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Organize Your College-Bound Student for Grownup Life: Part 3

Posted on: August 12th, 2024 by Julie Bestry | 12 Comments

Parents, you’re counting down the precious days left with your college-bound students. Meanwhile, they’re counting down until they experience “freedom” and (gulp) adult responsibilities. In recent posts, we’ve covered a wide variety of skills and information to ensure they are prepared for the world beyond having you as a backup ride, bank, chief cook, and bottle-washer.

Organize Your College-Bound Student for Grown-Up Life: Part 1 identified essential legal documents and insurance policies, and reviewed the key financial skills every first-year student needs. 

Organize Your College-Bound Student for Grownup Life: Part 2 looked at communication skills, staying safe on campus and off, and the under-appreciated life lessons of mastering laundry.

This third installment of the college life skill syllabus delves into keeping all the time management balls in the air, developing an academic safety net, being a safe car operator, and social etiquette to ensure good relationships. There’s even a smattering of bonus life skills.

We finish up with with a bibliography of reading resources for you and for your college-bound student.

HOW TO MASTER TIME AT COLLEGE

In high school, time is fairly regimented; the bell rings every fifty minutes, moving students on to their next classes. There’s study hall to get a start on homework, and teachers provide periodic, staged deadlines for students to show their progress and keep from falling behind; they turn in a topic idea, then a bibliography, outline, first draft, and finally a completed report. Class periods before tests are earmarked for reviews. Academic prep time is spoon-fed.

In college, the freedom to set your own schedule has the drawback of requiring an adult sense of perspective on prioritizing what’s important (and not just urgent or fun). Wide swaths of free time must be divvied up and self-assigned: for studying new material, doing problem sets, completing projects, and preparing for exams.

Food and clean clothes are not delivered by magic fairies; they may require transportation, funds, labor, and time! 

College-bound kids may not want to take advice regarding time management, but try to start conversations to get them thinking about how to: 

Explain how to beat procrastination by understanding its causes and then incorporating good planning, prioritizing, and decision-making techniques (like the Eisenhower Decision Matrix), and locating accountability support. These Paper Doll posts can help:

They can even try some Study with Rory Gilmore videos, including this one that incorporates the Pomodoro Technique!

I can’t think of a better expert for your college (and college-bound high school) students, especially those with ADHD, than my fabulous colleague Leslie Josel. She’s the one who developed an amazing Academic Planner for middle-grade and high school students, and I interviewed her for Paper Doll Peeks Behind the Curtain with Superstar Coach, Author & Speaker Leslie Josel.

Order Leslie’s book, How to Do It Now Because It’s Not Going Away: An Expert Guide to Getting Stuff Done, before the semester gets too far, and you’ll help your first-year college student conquer procrastination, develop excellent study skills, and really dissipate their stress. 

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HOW TO SUCCEED ACADEMICALLY

Paper Mommy has been many great things, but an eager student was never one of them. In the mid-1950s, she and her friends stood in the college gymnasium, lost in the registration chaos. They asked one snazzy-looking fellow what he was taking. Statistics. And that’s how my mother, who majored in nursery school education, ended up in a statistics course.

The professor asked Paper Mommy‘s friend, Shirley to her Laverne, about one of the concepts. As if on a game show, the friend said, “I’ll pass.” The professor replied, “You wanna bet?”

Seek support

Navigating college academic life requires a different set of skills and strategies compared to high school. Paper Mommy and her friends would have benefited from knowing to:

  • Talk to your advisor — Paper Mommy and her friends did not know that they had assigned advisors, not merely the college equivalent of a high school guidance counselor, but someone with expertise in a student’s chosen major. 
  • Read the syllabus — A syllabus is a magic wand for success, spelling out everything a student must know and do, and when. Take notes on the deadlines to plan backward.
  • Go to office hours — College professors and teaching assistants won’t spoon-feed the material; it isn’t high school.  But showing up for office hours (after studying to figure out what questions to ask) will help clarify material and set your kid apart from fellow students, 
  • Seek out peer tutoring — Colleges offer a variety of academic help, but students have to advocate for themselves, ask for help, and make their own appointments. 
  • Find or form study groups — To be certain you understand something, try to teach it to someone else. 

Expand upon good learning and study habits

  • Participate in class — Lectures, labs, and tutorials may contain insights that textbooks don’t. Encourage asking questions and participating in discussions. Engaging with the material and observing how the professor and other students engage with it deepens understanding and make the material more compelling.
  • Explore different note-taking methods — From outlining and mind-mapping to the Cornell Note-taking Method and the Boxing Method, students can find ways to take notes that support differing learning styles and specific coursework types.
  • Find the right study environment — Students should experiment to figure out where they concentrate best, whether it’s the library, a coffee house, or an empty classroom, or under a tree, as Rory Gilmore found at Yale. (The TV Ambiance YouTube page is full of virtual study environments from favorite TV shows!) Just be sure to have a backup location in case someone steals your space!

  • Embrace active learning — Go to study skills labs to learn how to use active learning techniques like summarizing, teaching the material to someone else, or using flashcards.
  • Review material often — Spaced repetition, or reviewing material frequently, in small chunks, helps reinforce learning and improve retention better than cramming. 

  • Embrace editing — One of the biggest failings of new (smart) college students is that they fail to edit their papers. Proofreading is correcting errors; editing involves reviewing arguments to make sure they are logical and actually respond to the assigned questions. Read aloud to see if it makes sense. Seek feedback; does it make sense to someone else?

Parents, encourage your student to balance academic work with self-care. Burnout is real and presents a danger to mental and physical health. Urge them to work hard, but also to participate in informal and formal social activities, hobbies, and relaxation.

Talk often so you can recognize if your student is struggling academically or personally. 

DEVELOP SOCIAL ETIQUETTE FOR COLLEGE

Manners aren’t just about knowing which fork to use when there are a multitude on the table. (But in case they get a good internship and rub elbows with movie stars or royalty, the basics are as simple as: start with the utensils on the outside and work toward your plate!)

They’ll roll their eyes, but remind them that basic manners will help them live more easily with dorm-mates, work smoothly with fellow students on group projects, and not embarrass themselves if invited to the home of a professor or to stay a weekend with a roommate’s family. Like:

  • Don’t eat or use what isn’t yours without permission. (Then replace it or return the favor.)
  • Don’t move something that doesn’t belong to you; if it’s in your way, put it back as soon as possible.
  • Return borrowed items quickly. Launder or dry-clean borrowed clothes. Refill the gas tank of a borrowed car.
  • Reciprocate other’s kind behaviors.

Other real-world manners and etiquette tips college-bound students might not have absorbed:

Dining

  • Know which is your bread and which is your drink — Make the OK sign with both hands on the table in front of you. One makes a lowercase “b” (on your left) and “d” (on your right). The “b” for bread means your bread plate goes to your upper left; the “d” for drink means the glass to your upper right is yours. Don’t butter an entire slice of bread or roll and then eat it (except at your own breakfast table). Break off a bite-sized piece of bread, apply butter (or jam, etc.) and eat.

  • Wait until everyone has been served (or seated with their dining tray) to eat. Don’t gobble your food. You are not Cookie Monster.
  • Don’t rush to leave before your companions are done eating. (If you need to leave to get to class, apologize for not staying until the other person is finished.)
  • Know when and how much to tip in restaurants, for pizza delivery, etc. 

Social Interactions

  • Introductions — Know how to properly introduce yourself and others in a social setting, with first and last names. 
  • Handshake — Offer a firm (not limp, not crushing) handshake, smile, and make eye contact. (If eye contact makes you uncomfortable, remember, it’s not a staring contest. Connect, then look anywhere in the general vicinity of the other person’s face.)
  • Personal space — Respecting others’ personal space in social and professional settings requires situational and cultural awareness and understanding the nuances of physical boundaries. Don’t touch people without asking. 
  • Phones — Don’t look at your phone when you’re eating or socializing with others unless responding to something urgent. Put  phones away at the meal table. 
  • Thank You Notes —  A good thank you note, sent promptly, goes a long way to show appreciation after receiving a gift, being hosted, getting interviewed, or being the beneficiary of an act of kindness. 
  • RSVP — Explain that not replying to an RSVP inconveniences a host. Replying in a timely manner and committing to that response helps the host plan (financially and logistically).
  • Online social interactions — A digital footprint lasts forever, and online behavior matters. Being a jerk online has the potential to ruin a reputation just as much as being a jerk at a party. 
  • Networking — Your college kid isn’t thinking about the business world, but people help and do business with those they know, like, and trust. Help them see the importance of strengthening connections by sharing personal stories where maintaining connections, being generally useful, and even sending a LinkedIn connection request with a personalized message can mean a lot down the road.

Cultural Sensitivity

Good cross-cultural etiquette means not judging people who don’t follow the above guidelines. 

Respect diversity. Understand cultural differences in manners, and be open to learning and adapting when doing study abroad or interacting in other cultural settings.

Use language that’s respectful, inclusive, and kind. 

CARE FOR THE CAMPUS CAR

@the_leighton_show

The low fuel warning also doesn’t stop my wife from going to @target #teenagers #drivinglessons #driving #parentsoftiktok #funny

♬ Highway to Hell – AC/DC

Even if your student has been on the road for a few years, being a car owner (or responsible party) is different from driving Mom’s car to school. Car care can be a mystifying area of adulthood.

Oversee that inspections and major maintenance gets done when your student is home for breaks, and jointly go through the recommended auto maintenance schedule in the car’s manual. Help them figure out how to either do basic car care or to get it done professionally. 

Teach the basics, like how to:

  • Fill the gas tank before it’s only 1/4 full (and not when the gas light comes on). This is especially important if they attend school in wintery locales.
  • Fill the tank on a schedule, not when it’s empty, but perhaps every Saturday after lunch. (And don’t try to put diesel in a non-diesel vehicle!)
  • Download an app for finding the best gas prices, like Gas Buddy.
  • Know how to check the oil before the oil light comes on. Oil and filter changes don’t have to be done as frequently as they used to, due to synthetic oil, but it still must be done.
  • Know how to check tire pressure and fill tires properly.
  • Know what the dashboard lights mean. — I once heard someone call the tire pressure alert the “Surprise Light.”

