Archive for ‘Time Management’ Category

Posted on: August 5th, 2024 by Julie Bestry | 6 Comments


From living with strangers to not having parents and teachers overseeing study habits and self-care, college is a melange of delightful freedom and terrifying responsibility.

Last week, in Organize Your College-Bound Student for Grown-Up Life: Part 1, we reviewed the serious side of what to make sure your kids have and know before heading off to college. We covered making sure they know their Social Security number by heart, having a a handle on important contacts and key medical information, and getting registered to vote and knowing how to exercise their rights to vote.

We looked at legal documents, like Power of Attorney for Healthcare (AKA: healthcare proxy) documents, FERPA waivers, and HIPAA releases, which in combination ensure that a college student has someone they trust looped into their medical situations and able to make medical decisions if they are unable to

We also started developing punch lists of adulting information and skills, starting with the essentials related to financials and insurance.

And, because people pay more attention to serious things when they can take a moment to breathe, I included a few Chip Leighton “texts from college students” videos from The Leighton Show. More are peppered in this post. (As with last week, click near the lower left portion of the video to un-mute.) 

@the_leighton_show Posting one more for all the parents dropping kids off at college #teenagers #college #freshmanyear #text #funny ♬ original sound – The Leighton Show

HOW TO COMMUNICATE BEYOND TEXTS AND EMOJIS

Recently, I was surprised to find that most younger people don’t ring doorbells or knock; they text when they pull up outside. (Honestly, to keep from waking babies or making dogs go nuts, this is pretty smart!)

Gen Z students have often managed to get through life without learning some adulting skills with regard to communication and interaction. Before dropping them off on campus, make sure your kids have these skills. 

  • How to write, address, and mail a letter. Somewhere around fourth grade, they taught us how to write a “friendly” letter and a business letter, including the entire format of date, “inside address,” salutation, body, and appropriate closing. They also taught us how to address an envelope, where to put the return address, and where to place the stamp. Apparently, this is not taught anymore, as evidence by various Reddit threads, including the one below.

  • How to sign their name in cursive. Some elementary schools stopped teaching cursive in 2010, though there now seems to be a backlash against the removal. Whether or not your student knows how to write (even remotely legibly) in cursive, make sure they understand how to sign their legal name. 
  • How to write a grown-up, professional email. Use a clear subject line that indicates the purpose of the message. Write in full, grammatically-correct sentences. Spell check. Don’t use emoji or slang. (Seriously, no cap.) Except in a rare case when asked to do so, don’t address female professors as “Mrs.” That’s a social honorific, and this isn’t kindergarten. They’re either Professor or Doctor or (if TAs or adjuncts) Ms. (unless they ask you to use their first name). Don’t address professors of any gender as “Bro” or “Dude.”  (This goes for verbal communication, too!)
  • How to schedule an appointment (and how to reschedule or cancel one) — Your kid knows how to log into a web site and pick a time slot, but Gen Z is particularly phone-averse. Role play with them how to make a call to request an appointment with a doctor or dentist, to get their hair cut, to have their car evaluated or repaired, etc. Teach them how to summarize why they’re calling (whether to a gatekeeper or for voicemail).
  • How to leave voicemail — Guide them not to say, “Um, so this is Joe. I need you to call me back” without any hint of why. Young people are often nervous about calling strangers, so they should plan the message, mentally or even in writing.  Encourage them to think about why they’re calling — and what result (information? permission? assistance?) they need.

This is good advice for grownups, too, especially those suffer from social anxiety. Practice eases the process. State your name, phone number, and reason for calling so the recipient can do their legwork and get back to you at their convenience without wasting their time (or yours on a cycle of call tag).

  • How to write a thank you note — In case it’s been a while since you impressed upon your child the importance (and power) of this habit, share a classic Paper Doll post, Gratitude, Mr. Rogers, and How To Organize a Thank You Note and remind them, once again, that grandparents are more likely to send gifts (money? Apple gift cards? freshly baked cookies?) when thanked for their actions.
  • How to apologize authentically and effectively — Whether your student eats her roommate’s last yogurt or commits a more unpardonable act, don’t let kids go off to college without this essential life skill. Make sure they understand that “I’m sorry you got mad” is not an apology.

There’s an easy formula:

    • Use the words, “I’m sorry” or “I apologize.”
    • Take responsibility and state what you actually did wrong.
    • Illustrate that you understood the impact of your actions on the other individual.
    • Explain how you’ll ensure it won’t happen again, or show how you’ll make reparations.

STAY SAFE, ON CAMPUS AND OFF

There will likely be a safety workshop during orientation week. Encourage your student to attend and to understand what kind of built-in infrastructure the campus has for safety

Be Safe When Walking Around

When I attended college, we had a Blue Light service, poles throughout campus with blue lights at the top and telephones connected to Campus Safety. You could make a direct call (without a coin) or just hit the handsets as you ran from a horror movie monster (let’s ignore the more serious alternative) and campus safety peer volunteers and personnel would come out in force. There were also free “blue light buses” on campus to ferry people home safely at night. I was delighted to find out that this system is still in place, with some modern tech additions.

Nowadays, most campuses have high-end safety systems and apps. Still, encourage students to program the campus security number into their phones and know how to request an official campus peer escort. Other advice to impart:

  • Don’t walk alone, especially at night. Take heavily-trafficked routes with good lighting.
  • Let your roommate or BFF know where you are headed, and program your phone to share your real-time location (one time or ongoing) and ETA:

  • You’re probably not going to convince your college kid to never ride with strangers, but you can fund an Uber or Lyft account to make it easier to get home if they’ve gone to a concert or club off campus. You may also want to discuss GrownandFlown.com’s The 7 Ride Share Safety Tips Every Teen Needs to Know.

Be Safe in Your Dorm and When Out and About

  • Lock your room when not in it (so you don’t walk in to any surprises), or when you are, but lots of others aren’t around. 
  • Close and lock your windows when you are sleeping or not in your dorm, especially if you’re on the ground floor.
  • Program campus housing numbers into phones.You might be locked out of the dorm without keys or key cards or wallet, but nobody goes anywhere without their phones anymore.

Hopefully, you’ve had lots of conversations with your teen about how to have situational awareness when walking around (or studying, especially alone), how to be safe at parties, and how to figure out whom to trust. These kinds of skills can take many years to develop, but open conversations are the beginning.

This is an organizing blog, not a parenting blog, but I fervently hope that just as many parents will teach their sons the importance of not victimizing as they teach their daughters how not to be victims.

For more in-depth advice, You may also want to share:

Be Safe During Emergencies

Personal safety doesn’t just include watching out for bad guys. Your kids had fire drills in school, but they’re used to following an grownups instructions. Now that they’re the grownups, make sure they know:

  • How and when to call 911 vs. the police non-emergency line vs. the campus health center vs. the resident hall director).
  • When to go to the ER vs. urgent care, or the health center, or a family doctor (or to call the health insurance Ask-A-Nurse line…or Dr. Mom)
  • How to use a fire extinguisher. When I visited my old campus for my reunion in June, I saw that fire extinguishers had changed; they were neither the massively heavy ones I recalled from my youth nor the can-of-whipped-cream style I have at home. Have them read the instructions.
  • Pay attention to the exits when entering classroom or building, and know the safe exit path for the dorm.

While it’s designed primarily for families, your student might find Paper Doll Organizes You To Prepare for an Emergency to be a useful starting point.

Be Safe When Interacting with the Police

If you or anyone in your family or close circle is Black (or you’ve ever watched a Shonda Rhimes show), you almost certainly know about The Talk and have had it, and multiple iterations of it, before sending a child to college. 

However, if you are not a member of a visible minority, your have probably been privileged to not have to think about this. Role-model and practice so your college-bound student knows what to do if they are stopped while driving, riding, or walking — or if the police come to their dorms to make inquiries — or if they participate in a campus protest. 

If you watch police procedurals, you’re probably familiar with the concept of swatting, the practice of making a prank call to emergency services in order to get armed police officers dispatched to someone’s address. It happens to congressional representatives and judges, but it also happens to random people, including college students. It apparently started with online gamers being targeted by others playing the game.

Almost nobody gets through life without interacting with police officers, and whether it’s municipal police or campus security, student needs a skill set for handling potentially scary interactions

Again, this post is about organizing adulting skill sets. Beyond, “stay calm and don’t escalate,” I won’t advise you regarding what you should tell your children, but encourage you to talk to them about how to do it safely and with some starting points:

HOW TO STAY HEALTHY AT COLLEGE

Nobody gets to college without having had a booboo or a cold or a stomach bug, but a lot of parents find that their newly independent children experience a sense of amnesia once any of these things happen at college. Use the following as prompts to make sure your kids are ready for dealing with the owies of adult life.

Be Prepared for Medical Ickiness

Everyone eventually gets the crud, and being away from home makes it worse. However, knowing how to handle the experience makes having the yuckies marginally better. Make sure students know:

  • How to treat a sore throat, toothache, upset stomach (and related intestinal distresses) and minor viruses.
  • How to recognize symptoms (like a high fever) requiring professional medical intervention.
  • How the dosage on OTC and prescription medicine works. There’s a reason why it says “take no more than X in 24 hours” — because people thought X “in one day” meant they could have X at 11:45 p.m. and again at 12:15 a.m. Medication doesn’t follow a calendar.
  • How to fill and refill a prescription — If you’ve always done it for them, your student may not know about prescription numbers or number of refills available.
  • How to take maintenance medication or perform health activities without you having to remind them — You won’t be able to ask, “Did you take your ADHD meds today?” or “How many times did you check your blood glucose today?” Your student knows how to set an alarm on the phone, but walking them through how to label the alarms to make it clear which meds are for that specific alarm could help. Even “experienced” adults with established schedules forget to take meds when on vacation; college schedules are stress-inducing and can lead to forgetting, so help them help themselves.
  • Where the nearest 24-hour pharmacy is, before they need it — At some point, your student will need Pepto or condoms or feminine sanitary products or a COVID test at 3 a.m. Being prepared is half the battle.
  • How to do First Aid — Not everybody was a scout. I’m often shocked by people (OK, men. It’s always men) who don’t know how to properly clean a small wound, remove a splinter, or put on a bandage. You can’t anticipate everything — minor and major — need to know, so share the National Safety Council’s First Aid Video Library link. It’s impressive.
  • How to fill out health insurance forms at the doctor’s office. — Seriously, your kid should know their blood type without having to call and ask you. (That’s why I told you last week to give them copies of their medical history information.)

