yet be clear.
I recently spoke with an older couple who were hoping to downsize in advance of an eventual move to senior living. When I asked them to describe how they felt about downsizing, the husband recounted that every time he thought about letting go of materials related to his career and hobbies, it made him feel like they (and now he) lacked worth.
Ouch. That showed incredible self-awareness on his part, as well as a pain point. I gently asked him to consider that his identity exists in his memory and in the memories of all who worked with him and knew him.
His adult daughter, also on the call, riffed on some things we’d discussed earlier about donating items, and reminded him that these could be a living legacy if donated to an organization related to his former profession; his materials could find a new life with someone who needs them rather than just rusting away in a storage unit, unused and unnoticed. His identity could actually get refreshed through possessions finding a new life as something other than clutter.
Proud possessions from the past can become clutter in the present and the future, but self-awareness and analysis can open our eyes to options and opportunities.
ASPIRATIONAL CLUTTER VS. INSPIRATIONAL CLUTTER
This brings us to considering things we have acquired (and continue to acquire) for the future.
After a client and I discussed painful clutter and how the Boo-Hoo Box can counter emotional pain, she mentioned that she had a lot of items she’d purchased to inspire her to overcome emotional distress. She said that what I called aspirational, she considered inspirational. It’s a great point, and I think it might be helpful to look at how aspirational and inspirational clutter can be similar and how they are different.
Aspirational Clutter
The way I look at it, aspirational clutter is made up of items that support hobbies or activities you tell yourself that you are going to take up, but never really do. They’re gathering dust. It’s clutter because they can be used, but you aren’t using them. Examples include:
- Crafting and art supplies — Over the years, I’ve visited a lot of clients homes where cabinets and even rooms are overflowing with yarn and needlework supplies, boxed up sewing machines, canvases, paints and brushes, and packaged art projects. They’re bought with the aspiration of tapping into creativity and expressing artistic talents. But so many people accumulate art supplies without actually dedicating time to create art.
- Exercise equipment and fitness devices — From gyms to treadmills and Pelotons to fitness trackers, they exist because we aspire to be fit and svelte. Gym memberships can be financial clutter; home equipment and trackers might be tangible clutter. We buy them because we aspire to improve our physical health and believe they’ll get us to work out and track our activity. But if we never unbox the trackers or walk on the treadmills and end up using the equipment to hang cute workout clothes we wear (but don’t work out in), it’s aspirational clutter.
- Gardening supplies — Got pots? Seeds? Trowels and knee pads and garden storage? Oh, my! Do you aspire to cultivate a green thumb or make everyone in the neighborhood association green with envy? If you never slice open those seed packets or remove the price tags from the tools, you’ll make your self green around the gills with how much you’ve spent on untouched aspirational clutter.
- Outdoor gear — My sister once had a blind date lean across the table and ask, “Don’t you just love camping?” No, she did not. We do not. But some people would be better off buying stock in REI rather than throwing down money on bikes, boats, hiking gear, camping equipment. Do you aspire to be an outdoorsman or outdoorswoman but never make the time or take the first step to go outside?
I love this Anne Taintor card, sold by Quiltinia. You can also get magnets at Artworks.
- Clothes that don’t fit your life — I went through a stage where every time I went shopping, I tried on little black dresses, suitable for fancy dinner parties. But I never went to dinner parties. I was craving a wardrobe for an imaginary life to which I aspired. (TV in the 1970s and 1980s set me up for thinking I’d be going to a lot of dinner parties, even Mary Richards’ famously bad ones!)
- Musical instruments — When digging through client’s basements or closets, I find dusty electric keyboards or drum sets, or out of tune pianos. Having the intention of learning an instrument (or revisiting childhood lessons) is understandable, but if you never get an instructor, schedule lessons, or practice, it’s an unfulfilled aspiration.
- Cooking gadgets — I get it. The pandemic made everyone aspire to be a sourdough artiste. But if you’ve got a plethora of bread machines and pasta makers, and drawers bulging with immersion thingies, but you order Door Dash every night, your plan of becoming the next Barefoot Contessa might be a pipe dream.
- Language education tools
- Photography equipment
- Travel Gear
These last three tend to go together. People buy books, recordings, and software courses to learn foreign languages. They purchase luggage and compression cubes, plus all manner of travel guides, to use on those trips where they impress the populace with their fluency in the native language. And oh, the cameras, lenses, and accessories they buy with the intention of learning about f-stops and taking social media influencer-level photos on those trips.
But if they never practice the language, figure out how the photo equipment works, or book the trips, it’s all just layers of aspirations that go unachieved. Shopping provides that dopamine hit that scratches the itch in our novelty- and reward-seeking brains. But when purchases go ignored, the clutter sneers at us.
(Aspirational clutter is a close cousin of nostalgic or identity clutter. If you formerly used something and keep it to maintain a happy connection to the past or how you see yourself, it could be nostalgia- or identity-driven, but if you’ve never used it at all, that’s purely aspirational.)
Inspirational Clutter
If aspirational clutter is “stuff” that supports who you’d be if you’d do something, inspirational clutter is the tangible reflection of ways to motivate you not to do a specific activity, but to live a “better” way. Inspirational clutter is (usually) commercially-created and message-oriented, designed to make you live out certain values:
- Motivational posters and wall art — If it features an inspirational quote or affirmations and reminds you to “Live, Laugh, Love,” but it’s gathering dust in the closet or you’ve stopped even noticing it on the walls, it’s inspirational clutter.