  • Understand how to check and change fuses, replace windshield wipers, and know when to seek a professional mechanic. 

Prepare them for emergencies. They should:

DON’T GET SCAMMED AT COLLEGE

According to a study by the Better Business Bureau, 18-24 year-olds are more often victims of scams than senior citizens! Teaching college students to recognize and avoid scams is crucial. Encourage a skeptical mindset.

Common Scams Targeting College Students

Just as I wrote about scams that target seniors in Slam the Scam! Organize to Protect Against Scams, there are many that target college students, including:

  • Scholarship and grant scams — Legitimate scholarships don’t ask for fees.  
  • Student loan scams — Be wary of companies that promise to forgive or lower student loans for a fee. Confirm loan information through the school’s financial aid office or consult government (.gov) websites like Federal Student Aid.
  • Housing scams — When seeking off-campus housing, avoid listings requiring upfront payments before touring properties. Use reputable rental sites; don’t send money via wire transfer.
  • Job scams — Know that legitimate employers don’t ask for bank information until you’ve been officially hired. Be wary of job offers promising high pay for minimal work.

Watch for Red Flags

  • Urgency and high pressure tactics — The world is full of deadlines, but scammers use fear of missing out to create a sense of urgency. Don’t become a victim by being pressured to act quickly without time to analyze what’s happening.
  • Unsolicited Offers — Be dubious about any unsolicited contact from outside of the school’s usual resources, whether by email, phone, or (especially) text, whether seeking personal information or offering services, funds, or assistance.
  • Unusual Payment Methods —  Students need to understand that payment by check or credit card is normal, but requests for payment by gift card, wire transfers, or cryptocurrency are hallmarks of scams. Legitimate transactions use secure, traceable payment methods.
  • If a financial loan, grant, paid internship, or side hustle seems “too good to be true,” especially if the college’s financial aid office or academic departments doesn’t know anything about it, it’s likely a scam.

Always do independent research and verification. Check websites, Google to make sure phone numbers and addresses aren’t fake, and seek unbiased reviews. Consult trusted sources, including professors and advisors, college financial aid and work/study divisions, and yes, parents.

Online Safety

GenZ will be dubious that parents can advise them on online safety, but talk about:

  • Privacy Settings — Adjust social media privacy to limit personal information visible to the public.
  • Phishing Scams — Be wary about emails, texts, or social media direct messages that appear to be from trusted individuals or institutions but ask for personal information or money, or contain suspicious links. Pick up the phone and verify by calling people or institutions directly.
  • Secure Websites — Look for “https://” in the URL and the padlock icon in the URL bar before entering personal or financial information! 

Report Scams

RANDOM LIFE SKILLS

I lived in the International Living Center at Cornell for all four years of college. Of 144 students in our dorm, only about 15% were from North America; whether they were the youngest freshman or the oldest grad students — from ages 16 to 34 — many students experienced some sort of culture shock.

College is already its own kind of culture shock. Your students shouldn’t hesitate to ask for help. That said, adopting an attitude of weaponized incompetence instead of seeking to learn how to do something themselves may eventually annoy roommates, friends, and professors. In these last days before college, make sure they know:

  • How to tell time on an analog clock — Additionally, it appears that many GenZers are miffed when GenXers and Boomers use expressions like “a quarter ’til” or “half past” because they think it’s some kind of code. And does your student understand time zones?  
  • How to use public transportation — If your kid will be living in a city where subways, light rail, or busses are essential for moving around, they’ll need to learn…fast. If you don’t know how to navigate, where to stand, or how to pay, ask someone who does know to give you and your student a lesson in the basics.
  • How to read a map — GPS can be flawed. GPS (and cellular service) can go down. Being able to read and understand both digital and paper maps is a key navigation skill. (So is orienteering, but if your kid is leaving for campus in a week or two, it may be too late.)
  • How to hide emergency money — “Mad money” was a 20th-century term for having some cash set aside so you could escape a bad date and get home safely. You never know when you might need money or an approximation thereof and Apple Pay won’t cut it.

A friend recently recalled how fellow students used to keep subway tokens in their penny loafers in the 1980s. My grandfather, Paper Mommy‘s dad, was interviewed by a newspaper in the 1930s after being robbed outside of a hotel; he reported that hadn’t lost all of his cash because he’d hidden some bills in his socks!

Advise hiding a few dollars inside their phone case.

  • How to unclog a toilet or a drain — Bonus points for teaching them how to turn off the water at the source. It may not be necessary in the dorms, but once they have an apartment, knowing how to find the shutoff valve for an overflowing toilet, sink, or washing machine will be a nifty skill.
  • How to change a light bulb — Yes, seriously. Turn it off and let it cool before unscrewing it. As with screws, hoses, shower heads and similar items: righty tighty, lefty loosey.
  • How to sew a button back on.
  • How to swim — Yes, we’re cutting it close in mid-August, but some schools (such as my alma mater) required and still require swimming proficiency (for safety’s sake). 

No matter how much these three posts have tried to cover everything, it’s likely you’ll have your own submissions for Chip Leighton’s The Leighton Show by the end of the school year. (The caption is the same, but this one is different from the videos in the last two posts.)

@the_leighton_show

What’s your street name?? #text #college #freshman #son #daughter #mom #dad #humor #greenscreen

♬ original sound – The Leighton Show

RESOURCES FOR COLLEGE-BOUND STUDENTS

The Adulting Manual by Milly Smith

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The Naked Roommate: And 107 Other Issues You Might Run Into in College by Harlan Cohen

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RESOURCES FOR PARENTS

Articles for Parents of College-Bound Students and New College Students

Support and Advice Groups for Parents

  • CollegeConfidential.com Parents’ Forum
  • College Parent Insider’s Group
  • Facebook groups for parents of students at your child’s college — Search Facebook for “parents” and the school’s name. Official groups may be moderated by school personnel; others are independent and moderated by fellow parents.
  • College-based forums — Some colleges set up their own online forum or listserv for parents. Google “parent groups” or “parent forum” and your child’s school, and you will find sites like this one from the University of Minnesota.

Note: there’s a balance between asking group members to recommend an emergency dentist for your first-year who just cracked a molar and being a “helicopter parent” who tries to stir up controversy over a professor who gave your student a B. Check out Before You Join That College Parents Group on Social Media… at CollegeInitative.net.

Dear Parents: It will be a learning experience, and you’ll struggle with the balance between granting independence and being there for support. I hope going through the advice in these past three posts together will help you both feel more ready.

May you and your college student have a stellar first year!

Organize Your College-Bound Student for Grownup Life: Part 2

Posted on: August 5th, 2024 by Julie Bestry | 6 Comments


From living with strangers to not having parents and teachers overseeing study habits and self-care, college is a melange of delightful freedom and terrifying responsibility.

Last week, in Organize Your College-Bound Student for Grown-Up Life: Part 1, we reviewed the serious side of what to make sure your kids have and know before heading off to college. We covered making sure they know their Social Security number by heart, having a a handle on important contacts and key medical information, and getting registered to vote and knowing how to exercise their rights to vote.

We looked at legal documents, like Power of Attorney for Healthcare (AKA: healthcare proxy) documents, FERPA waivers, and HIPAA releases, which in combination ensure that a college student has someone they trust looped into their medical situations and able to make medical decisions if they are unable to. 

We also started developing punch lists of adulting information and skills, starting with the essentials related to financials and insurance.

And, because people pay more attention to serious things when they can take a moment to breathe, I included a few Chip Leighton “texts from college students” videos from The Leighton Show. More are peppered in this post. (As with last week, click near the lower left portion of the video to un-mute.) 

@the_leighton_show Posting one more for all the parents dropping kids off at college #teenagers #college #freshmanyear #text #funny ♬ original sound – The Leighton Show

HOW TO COMMUNICATE BEYOND TEXTS AND EMOJIS

Recently, I was surprised to find that most younger people don’t ring doorbells or knock; they text when they pull up outside. (Honestly, to keep from waking babies or making dogs go nuts, this is pretty smart!)

Gen Z students have often managed to get through life without learning some adulting skills with regard to communication and interaction. Before dropping them off on campus, make sure your kids have these skills. 

  • How to write, address, and mail a letter. Somewhere around fourth grade, they taught us how to write a “friendly” letter and a business letter, including the entire format of date, “inside address,” salutation, body, and appropriate closing. They also taught us how to address an envelope, where to put the return address, and where to place the stamp. Apparently, this is not taught anymore, as evidence by various Reddit threads, including the one below.

  • How to sign their name in cursive. Some elementary schools stopped teaching cursive in 2010, though there now seems to be a backlash against the removal. Whether or not your student knows how to write (even remotely legibly) in cursive, make sure they understand how to sign their legal name. 
  • How to write a grown-up, professional email. Use a clear subject line that indicates the purpose of the message. Write in full, grammatically-correct sentences. Spell check. Don’t use emoji or slang. (Seriously, no cap.) Except in a rare case when asked to do so, don’t address female professors as “Mrs.” That’s a social honorific, and this isn’t kindergarten. They’re either Professor or Doctor or (if TAs or adjuncts) Ms. (unless they ask you to use their first name). Don’t address professors of any gender as “Bro” or “Dude.”  (This goes for verbal communication, too!)
  • How to schedule an appointment (and how to reschedule or cancel one) — Your kid knows how to log into a web site and pick a time slot, but Gen Z is particularly phone-averse. Role play with them how to make a call to request an appointment with a doctor or dentist, to get their hair cut, to have their car evaluated or repaired, etc. Teach them how to summarize why they’re calling (whether to a gatekeeper or for voicemail).
  • How to leave voicemail — Guide them not to say, “Um, so this is Joe. I need you to call me back” without any hint of why. Young people are often nervous about calling strangers, so they should plan the message, mentally or even in writing.  Encourage them to think about why they’re calling — and what result (information? permission? assistance?) they need.

This is good advice for grownups, too, especially those suffer from social anxiety. Practice eases the process. State your name, phone number, and reason for calling so the recipient can do their legwork and get back to you at their convenience without wasting their time (or yours on a cycle of call tag).