Booboo Bear Photo by Pixabay

How to Deal with College Life Ickiness

  • How to safely drink/consume things you’d prefer they didn’t partake of at all. 
  • How to help a friend who has unwisely or unsafely imbibed or consumed something. This might range from treating hangovers to knowing how to use NARCAN to the calling 911!
  • How basic hygiene works. Wash hands! — Feel like you shouldn’t have to explain this to an adult? Reread Organize Your Health: Parental Wisdom, Innovation, and the New Time Timer® Wash. Yes, it’s from the first year of COVID, but the unfathomable reminder that people forget to wash their hands is timeless.
  • Wash water bottles. — We didn’t even have bottled water when I was in college. Now, Stanley cups (not the hockey kind) are everywhere. And no, just because there’s only water in it doesn’t mean it’s clean. Microbes are icky. (Secret cleaning trick? Denture tablets!)

How to Deal with Grown-Up Issues

I hope you and your student have the kind of relationship where you can discuss “adult” things without (too much) awkwardness. I was lucky that Paper Mommy always made a safe space to talk about difficult issues, but not everyone has that ability (or that parent).

You may have had that other version of “The Talk” with your student in adolescence, but whether you’re dealing with reproductive care or mental health or anything sensitive, at the very least encourage your college-bound student to talk. Say that you hope they’ll talk to you, but even if not, that there are many safe places (starting with the campus health center) to find accurate information and supportive care. Some of the issues they may need to contend with include:

  • Safe sex 
    • How to use contraception properly
    • How to say no, at any point in the process, and maintain healthy boundaries 
    • How to be secure consent and step back if there is no consent
  • Mental health
    • How to recognize the signs of depression or anxiety (or other mental health concerns) in themselves and their friends, including social isolation or an increase in risky behaviors, or changes in academic performance, mood, sleep or eating habits, or personal hygiene.
    • Where to seek mental health help, on campus or virtually
  • Self-care — Remind your beloved child of their options for caring for their mental health,  including:
    • taking breaks
    • exercising
    • getting out in nature
    • talking to friends
    • journaling
    • calling home
    • speaking with a therapist
    • understanding that everyone has problems, they are manageable, and there is support available

For your purposes, peruse Empowering Wellness: Supporting Freshman Health and Well-Being from College Parents of America, and perhaps get your kid a copy of something like  The Greatest College Health Guide You Never Knew You Needed: How to Manage Food, Booze, Stress, Sex, Sleep, and Exercise on Campus before they leave for campus.

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How to Stay Marginally Fit and Well-Fed at College

When I was in college in the late 1980s, except for student athletes, almost nobody went to the gym except for a required physical education class. I had to pass a swim test and take two gym classes. I took bowling and yoga. I got marginally better at bowling. Yoga was in the (padded) wrestling room on the other side of campus at 8 a.m. I have zero memories of it. Modern gym classes have come a long way from the choice of sports or Jane Fonda-level aerobics.

Your student may follow every bit of wisdom you’ve provided for the past 18 years. They may eat colorful fruits and vegetables at every meal; they probably won’t get scurvy.

They may take a fun workout class with friends; they may get the bare minimum movement just walking to class. They may waste the money you’ve spent on a 3-meals a day/7 days a week meal plan and eat leftover pizza every morning.

You cannot control this.

There are serious issues, like eating disorders; there are far less issues about which you should not make a big deal, like the freshman 15. For now, just make sure they have the skills that will help them make their best decisions, and then back off. 

  • How to read nutrition labels — I find that women my age have spent so much of our lives reading these, we forget that lots of teen girls don’t scrutinize these labels, and that teen boys (unless they are wrestlers) often have never even glanced at them. Explain the key concepts.
  • The value of eating calories and not drinking them — This applies to alcohol as well as soft drinks. Try to encourage getting calories from things that require chewing.
  • Understand food safety and kitchen hygiene — The USDA’s Food Safety Tips for College Students is a good start.

When your student leaves the dorm and meal plan behind and gets an off-campus apartment, you can discuss how to meal plan to save time during the week, and how to shop on a budget and understand the value of generic/store-brand food products vs. brand names. That’s next summer’s problem.

@the_leighton_show Your comments do not disappoint #freshman #collegelife #text #son #daughter #dad #mom #parentsoftiktok #humor #greenscreen ♬ original sound – The Leighton Show

HOW TO MASTER LAUNDRY AT COLLEGE

In 1985, my friend Paul’s mother created a double-sided set of laundry instructions, laminated it, and attached it with rivets and cords to his laundry bag. It was genius.

Whether your kids do laundry all the time at home or they call detergent and fabric softener “sauces,” there will be college laundry catastrophes. At least try to:

  • Identify what they own must be dry cleaned or hand washed (and then discourage them from taking those items to college).
  • Explain the basics of separating new, colorful clothes from whites to avoid a pink wardrobe.
  • Practice using the iPhone’s Visual Lookup to identify laundry symbols and explain care instructions. 

  • Remind them to empty pockets before washing things.
  • Remind them how good it feels to sleep on freshly laundered sheets when they’re stressed or sick. (They won’t wash sheets and towels as often as you do at home, but this may help.)
  • Go to the laundry room in the dorm on move-in day and explain anything that’s different from your washer/dryer at home. The detergent slot may be in a different place; the lint trap may be weirdly located.
  • Some college laundry facilities use plastic reloadable cards for access; others have apps. Still, many dorms (and almost all laundromats) require quarters. Hand off a few rolls of quarters and they’re less likely to come home at Thanksgiving with a semester’s worth of laundry.
  • Read (and encourage them to read) a post from the Paper Doll vault,  5 “Real Simple” Reasons We Don’t Get the Laundry (or Paperwork) Done. It’s about laundry, but it’s also about productivity. It couldn’t hurt. 

There’s a fine line between being a helicopter parent and making sure your kid doesn’t have to be airlifted out of a dangerous situation. Hopefully this series is helping you identify what remains to be discussed with your student.

Next time, we’ll finish off with tips on how to help them:

  • Develop time management skills to keep the student and work and social balls in the air
  • Achieve academically without a guidance counselor, study hall, or a scheduled lunch period
  • Keep the car from breaking down before making it back into the driveway for Thanksgiving
  • Acquire random life skills so your student’s roommate doesn’t think you’ve dropped off an alien

See you next time.

Posted on: May 20th, 2024 by Julie Bestry | 14 Comments

Do you ever find yourself avoiding contact with other people out of sheer self-preservation and fear that they’ll ask you to add one more unfulfilling task or obligation? 

Recently, I read Ali Abdaal’s Feel Good Productivity: How To Do More of What Matters To You. The book serves as a sort of primer on the various macro and micro productivity concepts and strategies that we discuss at the Paper Doll blog. The book accents engaging in tasks that will increase your energy rather than drain it.

Abdaal’s idea of an “energy investment portfolio” particularly caught my attention. At its most basic, the energy investment portfolio is a deeply prioritized and categorized plan of attack, such as we reviewed when talking about the Eisenhower Matrix in posts like Use the Rule of 3 to Improve Your Productivity and Frogs, Tomatoes, and Bees: Time Techniques to Get Things Done.

Part of this approach is based in clarifying which of the things on your list are your someday “dream”  investments (your big, ambitious projects for which you likely have little time right now) and your “active investments” (projects and tasks which you are or should be giving your greatest attention right now). 

The key to Abdaal’s energy investment portfolio, an homage to a financial investment portfolio, is  limiting the number of projects on your list of “active investments.” There’s only so much you can do right now, and those things better energize you if you don’t want to hide from them.

To explore this concept more before dipping into the book, check out Abdaal’s The Energy Investment Portfolio article and the video below:

This popped to the forefront of my mind as I started reading Cal Newport’s newest book, Slow Productivity: The Lost Art of Accomplishment Without Burnout. (Slow productivity, like the slow food, slow media, and slow travel movements, is about improving life by cutting back on speed and excess, and instead focusing on intentionality and quality.)

Newton caught my eye with an extended discussion of my beloved Jane Austen. Most biographies always paint her as successful because she would sneak in writing efforts in the precious few quiet moments she had to herself. Newport notes that her nephew James Austen’s descriptions of Austen’s writing style seem “to endorse a model of production in which better results require you to squeeze ever more work into your schedule” and calls this a myth. 

Indeed, modern biographers have found the reverse, that Austen “was not an exemplar of grind-it-out busyness, but instead a powerful case study of something quite different: a slower approach to productivity.”

As true Austen aficionados know, once Austen (as well as her sister and elderly mother) moved from Southhampton to quiet Chawton cottage, she was able to escape most societal obligations and focus on writing. Quoting from Newton:

This lesson, that doing less can enable better results, defies our contemporary bias toward activity, based on the belief that doing more keeps our options open and generates more opportunities for reward. But recall that busy Jane Austen was neither happy nor producing memorable work, while unburdened Jane Austen, writing contentedly at Chawton cottage, transformed English literature. 

Dubious? Look at the entries on this Jane Austen timeline, starting from 1806 onward! And let’s face it, without Austen, there would be no inspired homages, like Bridgerton, and for any of you who just spent the weekend transfixed by the first half of season three, that’s a fate not worth contemplating.

I’m sure I’ll have more to share about this book as I get further on, but I was captivated by the chapter on Newport’s first principle of slow productivity, based on this finding. Principle #1 is simply Do Fewer Things.

Strive to reduce your obligations to the point where you can easily imagine accomplishing them with time to spare. Leverage this reduced load to more fully embrace and advance the small number of projects that matter most.

YOU ARE ALLOWED TO SAY NO

From Abdaal and Newton to past Paper Doll posts, we know we have to focus our attention on fewer but more rewarding things

We must learn to emphatically say NO.

Yes, you have to pay your taxes (or be prepared to suffer the consequences). You have to obey traffic laws. (Ditto). You have to feed your children (or at least arrange for them to be nourished).

But you do not have to be in charge of cleaning out your company’s break room fridge.

You do not have to buy your spouse’s birthday gift for your mother-in-law. (That’s your spouse’s job.)

You do not have to join a book club or serve on your homeowner association’s planning committee or go to dinner with someone you really don’t want to date!

There are various situations when we should be saying no to taking on new obligations.

  • You have more on your plate than you can handle comfortably (or safely for your mental or physical health).
  • Your energy level is depleted (or you believe it would be depleted) by anything being added to your obligations.
  • The new task doesn’t fit your skill set or interests.
  • The task is unappealing because of the situation (the location, other people involved, the monetary cost)
  • You just don’t wanna.

In a perfect world, “I don’t wanna” would be a good enough excuse for saying no to things outside of work obligations or happily-agreed-upon life obligations. But few of us can get away with it, Phoebe Buffay excepted.