Cluttered Wall of Inspirational Clutter Photo by Mikechie Esparagoza
- Calendars, sticky notes, and affirmation cards – Ditto. All the positive, empowering, and encouraging messages in the world, no matter where you stick them (if you’ll pardon the expression) start to become like wallpaper (or “parsley”) if you don’t notice them.
- Self-help and personal development books — Obviously, as a published author myself, I believe in the power of books that focus on organizing, productivity, self-improvement, personal growth, etc. But buying the latest Brené Brown book and leaving it unread on the bedside table won’t really inspire you. It will mock you.
- Spiritual or religious books and recordings — My clients often own recordings of sermons from their houses of worship (or, quite often, family members’ houses of worship, sent to them with kind intent). The content of the material is inspirational, but there is nothing inspiring about old cassettes, DVDs, or prayer group handouts collecting dust in random corners. Words unread or unheard are meaningless.
- Mindfulness apps — Digital motivational clutter could be its own category. Whether it’s an app for guided meditation, relaxation techniques, or mindfulness exercises, if you’ve never even signed in because it requires setting up yet another password, what does it inspire?
- Blank journals — Wow, people buy (and get gifted) a lot of blank journals. Although I’ve never been able to get the hang of journaling, the research is clear that writing by hand, whether gratitude journals or Julia Cameron’s morning pages, has the positive effect of fostering optimism. But piles of blank notebooks (ignored year after year) foster nothing but dead trees!
Gratitude Journal Photo by Gabrielle Henderson on Unsplash
- Seminar notes — You can gain tremendous insights at workshops, seminars, and personal development conferences. If going to these events inspires you, keep going! But whether you painstakingly take notes you never look at again or buy the workbooks and lesson plans the speakers and coaches sell, if they are still shrink-wrapped years or decades later, free yourself from the obligation to go through them “someday.”
HOW DO ASPIRATIONAL AND INSPIRATIONAL CLUTTER COMPARE?
There are definite similarities between the two types of clutter.
Perceived Value — Sure, there’s monetary value. You (or someone) spent money on this stuff. But there’s also the value you place on their potential to bring you closer to the life you want to live.
Aspirational clutter (before you recognize it as clutter) holds potential for doing, while inspirational clutter is valued for its anticipated ability to change how you think, feel, and (possibly) act.
Emotional Attachment — Both types of clutter have emotional heft, and decluttering without dealing with the underlying issues can lead to emotional distress.
Aspirational clutter may represent ambitions or dreams that have never been fulfilled, and letting go of the items before reckoning with that can feel like dashing those dreams, leading to a sense of grief. Letting go of inspirational clutter before coming to terms with the diminished (or imaginary) value may evoke a loss of self-worth.
Intentional Acquisition — People generally acquire both types of clutter with good intentions. Whether you buy equipment for a hobby or motivational wall hangings to boost your mindset, the initial intention is positive: a way to enrich your life.
In both cases, the common thread may be the lack of intentionality. Not all gifts are equally desired by the recipient. Ahem.
The differences between aspirational and inspirational clutter come down to the why and the what:
Intended Purpose — Again, aspirational clutter builds up when people intend to pursue hobbies or activities, either out of true desire or hope of becoming “the kind of person who (does X).” Conversely, inspirational clutter comes not from a desire to do something, but to be a better person, either in their own eyes or the eyes of others.
Actual Outcome — Whatever the desired outcome, the two types of clutter tend to yield different effects.
Aspirational clutter often leads of feelings of guilt or frustration over wasted money, lost space, or inconvenience. Inspirational clutter usually has a less deleterious effect; people feel less like they’ve “failed” if they’re still being reminded to “Be the change they wish to see in the world” than if they have spent hundreds or thousands of dollars on hobby materials that fill the closets and cabinets.
Inspirational clutter tends not to yield the same level of guilt or shame as aspirational clutter; it’s also more easily ignored.
REDUCING ASPIRATIONAL AND INSPIRATIONAL CLUTTER
As I previously said in defining aspirational clutter, there comes a point when you’ve got to recognize that you have an excess of items supporting a life you don’t really lead.
There comes a point when you've got to recognize that you have an excess of items supporting a life you don't really lead. Click To TweetApproach reducing both types of clutter from logical and emotional perspectives.
Reality Check
For aspirational clutter, get real. Analyze how functional the items really is; is it so old, it’s not useful anymore? Is it way beyond the skill level you’re reasonably likely to achieve?
How feasible is it that you’ll invest time in pursuing the activities you’ve ignored? Questions like, “Have I used this item in the last year (or ever)?” are less productive than asking, “Am I willing to start doing this thing (scheduling lessons, getting out in the garden) this month?” If you’re not going to prioritize time for an activity, send the aspirational clutter packing.
Groove is in the Heart
For aspirational clutter, talk about your emotional attachment to the what’s behind the items; what do they mean beyond their ability to create art or make music or improve the garden? Reflect on the significance of the objects, and whether they still represent what you want to do, or if they are echoes of a former version of yourself.
For inspirational clutter, reflect on whether the items are in alignment with your current goals and values. Do you actually need these items to achieve your true and higher self?
Do the messages on all those wall hangings still genuinely inspire and uplift? Do they actually sometimes make you feel pressured or inadequate? Or are they parsley, unnoticed and unappreciated? Surround yourself with fewer messages, but ones that truly resonate with who you want to to be right now.