  • How to write a thank you note — In case it’s been a while since you impressed upon your child the importance (and power) of this habit, share a classic Paper Doll post, Gratitude, Mr. Rogers, and How To Organize a Thank You Note and remind them, once again, that grandparents are more likely to send gifts (money? Apple gift cards? freshly baked cookies?) when thanked for their actions.
  • How to apologize authentically and effectively — Whether your student eats her roommate’s last yogurt or commits a more unpardonable act, don’t let kids go off to college without this essential life skill. Make sure they understand that “I’m sorry you got mad” is not an apology.

There’s an easy formula:

    • Use the words, “I’m sorry” or “I apologize.”
    • Take responsibility and state what you actually did wrong.
    • Illustrate that you understood the impact of your actions on the other individual.
    • Explain how you’ll ensure it won’t happen again, or show how you’ll make reparations.

STAY SAFE, ON CAMPUS AND OFF

There will likely be a safety workshop during orientation week. Encourage your student to attend and to understand what kind of built-in infrastructure the campus has for safety. 

Be Safe When Walking Around

When I attended college, we had a Blue Light service, poles throughout campus with blue lights at the top and telephones connected to Campus Safety. You could make a direct call (without a coin) or just hit the handsets as you ran from a horror movie monster (let’s ignore the more serious alternative) and campus safety peer volunteers and personnel would come out in force. There were also free “blue light buses” on campus to ferry people home safely at night. I was delighted to find out that this system is still in place, with some modern tech additions.

Nowadays, most campuses have high-end safety systems and apps. Still, encourage students to program the campus security number into their phones and know how to request an official campus peer escort. Other advice to impart:

  • Don’t walk alone, especially at night. Take heavily-trafficked routes with good lighting.
  • Let your roommate or BFF know where you are headed, and program your phone to share your real-time location (one time or ongoing) and ETA:

  • You’re probably not going to convince your college kid to never ride with strangers, but you can fund an Uber or Lyft account to make it easier to get home if they’ve gone to a concert or club off campus. You may also want to discuss GrownandFlown.com’s The 7 Ride Share Safety Tips Every Teen Needs to Know.

Be Safe in Your Dorm and When Out and About

  • Lock your room when not in it (so you don’t walk in to any surprises), or when you are, but lots of others aren’t around. 
  • Close and lock your windows when you are sleeping or not in your dorm, especially if you’re on the ground floor.
  • Program campus housing numbers into phones.You might be locked out of the dorm without keys or key cards or wallet, but nobody goes anywhere without their phones anymore.

Hopefully, you’ve had lots of conversations with your teen about how to have situational awareness when walking around (or studying, especially alone), how to be safe at parties, and how to figure out whom to trust. These kinds of skills can take many years to develop, but open conversations are the beginning.

This is an organizing blog, not a parenting blog, but I fervently hope that just as many parents will teach their sons the importance of not victimizing as they teach their daughters how not to be victims.

For more in-depth advice, You may also want to share:

Be Safe During Emergencies

Personal safety doesn’t just include watching out for bad guys. Your kids had fire drills in school, but they’re used to following an grownups instructions. Now that they’re the grownups, make sure they know:

  • How and when to call 911 vs. the police non-emergency line vs. the campus health center vs. the resident hall director).
  • When to go to the ER vs. urgent care, or the health center, or a family doctor (or to call the health insurance Ask-A-Nurse line…or Dr. Mom)
  • How to use a fire extinguisher. When I visited my old campus for my reunion in June, I saw that fire extinguishers had changed; they were neither the massively heavy ones I recalled from my youth nor the can-of-whipped-cream style I have at home. Have them read the instructions.
  • Pay attention to the exits when entering classroom or building, and know the safe exit path for the dorm.

While it’s designed primarily for families, your student might find Paper Doll Organizes You To Prepare for an Emergency to be a useful starting point.

Be Safe When Interacting with the Police

If you or anyone in your family or close circle is Black (or you’ve ever watched a Shonda Rhimes show), you almost certainly know about The Talk and have had it, and multiple iterations of it, before sending a child to college. 

However, if you are not a member of a visible minority, your have probably been privileged to not have to think about this. Role-model and practice so your college-bound student knows what to do if they are stopped while driving, riding, or walking — or if the police come to their dorms to make inquiries — or if they participate in a campus protest. 

If you watch police procedurals, you’re probably familiar with the concept of swatting, the practice of making a prank call to emergency services in order to get armed police officers dispatched to someone’s address. It happens to congressional representatives and judges, but it also happens to random people, including college students. It apparently started with online gamers being targeted by others playing the game.

Almost nobody gets through life without interacting with police officers, and whether it’s municipal police or campus security, student needs a skill set for handling potentially scary interactions. 

Again, this post is about organizing adulting skill sets. Beyond, “stay calm and don’t escalate,” I won’t advise you regarding what you should tell your children, but encourage you to talk to them about how to do it safely and with some starting points:

HOW TO STAY HEALTHY AT COLLEGE

Nobody gets to college without having had a booboo or a cold or a stomach bug, but a lot of parents find that their newly independent children experience a sense of amnesia once any of these things happen at college. Use the following as prompts to make sure your kids are ready for dealing with the owies of adult life.

Be Prepared for Medical Ickiness

Everyone eventually gets the crud, and being away from home makes it worse. However, knowing how to handle the experience makes having the yuckies marginally better. Make sure students know:

  • How to treat a sore throat, toothache, upset stomach (and related intestinal distresses) and minor viruses.
  • How to recognize symptoms (like a high fever) requiring professional medical intervention.
  • How the dosage on OTC and prescription medicine works. There’s a reason why it says “take no more than X in 24 hours” — because people thought X “in one day” meant they could have X at 11:45 p.m. and again at 12:15 a.m. Medication doesn’t follow a calendar.
  • How to fill and refill a prescription — If you’ve always done it for them, your student may not know about prescription numbers or number of refills available.
  • How to take maintenance medication or perform health activities without you having to remind them — You won’t be able to ask, “Did you take your ADHD meds today?” or “How many times did you check your blood glucose today?” Your student knows how to set an alarm on the phone, but walking them through how to label the alarms to make it clear which meds are for that specific alarm could help. Even “experienced” adults with established schedules forget to take meds when on vacation; college schedules are stress-inducing and can lead to forgetting, so help them help themselves.
  • Where the nearest 24-hour pharmacy is, before they need it — At some point, your student will need Pepto or condoms or feminine sanitary products or a COVID test at 3 a.m. Being prepared is half the battle.
  • How to do First Aid — Not everybody was a scout. I’m often shocked by people (OK, men. It’s always men) who don’t know how to properly clean a small wound, remove a splinter, or put on a bandage. You can’t anticipate everything — minor and major — need to know, so share the National Safety Council’s First Aid Video Library link. It’s impressive.
  • How to fill out health insurance forms at the doctor’s office. — Seriously, your kid should know their blood type without having to call and ask you. (That’s why I told you last week to give them copies of their medical history information.)

Booboo Bear Photo by Pixabay

How to Deal with College Life Ickiness

  • How to safely drink/consume things you’d prefer they didn’t partake of at all. 
  • How to help a friend who has unwisely or unsafely imbibed or consumed something. This might range from treating hangovers to knowing how to use NARCAN to the calling 911!
  • How basic hygiene works. Wash hands! — Feel like you shouldn’t have to explain this to an adult? Reread Organize Your Health: Parental Wisdom, Innovation, and the New Time Timer® Wash. Yes, it’s from the first year of COVID, but the unfathomable reminder that people forget to wash their hands is timeless.
  • Wash water bottles. — We didn’t even have bottled water when I was in college. Now, Stanley cups (not the hockey kind) are everywhere. And no, just because there’s only water in it doesn’t mean it’s clean. Microbes are icky. (Secret cleaning trick? Denture tablets!)

How to Deal with Grown-Up Issues

I hope you and your student have the kind of relationship where you can discuss “adult” things without (too much) awkwardness. I was lucky that Paper Mommy always made a safe space to talk about difficult issues, but not everyone has that ability (or that parent).

You may have had that other version of “The Talk” with your student in adolescence, but whether you’re dealing with reproductive care or mental health or anything sensitive, at the very least encourage your college-bound student to talk. Say that you hope they’ll talk to you, but even if not, that there are many safe places (starting with the campus health center) to find accurate information and supportive care. Some of the issues they may need to contend with include:

  • Safe sex 
    • How to use contraception properly
    • How to say no, at any point in the process, and maintain healthy boundaries 
    • How to be secure consent and step back if there is no consent
  • Mental health
    • How to recognize the signs of depression or anxiety (or other mental health concerns) in themselves and their friends, including social isolation or an increase in risky behaviors, or changes in academic performance, mood, sleep or eating habits, or personal hygiene.
    • Where to seek mental health help, on campus or virtually
  • Self-care — Remind your beloved child of their options for caring for their mental health,  including:
    • taking breaks
    • exercising
    • getting out in nature
    • talking to friends
    • journaling
    • calling home
    • speaking with a therapist
    • understanding that everyone has problems, they are manageable, and there is support available

For your purposes, peruse Empowering Wellness: Supporting Freshman Health and Well-Being from College Parents of America, and perhaps get your kid a copy of something like  The Greatest College Health Guide You Never Knew You Needed: How to Manage Food, Booze, Stress, Sex, Sleep, and Exercise on Campus before they leave for campus.

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How to Stay Marginally Fit and Well-Fed at College

When I was in college in the late 1980s, except for student athletes, almost nobody went to the gym except for a required physical education class. I had to pass a swim test and take two gym classes. I took bowling and yoga. I got marginally better at bowling. Yoga was in the (padded) wrestling room on the other side of campus at 8 a.m. I have zero memories of it. Modern gym classes have come a long way from the choice of sports or Jane Fonda-level aerobics.

Your student may follow every bit of wisdom you’ve provided for the past 18 years. They may eat colorful fruits and vegetables at every meal; they probably won’t get scurvy.

They may take a fun workout class with friends; they may get the bare minimum movement just walking to class. They may waste the money you’ve spent on a 3-meals a day/7 days a week meal plan and eat leftover pizza every morning.