THE POWER OF SAYING NO

Organizing is as much about saying no as saying yes. Thus, I help clients determine what tangible possessions belong in their spaces and their lives, and which don’t. Some acquisitions were wisely planned purchases; others were picked up on impulse. Some are gifts given out of love, while others were given out of a sense of obligation. Still other things were abandoned on our metaphorical doorsteps (or, in the case of grown children who have flown the nest, things were abandoned in our basements, attics, closets, cupboards and corners).

Just as clients must discern the difference tangible items that make their lives more appealing, robust, and fulfilled vs. those that crowd them out of their spaces, they must also evaluate how acquired activities can clutter their hours and days and diminish enjoyment of other experiences.

Some activities, we choose with enthusiasm; others have been pressed upon us. Perhaps your early May serf imagines that the late September version of you will be delighted to give a speech or take on another committee role. Frustratingly, we always imagine that Future Us will be less busy.

And we have all occasionally been guilted or cajoled into obligatory participation. Some tasks or roles have acceptable tradeoffs. I know that Paper Mommy didn’t enjoy the blessings of being a “room mother” year-after-year, going on field trips to the nature preserve or the science museum and having to help corral other people’s unruly offspring.

But (luckily) she enjoyed hanging out with tiny Paper Doll, and the experience gave her opportunities to tell hysterical anecdotes to her friends. You may not necessarily want to serve on the awards committee, coach your child’s soccer team, or help interview new applicants at work, but the benefits sometimes outweigh the costs. The key, however, is to protect yourself from requests for your time and labor that drain your energy and cause resentment by taking time away from your larger priorities.

If you don’t have the power to say no, freely, then you don’t really have the power to say yes.

Whether stuff or tasks, things should enter your life with your consent. But if you’re unused to declining, it will require effort to exercise new mental muscles. The rest of this post offers strategies to help you avoid being saddled with the clutter of new obligations and eliminate tasks that no longer fit your life, or at least the life you want to lead.

GET RID OF THE GUILT

There are many reasons why people fear saying no, but they almost always come down to fearing others’ reactions.

Sometimes, this has to do with social roles and the belief that our life’s role is to do for others. But remember my Flight Attendant Rule: You must put the oxygen mask over your own nose and mouth before attending to those traveling with you. Overloading yourself makes it impossible to be there for others, whether at your job, in your family, or among your friends or in your community. (And think back to what Abdaal said about investing your energy.) 

Guilt also comes from the fear that saying “No” will make you sound mean or unduly negative. The examples below will help you craft responses that are firm in guarding your boundaries but upbeat and positive in attitude so as to cushion your response in a way that feels more like kindness than rejection.

And in each case, the response means “No” without ever verbalizing the word.

FIRST, TAKE A PAUSE

Being polite is a given; being kind is a virtue. Imagine you’re having a rough day. You’re rushing to get to a client meeting but your tiny human is just not interested in putting on her shoes so you can get everyone into the car. Traffic is bad, and just as you get everyone unloaded, a PTA parent corners you with an “assignment.”

It would be instinctual to lash out and say, “Can’t you see I’m drowning? Can’t you see my nice suit for a presentation has dried cream of wheat on it because the tiny humans decided to have a food fight? What in the blankety-blank-blank makes you think I give a good bleep-bleep about organizing school spirit day?! I have no spirit, why should I care if everyone shows up wearing the same colors and why should I be the one to tell them to do it? Is your life so ridiculously so small and pitiful that school colors matter at all?!”

Instinctual, but halfway through that tirade, you’d notice parents making their own tiny humans back away from you, and furtively glancing at one another, and possibly at the school security guard. Your youngest is two, but you can now imagine parents giving you (and your kids) wide berth until all your offspring have graduated. (The one upside is that nobody will ever ask you to volunteer again!)

Instinct can make you blow up; taking a moment to pause and having a plan in place to say no without feeling like you’ve become a wild banshee may preserve your reputation (allow your kids to be able to invite friends over…someday).

NEXT, SHOW GRATITUDE

Start by thanking the person making the request.

Thank them? I can hear you screaming from here.

Yes, get in the habit of thanking people for asking for your help, whether you’re being asked to do something prestigious like speak at a conference or something that’s basically scut work. There are so many people, particularly those who are elderly or in the disability community, whose potential value is ignored by society, so take a moment to appreciate being considered at all.

Don’t thank them just because it’s polite; thank them because it gives you a moment to feel valued and appreciated, and because it forces you to pause and gather your resolve.

Begin with something like:

  • I appreciate you thinking of me for this.
  • Thank you for making me feel valued in our community (or workplace) 

Whatever you say after, you’ve softened the blow:

  • Thank you for considering me for this role, but I have to decline [for reasons].
  • I’m honored that you thought of me for this, but I have to pass [this time].

PICK AN APPROACH

Not every request requires the same style of response.

Assertive Stance

When dealing with an equal, whether professionally or socially, address the person in a straightforward manner, making clear that the rejection is not about them (or their pet project) but about you.

This way, you avoid them giving all sorts of reasons why they’ll be able to wave their magic wants and eliminate the aspect of the project you see is problematic. But focus on yourself, and there’s little most people can say.

(Obviously, if you encounter someone who thinks you should give up caring for your ill grandmother so you can do bus duty at the child’s school, you have my permission to fake-call your grandmother in front of this person to make them uncomfortable. Really go for it. “I know you need me to change your catheter/clear your feeding tube/relieve you of your unremitting loneliness since Grandpa died, but Betty here says she doesn’t feel you’re as important as bus duty.”)

State your situation without getting into the weeds. Focus firmly on setting and maintaining your boundaries, and use “I” statements to keep the rejection focused on what you can control. 

  • Unfortunately, I have to decline this opportunity. My plate is already full.
  • I’m sorry, but I can’t take on any more projects at the moment.
  • I need to focus on my existing priorities right now.

If you’re comfortable expressing your personal needs, expand your explanation to reference that you are focusing on your pre-existing obligations, self-care, and personal well-being. (You can similarly reference your family’s needs. Use that Grandma guilt!)

Photo by RepentAndSeekChristJesus on Unsplash

  • I’ve promised my children/spouse that I won’t take on any more activities that keep me away from the family. I’m sure you understand.
  • I need to decline this to maintain my work-life balance.
  • I’m prioritizing my health and well-being right now, so I can’t commit to anything extra.
  • I’ve learned to recognize my limits, and I can’t stretch myself any thinner.
  • I’m trying to prioritize my well-being, and taking on more isn’t conducive to that.
  • I’ve realized I need to make more time for myself, so I have to decline.

If someone tries to bulldoze through your boundaries, politely but firmly reiterate your stance. Don’t let their lack of civility hamper your skills at standing up for yourself. Be prepared to say something that shuts down the conversation.

  • Again, I’ll have to decline. It’s just not feasible for me right now.
  • As I said, I appreciate the offer, but I have to say no.
  • That won’t be possible.

Gentle Stance

Sometimes, you don’t feel that your professional or social relationship with the requesting individual is equal. For whatever, you may feel that you have to be more diplomatic or offer explanations that the other person will feel is more valid. There are a few ways to approach this.

The best way to approach this is to express enthusiasm for the offer and/or the project or regret that you can’t participate, or a combination, before identifying intractable obstacles. However, be cautious in how effusive you are about your enthusiasm and/or regret so as not to overplay your hand. 

  • This sounds fascinating. I wish I could say yes, but I have to decline because [reasons]
  • I’m sorry, but I won’t be able to participate because [commitments/reasons]
  • I’d love to help, but I’m already committed [to several specific prior obligations]

There are two variations to the gentle stance: delaying and being helpful.

Delaying Approach

Instead of an outright no, it may be useful to suggest the possibility of a postponement of your involvement. However, I caution you to only use this method if it’s realistic. It’s not fair to get someone’s hopes up that they will be able to count on you in the future, so only use this method if you believe it’s likely you will be able to help at some later point (or you believe there’s no likelihood you’ll be put in this situation again). It might sound like:

  • Ouch, there’s so much on my plate right now, so I’m not able take this on at the moment. Can we revisit this in [specific timeframe, like next semester or 3rd Quarter]?
  • I can’t commit right now, but let’s touch base after the holidays and see if my availability has changed.
  • I’ve decided to focus more on my career right now. Maybe next season.

Maybe your rejection isn’t because of the project or the time it will take up, but a specific aspect (you don’t want to work with on a committee MaryJane or you’re not comfortable attending the meetings because you’d have to drive home in the dark). Delaying allows you to revisit the request in the future and inquire about changes in circumstantial.

Helpful Approach

Sometimes, your “no” reflects your specific circumstances, but you do value the project, organization, or effort. If so, expand upon the ways of declining above, but add helpful suggestions or offers, like:

  • That won’t be possible, but I’m able to send you some bullet points on how I accomplished goals during the eleven (freakin’) years I served as committee chair!
  • I’m not able to take on this role, but I’d be happy to donate [X dollars, or my backyard, or my unused bongo set].
  • I’m really not qualified, but let me tell you who would be perfect for this.
  • So, yeah, based on everything I just said, I can’t do this, but TJ just rolled off the nominating committee and might be looking for some new role.
  • I’m not the right person for this, but this is right up Diane’s alley. She’s got an accounting background and is already at the school on Tuesday nights while her daughter is at drama club.

Obviously, don’t volunteer for a lesser role if you have no interest, and don’t suggest other people for something you know they’d be miserable doing (unless you really, really don’t like them).


Sometimes, the helpful approach isn’t for the other person, but for you. There will be times, usually in the workplace, where you will be asked to do something where, though the task is couched as a request, it’s really an order. You won’t be able to say no (and indeed, we would need another whole post, or possibly a book, to cover handling this).

If you’re asked to tackle something where you lack the skill set, the desire, and the time to handle this new project and everything else on your plate, don’t panic. Thank the person for their confidence in you (again, always start from a position of gratitude unless you’re actually ready to quit the job), reiterate all of your (work) obligations and ask for guidance in prioritizing. 


Two more options you might want to use, in combination with other responses, are flattery and humor.

Flattery

Sometimes, you can inveigle the other person into deciding they deserve better than what you are (un)willing to give:

  • Thank you for thinking of me, but I have too many obligations right now. I wouldn’t want to risk not giving this important project the attention it deserves.
  • Thanks, but I would rather decline now than risk doing a mediocre or rushed job. Your [project/committee/idea] deserves someone’s best effort.
Humor

In J.D. McClatchy’s Sweet Theft: A Poet’s Commonplace Book, writer and translator Estelle Gilson shares a translation of a rejection issued by a Chinese economic journal to someone who had submitted a paper. 