Oscar Wilde Quote Photo by Matej
Think Gratitude, Not Guilt
Even enjoying a sense of freedom, people sometimes feel guilty about letting clutter go on so long. Shift your focus toward being grateful that you’ve developed the ability to recognize your evolving self.
If you like, take Marie Kondo’s advice and express gratitude to (or at least for) things you’re letting go of, knowing they can bring joy to someone who will want, need, and use them.
Once you understand the similarities and differences between aspirational and inspirational clutter, it’s easier to identify your own examples and assess them more critically. Cultivate spaces that authentically support your goals and well-being.
Paper Doll Springs Ahead with Three Empowering Concepts
SPRING HAS (ALMOST) SPRUNG
After a long, dark winter, we’re finally seeing some sure signs of springtime.
For example, we just set the clocks forward an hour. However you feel about Daylight Saving Time (and there are arguments on both sides), it’s likely you enjoyed having more daylight hours in the evening, even if it was just to complain about how tired you were from “losing” that hour the night before.
Depending on where you live, you may have started to see signs of nature’s transitions. Here in Tennessee, the Bradford pear trees started flowering about ten days ago, meaning that about five days ago, a rain and windstorm plastered white petals all over our front doors and our cars.
(Bradford pear trees smell like fish. Some say rotting fish. Allegedly, this scent attracts pollinators; apparently spring is not only the time when a young man’s fancy turns to love, but a young bee’s fancy turns to the delights of rotting fish.)
Spring Cleaning the Stuff
This time of year also brings to mind spring cleaning. First, there’s a tradition of literal spring cleaning. There’s no agreement on how this ritual began, though there are theories that it relates to either cultural-, religious-, or climate-related histories.
Some people place the tradition of spring cleaning at Nowruz, the Persian New Year, which coincides with the first day of spring. Practitioners observe whole-house cleaning called khaneh tekani, or “shaking the house.”
In Judaism, as the days advance toward Passover, homes are rid of “chametz” (anything leavened, usually meaning bread, but more generally any food item that rises or expands, the eating of which is forbidden during the holiday); at the end of the literal cleaning, there’s a ritualistic cleaning with a feather, a spoon, and a candle!
The night before the first seder (a dinner and reading of a book about the exodus from Egypt), observant Jews perform the Bedikat Hametz, one last symbolic check for anything leavened. Instead of using a vacuum, broom, or Swiffer, practitioners shine the light of a candle in corners and crevices, dusting any microscopic crumbs into a spoon.
As Passover and Easter are generally close on the calendar, it’s no surprise that Eastern Orthodox and Catholic families practice cleaning rituals (in the home and at church) at varying points during Lent.
Meanwhile, in Europe and North America, before wall-to-wall carpets and Roombas, early spring bridged the chasm between the cold, windy winters and hot, buggy summers; springtime let people open the windows and doors to fresh air, sweep out the schmutz of lamps lit by whale oil or kerosene and home interiors darkened by coal soot, and generally avoid too much of the yucky aspects of nature coming in. (Oddly, there’s no historical record of people rejecting spring cleaning because of the scent of fishy pear trees!)
Decluttering is closely aligned with cleaning, spring or otherwise. The more you have, the more your space (and your energy) is blocked. Sensibly, then, spring is a common time for people to face the excess around them and set it free. The warmer weather and additional sunshine doesn’t just find us shrugging off our hibernation habits, but combing through closets and drawers to see what can be winnowed away.
Spring Cleaning Our Minds
Spring cleaning (and spring in general) calls to mind letting go of tangible stuff, but also giving ourselves a second chance (the first having been New Year’s Day) to let go of unpleasant, unhealthy, or unfortunate habits. As I wrote about in Organizing A Fresh Start: Catalysts for Success, there are a variety of ways to make fresh starts for ourselves, whether to coincide with new years, new quarters, new months, or holidays.
There’s one other fresh start I like to practice, and that’s tying spring cleaning to my birthday (which falls later this week). Letting go of what isn’t necessary (or useful), whether physical or mental, and clearing out the cobwebs in my mind, as I approach a new year of selfhood, helps me feel better about my next approaching cycle around the sun.
Benjamin Franklin said that “Nothing is certain except death and taxes.” If Ben had been Bettina, she certainly would have written about the certainty of wrinkles (what the cosmetic companies delightfully call “fine lines”) and the unkindness of gravity, but using the days around the onset of spring and my birthday to declutter and refresh my life makes me feel a bit more empowered to fight the onslaught of age-related dilapidation.
To that end, and especially after 2 1/2 months straight of posts about serious topics covering the tangible (master classes on paper management, organizing blended libraries to keep domestic peace) and the scary (unplugging to avoid the physical and mental health dangers of being always-on, avoiding being the victim of a scams), today’s post is designed to declutter the bits and pieces I’ve been saving in my head. They’re scraps and remnants, too good to be discarded unused, but perhaps not large or fancy enough to stand on their own.
MAKE THINGS EARN A PLACE IN YOUR LIFE
Brazilian novelist and lyricist Paul Coelho is most famous for his book The Alchemist.
Celebrate the Global Day of Unplugging
From the moment you open your eyes in the morning until you finally nod off at night, do you experience over-stimulation? Do you suffer from over-availability, whether to your boss, colleagues, or clients, or to everyone who wants to talk to you about their political campaigns or your auto warranty?
Even if you’re overly connected with the world via glass screens, do you feel a lack of connection — with your loved ones, nature, or even your inner self?