You cannot control this.

There are serious issues, like eating disorders; there are far less issues about which you should not make a big deal, like the freshman 15. For now, just make sure they have the skills that will help them make their best decisions, and then back off. 

  • How to read nutrition labels — I find that women my age have spent so much of our lives reading these, we forget that lots of teen girls don’t scrutinize these labels, and that teen boys (unless they are wrestlers) often have never even glanced at them. Explain the key concepts.
  • The value of eating calories and not drinking them — This applies to alcohol as well as soft drinks. Try to encourage getting calories from things that require chewing.
  • Understand food safety and kitchen hygiene — The USDA’s Food Safety Tips for College Students is a good start.

When your student leaves the dorm and meal plan behind and gets an off-campus apartment, you can discuss how to meal plan to save time during the week, and how to shop on a budget and understand the value of generic/store-brand food products vs. brand names. That’s next summer’s problem.

@the_leighton_show Your comments do not disappoint #freshman #collegelife #text #son #daughter #dad #mom #parentsoftiktok #humor #greenscreen ♬ original sound – The Leighton Show

HOW TO MASTER LAUNDRY AT COLLEGE

In 1985, my friend Paul’s mother created a double-sided set of laundry instructions, laminated it, and attached it with rivets and cords to his laundry bag. It was genius.

Whether your kids do laundry all the time at home or they call detergent and fabric softener “sauces,” there will be college laundry catastrophes. At least try to:

  • Identify what they own must be dry cleaned or hand washed (and then discourage them from taking those items to college).
  • Explain the basics of separating new, colorful clothes from whites to avoid a pink wardrobe.
  • Practice using the iPhone’s Visual Lookup to identify laundry symbols and explain care instructions. 

  • Remind them to empty pockets before washing things.
  • Remind them how good it feels to sleep on freshly laundered sheets when they’re stressed or sick. (They won’t wash sheets and towels as often as you do at home, but this may help.)
  • Go to the laundry room in the dorm on move-in day and explain anything that’s different from your washer/dryer at home. The detergent slot may be in a different place; the lint trap may be weirdly located.
  • Some college laundry facilities use plastic reloadable cards for access; others have apps. Still, many dorms (and almost all laundromats) require quarters. Hand off a few rolls of quarters and they’re less likely to come home at Thanksgiving with a semester’s worth of laundry.
  • Read (and encourage them to read) a post from the Paper Doll vault,  5 “Real Simple” Reasons We Don’t Get the Laundry (or Paperwork) Done. It’s about laundry, but it’s also about productivity. It couldn’t hurt. 

There’s a fine line between being a helicopter parent and making sure your kid doesn’t have to be airlifted out of a dangerous situation. Hopefully this series is helping you identify what remains to be discussed with your student.

Next time, we’ll finish off with tips on how to help them:

  • Develop time management skills to keep the student and work and social balls in the air
  • Achieve academically without a guidance counselor, study hall, or a scheduled lunch period
  • Keep the car from breaking down before making it back into the driveway for Thanksgiving
  • Acquire random life skills so your student’s roommate doesn’t think you’ve dropped off an alien

See you next time.

Organize Your College-Bound Student for Grown-Up Life: Part 1

Posted on: July 29th, 2024 by Julie Bestry | 10 Comments


In a matter of weeks, fresh-faced first-year college students will be headed off to begin their adult lives.

Everyone needs a little organizational guidance on this path. Last week, I re-shared a popular post from the Paper Doll vault, Paper Doll & Real Simple Organize Dorm Rooms: SUPER-EXTENDED Edition, looking at how to organize a dorm room for maximum comfort and productivity.

There’s a lot of support out there for getting the right stuff to make college life easier. IKEA has created a stellar master list of what to take to college that likely exceeds whatever your student’s department of residence life has forwarded. If you care mainly about having the right electronic solutions, you can scroll through pieces like Back to School — 10 Cool Tech Gadgets for 2024.

Taking advantage of the “college lists,” reminiscent of the photocopied (and previously, mimeographed) lists of teacher’s required school supplies, can put most parents and students on a fairly level playing field. Well, at least in terms of the tangibles, like basic creature comforts necessary to sleep, study, and snack while paying at least a modicum of attention to personal hygiene and health while at college.

The stuff is one thing. However, not all 18-year-olds arrive at college with the same levels of maturity, knowledge, and awareness of the world. TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube sensation Chip Leighton of The Leighton Show hit it big the last past few years with his series of videos of funny texts from teenagers.

But Leighton really caught my eyes with the texts from college students. These texts, and the rush of comments from parents illustrating their own young people’s texts, help us realize that parents and guardians may need to do more than they realize to prepare offspring for independent life on the planet. 

Some things are universal — students arrive at college not having a handle on how to do laundry or manage their finances. But the deeper I’ve gone into talking with clients with kids at college (and, yes, reading the hysterical — and embarrassing — stories from parents in Leighton’s comments sections), I’ve realized that there are ways in which kids are ill-prepared for college (and life beyond) in a ways that adults may not realize.

Today’s post and the rest of this series is a starter kit for the issues to discuss with your college-bound Gen-Zers before they risk endangering their lives, messing up their financial histories, or embarrassing themselves in front of age cohorts who have been better prepared for life “in the real world.”

ESSENTIAL INFORMATION AND PAPERWORK

Before we get into what your college students need to know, we should look at what documents they need to possess and understand.

Social Security Number

If you’re an American, your kid already has Social Security numbers. But do they actually know it?

This is the number you most need to memorize for the next six or more decades. Once at college, students will find they need to provide a student ID number and Social Security number on forms all the time. If they haven’t memorized it as a result of the college application process, now is the time to help them remember it.

You’ll have to discuss whether it makes sense for your student to take the actual card to school, or if it’s best kept safely in the family home until or unless they need it for official reasons. If they do take it to school, remind them that it shouldn’t live in their wallet or anywhere it could be lost or easily stolen.

Contact information for the important people in their lives

Yes, college-bound students mainly text people, but at some point, you might point out that if they send a real letter (or even a postcard) to Grandma, she might be inclined to send back money or a tin of cookies or some sort of care package.

College students need to have phone numbers, email addresses, and mailing/shipping addresses at the ready. And while yes, they can text Mom and Dad for the answers, warn them that they may end up as an example on Leighton’s TikTok or Instagram page!

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Encourage or even help them to memorize a few essential phone numbers in case their phones are ever lost, stolen, or damaged. Of course, the era of Snoopy address books is probably long gone, so this is a plug for making sure you urge them to back up their phones to their (or your family’s) iCloud or Google Drive.

Health records

At some point in the weeks before college, aspiring first-years need to provide proof of immunizations plus information regarding their medical history of epilepsy, diabetes, or any other physical or mental health conditions that might impact a student’s life at college or need for medical accommodations, per the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) and Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973.

But sending the requested documentation to the school isn’t enough; your newly-minuted adult needs to know and have access to this information. Make sure they either have a paper folder for medical records or a shared digital folder, perhaps in Dropbox, where you mutually maintain potentially necessary information.

It’s not enough that Mom & Dad and the school can access these things; your child may need to provide medical professionals with information about their blood type, health conditions (past and present), medications, surgeries, etc. (Seriously, your kids need to know their blood type!)

Legal documents related to healthcare

There are two federal laws related to maintaining the privacy of a student’s medical records. Both refer to when students are aged 18 or above, and in the first case, when students are at college. 

The first is the Federal Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA). It protects the privacy of a students’ educational records, including a student’s treatment or care at a campus health center (as well as grades and academic standing, and any disciplinary actions against them). This applies not only to students who have reached 18, but all college students.

The second, you are likely to have more familiarity with. The Health Information Portability and Accountability Act, commonly known as HIPAA, protects all medical information.

If a student has turned 18, or in the case of FERPA, is at college, Mom and Dad don’t have any legal right to access this information. But of course, that doesn’t mean your student might not want you to have access. This means you need to talk to them about three essential documents that will allow you to know what’s going on with them if they need medical care and allow you to make decisions for them if they are unable. 

  • HIPAA Release — This grants you permission to be involved in knowing what’s going on with your student’s health situation. You’ve probably had to sign a lot of your own HIPAA releases, so you know that your student will need to specify each health care provider (so, a physician, a healthcare center, a hospital) whom they authorize to release medical/treatment information. Your student’s school health care center may have links to release forms on their web site. For security, encourage your student to fill out a HIPAA release before drop-off day.
  • FERPA Waiver — This allows a student to select what kinds of information they want to share with their parents. Rather than giving blanket access, the student can choose to grant access to medical records but not grades, or vice versa. The college registrar’s office can provide a FERPA waivers, which may be a paper or online form.  
  • Power of Attorney for Healthcare (also called a healthcare proxy) — We’ve talked about this document many times, including in How to Create, Organize, and Safeguard 5 Essential Legal and Estate Documents.

Whereas a HIPAA release and FERPA waiver allow you to be part of the conversation about your young person’s medical status, a Power of Attorney for Healthcare allows you to make medical decisions for your 18+ student in the unfortunate event they are unable to do so.

Google “Power of Attorney for Healthcare” or “Medical Power of Attorney” and your state name to find sample forms online. (If your student is attending school out of state, you may need a form for both states.)

Obviously, keep copies of these documents in a secure place where you will be able to access them if your student has medical needs requiring your support.

Help Them Register to Vote

I am cautiously hopeful that I shouldn’t have to explain to you (nor you to your college-bound student) why it’s essential to be politically aware and educated, to register to vote, and to exercise that vote (not just for the highest offices, but for all down-ticket offices and ballot measures).

“I Voted” Photo by Element5 Digital on Unsplash

Laws governing registering to vote vary by state. Some states have voting by mail; others strictly require voting in person and limit absentee ballots. Deadlines also vary by state. Determine with your child whether it makes sense to register in your home county or (if possible and/or necessary) at their college residents. Be aware that voter registration deadlines are looming in many states.

Once they’re registered to vote, teach them how to evaluate candidates and issues, how to secure an absentee ballot (if applicable), and make sure they know their protections. (For example, once they are in line to vote, no matter how long the line is, or how far past official poll closing hours, they should stay in line and are guaranteed the right to cast a ballot.)