“We have read your manuscript with boundless delight. If we were to publish your paper, it would be impossible for us to publish any work of lower standard. And as it is unthinkable that in the next thousand years we shall see its equal, we are, to our regret, compelled to return your divine composition and to beg you a thousand times to overlook our short sight and timidity.”

The first time I read it, I laughed at the audacity of the hyperbole (even as I accounted for the cultural expectations likely inherent in the message). However, upon rereading, I recognized that while the Chinese recipient may (or may not) have found the rejection funny enough to be uplifting, humor may help you powerfully judge the “no” to a softer landing.

Lightening the mood makes it easier to state the refusal. You’ll feel more like you’re performing a “bit” and it’s just a touch distracting for the person on the receiving end. You don’t have to actually be funny ha-ha, but goofiness, snark, or hyperbole can dissipate the tension (or give you time to think of an exit line).

  • I tried cloning myself, but it did NOT go well. The FBI made me destroy my machine. 
  • If I agree to this, my cat might stage a protest. Can’t risk a kitty rebellion.
  • I’d love to help, but my superhero cape is at the dry cleaners.

Humor help you decline a request, but always employ a light touch to make sure it doesn’t come across as dismissive or rude.

Obviously, the appropriateness of humor will depend on the power structure of your relationship with the person whose request you’re declining and the context of the request. Saying no to your mother-in-law when she asks you to plan her 50th anniversary party is going to take a more deftness than telling your neighbor that you don’t want to join his Star Wars fan-fiction book club.


Remember, you are not asking for permission to say no. You are engaging in polite (and hopefully kind) communication in navigating the tricky negotiations of social and professional diplomacy.

Saying “no” to adding an unfulfilling obligation to your schedule lets you say “hell, yes!” to your priorities, your loved ones, your self-care, and your dreams.

Saying 'no' to adding an unfulfilling obligation to your schedule lets you say 'hell, yes!' to your priorities, your loved ones, your self-care, and your dreams. Share on X

Posted on: January 1st, 2024 by Julie Bestry | 13 Comments

Happy New Year! Happy GO Month!

January is Get Organized & Be Productive (GO) Month, an annual initiative sponsored by the National Association of Productivity & Organizing Professionals (NAPO). We professional organizers and productivity experts celebrate how NAPO members work to improve the lives of our clients and audiences by helping create environments that support productivity, health, and well-being. What better way to start the year than creating systems and skills, spaces and attitudes — all to foster a better way of living?!

To start GO Month, today’s I’m echoing Gretchen Rubin’s 24 for ’24 theme that I mentioned recently, and offering you 24 ways to move yourself toward a more organized and productive life in 2024. There are 23 weekdays in January this year, so if you’re feeling aspirational and want to conquer all of these, you can even take the weekends off as the last item is a thinking task rather than a doing task.

I broke these organizing and productivity achievements down by category, but there’s no particular order in which you need to approach them, and certainly you don’t need to accomplish every one on the list, in January or even all year. Jump in and get started — some only take a few minutes.

PUT LAST YEAR AWAY

1) Make many happy returns! 

Did you know that shoppers will return $173 billion in merchandise by the end of January? Chances are good that you (or someone for whom you oversee such things) got gifts that need to be returned.

Don’t put it off. The longer you wait, the more clutter will build up in your space, and the more likely you will be to suffer clutter-blindness until the return period has expired. Most stores have extended return policies during the holidays, but they can range upward from 30, depending on whether you have a gift receipt.

The Krazy Coupon Lady blog reviews the 2024 return deadlines for major retailers. She notes that you’ll get your refunds faster by returning items to the brick & mortar stores rather than shipping them back. You’ll also save money, because some online retailers charge a restocking fee

2) Purge your holiday cards.

While tangible greeting are getting fewer and farther between, you probably still got a stack. Reread them one last time, and then LET THEM GO. 

Did Hallmark or American Greetings do the heavy lifting, and the senders just signed their names? Toss them into the recycling bin. Paper Doll‘s grants you permission to only save cards with messages that are personal or resonant.

If they don’t make you cry, laugh, or go, “Ohhhhh,” don’t let them turn into the clutter you and your professional organizer will have to toss out years from now when you’re trying to downsize to a smaller home! It’s a holiday message, not a historical document; you don’t transcribe your holiday phone conversations and keep them forever, right?

The same goes for photos of other people’s families. You don’t have to be the curator of the museum of other people’s family history; let them do that.

3) Update your contacts.

Before you toss those cards, check the return addresses on the envelopes and update the information in your own contacts app, spreadsheet, or address book.

Next, delete the entries for people you’ll never contact again — that ex (who belongs in the past), that boss who used to call you about work stuff on weekends (ditto), people who are no longer in your life, and those who are no longer on this mortal coil.

If you don’t recognize the name of someone in your contacts, Google them or check LinkedIn (is it your mom’s doctor? your mechanic?) and if you still don’t know who it is, you’re obviously not going to be calling or texting them. Worst case scenario, if they text you, you can type back, “New phone, who dis?”

BOX UP YOUR INBOXES

4) Delete (most of) your old voicemails.

How often do you return a call only to hear, “The voicemail box is full and is not accepting messages. Please try again later.” When someone calls you and requests you call them back but their voicemail is full, it’s frustrating because it makes more labor for you.

Do you assume that it’s a cell phone and text them? (I believe texting strangers without permission is a breach of etiquette.) Plan to call back later? Assume that they’ll see the missed call and get back to you, starting another round of phone tag? ARGH!

Dial in to your voicemail and start deleting. Save phone numbers for anyone you’ll need to contact and log anything you may need to follow up on. But unless you’re saving a voicemail for legal purposes or because you can see yourself sitting in an airport, listening to a loved one’s message over and over (cue sappy rom-com music), delete old voicemails.

If you’ve got a landline, clear that voicemail. If you’ve still got an answering machine, how’s the weather in 1997? Yeah, delete old messages.

Smith.ai has a great blog post on how to download important voicemails (from a wide variety of phone platforms) to an audio file. Stop cluttering your voicemail inbox!

5) Clear Your Email Inboxes

Start by sorting your inbox by sender and deleting anything that’s advertising or old newsletters. If you haven’t acted on it by now, free yourself from inbox clutter! Delete! Then conquer email threads, like about picking meeting times (especially if those meetings were in the past).

Photo by 84 Video on Unsplash

Take a few minutes at the end of each day to delete a chunk of old emails. To try a bolder approach, check out a classic Paper Doll post from 2009, A Different Kind of Bankruptcy, on how to declare email bankruptcy.

6) Purge all of your other tangible and digital inboxes.

Evernote has a default inbox; if you don’t designate into which folder a saved note should go, your note goes somewhere like Paper Doll‘s Default Folder. Lots of your note-taking and other project apps have default storage that serves as holding pens. Read through what you’ve collected — sort by date and focus on the recent items first — and either file in the right folders or hit delete! 

Walk around your house or office and find all the places you tend to plop paper down. Get it in one pile. (Set aside anything you’ll absolutely need in the next few days to safeguard it.) Take 10 minutes a day to purge, sort, and file away those random pieces of paper so that you always know where they are.

HIT THE PAPER TRAIL

7) Embrace being a VIP about your VIPs.

You need your Very Important Papers for all sorts of Very Important Reasons. If the last few years have proven anything, it’s that life is unpredictable, so we need to find ways to make things as predictable and dependable as possible.

Yes, putting together essential paperwork isn’t fun. It’s boring. But you want it to be boring. The more boring your vital documents are, the more it means there will be no surprises for your loved ones in troubling times (like during and after an illness, after a death, while recovering possessions after a natural disaster) or even when you’re just trying to accomplish something like getting on an airplane.

Start with these posts, then make a list of any document you already have (and where it is), and another list of what you need to create, and plan meetings with your family and a trusted advisor to set things in motion.

How to Replace and Organize 7 Essential Government Documents

How to Create, Organize, and Safeguard 5 Essential Legal and Estate Documents

The Professor and Mary Ann: 8 Other Essential Documents You Need To Create

Paper Doll’s Ultimate Guide to Getting a Document Notarized

Paper Doll’s Ultimate Guide to Legally Changing Your Name

A New VIP: A Form You Didn’t Know You Needed

8) Create your tax prep folder now so you’ll be ready for April 15th.

Do you toss non-urgent mail on top of the microwave? Might those important 1099s and 1098s and 1095-A and W-2s get lost? Don’t lose deductions, pay more taxes, or get in trouble with the IRS!

By the end of January, you’ll start getting tax documents in the mail. Pop them in a folder in your financial files or in a dedicated holder like the Smead All-in-One Income Tax Organizer.

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Nothing will get lost and you’ll be able to see your accountant (or get into your tax prep software) sooner, saving time and money (in CPA dollar-hours and tax deductions).

SANITIZE WHAT YOU DIGITIZE

9) Delete the apps you never use.

Yes, really. This is even easier than donating possessions you never use, because you can always re-download the apps if you suddenly need them. 

Delete the apps you never use. This is even easier than donating or tossing possessions you never use, because you can always re-download the apps if you suddenly need them.  Share on X

Start with the apps you used the least often (or never). To see the last time you used an app on iOS (for iPhone or iPad), follow this path: Settings>General > iPhone (or iPad) Storage. There are a few different ways to check app usage on Android devices. If you haven’t used an app much, delete it. If you’ve used it TOO much, move the icon to a secondary screen so you’ll be less tempted by it.

10) Unsubscribe to all of those emails trying to sell you stuff.

In August, I bought one thing at Lane Bryant (prompted by my colleague Danielle Carney, who has impeccable taste), but generally, their clothing doesn’t fit me. When I clicked the unsubscribe link, it offered me an option of getting only one email a week. FIB!!! This holiday season, they sent me up to five emails a day!

A pair of eyeglass frames I liked from EyeBuyDirect was out of stock, so I added my name to a list to be notified if they returned to the inventory. In the month afterward, I got at least three emails a day. 

Type “unsubscribe” in your email’s search box and you’ll find newsletters and sales emails. Scroll to the bottom to find tiny links to their unsubscribe pages. Don’t be tempted by their scorned romantic partner act. Buy things when you need and want them, not when advertising (and that’s what this email is!) inveigles you to do it! You can always sign up again to get discount codes (and the unsubscribe after your purchase!

Buy things when you need and want them, not when advertising (and that's what this email is!) inveigles you to do it! You can always sign up again to get discount codes (and the unsubscribe after your purchase! Share on X

11) Close the browser tabs.

Your hard drive is exhausted by the oodles of tabs you’ve had open for days, weeks, months. Your phone is pooped, too.