Have I’ve got a holiday for you! From sundown this Friday, March 1, 2024 until sundown on Saturday, it is the Global Day of Unplugging!
WHAT IS THE GLOBAL DAY OF UNPLUGGING?
The Global Day of Unplugging is an annual campaign to bring attention to the importance of taking a break from 21st-century technology, whether that’s your computer, your cell phone, or your brand new Apple Vision Pro. The goal is to embrace person-to-person connection, the kind where you can see deeply into someone else’s eyes because you’re in the same space at the same time.
It’s not that digital engagement is bad, per se. Zoom meetings and remote work means we reduce our overall carbon footprint from work-related road trips and airline travel. Cell phones (even if people mostly communicate by text) let us know when our friends are running late or if the kids need someone to pick them up.
But being on-all-the-time keeps us from ever refreshing. When it’s our boss that keeps us connected, that’s toxic, as we’ve discussed previously:
- Toxic Productivity In the Workplace and What Comes Next
- Toxic Productivity Part 2: How to Change Your Mindset
- Toxic Productivity Part 3: Get Off the To-Do List Hamster Wheel
- Toxic Productivity, Part 4: Find the Flip Side of Productivity Hacks
- Toxic Productivity Part 5: Technology and a Hungry Ghost
I mean, we could move to France, as covered in the first post above, or to Australia, which has just voted to allow workers to ignore after-hours phone calls and email from their companies. That could help reduce any employer-related tethering to our devices.
But we do this same damage to ourselves! Like a digital pacifier, we reach for our devices when we’re bored or anxious: in line at the grocery store, waiting for a doctor’s appointment, on the other end of the couch from our kids or significant other.
Technology is pushed on us from above and from all sides, but it has the potential to become an addiction that pushes us further away from our loved ones.
Wouldn’t you benefit from a little escape? For one 24-hour period starting on Friday, people from all four corners of the globe (yes, I know globes have no corners), will intentionally walk away from their digital lives and meet IRL (in real life).
WHY UNPLUG?
Let’s look at the dangers of the attention economy, which treats our eyeballs (attention) as a scarce commodity. We can prevent some of the problems by decluttering our digital spaces; other parts require concerted efforts at unplugging.
Distractions
Our computers and devices bring so much digital clutter to our attention. Some of it involves what other people want us to pay attention to, things we may or may not find important. But other distractions we bring on ourselves by clicking our way into deeper and deeper rabbit holes, directing us to an article online or a video on TikTok, but then we stay, enraptured and forget what we were doing.
These distractions take our focus off where we intend it to be. Intention is how we make sure we handle what we prioritize and not someone else’s priorities. Decluttering minimizes those distractions.
When we’re organized in our homes or offices, the clutter and inefficient systems make it hard to find what we want when we want it. Digital clutter is more insidious because we don’t even realize that we’re being distracted — we’ve become so used to it, and because nobody else sees our digital clutter they don’t call attention to it.
When we eliminate digital excess and distractions and create new, more efficient pathways, we feel calmer and more in control. When that happens, we’re in the zone, better able to do deep work and get into flow, with less wasted time searching for whatever we want — or what our boss or client wants.
However, of all the ways digital addiction hurts us, perhaps the distractions and lack of productivity are the least important.
Physical Health
Digital overuse is bad for our physical health. We develop bad posture from shlumping at our desks, gripping our phones, and hyperextending our necks.
Tech Neck is an informal term for the medical condition we experience when we use our devices. We flex our necks and shoulders, causing strain strain on the muscles and joints; the more we do it, the greater the build-up of tension, leading to muscle pain and headaches. Some research even suggests that overusing mobile devices can cause bone spurs to form at the nexus between the neck and head!
Additionally, exposure to the blue light emitted by phones, tablets, and computer screens can cause insomnia and decrease the quality of our sleep, which can further impact our ability to focus. Of course, when our attention span is decreased (whether due to sleepless nights or being trained to think in tweet-length chunks of language), it takes ever more effort to interpret complex material or be creative.
And, of course, repeated digital interruptions from our devices leads to higher rates of exhaustion and stress-induced ailments.
Stress
Speaking of stress, staying plugged in messes up our psyches in multiple ways:
- Information overload leads to overwhelm — To borrow a movie title, it can seem like we’re dealing with everything everywhere all at once. Your work, your children’s homework portal, national disasters, politics — it’s all so important.
The problem with everything seeming like a priority is that eventually nothing is a priority. All issues, large and small, compete on a stage the size of the planet, the form of your smartphone, and the synapses in your brain simultaneously.
The problem with everything seeming like a priority is that eventually nothing is a priority. All issues, large and small, compete on a stage the size of the planet, the form of your smartphone, and the synapses in your brain… Click To Tweet- Overwhelm leads to increased anxiety — Think about the last time you were trying to juggle multiple problems at the same time. I bet you were trying to give your attention to so many interested parties that one last, small request (“Honey, where’s the Costco card?” “Mom, can you take me to the mall?”) made you feel like your limbs where going to fly off in different directions.
- Use of social media leads to a variety of emotional dysfunctions. Over the last decade, social media use has grown; in 2022, the average person spent 2 hours and 27 minutes on social media per day. Why is that worrying?
- The more we connect online, the more we experience FOMO (fear of missing out).
- We more see other people having fun (attending parties, going on vacation, celebrating life milestones), the more likely we are to feel lonely.
- Comparing one’s own life to other’s highlight reels can lead to lower levels of self-esteem. If you judge your own self-worth by comparing yourself to others, social media may make you feel like you’re failing.