Share resources, such as:

The point is not to tell your student for whom they should vote, but to empower them with all the resources so that they can make educated decisions that reflect their beliefs, and to understand the value of their participation in the process.

ADULTING SKILLS & KNOWLEDGE BASE 101

It would take a book (see the end of today’s post) and not merely a blog post to review all the things you should make sure first-year students should know before they head off to college. But you really don’t want to get a text like the ones in this video. (Be sure to click the audio icon at the bottom to un-mute. If you want to play it again, click the “replay” circular arrow icon in the lower left corner, not the play button in the middle of the screen.)  

@the_leighton_show Posting this again for all the parents who just dropped kids off at college #teenager #text #college #freshman #funny ♬ original sound – The Leighton Show

 

A Punch List for Adulting

The rest of this post is not designed to tell you how to teach what your kids need to know; that will depend on your family’s location, lifestyle, standards, and values. Rather, treat it as a punch list.

Traditionally, a punch list is a document that lists the final work items remaining before a construction project is considered complete. More specifically, contractors use a punch list to add all the work that isn’t included in the official specifications in the construction contract; it’s the stuff that comes up later. The punch list is often made up of various tasks that were skipped because they weren’t considered originally or overlooked in favor of tasks that were more important at the time.

Well, your kid is your construction project. You’ve been building this project for 18 or so years, and you’re ready for the closing date, but you don’t want to suddenly realize there’s no time left to complete or fix what left undone. What follows today and in this series, will provide opportunities for you to tighten the bannister on the ladder of your child’s college years and adult life.

How Money Works

Many people get out into the post-college world without any idea how manage their finances.

Sometimes this is because their parents aren’t equipped to teach them the skills; other times, parents assume that certain knowledge and skills are common sense.

However, I can assure you that writing a check is no more “common sensical” to the average college-bound Gen-Z student than mobile deposits or CashApp is to your average elder Boomer or Silent Generation grandparent. 

Talk to your student to figure out what they need to know about the following:

  • How to create a budget (and keep to it)
  • How to track when bills are due and ensure they pay them on time (and understand the basics of how interest rates, fines, and fees rack up)
  • How to write a check (because yes, sometimes that’s the only way to pay for something)
  • How to endorse a check (see above, re: Grandma)
  • How to fill out a deposit slip and withdrawal ticket, and how to comport themselves in a bank, in case ATMs are down and they actually have to (gasp!) speak to someone.
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  • How to use a banking app (including for mobile deposit of a check)
  • How to use a check register — Sigh, I know this is a lost cause these days, but learning how to keep a check register (even if you never write a check) is the key to reconciling and balancing your account and thus keeping from being overdrawn or going over budget.
  • How to call, go online, or use the bank app to check the bank balance.
  • How to safely use mobile financial and payment apps — For those of us who rarely, if ever, use such apps, it can be a surprise that the default is for users of platforms like Venmo to share and display transactions (and who they paid)!

Encourage kids to keep transaction information on financial sharing apps private. Nerdwallet’s What College Students Need to Know About Payment Apps has some sound advice for protecting against fraud and safely using these apps.

  • How to understand the difference between checking and savings accounts, and between debit and credit cards. If your student does not already have a bank account, make sure to help them open one that has a branch (and ATMs) in their college community in order to avoid non-member ATM fees. Make sure they understand which ATM networks they are in and how to identify non-member ATMs.

More generally, ensure your student understands how banks work — and how your family finances will work as it pertains to them while they’re at college.

If you’ll be funding some or all of their at-school lives, explain how much money you will provide them (at the start of the semester, or each month), what they will be responsible for covering, and what to do in a financial emergency.

They may be new adults, but they are still your children, so encourage them to come to you with problems so you can problem-solve together. (This is good advice for non-financial situations, as well.)

Make sure your student understands how credit works, and discourage opening lines of credit early on. Most of the predatory methods for signing college kids up for credit cards that were common when I was an undergraduate are now illegal. Still, help them to be wary. They can sign up and start building a credit history later in their undergraduate years.

  • How to tip, when to tip, and how to determine how much to tip
  • How to sign up for student discounts on everything from computers to clothes, electronics to entertainment, retail shopping to restaurant food.

This may require showing a student ID at a local store, downloading an app, granting permission to be texted or emailed, or other more privacy-invading options. Your student will have to weigh the discount against the value of granting a company access to them. For starters, check out these resources for getting student discounts:

If this is your first go-round with sending a kid off to college, I recognize that this might be overwhelming. Your student’s college will likely provide some financial literacy workshops during orientation and ongoing, but don’t depend on them having the time or inclination to check them out.

Start by working through Study Corgi‘s A College Student’s Guide to Financial Literacy: Benefits, Tips, + Resources. It has some stellar infographics, links, and resources for guiding a young person through getting a handle on all-things-financial. 

Another good option is The Financial Diet‘s The College Student’s Guide To Money video series on YouTube. It covers budgeting, saving, investing, mindset, and making big money decisions. Start here and then continue on with the playlist:

How Insurance Works

Your student may need some or all of the following insurance coverage while at school:

  • Health insurance — The college may offer a healthcare plan. When I was in college, I was covered by both my parents’ plan and the school’s plan, but things have changed since I was a student and dinosaurs roamed the earth.

The Affordable Care Act (ACA) guarantees that your child can stay on your health insurance until reaching the age of 26. If your student is staying in-state, that should be relatively straightforward; if they’re attending college out of state, and depending on whether they will need a Marketplace plan, your student may need to apply separately. Begin familiarizing yourself with the options described on the ACA page for college students.

Doctor with stethoscope photo by Online Marketing on Unsplash

Students need to understand how co-pays, co-insurance, deductibles, and out-of-pocket limits work. Start by walking them through Paper Doll Explains Your Health Insurance Explanation of Benefits. (Who knows; you might learn something, too. Meanwhile, your student will be head-and-shoulders above where most college kids are in understanding health insurance.)

  • Car insurance — Students taking cars to college need to have insurance. Maybe your student will be on your insurance; maybe they’ll get their own policy. However your family arranges finances, it’s essential your student understands how car insurance works (and what to do in a car-related emergency).

Students, and young people in general, might be inclined to pick the least expensive coverage without knowing what it actually covers and what it doesn’t.

As with health insurance, a lot of the language surrounding car insurance can be mystifying. Try reading Organize for an Accident: Don’t Crash Your Car Insurance Paperwork [UPDATED] together to gauge what questions they might still have so you can help them make good decisions now and in the future.

Toy Car Photo by Atish Sewmangel on Unsplash

Along with standard car insurance, you may want to sign your student up for AAA or an automobile club associated with a family credit card, insurance company, or car manufacturer. Most services are fairly inexpensive and will give you (and your student) confidence in case the car needs urgent towing or emergency roadside assistance. 

  • Renter’s insurance — Homeowners know they have to have insurance, but young people (and renters, in general), are sometime surprised to realize that they should have coverage for their rented apartments. In fact, some apartment complexes require it. Luckily, renter’s insurance is (relatively) inexpensive at between $100 and $200 a year. 

Most colleges don’t require separate renter’s insurance for students living in a dorm. Parents should consult their own agents to see if their homeowner’s insurance will cover their student’s “stuff” while off at college.

Remember, renter’s insurance doesn’t just cover the cost of replacing expensive items (like computers) if they are stolen or damaged; it can also protected your whole family from liability claims if your student accidentally injures someone or damages their property. 

This is just the beginning of the advice and considerations you’ll want to discuss with your college-bound student. As this series continues next week, we’ll explore more topics, including how to:

  • Stay safe (guard your personal safety on campus)
  • Avoid an all-pink wardrobe (AKA: how to do laundry)
  • Keep the crud away (how to protect health and hygiene)
  • Stay fit and fed (what college kids should know about exercise and nutrition at school)
  • Master time management at college
  • Care for a car at school
  • Develop essential adulting skills 

The next post will also have some follow-up resources, both for parents and students, to be as prepared as possible for college life.

Until next time, when we get deeper into these resources, give yourself grace if you are stressed about sending your “construction project” off to college. Whether Leighton’s videos makes you laugh or just comfort you that you’re not alone in your frustrations with GenZ, you might want to look at his book, What Time Is Noon?: Hilarious Hilarious Texts, Ridiculous Feedback, and Not-So-Subtle Advice from Teenagers. 

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What to Do With Print Photos You Do — and Don’t — Want

Posted on: July 15th, 2024 by Julie Bestry | 12 Comments

Let’s talk about photos.

No, not the 4th of July selfies where you look gloriously happy. I’m not even talking about digital photos at all, but prints.

If you’ve only ever taken photos with a phone, did you know that’s only been possible since 1999? Babies born the week the iPhone was invented are about to be seniors in high school. And before then, there were digital cameras, but really only since the 1990s.

For most of photographic history, photos were printed on paper. (And yes, if you’ve got a headache thinking that I even need to explain this, I feel your pain, fellow oldster.) This means that many of our houses are filled with envelopes and boxes and albums of print photos, some of which aren’t very good.

DIGITAL VS. ANALOG PHOTOS: WHY IT’S HARD TO DISCARD ONE AND NOT THE OTHER

You may be wondering what the big deal is. If you’ve only (or mainly) got digital photos, you’re probably happy to let them sit there on your phone or in cloud backup. Maybe you make slide shows to display on a digital photo frame or create photo books, but they probably aren’t bothering you.

People enjoy their digital photos because we’re all used to immediately deleting bad shots.  Mom is squinting into the sun or our midriffs look bulge-y? Hit that trash can icon! We’re generally comfortable with deleting items from our photo stream.

And yet, as I’ve seen time and again with friends and clients, the prospect of throwing out any print photo seems to make people wince.

We're generally comfortable with deleting items from our photo stream, but the prospect of throwing out a print photo seems to make people wince. Share on X

People second-guess themselves when faced with a photo that resembles nothing so much as 99% thumb with a blurry background.

Recently, a client and I flipped through a stack of his late father’s photos from the 1950s. They ranged from high school dance snapshots to Korean-era war era Army training. All were shot in black-and-white, and while several were fairly crisp and well-lit, many were blurry, and either washed out or too dark.