Plan time to read your open browser tabs or store them (with a bookmark or in Evernote/OneNote/Notes). If you know you’ll never look at a stored link, why would you look at a perpetually open tab? Read it, or text the link to a friend who will read it and tell all about what you need to know.

And, honestly, close the tabs in your brain. Whether it takes therapy or a good vacation, let go of the ruminations and recriminations that haunted you last year. Ban brain clutter!

PERK UP YOUR PLANNING

12) Pick a planning system that works for you.

Are you a paper person? If you don’t have a planner that will make sure you honor all of your commitments, buy a planner today. Consider these three guidelines:

  • You need a month-at-a-glance view. Daily and weekly views don’t offer enough long-range details to let you plan your life over time.
  • You need enough space for you to write. Paper planners force people with messy/loopy handwriting to stay within limits but show vital details. Digital calendars tend to hide most of the details until you click through. (Will you always remember to click through?)
  • You need ONE planner for your business and personal appointments. If one calendar has your medical appointments and your kids’ schedules, and another has work obligations, you’ll never protect against recitals or games conflicting with your big presentation. (Yes, digital calendars like Google’s have an advantage; with one click, you can layer or remove different calendar views.)

Organizing your life starts with the ability to visualize your time. Stick with any method that works for you, but if digital has come up short for you, going analog will help you see the forest AND the trees. 

13) Update every detail in your planner for the entire year.

Filling in January isn’t enough. Assuming you’ll remember that you always have a specific meeting on the fourth Tuesday of the month is a recipe for disaster the first time you schedule something when you’re sleepy or cranky or ill.

  • Go through last year’s planner and copy over everything that recurs on the same dates (like birthdays and anniversaries).
  • Add in the things that happened last year and are already scheduled to happen again, but not on the same dates (like conferences, work retreats, mammograms, medical appointments, etc.).
  • Use last year’s calendar to prompt you to make a list of everything you need to schedule or add to your long-range tasks, like setting an sit-down with your CPA or scheduling medical appointments. 

14) Refresh your commitment to your planning system…daily.

If you’re so overwhelmed that you forget to check your planner (or to write down appointments in the first place), upgrade your accountability:

  • Set an alarm on your phone to ring at around 4:45 p.m. daily to remind you to check your calendar and tickler file for the next day and the coming week.

  • Have an assistant? Schedule time each day to review revised appointments and obligations.
  • Hold weekly family meetings to make sure every appointment and school pick-up is covered.
  • Schedule your next appointments before leaving anyplace you visit intermittently (dentist, massage therapist, hairdresser) — but only if you have your calendar with you. Otherwise, have them follow up. Never agree to any date without your planner nearby.

CONTROL YOUR MONEY, HONEY!

15) Wall off your wallet from clutter.

Clutter in your wallet keeps you from realizing how much money you’re really spending. It’s hard to be intentional if your wallet is full of old receipts, ATM slips, and gift cards you’ve forgotten you own.

Purge, then inventory everything you decide to keep in your wallet. Now gather info on your license, insurance cards, and debit/credit cards. Empty your wallet, and line up your cards in two columns. Either place them on your printer to scan/photo copy them or take a snapshot with your phone; be sure to flip each card over in the same position, and capture the backs. Password-protect the document and keep it safe and handy.

If you have to do multiple sets of columns stacks, you may have too much in your wallet. Consider keeping loyalty cards in your phone’s digital wallet (like Apple Pay) or use stores’ apps. You’ll be able to scan a QR code in lieu of a tangible card.

16) Cash in your coins.

Do you have piles of coins next to your bed, in a jar the laundry room, in your coat pockets, and at the bottom of your bag? It weighs you down (literally) and wastes financial potential. If you’ve got kids, let them roll the coins and take them to the bank, giving them a cut. (Make sure they wash their hands afterwards.) Or, take it to a Coinstar machine or a credit union that accepts counts coins for free.

Photo by Pixabay  

If you find foreign coins in your pile and you won’t be headed back to that local, donate them to UNICEF’s Change for Good program the next time you fly one of their partner airlines.

17) Get the big picture.

Let 2023 be the year you figure out what’s going on with your money. As your bills and statements come in, make a list of all of your credit cards, loans, and other debts, as well as their balances and interest rates. Seeing it in black and white in one place is the first step toward taking organizing your financial future.

PRESERVE YOUR LEGACY

18) Preserve and secure preserve your photos.

Do you have print photos that would be lost in case of a fire or flood because you don’t have the negatives (or store them with the photos)? Would digital photos on your phone be lost if your phone got smushed or stolen? You need backup!

Contact a NAPO member who specializes in organizing photos, or visit The Photo Managers to find experts who can help you safeguard your photo history.

And because I can’t speak highly enough of it, read What’s a Photo Without the Story? How to Create Your Family Legacy by my colleague Hazel Thornton.

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(See my review, here.)

19) Secure your digital assets and your digital legacy.

I know you don’t want to hear it — but you need to back things up. If your computer crashes (or an asteroid crashes through your roof and right onto your computer), you need to have backups of important stuff of work and life. First read this: 

Paper Doll’s Ultimate Stress-Free Backup Plan

If it stresses you out, reach out to a professional organizer who specializes in organizing technology who can walk you through each step.

That takes care of the info as long as you need to access it. But what if your loved ones need to access your digital assets after you’ve reached a higher plane of ascendancy? I’ve got you covered. 

Paper Doll Explains Digital Social Legacy Account Management

How to Create Your Apple & Google Legacy Contacts


So far, we’ve hit your paper, your money, your time, and your digital life. But what about YOU? Sometimes, the hardest part of getting organized and productive is getting out of our own way. 

20) Declare bankruptcy on clutter debt. 

Holding onto something just because you spent money on it, or because it was a gift, or because you feel guilty letting it go doesn’t make it any more valuable or useful; it just ends of costing you time (dusting or caring for it), space (that you could use for more important things), or money (spent on dry-cleaning or storage rental).

Holding onto something just because you spent money on it, or because it was a gift, or because you feel guilty letting it go doesn't make it any more valuable or useful; it just ends of costing you time, space, or money. Free up the… Share on X

Give yourself permission to declare bankruptcy on the “debt” of clothing that doesn’t fit, unread books and magazines, or charitable contribution requests that aren’t your vibe. Quit clubs you don’t enjoy. Resign from volunteer positions that don’t fulfill you. Whether it’s clutter in your space, schedule, or psyche, declare bankruptcy and move on!

21) Invite support and accountability.

It can be hard to ask for help, but nobody gets to the top of the mountain alone.

We aren’t just experts in organizing stuff, but in helping you figure out how best to organize your ways of thinking and living. As a Certified Professional Organizer®, I guide and support my clients as they surmount obstacles, make difficult decisions, and develop new skills and systems. 

22) Take care of yourself.

We’ve talked about the importance of taking breaks as short as 20 seconds and as long as vacations. Revisit Take a Break — How Breaks Improve Health and Productivity and Take a Break for Productivity — The International Perspective to get some ideas on how to prevent burnout.

Then check out The Good Trade‘s 99 Inexpensive Self-Care Ideas For Your New Year

23) Figure out what you want to do once you feel more organized and productive.

In Toss Old Socks, Pack Away 2023, and Adjust Your Attitude for 2024, I got you started on ways to do your annual review and figure out what you want your life to look like. I used Bing Image Creator to help me design a photo representing something I ultimately want — brunch in Tuscany!

These 99 Reflection Questions To Ask Yourself For Personal Growth (also from The Good Trade) range from daily self-checkins to incredible (and life-affirming) stretches. If you read only one (non-Paper Doll) reference in this post, let it be this one. 

24) Let go of the need to be perfect.

Being organized isn’t about aesthetics. Being productive isn’t about doing more things. It’s all about making life easier. 

Drop-kick the guilt and negative self-talk. Living rooms in home and garden magazines aren’t real — those rooms were specially designed and curated to look “perfect.” Supermodels on magazine covers are airbrushed and photoshopped. The colleague who got the corner office may have three week’s of unwashed dishes in their kitchen sinks, or might have stayed up all night to finish that presentation. Stop comparing your life to everyone else’s highlight reels.

I’m not a sports person. I call basketball “squeaky floor ball.” However, I’ve been fascinated by Giannis Antetokounmpo ever since I saw him interviewed on 60 Minutes. The wisdom this young man applies to sports is exactly how I hope you’ll think of your approach to getting organized and being more productive.

GO Month is about getting organized, step-by step. You have the rest of 2024 to work on staying organized.
 

Posted on: November 6th, 2023 by Julie Bestry | 14 Comments

Too many open tabs cause stress and decrease your productivity. But what if you could boost your productivity right from your browser tab?

HOW TO BE A GOOD GOBLIN

For most of us above a certain age, the word “goblin” means a mischievous troll or gnome-like fictional creature, or perhaps the supervillain Green Goblin. However, younger Millennials and GenZ have coined an alternate meaning of the term as a “type of behavior which is unapologetically self-indulgent, lazy, slovenly, or greedy, typically in a way that rejects social norms or expectations.”

You’ll most often hear this in regard to someone saying they are operating in “goblin mode,” a term that became Oxford Language’s 2022 word of the year, a status designated as one that captures “the ethos, mood, or preoccupations of the past twelve months!” 

The concept of goblin mode was that as everyone was coming out from hiding after the initial shutdown period in the pandemic, people were increasingly turning their back on expectations to return to the former status quo of overwork and social media-curated appearances of perfection.

Aside from a focus on eating comfort foods and living in cozy clothes, there’s an aspect of goblin mode that calls for finding hacks to make life and work less stressful or toxic. It was in researching the term that I originally found this first intriguing web site.

Goblin.Tools is a free suite of simple, browser-based, single-task tools. (If you’d prefer to use Goblin.Tools as a mobile app rather than in your browser, it’s also available for iOS and Android for $0.99, and you can install it as web app to use on a computer, outside of your browser.) It was created by Bram De Buyser, a Belgian freelance software engineer and cloud architect.

In terms of aesthetics, it’s bare-bones except for offering a dark mode option — just toggle between sun and moon icons — but when you’re aiming for productivity, keeping distracting features at bay is a plus!

Originally, Goblin.Tools was designed to help neurodivergent people with tasks that they found overwhelming or difficult, and it has become a go-to resource among younger people with autism and ADHD. However, over the course of this year, it caught the attention of so many mainstream newsletters and blogs that it seemed like I was getting almost daily news about it, and colleagues, including Hazel Thornton, were spreading the word.

While it’s particularly designed to assist people who are neurodiverse, it seems like it’s appropriate for anyone overwhelmed by various “adulting” tasks and the emotional load of accomplishing them. 