- As people — particularly younger folks — spend less time developing in-person social interactions and more time on social media and dating apps, there’s an increase in social awkwardness when they finally do meet face-to-face. This contributes to more social anxiety. Additionally, the social relationships we do have tend to fray without positive, in-person interactions.
- Social media makes it easier for people to exhibit bad behavior. Bullied teenagers used to have a respite from their cruel classmates once the school day was over; now, it follows them home on their phones and social gaming sites. And we all know about rude online treatment of anyone who dares to have a differing opinion on anything, whether politics, sports, or music, or has a different religious, national, ethnic, or other kind of identity.
- More nuanced unkindness online occurs in the withholding of likes or social approval, which again, when we compare our “performance” and “appeal” to that of others, can make us feel like we’re lacking.
- All of this can lead to depression.
- We can lose the ability to ability to self-soothe when we’re constantly tethered to our digital pacifiers. On the plus side, our devices can distract us from very real things that, well, suck. But when we become dependent on that kind of distraction, our former life skills dissolve. We used to be able to make polite conversation with strangers in line or read books for extended periods of time. We could go to sleep without an hour of scrolling. Now, we’re often unable to tame our thoughts unless we allow the internet to do it.
WHY IS IT SO HARD TO UNPLUG?
Every app and the whole on the internet is purposely designed to keep you coming back.
There’s a scientific explanation. Every time we use our devices, it reinforces the pathways taken by dopamine, a happy-making neurotransmitter at the base of our reward-seeking behaviors. Just like the bells and blinking lights on a Vegas slot machine condition us to pull the lever or push the buttons one more time, the notifications, “Breaking News” headlines, daily streaks in apps, and aforementioned “likes” draw us back in.
Worse, as with other addictions, when this neurotransmitter pathway doesn’t get reinforced, we actually experience something very similar to a chemical withdrawal. Have you ever found yourself without your phone, feeling jittery and unable to tame your mood?
It’s not your fault. You have to use modern devices for work, and you really do want to have access for many of life’s convenience. But you will feel better if you can lessen your dependence.
HOW TO UNPLUG FOR A DAY
To celebrate the Global Day of Unplugging, you can look for a community event near you. There’s everything from a musical chairs event in Charleston to Yoga and Sound Healing in Gainesville, from a Family Bonfire & S’Mores in Star, Idaho to something called a Disco Get Down-Dog in San Diego. And this truly is global, with events from Denmark to Bolivia, Virginia to Switzerland!
The Global Day of Unplugging organization has listed over 200 ideas of what you can do instead of being plugged in!
The idea isn’t to become a Luddite, but to find ways to feel less isolated or disconnected (whether from others or yourself). Ideas range from the tame (unclutter your pantry, take a hike, do some gardening) to those that indulge your inner child (build a living room fort, blow bubbles, put on a puppet show).
Create art (decorate a lantern, have fun with origami) or go on a quest (create a scavenger hunt or go on a Gnome hunt)! And while I’d be hopeless at crocheting for a cause or going on an ice-block slip & slide, all of these events would definitely be healthier for my brain, heart, and soul than scrolling through the curated slime-fest some platforms have become.
You can also support the global unplugging movement by making a donation or purchasing “merch,” but even joining at the free plan lets you download their “I/We Unplug” signs.
If you enjoy the Global Day of Unplugging, consider taking a tech sabbath as described by Tiffany Shlain in 24/6: Giving up Screens One Day a Week to Get More Time, Creativity, and Connection or doing a digital detox on a more regular basis, so you and your devices take a real break from one another.
Blending Libraries: How To Organize Books with Your Sweetheart
Did you know that in addition to February 14th being Valentine’s Day, it’s also International Book Giving Day and Library Lovers’ Day? As someone who’d much rather receive a bouquet of books than flowers, this makes sense to Paper Doll. And February 20th is Clean Out Your Bookcase Day!
The literary and the romantic will always be tied together. I mean, watching or hearing someone declare their love is nice, but being able to read (and reread) the declaration more than two hundred years later? Jane Austen knew what she was doing when she had Persuasion‘s Captain Wentworth’s write this to Anne Elliot.
I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight years and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant…
The Ugly Truth
The sad truth is that not all relationships last. The Gotye song Somebody I Used to Know is heartbreaking and universal, especially when he says,
No, you didn’t have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
Recapping Paper Doll’s 2023 Posts — Which Were Your Favorites?
With one week left in 2023, have you taken time yet to review your year?
For the December Productivity and Organizing Blog Carnival, Janet Barclay asked us to identify our best blog posts of 2023, and I had a tough time.
“Best” is subjective, and Janet let us have free reign as to which post fit. Some bloggers chose their most popular posts in terms of readership; others, the ones that garnered the most comments. Some of my blogging colleagues picked their most personal posts, while others selected what they felt would have the most impact on people’s lives.
The problem is that picking just one means leaving the others behind, and I wrote forty-two posts this year! Eventually, I narrowed the selection to half a dozen posts, and then turned to colleagues and friends who were almost evenly split, bringing me no closer to a solution. In the end, I picked Paper Doll On Understanding and Conquering Procrastination because it served as the foundation for so many other posts, but also because I’d been lucky enough to find some great visuals, like this one from Poorly Drawn Lines:
so much to do pic.twitter.com/fiSm7Y2Erg
— poorly drawn lines (@PDLComics) December 21, 2022
Beauty, like clutter, is in the eye of the beholder. To that end, here’s a recap of everything we’ve discussed in 2023, with a few updates and tweaks along the way. My personal favorites are in bold, but I’d love to know which ones resonated the most with you during the year!