Client’s mystery photo circa 1956

This one was not only impossible to identify (boxes? filing cabinets? Is that Mr. Potato Head?). His father, who’d meticulously noted the participants in most photos, had just written, “Beats me” on the reverse.

The reverse of the mystery photo: “Beats Me”

For six decades, this print stayed in the stack, sandwiched between personally and historically relevant photos. Why do we do this?

Maybe it’s because we’re completists. We have the negatives and we worry that if we throw out the print, the numbers won’t match up, and someone, some day, will be upset by the imbalance. 

Perhaps it’s because we don’t trust our own judgment. Compared to the high quality photography we’re capable of now, old shots are pretty poor. We’ve got thirty-seven identical photos of the lilac bush in the corner of the front yard from 1978. We’re sure they’re useless. But what if we’re wrong? What if these shots are artistic? What if we discard the one that’s actually the best?

Fearing our own taste (or lack thereof) we keep bad prints, even though we wouldn’t  hesitate to prune these from our photo streams right after snapping them.

Or maybe it’s just because analog things feel more real to us than digital things? Thus, the loss of the tangible seems real, whereas the digital even doesn’t seem real in the first place, so letting go doesn’t bother us.

If I make the decision to give away a hardcover because I know I’ll never read it again, I often feel disconcerted, even though this is what I do professionally. When a borrowed library ebook automatically gets returned (unread or even only partially read), I just shrug. There’s no distress. They’re just not real to me. I suspect for some of us, it’s the same with digital photos. But prints?

HOW TO ORGANIZE THE PRINT PHOTOS YOU DO WANT: A CHEAT SHEET

Some print photos are like a warm hug.

Paper Doll and big sister, spring 1968

Handling an embarrassment of print photo riches is a labor of love. You must:

  • Separate the wheat from the chaff and eliminate what you don’t want. (See next section.)
  • Sort photos, whether chronologically or by event types (birthdays, holidays, etc.) or themes.
  • Determine how you’ll store print photos:
    • Photo Albums — Unlike the bulky flip albums of the sixties or the sticky “magnetic” albums of the 1980s, today’s experts recommend albums with acid-free, lignin-free pages to prevent photos from yellowing or deteriorating, and photo corners or sleeves to hold the print photos in place without any adhesive touching them.
    • Photo Boxes — Step up from shoe boxes and seek out acid-free, lignin-free photo boxes that store the photos vertically (and safely), with labeled dividers and indexes to keep prints organized and categorized. 
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    • Archival Storage Envelopes and Sleeves — For safe, long-term storage, select archival-quality polypropylene, polyethylene, or polyester sleeves and archival envelopes to create additional protection within the storage boxes or albums you use.
    • Don’t make the mistake of keeping negatives with prints. If you don’t have a digital backup of your favorite photos, your negatives are your backups. If your photos were damaged by humidity, heat, predation, menacing toddlers, or other dangers, wouldn’t you want the negatives somewhere safe so you could reproduce the pictures?
  • Safeguard print photos — Whichever of the above options you choose, remember to:
    • Choose climate-controlled storage — Storage print photos in a cool, dry environment, and away from potential predation by insects or “critters.” Avoid unfinished garages and basements, the place where, too many people stick their print photo collection: out of sight, out of mind, and out of luck.
    • Think about hidden sources of moisture. — What’s behind the closets or cabinets where you store your photo collections? If pipes to bathrooms, kitchens, or laundry rooms run through those walls, a burst pipe could destroy decades of family photographic history. 
  • Digitize some portion of your photo collection — Whether you decide to keep some or all of your prints, and whether you DIY or use photo organizing software, scan digital copies of the photos that mean the most to you and your family (and maintain backups via some combination of cloud storage, external hard drives, or other external media.) 
  • Display beloved photos. There isn’t enough wall space in your home to display every picture you own. You’ll have to select favorite prints. Whatever single-photo or multi-picture frames, you’ll want:
    • UV-protective glass shields your photos from direct sunlight, which would cause prints to fade
    • Acid-free matting ensures your photos are protected from the damaging effects of acid on prints. 

GET EXPERT HELP DOWNSIZING, ORGANIZING, AND STORING PHOTOS

I’m a Certified Professional Organizer®, and I sometimes work with clients to help them reduce the excess in their analog and digital photo collections, offering an unbiased, discerning eye. 

I also help facilitate digitizing their photos by matchmaking them with my excellent NAPO-Georgia colleagues Jiffy Page of Pixorium and David McDonough of Modern Image Atlanta. (Pixorium focuses on helping preserve family history through digitizing photos and creating story books, while Modern Image Atlanta keys in on digital conversion of personal and business photos and documents.) 

I’ve also helped clients set up digital photo frames. Due to my years-long background with one client’s family photos, I even recently created a 50th anniversary digital slide show spanning almost 75 years of the husband and wife’s time on earth and with one another.

However, I’m not a photo organizing specialist. If I have any sort of complicated photo-related client issue, I’ll seek the assistance of one my specialist colleagues, like:

Andi Willis of Good Life Photo Solutions

Isabelle Dervaux of Isabelle Dervaux Family Photo Curator

Laurie Neumann of The Innovative Organizer

You can find professional organizers who specialize in organizing photos through the search directory at the National Association of Productivity and Organizing Professionals (NAPO) website. 

Additionally, the The Photo Managers (formerly the Association of Personal Photo Organizers (APPO)) is a stellar source for finding professionals who can help you downsize your photo collection, organize the pictures, and best display and share them. Check out their blog.

For those inclined to organize family photos on their own, avail yourself of books like:

Photo Organizing Made Easy: Going from Overwhelmed to Overjoyed by Cathi Nelson (founder of The Photo Managers)

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What’s a Photo Without the Story: How to Create Your Family Legacy by Hazel Thornton (beloved friend of the blog)

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Declutter Your Photo Life: Curating, Preserving, Organizing, and Sharing Your Photos by Adam Pratt

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What if, after going through all of your photos, you still have too many “beats me” shots or “OK, but I just don’t care” photos?

WHAT TO DO WITH THE PHOTO PRINTS YOU DON’T WANT

The concept of “unwanted” photographs is complex.

After all, there’s a huge difference between a photo requiring you to squint to see whether it’s soup or a clogged drain vs. a picture of you with an abusive former partner. There’s a huge chasm between a blurry shot of the side of your neighbor’s car and a photo of unidentified party revelers.

Let’s start with what to do with print photos you don’t exposed and those you think nobody else would want.

Discard Unwanted Print Photos

I get it if that the idea freaks you out. I’m not saying to toss a good photo of Grandma into the trash along with the potato peels.

But all your blurry prints? The photos where you can’t identify a single human being, or pet, or location? A shot of the carpet you almost bought in 1972 but didn’t? The picture of your house after a blizzard that looks like every picture of every blizzard since you’ve been alive?

Where was this? Who are these people? 

Are you having trouble getting rid of “worthless” photos? Here’s a neat trick. Take the print photo and snap a digital photo of it with your phone. Now, look at the digital shot. If you’d just taken that today, or yesterday, or last week, and were clearing out your photo stream, would you be inclined to keep the digital shot?

If you wouldn’t keep the digital version, let go of the print version. (Sometimes it helps to go through the process with a less sentimental friend, or your professional organizer.)

Photos that represent nothing and are meaningful to nobody can be tossed. Yes, really.

Shred Sensitive Print Photos

This is the go-to if you have a photo you no longer want, but also wouldn’t want strangers to get their hands on it. 

I know what you’re thinking, and that does includes naughty photos. (I suspect that such photos became MUCH more common after the birth of digital photography.) But that’s not the only category you might want to shred.

Some people — and not just celebrities — would shred blurry or unsatisfactory print photos of their children to keep strangers from handling them. 

You might also come across photos where you (or a loved one) doesn’t look great. Maybe it’s weight. Maybe it’s a bad haircut. Perhaps it was during a time or heartache or recovering from a long illness (or treatment of one). It’s perfectly OK to let go of photos that make you (or someone else) feel bad. To keep an insensitive person (or, paparazzi) from “rescuing” such photos from the trash, shred them first.

Discarding and shredding covers photos you don’t want out in the world, but what about photos you just have no need or desire, but you bear no antipathy towards them?

Give The Print Photos To Someone Who Will Value Them

If you don’t want a photo, but there’s nothing inherently “wrong” with it (however you define that), give it away:

  • Send prints to the person in the shots — How delighted someone might be to know you came across a fun photo of them from years ago and wanted to share it! Turn it into a postcard or pop it into an envelope.
  • Share the photo(s) with the family archivist — Does someone in your family serve this role officially? Perhaps you’ve got a distant cousin who would be charmed by shots of other cousins or great-greats? Just because they don’t excite you, future relatives might someday be pleased to have these photos in the family.
  • Stick them on the company bulletin board  — Chances are good that your current or former workplace has an unofficial historian. Even if you barely remember who the people in the print photos may be  — maybe you were a summer intern thirty years ago? — someone at ACME might be thrilled to include shots in a company newsletter, history wall, or annual report. (Know anyone who has worked at the National Institutes of Health? Their NIH Stetten Museum is collecting photo donations!)

Donate Your Print Photos for Posterity

You might be wondering — if you don’t want a photo, why would anyone else?

The answer is, a lot of people, organizations, and projects. The key is the content of photos. 

Years ago, I helped an author organize her book research. One day, we took a “field trip” to look at some items that she’d dug out of storage. We found an envelope filled with photos from the 1940s. The author’s father had fought in WWII and took photos of the liberation of concentration camps. After some discussion, we called a nearby Jewish Cultural Center and set up and appointment for her to meet with the director. Eventually, she donated the photos, which they used in a Holocaust memorial exhibit and then forwarded them to the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington, DC.

In another example, a client had photos, programs, and dance cards from mid-20th-century dances at an all-Black high school. The school no longer exists, but someone pointed us toward the high school sorority that sponsored the dance. The nearest local chapter appreciated the offer of photos, but lacked the space or personnel to handle them. However, they referred us to the national headquarters where the items were archived and displayed.