Goblin.Tools uses artificial intelligence (currently backed by OpenAI‘s models), but you don’t need to understand how AI works to make use of them; if you know how to type and use Google, you’ll feel right at home. (If OpenAI sounds familiar, it’s because it’s the company that developed ChatGPT.)

That said, as with everything in AI (just like with most things you read on the internet), take the advice with a grain of salt. (For a hint as to why, read Hazel’s An “Interview” with ChatGPT in which I have a cameo.)

Goblin.Tools currently has six tools:

Magic ToDo 

Magic ToDo starts out like typical to-do list, but it’s designed to conquer your overwhelm by breaking down a project into smaller tasks. A huge source of overwhelm when facing a project, whether large (finding a new job, writing a term paper, buying a house) or comparatively small (making dinner, cleaning the house) is translating the size and vagueness into distinct tasks.

Magic ToDo in Dark Mode in iOS

  • Type (or dictate) a task in the “Add new item” box, and click on the plus sign, and the AI breaks down your one entry into many steps without any input from you.
  • Click on the magic wand icon associated with any step, and it similarly breaks that step or task down into smaller tasks. Lather, rinse, repeat.
  • Click on the three-dot/arrow-down button for any task line and it gives you the options to estimate the time the task will take. Often, fear of the enormity of a task keeps people from getting started, but a simple reality check can make each step less daunting.

The three-dot/arrow-down button also lets you edit the words used to describe the task. This is great for customizing names, contexts, project titles, etc., so that you can take Goblin.Tools’ Magic ToDo suggestions and build on them to create the level of specificity that provides the clarity — and the activation energy — you require to get started.

Additionally, from this button, you can manually add subtasks (in case the AI doesn’t know everything you need to do) or delete an entire task if you realize it’s not necessary. If you start to edit a line, you’ll be supplied with two more icons: approve the changes by clicking the green check; cancel by clicking the red X.

The whole app is so simple and intuitive that it took you longer to read those last few paragraphs than it will to feel completely at ease using the features.

I simply wrote “Write a blog post” and Magic ToDo provided the rest.

Magic ToDo in Light Mode in the Browser

  • On the top item line, you’ll see three hot peppers ???. Clicking that icon reveals a sliding “spiciness”  scale to allow you to tell the tool how hard or stressful you find the task. The spicier the task, the more baby-steps into which the tool will attempt to break it.
  • Expand or collapse top level tasks by clicking an arrow to the left of the first sub-task. Mark a top-level task or sub-task complete by clicking the check box next to the title.
  • Re-order top-level tasks or individual tasks sub-tasks by dragging and dropping the “column of dots” icon. 

Below your whole to-do list are global-acton icons for dealing with all of your top-level tasks and subtasks. On the left side, the Sync button (still an experimental feature) allows you to log in and synchronize across your devices, and the Share button lets you save to an already existing file, upload a file, copy to a clipboard, print, or export to either a ToDoist or iCal file.

On the lower right, the Filter feature lets you filter one or more categories or hide all completed items. There are undo and re-do icons in case you make a booboo, and the hammer icon allows you to make global changes to all of your lists, like estimating all tasks or clearing all estimates, marking all tasks as not yet completed, clearing all completed tasks, and clearing all of your tasks entirely. 

Formalizer

Formalizer rephrases whatever text you write and restates it in the style most appropriate for your audience (your 72-year-old Grandpa, your Lieutenant Colonel, your teen daughter, your evil boss) without changing the meaning. The style options are:

  • more professional
  • more polite
  • less snarky
  • easier to read
  • more formal
  • more informal
  • more sociable (waffle)
  • more to the point (unwaffle)
  • less emotional
  • more passionate
  • more sarcastic

Formalizer in Light Mode in iOS

You can also set it to rewrite your text in bullet points, and you can even choose to highlight and change a single word in Thesaurus Mode, in case the issue isn’t your whole message but just one troubling word.

As with Magic To Do, there’s a spiciness setting to help the AI understand the gradation of how much text to be written in a particular style. 

You can repeatedly hit the “Convert” button to achieve the response you want. Once it’s perfect, click the icon at the bottom right to copy the text to a clipboard and paste it into your text, email, schoolwork, or report. 

Let’s say I’m a harried parent, just trying to get my teens or far-flung college kids or recent grads to take Thanksgiving festivities a little more seriously:

Formalizer in Light Mode in the Browser

This is a great tool for GenZ folks who tend to write in text-speak but want to communicate in a more adult way to professors or supervisors. Similarly, if you’re a Boomer teacher with a class full of GenAlpha tweeners, this might help you better connect with them.

Judge

Have you ever received a text from someone and not been able to tell from the tone whether the writer is being a rhymes-with-witch or is just being briskly straight to the point? Judge is designed to help the user figure out the emotional content of a piece of text to see how it would be perceived by a neutral party. (Maybe your mother-in-law is being a rhyme-with-witch, but both your spouse and your BFF are likely to be biased.)

Copy a block of text into the Judge tool, click “Judge” and it will evaluate the actual words and formality of the text to help determine the author’s tonal intent.

While this is intended to help neuro-diverse users better qualify “tone,” I sense that AI is most likely to under-deliver here. Neurotypical friends and family members may use teasing and slang in a way that the Judge feature considers rude and disrespectful, not recognizing that a writer may use formal language but be passive-aggressive.

Estimator

Subtitled “Just tell me how long this is probably gonna take,” this feature is available as a stand-alone or as part of Magic ToDo.

Type or dictate your task, add the “spiciness” to tell the AI how hard it will be for you to focus or how physically difficult the task is, and it will estimate how long the task should take. When you have a sense of how long a task really will take, you may be less likely to procrastinate on beginning.

If the task looms too large, head over to the Magic ToDo section to get help breaking the task down into smaller bites.

Compiler

If the Magic ToDo requires too much thinking and planning for you, the Compiler is a cheat sheet. The section is subtitled, “Compile my braindump into a list of tasks” and you literally just write down (or dictate) whatever’s on your mind. 

As with all of the elements of the Goblin.Tools suite, you can type or dictate, but here’s where just unhinging your jaw and saying whatever comes to mind is best. Look around your room or your desk and just start saying whatever you remember you have to do (or pretend you’re leaving a rambling voicemail for your best friend), and then click “Turn into tasks.” Through the magic of AI, the app knows to focus on the actions verbs and creates a bullet (though unsortable) list.

Compiler in Dark Mode in Browser

At the bottom, click “Send Result to the Magic ToDo” and with a few clicks (and without having typed anything), you now have a fleshed out to-do list that you can drag-and-drop to sort and ease your motivation.

The Chef

There are all sorts of apps into which you can list off the ingredients you have on hand and have it spit out recipes; I covered a bunch of them in Calm Cooking Chaos (Part 3): Organize With Recipe Apps, and even Google can do it.

However, this is fast and painless — and on-task for someone overwhelmed by adulting and already using Goblin.Tools. 

List your available ingredients, but you can also mention any dietary constraints (vegetarian, vegan, diabetic, low-sodium, etc.), the number of portions or serving sizes you want, the equipment options (are you a no-oven college student? an all-the-gadgets suburbanite?), and the time you have available. Click the “Suggest” button and it’ll give you just one recipe (so as not to overwhelm you).

I don’t cook much (or well), so the ingredients in my kitchen are pretty random, but after I took two minutes to type the things most people would recognize as meal ingredients, Goblin.Tools invented a recipe for a creamy Italian pasta salad that I could (and would) actually make!

The Chef results can also be sent to Magic ToDo at the click of a button for those needing step-by-step cooking support.

If you know (or are) someone who gets overwhelmed by tasks or spends too much time trying to differentiate tone, Goblin.Tools is definitely worth checking out.

FOCUS ON WHAT’S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW

Right Now is barely what you could call an app. It’s a big, almost-blank, page in your browser designed to keep you focused on what you’re supposed to be doing right now.

Developed by Charlie Park, it reminds me of what I heard Alan P. Brown of ADD Crusher say at a NAPO conference years ago: “There are only three things. There’s what I’m doing now. There’s important stuff that’s not what I’m doing now. And there’s BS that’s not what I’m doing now.”

Park’s Right Now is for reminding you of what you are supposed to be doing right now when you are tempted to distract yourself at the computer.

When you go to the Right Now page, in large letters at the top, it says, “Right now:” in almost 3/4-inch-high black type. Then there’s a huge expanse of white space in which you write whatever it is you’re supposed to be doing. 

There’s no formatting; you can’t change the font or font size, or make your text bold or italics, or highlight anything in a different color. (You can, at least on a Mac, click Command-Z to undo.) But the thing is, it doesn’t really matter what it looks like ON the page. That’s because Right Now takes those initial words you’ve written and puts it in the browser tab

Sure, you can use the page as a place to outline what you want to be working on, just as you could do on a piece of paper or in Evernote. The whole page is available to you, and you can scroll downward pretty much continuously. Write your Great American Novel in the window, if you like.

But the point is the browser TAB. When you get distracted on the web and go to click the plus sign to do something in a new tab, or you click on a link in a web page or document and it pops open a new browser tab, your eye will naturally be drawn upward to the tabs.

And you’ll see, in the Right Now tab, not the URL charliepark.org/rightnow, but the words YOU typed regarding what you’re supposed to be doing. The browser tab label will update dynamically with whatever you write at the top of the Right Now page, so you’ll immediately see what you’ve written to yourself. So, when I write at the top of Right Now:

my tab goes from:

to:

So, the smart thing is that whatever you decide to write on Right Now, definitely make the first words actionable, in verb-noun form. Like, “Research hotels” or “Write History Paper.” 

The minute you get distracted on the web, you’ll look up to the tab line, see what you’re supposed to be doing RIGHT NOW and you’ll do that wow-I-coulda-had-a-V8 smack and get back to work.

At the bottom of of the page, it says, “Right Now is a tool for simple, temporary, notetaking” and there’s a link to a pop-up for how it’s supposed to work. You can click “(hide)” to make this bottom-of-the-page material disappear; as far as I can tell, the only way to bring it back is to reload the browser page.

Park cautions that notes will not be saved. However, I found that refreshing the page keeps my notes as written, as did closing the app in the browser and then opening it again. Opening in a different browser (say, Chrome vs. Safari) gave me a fresh screen. Your mileage may vary.

Right Now is free; just pull it up in your browser and close the tab when you’re done.

CALM YOURSELF WHEN YOU HAVE TOO MANY OPEN TABS

What’s your default “Home” tab in your browser, the one that opens when you go to a new tab? Is it a search engine? A social media site? A news provider? When you’re working, does your Home tab ever distract you?