ORGANIZE YOUR INSPIRATION
After uploading last week’s post, Toss Old Socks, Pack Away 2023, and Adjust Your Attitude for 2024, I got to thinking about all the different ways we can take our word, phrase, or song of the year and keep it in the forefront of our minds.
I’d reviewed the traditional methods (vision boards, posted signs, turning the song into your wakeup alarm), but felt like there needed to be something that stayed with you, independent of your location. Only being reminded of your goal to be a leader when you’re standing in front of your fridge doesn’t really help you in your 1-to-1 meetings at work. (I mean, unless you’re the Queen of the Condiments or King of the Crisper Drawer.)
Only being reminded of your goal to be a leader when you're standing in front of your fridge doesn't really help you in your 1-to-1 meetings at work. (I mean, unless you're the Queen of the Condiments or King of the Crisper Drawer.) Click To TweetSerendipitously, within minutes of thinking about this, an ad came across one of my social media pages. (Normally, I ignore ads, but this one had me thinking maybe “serendipity” would be a good theme word for some year!) The ad was for Conscious Ink, an online temporary tattoo retailer specifically for creating body art to help you mindfully connect with your themes and messages to yourself, disrupt negative self-talk, and promote the healthy habits you’re trying to embrace!
As Conscious Ink’s About page explains, if you want to keep something top of the mind, why not try something that keeps it “top of the body?” Whether body art is your thing or you haven’t experimented since your Minnie Mouse temporary tattoo at summer camp <mumble mumble> years ago, this is a neat trick!
There’s even research as to how a temporary tattoo can support permanent emotional and cognitive transformation and improve mindfulness and focus on things that uplift one’s higher self. And that’s the point of a theme word, phrase, or song, to keep you focused on what you want rather than what you allow to drag you down! Manifest what you want your life to be.
Conscious Ink’s temporary tattoos use non-toxic, cosmetic-grade, FDA-certified, vegan inks. Each one lasts 3-7 days, depending on where you apply it, your skin type and activity level, and (I suspect) how many life-affirming, stress-reducing bubble baths you take. Categories include mindset, health and wellness, spiritual/nature, relationships, parenting, celebratory, and those related to social causes. Prices seem to hover at around $10 for a three-pack and $25 for a 10-pack. There’s even a Good Karma Guarantee to make sure you’re satisfied.
Whether you go with Conscious Ink (which is designed for this uplifting purpose) or seek an alternative or custom-designed temporary tattoo (through vendors like Momentary Ink or independent Etsy shops), it only makes sense if you place it somewhere you can see it often.
After all, if you place a temporary tattoo reminder to stand up for yourself on your tushy, it probably won’t remind you of much. For most of us of a certain age, putting it at our wrists, covered (when we prefer) by our cuffs, will give us the most serene “om” for our buck.
If you place a temporary tattoo reminder to stand up for yourself on your tushy, it probably won't remind you of much. Click To TweetAlong the same lines as my advice on adjusting your attitude for 2024, you may want to consult Gretchen Rubin’s Tips for Your “24 for 2024” List. Rubin and her sister/podcast co-host always have an inspring Happier Trifecta: a year-numbered theme, along with with a challenge and a list.
PRODUCTIVITY AND TIME MANAGEMENT
This was a big year for productivity discussion. I’m a firm believer that keeping your space and resources organized is key to being productive. However, it’s hard to keep the world around you organized when outside influences prevent you from being efficient (doing things well) and effective (doing the right things).
We continue to see the value of body doubling, whether through friendly hang-outs, co-working (virtually or in person), or professional organizing services, whether you want to conquer garden-variety procrastination or get special support for ADHD.
Partnering for Success
Paper Doll Sees Double: Body Doubling for Productivity (I almost submitted this post to the carnival. Accountability and motivation for the win!)
Paper Doll Shares 8 Virtual Co-Working Sites to AmpUp Your Productivity
If you’d like to explore the body doubling or co-working experience, friend-of-the-blog Deb Lee of D. Allison Lee is offering a no-cost, two-hour Action Day event on Tuesday, January 9, 2024, from 10 a.m. to 12 p.m.
This event is designed for her clients and subscribers, but after a cheery holiday conversation, Deb said it was OK to let my readers know about the opportunity.
Deb describes an Action Day as “personal training for your productivity muscles!”
An Action Day (especially as Deb runs them) is a stellar way to narrow your focus and start taking action on your goals. (And what better time than at the start of the new year?) You’ll get to connect with others who are also working on goals and habits with the support of Deb, a productivity coach I admire and adore.
Just bring your top two or three priorities, and you can conquer anything, like:
- organize your workspace
- write your book outline
- clean up your digital files
- test a new productivity app
- send out client proposals
- anything!
You’ll videoconference with a small, select group via Zoom. Share your goal and tasks, work for the bulk of the two hours, and then take time to debrief and share your successes!
Moving Yourself Forward
Getting anything done involves figuring out what you have to do, knowing what’s kept you from getting started, making it easy for you to begin, and celebrating even the smallest wins. These next three posts were where the magic happened this year!
Paper Doll On Understanding and Conquering Procrastination (This is the post I submitted to the Productivity & Organizing Carnival.)