Photo contents will dictate possibilities. Talk with friends (or a professional organizer) to get ideas as to who may benefit from — and be delighted by — photos in your possession. Here are a handful of ideas, and I welcome you adding more in the comments section:

Libraries

Many library systems have local history or genealogy sections and welcome donations of old photographs, especially if they are geographically relevant. 

Museums and Local Historical Societies

Local, regional, and national museums might be interested in photographs that depict historical events, places, or notable figures. Your local historical society (or one local to where a photo was taken) might be thrilled to preserve local history through your your prints.

Genealogical Societies

These organizations often accept photographs that could be useful to others researching family histories. The Society of American Archivists has an article, Donating Your Personal or Family Records to a Repository, which may help spark your imagination.

Universities and Colleges

Was your grandmother one of the first women to attend a particular college after it went co-ed? Perhaps your great-uncle played on a sports team at his university. If you’ve got photos that have clearly identifiable landmarks from a particular university, particularly if it’s in good condition and from a fairly bygone era, the university’s archivist or college historian might find the pictures useful for an exhibition or collection.

The same goes for anything at a college or university related to an event or organization. Got a photo of the marching band from 1972 performing at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade or a theater department’s production in 1956? They may love it! When I’m long gone, perhaps the Cornell University International Living Center might enjoy access to a photo of the graduates of the class of 1989 lined up in the Flag Room.

Paper Doll and fellow Class of 1989 Cornell ILC’ers

Content need not be university-specific. If your alma mater or any other institute of higher learning has history or anthropology departments, they may accept photograph donations for research purposes.

Government Archives

Local, regional, state or national archives may be interested in photographs that have historical significance. Obviously it’s best if you have context (diaries, notes on the reverse of the print photo), but if your print looks like it shows a significant event, see if you can share it.

Military and Veteran’s Organizations, VFW Posts, and Military Museums

Starting in the late 1930s, camera equipment became much smaller and more popular. American GIs took a lot of snapshots during World War II, the Korean Conflict, and the Vietnam War. If you’ve got family members who were veterans, you likely have print photos.

If you have any context or clarifying information and from what military division or post they came, don’t hesitate to see if there’s interest from your local VFW post, or check the donations policiesof groups linked below:

Greek Organizations

We tend to think of Greek fraternities and sororities as being college entities, but as my client’s story above noted, there were Greek organizations in high schools from the late 1800s through the mid 1970s. Here’s Paper Mommy and sorority sisters at a dance, circa 1953.

Special Interest Groups

Groups focused on specific themes (e.g., military history, railroads, architecture, Elvis) might find your photographs valuable.  

Don’t assume only big city topics are of interest. Were your parents (or grandparents) or their siblings active in 4H Clubs or local cooperative extension services? Their photos may be perfect for an organization’s website or educational archives.

The National Wildlife Federation

Do you have photos of North American wildlife or wild places? The National Wildlife Federation is eager to accept donations of photos and photo usage rights to help raise funds for conservation.

(This probably isn’t the kind of wild life they’re seeking, but Paper Doll is an organizer and child of concrete, not a wildlife photographer.) 

Online Projects

Websites dedicated to preserving history, such as the Digital Public Library of America (DLPA) (supporting education, scholarly research, and family research) or the Library of Congress’s digital collections, might accept copies of your prints for digital purposes. They probably won’t care about your eighth birthday party unless someone (else) significant attended, but if individuals in your family photos relate to significant events (or lived through significant eras), your contribution might be valuable.

The Photo Vault is an online project with the following mission:

Our ultimate mission is to preserve photographic history around the world for future generations….It is our mission to digitize and record lost, forgotten and otherwise discarded photographs for years to come. Our efforts are focused on preserving old negatives, developing old film, digitizing photos, postcards, journals and old letters, preserving and conserving them, and creating a record of the people, places, events and activities of our human race. After all, it’s our story!

Non-profit Organizations

Non-profits focusing on preservation, history, or culture might be generally interested in your photographs; if family members volunteered for these organizations, they may want them for organizational archives. 

Authors, Bloggers, and Influencers

Do you have photos related to a favorite author or blogger’s sphere of influence? Do you follow a YouTuber or TikTok star who uses interesting photos for the backgrounds of their videos? For instance, an influencer who talks about wedding fashions might find this photo of my great-aunt’s late-1920s wedding intriguing. 

(No, Paper Mommy isn’t tossing the print; this is just an example.)

How to Donate Photos

Obviously, you’re not going to just package up these photos and drop them on the doorstep of an organization.

First, contact a representative through email or by phone to describe the contents and context of the photographs you possess.

Next, ask if they are accepting donations. If they’re at a distance, offer to digitize and send a handful of photos to help them identify what you have.

If they’re unable to use your photos, inquire as to whether their parent or sibling organizations, or some expert they know, might find the photos useful.

Donating your unwanted photos ensures they will be wanted, preserved, appreciated, and accessible for future generations.

Find New Life for Unfinished Needlework Projects and Pre-Loved Stuffed Animals

Posted on: July 8th, 2024 by Julie Bestry | 12 Comments

It’s rare that Paper Doll wanders away from the productivity topics of organizing paper, information, and time management, but a few intriguing services were shared with me recently and may be just what some readers need to put a smile on their faces.

When I work with organizing clients to help them downsize or declutter, some things are always easier to let go off than others. Whether we have ample time or are restricted due to an impending move or change in life circumstances, I always try to begin with the areas of a home that have lesser sentimental attachments. It’s just easier to declutter a bathroom cabinet, linen closet, or kitchen than it is to reduce personal memorabilia, photos, or keepsakes.

Today, we’re going to look at some novel ideas for letting go of things you no longer need or can’t use as-is, but are having difficulty parting with because you feel an obligation to the item in question or the person who owned it.

LOOSE ENDS

Some people just have the knack for knitting, crocheting, and needlework projects.

For example, my grandmother (Paper Mommy‘s mother) supplied the family with an inordinate number of multicolored knit afghans (and, admittedly one set of toddler mittens with square, too-short compartments for thumb and fingers). Her sister, my great-aunt, created a sumptuous brocade coat, sewed an inspired wedding gown, and crocheted the loveliest butter-yellow sundress — all for my sister’s Barbies.

The skills, however, did not pass down to later generations. Finding Paper Mommy sewing on a loosened button, my sister squinted and inquired, “Who are you and what have you done with my real mother?!” I, myself, have never stooped to, but have considered, fixing a ripped seam with a stapler.

Of course, my family is not your family, and your mileage may vary. (In which case, could you help me with this hem?)

Public Domain, Library of Congress, circa 1944

When You Are At Loose Ends with Unfinished Knitting/Needlework Projects

Have you ever gone through the closets or drawers of a loved one who has passed away to find that they’ve left behind a number of unfinished needlework projects? So many of my clients have found that their spouses or parents or grandparents have left half-finished sweaters or blankets. These left-behind pieces of handiwork reside in a no-man’s land, neither finished projects nor purely raw materials.  

Or, have you known people who have derived great satisfaction from their needlework projects but are no longer able to complete them due to serious illness or disability? I have clients, for example, who suffer from conditions ranging from macular degeneration to debilitating arthritis to Parkinson’s, and they have had to relinquish their needlework hobbies.

It can be demoralizing for them to have these unfinished projects mocking them, so they may stuff them away in cabinets or closets. Meanwhile, it’s heartbreaking to give up on the idea of them being transformed into enjoyable pieces.

If you’re an accomplished knitter, and the yarn selection appeals to you, and you have the time and energy, you might take up the project yourself and finish it. But if one or more of those circumstances doesn’t apply?

Yes, you could donate the unfinished piece, as is, and leave it for the universe to match the project to the right person, but what if you could help the universe along?

 

 

Enter Loose Ends, a free service for getting your loved one’s needlework projects completed.

The founders, Jen Simonic and Masey Kaplan are avid knitters who found that they both had the experience of friends asking them to complete needlework projects originally begun by loved ones who had passed away. They were enthusiastic to do so, but recognizing the joy of wearing or using something a loved one created, they realized that there was an opportunity to create and share more joy.

In doing so, they built an organization that turns the clutter of unfinished projects into beautiful collaborations involving those who started the projects, the loved ones who see a chance for completing them, and volunteers who bring the projects to fruition.

Loose Ends turns the clutter of unfinished projects into beautiful collaborations involving those who started the projects, the loved ones who see a chance for completing them, and volunteers who bring the projects to fruition. Share on X

Simonic and Kaplan see themselves and Loose Ends, now a 501(c)3 nonprofit (as of May 2023), as matchmakers. Their website notes that, “In knitting patterns, this is noted as K2Tog (knitting two together).” Not being a knitter, I’ll take their word for it.

How Loose Ends Works

Imagine you’ve gone through Grandma’s craft room, identifying all the unfinished sweaters or doilies or baby blankets. You can submit these unfinished projects to Loose Ends and Simonic and Kaplan’s team will survey the Loose Ends database of “finishers” to find a likely match based on geography, skill level, and the ineffable “druthers,” of what volunteers’ profiles show as their interests.

Loose Ends then contacts the finishers to see if the project is a good match, and if so they introduce the finisher and project owner by email.

Then, like any good yenta (matchmaker), Loose Ends leaves the project owner and finisher to develop the project-completion relationship in their own time and manner. (Of course, if it’s necessary, the Loose Ends team is available for troubleshooting problems, offering advice, or reassigning the project to a different finisher, if circumstances proves necessary.)

It usually takes up to a few weeks to find a finisher for a project, and then more time for the finishers to receive the project from the sender. As I discussed in Paper Doll On Understanding and Conquering Procrastination, it takes activation energy to get the ball rolling.

I imagine how much activation energy it must take just for someone to reach out for help; it might take quite a bit for the project owner to move to the next step of communicating with a finisher and even more to finally ship the project.

Finishers, whether they are knitters, crocheters, quilters, or other types of textile crafters, sign up online; similarly, project owners submit their projects online. 

What Projects Will Loose Ends Accept?