CalmTab turns your browser’s “new tab” page into a two-fold productivity tool.

On the left half of the screen, there’s a Zen breathing box. A tiny green ball works its way slowly in a clockwise fashion around the curve-cornered box.

Meanwhile, in the center of the box, timed to move in concert with the exterior ball reaching each corner, a larger green ball gently nudges the participant to inhale, hold, exhale, and hold.

The larger center ball increases and decreases in size as you inhale or exhale (as the smaller ball moves along the horizontal planes of the box) and maintains size when you are to hold your breath (as the smaller ball moves along the vertical planes of the box). 

On the right side of the screen, there’s a Pomodoro-like time tracker (though you are not limited to a strict 25-minute Pomodoro). 

  • Type a task and state how long you want to work on it.
  • Click the plus sign to lock the task in, and the task (again, think: verb-noun) will appear at the top of the element, with the amount of time you’ve scheduled to work on it listed below. Add as many tasks as you want, but only the one you’re focused on right now will be listed at the top. Calm Tab will list the total time you’ve made available to work on your tasks down below the three action-oriented buttons.
    • Click the button with the white arrow (like a “play” button on a video) to start the counter and get to work. Once you’re working, it turns to a pause button (though, strictly speaking Pomodoro rules say you have to go back to the start if you’re interrupted during a Pomodoro).
    • Click the refresh button to give yourself another round (of the same duration for that same task).
    • Click the checkbox to tell Calm Tab you’ve completed the task, and it will move to the next item in line.

When you’ve completed a task, Calm Tab strikes through the words the task, but you can also click an X to delete it from your list, either as you go, or at the end of your work block.

There are three minimalist global controls at the top of the page. Click to toggle the audio alert (when you’re time’s up) on or off, and toggle the sun or moon to switch from light to dark mode.

There’s also an eye icon; by default, the eye is open and you see the entire page as shown above. Click to close the eye, and tab goes blank except for the three icons at the top. This prevents being distracted by the breathing motion of the left side of the screen and the countdown timer on the right. Toggling the display off also protects your task list from prying eyes.

You can install Calm Tab on an unlimited number of devices. As long as you’re logged into your Google account (or whatever Google account you’ve used when installing the Chrome doohickey), you’ll have it available.

Calm Tab’s developer, Pere Ayats, is working on other features for the future, including a website blocker (to help maintain concentration), a bookmarks manager, a minimalist habit tracker, and simple usage analytics (to help you identify your work patterns and distraction tendencies). 

The Calm Tab extension is free, but only available for Chrome. (Of course, this means you have to know how to add an extension to your Chrome set-up.) 

I wish you could customize Calm Tab’s color scheme. I don’t love green (though it’s more appealing in dark mode), and would love to be able to select my own color. 

Though I’m more of a Safari user, on high-stress at-my-desk days, I’ve found myself really appreciating Calm Tab’s Zen breathing box. 


I’m a huge fan of free productivity resources that work right in the browser. Would you try any of these? Do you have any similar recommendations? 

Posted on: October 23rd, 2023 by Julie Bestry | 16 Comments

RECAPPING THE IMPORTANCE OF TAKING A BREAK

Last week, in Take a Break — How Breaks Improve Health and Productivity, we looked at the key benefits of taking breaks in helping us improve our mental and physical well-being as well as achieve our goals. These included:

  • Enhanced physical health
  • Reduced stress
  • Increased energy and motivation
  • Improved focus, memory, and concentration
  • Prevention of decision fatigue
  • Enhanced creativity and problem-solving

We also examined the various durations of breaks and their relative advantages for different purposes, from the teeny 20–20–20 breaks to prevent eyestrain (every 20 minutes of screen time, look away from the screen and focus on something at least 20 feet away for at least 20 seconds) to the quick breaks as we transition between meetings or tasks.

We looked extensively at the medium-length work breaks we often fail to indulge in (but need so much to refresh our bodies, brains, and spirits). Breaks benefiting the body include time taken for meals and snacks, resting and napping, walking, and even dancing, while pauses that improve mental function and emotional well-being include meditation or mindfulness, time spent in nature, and breaks for doing creative things, appreciating some aspect of life or culture, and socializing.

And, of course, breaks extend all the way to full vacations. 

A SIDEBAR (SIDE TRIP?) FOR VACATIONS

Did you know that the longer a vacation is, the better it is for you, but only up to a certain duration? The average American worker is entitled to about 16 days of paid leave (combining holiday and vacation days), though we should note that about a quarter of workers get no paid leave at all!

Americans have a habit of trying glom vacation days onto long holiday weekends to try to pack month’s worth of need rest and relaxation into four days. While any break break is better than none, such short vacations fail to provide substantive recuperative benefits. Worse, according to a Pew Research Center Survey, 46% of U.S. workers who do get paid time off take less than they are allowed.

The reasons for workers shorting themselves time off vary and overlap: 52% don’t recognize the need, 49% worry that they will fall behind (and reap negative repercussions, including angering supervisors, risking their prospects for advancement (or even risking their jobs), and 43% feel guilty about their workload having to be handled by co-workers taking on additional work.

With all of these reasons not to take vacation, the counter-argument is obvious in the Harvard Business Review piece, You’re Never Going to Be “Caught Up” At work. Stop Feeling Guilty About It. Work keeps coming!

© United States Postal Service

I always tell my clients that not only is Inbox: Zero largely a fallacy, so is Laundry Basket: Zero. Unless you decide to stop sending email or your family members all become nudists, it all keeps coming. We’re humans, not robots, and can do only so much. So, as the article says, we must practice self-compassion, focus on our accomplishments rather than our shortfalls, and use mindfulness.

Don’t guilt yourself into trying to accomplish an inhumane amount of work, and go back to last week’s post to see why you need to take breaks!

Finally, the Pew study didn’t take into account self-employed workers. We have our own reasons for not taking vacations; primarily, if we’re not working, we’re not earning, and without the predictability of a paycheck (and with the fear of clients forgetting we exist if we aren’t there to answer the phone), we’re hesitant.

But we all need vacation breaks for the same reasons we need those multiple daily breaks — to keep us physically and emotionally healthy, mentally sharp, and productive.

So how long should a vacation be?

According to a study published in the Journal of Happiness Studies, the ideal length of a vacation is approximately eight days. Researchers found that happiness levels rise over the first few days of vacation (as individuals acclimate to fewer stressful demands and the greater opportunity to sleep in those cushy hotel beds that they don’t have to make up themselves).

As physical and mental distance between work and vacation life expands, happiness peaks on the eighth day.

However, eventually the sense of well-being that comes from vacation starts to taper off, and by day eleven significantly drops. In order to get the most recuperative benefits of a vacation, researchers encourage taking multiple vacations spaced throughout the work year, ideally lasting between seven and 11 days. 

A less academically stringent poll of 1000 respondents by Insider.com found that workers who took an average of 13 days off each year were satisfied and felt they took the “right amount” of time off, while those who wished they had taken more time off took an average of 10 days off. And, interestingly, people who said they took too much used an average of 14 days. (I suspect that’s where guilt starts to set in.)

Obviously, what you do with your vacation matters; you’re far more likely to be bored on day 12 of a staycation in snowy Detroit in January than on the same day of a two-week trip to Italy. Ask me how I know!

Day 12 in Venice, September 2018

Multiple 7-to-11-day vacations throughout the year? What did I say about a quarter of Americans not getting any paid leave at all? We might want to consider the health and productivity benefits of vacation trends around the world.

First, the European Union guarantees four paid weeks off annually. Beyond that:

  • France — French labor law mandates a minimum of 30 working days of paid leave for employees.
  • Finland — Finnish labor law also stipulates a minimum of 30 working days of paid vacation per year for employees.
  • Austria — Austrian labor law guarantees a minimum of 25 working days of paid annual leave.
  • Denmark — Danish labor law provides for a minimum of 25 working days of paid vacation.
  • Germany — German labor law ensures a minimum of 24 working days of paid leave, which can increase based on the collective bargaining agreements and the length of service for an employee.
  • Spain — Spanish labor law provides for a minimum of 22 working days of paid leave, with additional days for particular circumstances such as marriage, relocation, or special personal events.

It’s not just Europe. Brazilian labor law guarantees a minimum of 30 consecutive days of paid annual leave for workers, which can be split into three periods, one of which must be no less than 14 consecutive days! Panamanians get 30 days of paid vacation each year, on top of 10 paid holidays, while workers in India get 18 vacation days a year along with an additional 7 days of “casual leave,” totaling 25 paid (non-holiday) days each year.

But yes, Europeans in particular know how to take recuperative breaks. But what about those medium-length breaks we discussed last week, time taken out of our daily work grind, perhaps mid-morning, mid-day, or during the afternoon? 

INTERNATIONAL TAKES ON BREAKS

Let’s look abroad to see what practices and rituals we might borrow, emulate, or at least appreciate from our international friends to successfully take pauses that refresh us.

Obviously acceptance (and formalization) of these practices vary by workplace and cultural context. Nonetheless, the significance lies in how these practices can promote work-life balance, foster true social connections, and/or enhance overall well-being and productivity.

BREAKS FOR REST

Siesta 

Most of us are well-acquainted with the Spanish and Latin American tradition of siestas or afternoon naps, even if we’ve only learned of it from old movies or novels. A siesta is generally practiced as a nap (or at least rest) break after the mid-day meal, generally lunch.

Historically, the ritual of a siesta was practiced by rural workers to combat the effects of heat and bright sun in warm-climate regions. As the world became increasingly urbanized in the 20th century, the tradition of the siesta began to decline, to mixed results. While many workplaces have eliminated the option of time for a siesta, others have preserved the concept of a two-hour lunch break as a cultural tradition.

Indeed, those who have embraced the extended lunch (whether workers use it for sleep or just mental recovery) find that not only do employees benefit from being able to recharge and improve their work-life balance, but that workplace productivity increases for the latter part of the workday.

The value of a siesta has seen bit of a resurgence. In 2015, the mayor of the municipality of Ador, Valencia in Spain proclaimed a state-sanctioned right to an afternoon nap between 2 p.m. and 5 p.m. The edict was, in part, a way to guarantee that employers recognize that manual laborers and agricultural works could take breaks when high temperatures peaked. But the proclamation also encouraged residents to return home to nap, and requested that parents keep their children indoors and that workers refrain from making undue noise.

In 2017, Madrid saw the opening of Spain’s first nap bar in Azca, the Spanish capital’s financial district. Because most city workers can’t get home during the post-lunch afternoon slump, the nap bar provides private rooms (for about 14 Euro (~$14.81/hour) as well as shared rooms with bunk beds 10 Euros (~$10.58)/hour. 