Frogs, Tomatoes, and Bees: Time Techniques to Get Things Done
Use the Rule of 3 to Improve Your Productivity
Dealing with the Pokey Times
If you’re overwhelmed by all you’ve got going on during late December and early January, you can skip onward. However, if your workplace closes down during the holidays, or your professional and personal lives just feel like they’re kind of in a slump right now, you may find some inspiration in two pieces I wrote for the summer slowdown.
The weather outside may be frightful (unless you’re reading from Australia), but if you are looking for ideas to pump you up when everyone is in a post-shopping/meal/travel haze, these posts may stir your motivation:
Organize Your Summer So It Doesn’t Disappear So Quickly
Use Your Heart, Head, and Hands to Organize During the Slow Times
Try To Do It All (And Knowing When to Step Away)
Maybe you did your annual review and found that you’re feeling burned out. If so, you are not alone. It’s easy for your groove to turn into a rut, and for all of your drive to accomplish come crashing down because you never take your foot off the gas all year!
If you missed these posts earlier need a second shot at embracing the importance of variety, small breaks, and actual vacations, here’s your chance to read some of my absolute favorite posts of the year:
Paper Doll Says: Don’t Get Stuck in a Rut — Take Big Leaps (Be sure to watch the diving board video!)
Was baby Paper Doll burned out? In a rut? Just pooped?
Take a Break — How Breaks Improve Health and Productivity
Take a Break for Productivity — The International Perspective (This is the post that introduced the Swedish convivial snack break, fika!)
If you had any doubts about what I said about the importance of taking breaks in your day to refresh your body, your brain, or your spirit, a new report just a few weeks ago confirms that we need that late afternoon break if we don’t want our productivity to turn to mush! And the more we push ourselves beyond work hours, the greater our decrease in productivity!
If you’re desperately in need of a full break, but are suffering from decision fatigue and don’t have the energy to begin planning a whole vacation, there are options to make it easier for you. In the BBC’s piece, Why 2024 May Be the Year of Surprise Travel, you may find some rousing options.
Need a little inspiration to spend your holiday gift money on experiences rather than tzotchkes? Check out Time Out’s 24 Best Things to Do in the World in 2024 to envision where you could take long breaks to refresh yourself. Those vintage trains in Italy are calling to me, but perhaps you’d prefer the immersive “Dream Circus” in Sydney, Australia, or Montréal en Lumière’s 25th anniversary?
(Never mind, I know. Everyone wants to go on the Taylor Swift cruise from Miami to the Bahamas. Just come back with good stories instead of memento clutter, OK?)
TOOLS AND IDEAS FOR GREATER PRODUCTIVITY
Sometimes, rereading my own posts reminds me how many nifty things there are to share with you, and how many are still to be discovered.
Paper Doll Helps You Find Your Ideal Analog Habit Tracker — So many people have requested a follow-up covering digital habit trackers, so watch for that in 2024.
Paper Doll Presents 4 Stellar Organizing & Productivity Resources
Paper Doll Shares Presidential Wisdom on Productivity — From the Eisenhower Matrix to Jefferson’s design for the swivel chair, from limiting wardrobe options to understanding the difference between being busy and being productive, we’ve had presidents who have known how to get more (of the right things) done. With an election year in 2024, I’d love a debate question on the candidate’s best tips for staying organized and productive!
Surprising Productivity Advice & the 2023 Task Management & Time Blocking Summit
Highlights from the 2023 Task Management & Time Blocking Summit
3 Simple But Powerful Productivity Resources — Right in Your Browser Tab — The offering that got the most attention this year was definitely Goblin.Tools. I’m sure that as we head into 2024 and beyond, I’ll be sharing more resources that make use of artificial intelligence.
Let’s just remember that we always need to give precedence to our own intelligence, in the same way we can’t follow GPS to the letter if it directs us to drive in to a lake. In fact, like all organizing and productivity guidance, remember what I said way back in 2020 in The Truth About Celebrity Organizers, Magic Wands, and the Reality of Professional Organizing: there is no magic wand.
AI and other solutions, tangible or digital, and even professional organizers, can make things easier, but the only way to get the life you want is to embrace making positive behavioral changes.
RESOURCES FOR ORGANIZING YOUR WORK AND TRAVEL SPACE
Privacy in Your Home Office: From Reality to Fantasy — It’s interesting to see that privacy, and not just in home offices but in communal workspaces, has become a priority again. Check out this recent New York Times piece, As Offices Workers Make Their Return, So Does the Lowly Cubicle.
Paper Doll Refreshes Your Paper Organizing Solutions
Paper Doll Organizes Temporary Papers and Explores Third Spaces — Do you have systems for dealing with your “temporary papers,” the ones that you don’t need to file away but aren’t triggering an immediate action?
Paper Doll Organizes Your Space, Money, and Well-Being While Traveling
Paper Doll is Clearly Organized — Translucent Tools for Getting it Together
Paper Doll Explores New & Nifty Office and School Supplies
Organize Your Desktop with Your Perfect Desk Pad
No matter where I go in 2024, be assured that I will be keeping my eyes open for solutions for keeping your paper and work supplies organized.
My Thanksgiving weekend shopping trips brought me a variety of intriguing options. At Kohl’s, I saw 30 Watt‘s Face Plant, a way to keep your eyeglasses handy while refreshing the air around you (and keeping you perky) with greenery. The 5.5″ x 6″ x 5.25″ ceramic planter holds a plant, gives you a place to rest your glasses (so you won’t misplace them under piles of paper on your desk), and is dry erase marker-friendly! (It’s currently on sale for under $14.)