They also offer study nooks and cozy chairs, and if you want a shorter nap/rest time, you can book by the minute, and service includes a wake-up call!) (Germaphobes, worry not. Sheets are changed and professionally cleaned between uses.)

In the years since it opened, Siesta & Go has continued to expand and is now considered a hostel. 

Mesimeri 

In Greece, Cyprus, and many Mediterranean and Middle Eastern nations, Mesimeri refers to the midday break where businesses and offices often close for a few hours during the hottest part of the day. Mesimeri refers to the time between 2 p.m. and 5 p.m. where individuals have the opportunity to rest, relax, and enjoy a leisurely meal before resuming work later in the day.

The notion isn’t just taking a break, but that everyone is strongly encouraged to be quiet — road work and construction shuts down, and stores close. While the napping aspect of Mesimeri was practiced by almost all individuals until about 30 years ago, Greek laws still define official quiet hours where loud music and work-related noise outside are banned. It’s easy to see how these communal pauses, when everyone is allowed — even expected — to take breaks eliminates any sense of guilt about not powering through at work.

Inemuri

Culturally, it would be hard to find a productivity paradigm more at odds with Spain’s siestas, Mediterranean Mesimeri, or even France’s traditionally long lunches than Japan’s work-centric approach. In Japan, there are no formal, unified times for culturally agreed-upon rest breaks. Instead, there’s Inemuri.

Inemuri translates to “being present while sleeping,” and refers to a sort of cultural acceptance of napping in public, whether in the workplace, on public transportation, or in parks. Rather than “if you see something, say something,” in the U.S., where you might assume a dozing person is unwell, Inemuri suggests that if you see someone conked out, they are less likely to be ill or have been imbibing and more likely to be evincing signs of dedication to their employers and hard work.

Obviously, this work-til-you-drop lifestyle is not something we want to emulate, but the acceptance of Inemuri allows people to take short rest breaks throughout the day. So, at least there’s a culturally accepted practice giving workers the capacity to recharge during Japan’s excessively long work hours.

And, if you don’t feel like sleeping at your desk, there are nap cafés and even vertical nap pods available in many workplaces and cafés to grant privacy (so nobody sees you drool). For example, there’s the GiraffeNap, a TARDIS-like capsule with headrest, cushioned seat, and footrest.

If you’ve got more time to watch a TikTok influencer experience the full Janapese nap pod experience, try this:

Wu Wei

In China, the Taosist concept of Wu Wei can be translated as “non-doing” or “effortless action.” , and it emphasizes the essentiality of taking breaks in order to allowing yourself to be in harmony with the natural flow of life. Wu Wei is less of a specific break ritual, and more a way of thinking, living, and working such that society (and the work place) values time for rest and creating balance in daily activities.

For more about the power of napping and resting:

BREAKS TO EAT AND SOCIALIZE

Merienda

In Spain, Portugal, North Africa, Brazil, and The Philippines, Merienda is the practice of taking a mid-afternoon break from work or school for a light meal or snack. As you might expect, this practice is a more official opportunity granted for individuals to take a brief pause, enjoy some refreshments, and recharge before continuing with their tasks.

After all, as we discussed last week, when our blood glucose suffers, brain fog zaps our ability to learn, remember, focus, or create. A merienda meal generally consists of simple snacks (bread, fruit, yogurt) and beverages (from child-friendly milk, hot chocolate, and fruit juice to more adult-appealing coffee and even light alcoholic drinks).

In South America, particularly Uruguay, Paraguay, Argentina, and Brazil, the break is later in the day and a bit heavier, while in the Philippines, merienda culture the break for relaxation and rejuvenation comes twice a day, once in the mid-morning and again in mid-afternoon.

As long as you’re taking a break to read this post, want to make some merienda delicacies or read more about Spanish Meal Times and La Merienda — What and When to Eat?

La Merienda, or The Afternoon Meal, 1772, by Luis Meléndez, Metropolitan Museum of Art

Tea or Chai Break

Throughout the United Kingdom, places colonized by the UK over centuries, and in Asia, tea breaks for snacks (and not just the beverage tea) and socializing have been popular for the past two hundred years. The break for “a cuppa” is not merely culturally accepted, but respected, and provides the opportunity for workers and students to relax and foster social connections with their cohorts, both (as we discussed last week), improving well-being and productivity.

The equivalent of the tea break in India is the chai break, and similarly involves pausing work to enjoy a hot beverage, a snack, and some convivial conversation.

Riposo

Italy has lots of daily social rituals. La Passeggiata is a leisurely evening stroll designed to shake loose the cobwebs and stressors of the day and ease into the evening; it also gives people the chance to greet their neighbors.

Riposo is a bit of a cross between a siesta and a merienda. Many Italians practice a long riposo lunch break, closing during (varying hours) from Noon to 4 p.m. to go home (or to restaurants) and take an extended pause for lunch and quiet time. While this is less often observed these days by knowledge workers in offices, the riposo custom is still observed by stores, museums, and churches, while restaurants stay open throughout the afternoon to accommodate those not able to return home.

THE SWEDES TAKE THE CAKE FOR TAKING A BREAK

At the risk of sounding like a spokesperson for IKEA or the Swedish Tourism Board, Sweden has cornered the market on taking breaks for the betterment of everyone. They practice two break-reated concepts that are central to feelings of well-being and improved productivity.

Lillördag

Let’s start with the Nordic concept of Lillördag (pronounced lee-lur-dog), a Swedish word meaning “little Saturday.” Conceptually, it encourages breaking up the monotony of the workweek with the spirit of some weekend mojo.

Generally, Swedes practice lillördag on Wednesdays, and it often includes going out for drinks with colleagues. (When I worked in television, I found that this habit (particularly among the sales staff) was called “any day ending in a Y.” But I digress.)

Rather than being seen as a work-related obligation that might contribute to toxic productivity, lillördag generates the sense of a mini-vacaton mid-week, giving workers something to look forward to amid the drudgery of a typical workweek.

The goal is to actually combat toxic productivity, prevent burnout, and promote mental recovery. Participants are sociable, but they aren’t merely moving work-related conversations about client obligations or how annoying Carol in Accounting can be into a more convivial (or boozy) atmosphere. Rather, lillördagers (I made that up) are encouraged to avoid talking about cranky-making things and just be social.

When I first heard about lillördag, it reminded me of Laura Vanderkam’s advice in her book Tranquility by Tuesday: 9 Ways to Calm the Chaos and Make Time for What Matters about scheduling little weekly adventures!

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Vanderkam found that to get out of our daily/weekly ruts, we all require more novelty, texture, and richness in our time and our tasks. Vanderkam encouraged everyone to plan life in weeks, and to identify one “big adventure” (lasting perhaps half a weekend day) and one “little adventure” (lasting an hour) each week to introduce novelty. As Vanderkam says, “We don’t ask where did the time go when we remember where the time went.” 

With lillördag, the “little Saturday” break from workweek drudgery on Wednesday can enliven your spirit. But lillördag is truly little in importance when compared with Sweden’s biggest break concept: fika!

Fika

Considering that fika — a quasi mandatory (but relaxing) coffee and cake break — is so ingrained in, and important to, Swedish culture that it’s protected by law, it’s shocking that it’s not better known around the world.

The purpose of fika is not merely taking a snack break. It’s about slowing down, stepping away from work, and connecting or even bonding. Swedes do not grab a cup of coffee and a muffin from the office canteen or break room and then head back to their desks to eat.

Fika by Ea Ehn

Rather, fika breaks are designed to give people an opportunity to savor — the time away, the company, and the confections. (We’ve talked before about the importance of savoring for attending, appreciating, and enhancing positive experiences in life. If we don’t step away from our work to appreciate other aspects of life, everything turns into “All work and no play makes Jack a very dull boy.”

As you might guess from last week’s post, the Swedish taking of fika breaks is positively correlated not only with enhanced physical and emotional well-being, but also improved productivity and efficiency. Decades ago, researchers found that the most workplace accidents occurred around 10 a.m. and 3 p.m., and a practice was instituted for workers to take breaks at those two times.

The name fika, used as both a noun and verb, comes from a twisting of the letters in kaffi (coffee). It’s not about the coffee and pastries, per se, though the options are mouth-watering, such as those shown in The Culinary Art of Fika.

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Fika works as a pressure valve, an opportunity not only to clear one’s head for a reset and refresh, but also an opportunity to step away from work culture. It’s considered bad manners to talk about work during fika. Instead, share a photo of your dog (or your kid), discuss everyone’s recent or upcoming vacations, or just get to know someone better. 

Traditionally, fika breaks are taken in the workplace. Individual employees or work teams may take turns bringing pastries like fikabröd, Swedish for fikabread, which they either make at home or purchase from local bakeries.

And it’s not just a little square of coffee cake or a doughnut from a box! Fika is a bit of a multi-course meal, with a bit of a social protocol around the order in which things are eaten. For example, some fika folks encourage eating the yummies from least fancy to most; for example, starting with a cinnamon bun, moving on to small cookies, and ending with a Princess Cake. (Don’t worry, I didn’t know what a Princess Cake was, either.)

Carbohydrate heaven! (While fika delicacies lean toward the sweet, savory options are allowed.)

Fika is such a big deal, culturally, that a popular podcast designed to introduce Sweden to the world is called A Swedish Fika.

Fika reminds me very much of a ritual we had at my dorm at Cornell. I lived in the International Living Centre, a mix of 144 international students ranging in age from 16-year-old freshman to 30something graduate students. Campus-wide, 11 p.m. was designated the time for a “primal scream,” where students all over campus would open their windows and howl at the indignit of too many exams and problem set.

The ILC, however, took a multicultural approach to letting off steam. From 11 p.m. onward, people would drop in and fade away from the main lounge for Coffee Hour. The dorm provided coffee, tea, hot chocolate, and a rotating bevy of store-bought (and occasionally homemade) desserts, and students would wander around the room, plunking down to chat with small cliques and reapportioning themselves, comfortably leaning against the fireplace, hanging over the ends of couches, and splaying themselves on the floor.

As the nighttime waned, some folks meandered off to sleep, while most returned to their rooms, the smaller study lounges, or back to campus for late night library sessions, energized from the caffeine, sugar, and social lubrication of Coffee Hour. Now I wonder if a Swedish ILC-er started the tradition! 


Are you familiar with any international cultural practices for break-taking that I didn’t mention? And which of these breaks would you most like to incorporate into your work day? Would you like to fika mid-morning? Riposo or siesta in the late afternoon?