A stop at IKEA in Atlanta was so productive for organizing tools that you’ll be seeing posts with nifty names like Övning (for tidying a child’s desk accessories and creating privacy), Kugsfors (wall-mounted shelves with tablet stands for keeping books and iPads visible while working), Bekant (sit/stand desks) and more.
ORGANIZING YOUR FINANCIAL & LEGAL LIFE
Not everything in the organizing and productivity world is fun to look at, and that’s especially true of all the financial and legal documents that help you sleep soundly at night. Still, Paper Doll kept you aware of how to understand and protect your money, your identity, and your legacy.
Speaking of which, if you haven’t created your Apple Legacy Contact and your Google Inactive Account Manager, why the heck not? Use the power of body doubling up above, grab a partner, and get your digital life in order!
Lost & Found: Recover Unclaimed Money, Property, and Savings Bonds
Paper Doll’s Ultimate Guide to Legally Changing Your Name
Paper Doll Explains Digital Social Legacy Account Management
How to Create Your Apple & Google Legacy Contacts
Paper Doll Explains Your Health Insurance Explanation of Benefits
DEALING WITH EMERGENCIES AND STRESSFUL SITUATIONS
Sometimes, I write a post I wish I’d been able to read earlier (like the one on preventing and recovering from a car theft). Other times, like when a friend had a health emergency, or when Paper Mommy had her fall in November, I’m glad the posts already exist. If you missed these the first time around, please be sure to read, share, and bookmark them; think of them as an insurance policy, and let’s hope you won’t need them.
How to Organize Support for Patients and Families in Need
Organize to Prevent (or Recover From) a Car Theft
Paper Doll Organizes You To Prepare for an Emergency
GRAB BACK OF INTERVIEWS, UPDATES, AND PHILOSOPHY
Paper Doll Interviews Motivational Wordsmith Kara Cutruzzula
You already know how beloved my friend Kara Cutruzzula‘s Brass Ring Daily newsletter and Do It Today podcast are at Paper Doll HQ.
After having read and enjoyed Kara’s Do It For Yourself — A Motivational Journal and her follow-up, Do It Today — A Motivational Journal (Start Before Your Ready), I had no doubt that I’d be jumping on her third when it was released in September.
If you haven’t already picked up Do It Or Don’t — A Boundary-Creating Journal, use that Amazon money you almost certainly got this holiday season!
One of the Paper Doll themes for 2024 will focus on setting (and maintaining) better boundaries to accomplish more of what’s meaningful, and I’ve got multi-color tape flags sticking out of Kara’s book from all the chapters to share her bounty with you.
What’s in a Name? “Addressing” Organizing and Productivity
Paper Doll Suggests What to Watch to Get More Organized and Productive — As we head into the new year, I’ll be keeping my eyes open for podcasts, webinars, and TV shows to help you keep your space organized, your time productive, your finances orderly, and your life joyous. Readers have been sending in YouTube and TikTok videos that inspire them, so please feel free to share programming that you’d like to see profiled on Paper Doll‘s pages.
Paper Doll on How to Celebrate Organizing and Productivity with Friends
Paper Doll and Friends Cross an Ocean for Fine Productivity Conversations
From in-person get togethers with frolleagues (what my accountability partner Dr. Melissa Gratias calls those special folks who are both friends and colleagues) to Friday night professional organizer Zooms, accountability calls, and Mastermind group collaborations, this has been a great year for staying connected and sharing the benefits of those conversations with you.
I also loved guesting on so many fun podcasts related to organizing, productivity, technology, and more. If there’s someone you’d like to hear me debate or banter with, let me know!
SEASONAL POSTS
Spooky Clutter: Fears that Keep You from Getting Organized
Paper Doll’s Thanksgiving Week Organizing and Productivity Buffet
Paper Doll De-Stresses Your December
Paper Doll on Clutter-Free Gifts and How to Make Gift Cards Make Sense
Are you stressed out because you haven’t gotten someone a gift yet? Maybe a good start would be to help an overwhelmed special someone take my advice about going on a travel break. Consider gift certificates for something like Get Your Guide, with opportunities to get guided tours of locally-vetted, expertly-curated sporting, nature, cultural, and food experiences. With 118,000 experiences in 150 countries, pick a multiple of $50 or set your own amount, and your recipient can pick the domestic or international travel experience that fits best.
If you know your recipient will be traveling by rail, consider a gift card for Amtrak or ViaRail in North America. Eurail doesn’t sell gift cards, but you can pay for a pass, or buy a gift card for a rail pass for more than a dozen specific European train lines. And if you’d like to help someone organize vacation serenity and secure a bundle of travel attractions for a given city, try TurboPass in Europe or City Pass and The Sightseeing Pass in North America.
HERE’S TO A MORE ORGANIZED AND PRODUCTIVE 2024
Whether you’ll be spending the next few days reading, traveling, or doing your annual review, I hope this last week of 2023 is a happy and healthy one.
To send you off for a cozy week, I’d like to share a Whamagaddon– and Mariah–free, retro 100-minute holiday playlist from the late 1930s through the early 1960s. It’s somehow easier to dismantle the tree and write thank-you notes to Guy Lombardo. (My favorite clocks in at 52:42 with “What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve?”)
Please let me know your favorite Paper Doll posts from this year, and I’ll meet you back here in 2024!
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