Loose Ends has a detailed FAQ section, but you may be wondering who actually qualifies to have their projects finished by Loose Ends volunteers. The criteria related to who started the project and the material and projects involved: 

  1. The original crafter must be deceased or unable to do handwork due to illness or disability. (In other words, this isn’t a service for people just looking to get free needlework done! These volunteers are lovingly completing projects started by those who are unable to do so.)
  2. The project must be partially begun. (So, no sending in Grandma’s unopened needlepoint kits.)
  3. The project and its materials must be free of moths and moth eggs. Similarly, they will not accept any contaminated yarn or rotting materials. (You would think that this would go without saying, but during my time as a professional organizer, I’ve seen people try to “donate” things that are dirty or otherwise, for want of a better term, yucky. You wouldn’t want someone sending something yucky to your home; right?)
  4. The project must be clean and not smell of mothballs or mold. If the project has been in a home with cigarette smoke, Loose Ends will try to match the project to a volunteer finisher whois not bothered by the scent of cigarettes.
  5. The project owner must want the project back — to keep! (I don’t imagine this means you can’t give the blanket to your kids.)

Submitted projects don’t have to involve knitting. Loose Ends notes that the projects can involve “any textile handwork… knit, crochet, sewing, quilting, mending, rug-making, Tunisian crochet, embroidery, cross-stitch, needlepoint, weaving, etc.”

I didn’t even know what Tunisian crochet was, but apparently it’s not quite as exotic as you might think, and involves the stitching used to make afghans.

Logistics and Costs

Understandably, the more specialized the craft, the more time it may take to match the project to the finisher, and if the project and its finisher are far apart geographically, shipping in both directions will increase the time.

Speaking of geography, finishers and project owners need not be in the United States. Work can come from or be finished anywhere in the world! As of six months ago, Loose Ends had 19,000 finishers in 64 countries!

Public Domain Photo Circa 1914-1918

Library of Congress CALL NUMBER: POS – WWI – US, no. 118 (C size) [P&P]

Finishers complete projects at no cost, but (understandably) any shipping costs in both directions get covered by the project owner. Loose Ends works to minimize costs by matching individuals in nearby geographic areas whenever possible.

Impressively, the site notes that if a project requires acquisition of extra materials, JOANN Fabric and Craft Stores (Loose Ends’ partner) will supply anything available at their stores at no cost. (Editor’s Note: JOANN has recently filed for chapter 11 bankruptcy, so it’s not clear if this will have an impact on their future support.) However, if a project requires the purchase of supplies elsewhere, that’s the project owner’s responsibility. 

Sundries, Notions, and Benefits

What if you (or your loved one) had no projects to finish, but oodles of fabrics, yarn, or craft supplies? Loose Ends can’t accept those materials, but they’ve amassed a huge state-by-state and country-by-country list of organizations that can give new life to these supplies. Go to their donations page and scroll down.

Speaking of donations, if you’d like to donate financially to Loose Ends’s efforts, you can do so through Zeffy, a Canadian donation processing company for nonprofits that does not charge fees.

Paper Doll may not be into crafting, but I find Loose Ends to be a lovely project with benefits for all.

Are you an inveterate knitter whose family and friends just don’t want or need one more sweater, lap blanket or tea cozy? If you just can’t give up the clickety-clacking of your needles, this gives you a fun project to work on without fear of adding fuzzy clutter to your space or the spaces of those you love. (I’m sorry, but some of us just don’t need any more yarn things!)

Meanwhile, those who’ve lost someone one can get one final gift of connection, completed lovingly by a crafter who shares their loved one’s passion for handiwork.

The finished project becomes a legacy instead of a piece of clutter.

For a more in-depth discussion of Loose Ends, co-founder Jen Simonic just appeared on the most recent episode of the video podcast Fiberchats, hosted by Irina Shaar.

LOVED BEFORE

My fabulous colleague Janice Simon, better known as The Clutter Princess, knows I’m a sucker for nifty projects like Loose Ends and recently sent me a TikTok about another sweet service, this one saving the environment while reducing household stuffed animal clutter. 

If you’ve got stuffies that your children have outgrown (or which were given to you by boyfriends later found to be poopyheads) then you know how difficult it can be to move them onward.

We professional organizers usually consider donation first whenever helping clients let go of excess possessions. Stuffed animals and other such toys can be donated to standard charities like Goodwill, hospitals, shelters for unhoused individuals and families, domestic violence shelters, daycare centers, social services agencies, and organizations like Stuffed Animals for Emergencies (SAFE), which give them to the police departments to share with children who’ve experienced a trauma.

The problem? These donations generally need to be brand-new, or at least very gently used, toys. Typically, well-loved stuffed toys generally can’t be donated for hygiene reasons.

The alternative to donation, especially for once-loved but beaten-up fuzzy friends, is the landfill, and nobody wants that.

And, of course, if you believe that your stuffed friends won’t find loving owners through donation, and you can’t bear the thought of them ending up on the junk heap, how will you ever bear letting them go at all? It’s no wonder that so many people have houses filled with ignored, dust-gathering stuffed animals!

Loved Before, a London, UK-based organization, has found an alternative for giving new life to old “soft toys” (what we call stuffed animals). Their mission is to:

make a difference by recycling pre-loved toys into “eco toys” that are not only adorable but also sustainable. We believe through the medium of soft toys we can teach the importance of preserving our planet to future generations.

Loved Before sees itself as the first eco-friendly, fully sustainable soft toy adoption agency.

Donate Your Stuffies — And Their Stories

Loved Before accepts donations of soft toys in “all shapes, sizes, species and conditions,” no matter whether they are store-bought Steiff, Gund, Beanie Babies, or Build-a-Bear friends or multi-generational, wonky, and handmade with love. (However, they can’t accept plastic toys or those with electronic or mechanical parts.)

People are invited to pack the soft toys/stuffed animals to donate securely in a cardboard box, along with a return address (in case the process goes awry and the package must be returned to the sender). You can even include a little note with contact information so Loved Before can assure you that your little friend has arrived at its destination safely.

Along with your donation, you’re encouraged to write up the life story of your sweet little stuffed friend. Attach it with a string or ribbon tied around the neck or waist. It’s helpful to “add a clear descriptions or even photos” so Loved Before can be sure they’re matching the right life story to the right stuffie, especially if you’re sending more than one. 

Including your soft toy’s life story is optional, but contributes to the delight of how they will be matched to future families. Loved Before provides prompts to help you become your toy’s biographer, like:

  • What are the likes and dislikes of your teddy?
  • What is your teddy looking for in a new home?
  • Do you have any memories or funny stories with your teddy?
  • How has your teddy helped or been special to you?
  • Is there anything you’d like to say about yourself?

Package up your soft toy and biography and either book a drop-off appointment at, or ship it to, Loved Before’s HQ:

202 Heath Road
LU73AT
Leighton Buzzard
Bedfordshire, UK

or register to donate it at one of their UK roadshow donations.

UK? Yes, unfortunately for all of us on on this side of the pond, Loved Before currently operates only in the UK. However, they’re looking to expand their efforts globally, and are even seeking volunteers worldwide to reduce the landfill and spread joy.

The Loved Before Spa Experience & Photo Shoot

But wait. Why can these used, possibly shmutzy soft ties be donated? That’s the nifty part!

Loved Before states that although it’s overarching mission is to “change perspectives through the medium of eco-friendly soft toys, our biggest commitment is to ensure all of our pre loved soft toys are safe and clean.”

To ensure safety, every toy gets a “health check.” Then, to make sure that every little stuffed friend is sparklingly clean, Loved Before sends them for a full-on spa experience to clean and re-fluff these “pre-loved” toys.

The actual spa process varies by individual stuffie, and depends on the age, condition, and materials of the soft toy in question. All are “thoroughly cleaned, repaired, and disinfected to ensure cleanliness and safety.” 

Want to see what’s going on during this process? Loved Before documents the entire experience on their Instagram page (and you can see many of the new adoptees and friends on their TikTok).

Eventually, your soft friends make their way through the spa for a full shampoo-and-set (plus any necessary refreshing) and then have their own personal photoshoot before being added to the Loved Before adoption center. 

The Path to Happily Ever After

Once stuffed friends are spa-pretty and have their photo shoot, they are ready to be adopted, and their photos and stories of their adventures go up on the Loved Before store site in anticipation of them being re-homed to find new their new families! 

“Meet” the adoptees newly-ready for adventures by going to the Loved Before website each Monday at 8 pm GMT (3 pm EST). Want a reminder to make sure you get to see each new, delightful adoptee? Subscribe to be sent reminders via a link in the banner!

You can peruse potential adoptees by:

  • brand (Aurora World, Beanie Babies, Build-a-Bear, Charlie Bears, Gund, Jelly Cat, Keel, Merrythought, Steiff, Wild Republic, etc.),  
  • species (bears, giraffes, dinosaurs, etc.), or
  • collection (teenies, mythical creatures, woodland or sea creatures, farm animals, famous “celebrity” characters, etc.)

It’s also possible to see who has been recently adopted.

Once you select a new friend to adopt, click to purchase — I mean, process your adoption fees.

“Meet Ida, the soft toy with a passion for folklore! This little cutie loves listening to stories about mythical creatures and magical adventures. One time, I caught Duha trying to cast a spell with a wand made of popsicle sticks! Always keeping me entertained with their whimsical imagination.”

Loved Before uses fully recyclable, biodegradable, and sustainably sourced materials for all packaging.

The Benefits of Loved Before

Original families who no longer have the space for, or the tiny humans to give attention to, the soft toys can lovingly find them refreshed bodies and new families.

Children (and adults) have the delight of finding new eco-friendly chums with whom to share adventures. 

The landfill stays clear of stuffies.

At least half of the profit from each sustainable soft-toy adoptee goes to Make-A-Wish UK. (Read more about Loved Before’s charity model.)

Final Thoughts

Yes, Loved Before is in the UK, so it’s much farther away than the 100 Acre Woods to send your stuffies or adopt from there. Still, it’s heartwarming to read about the little friends who’ve found new lives with their new families in an environmentally sound way, and we can be hopeful that their efforts will go global sooner rather than later. Here’s the latest update on that very thing!

(P.S. If anyone knows how to center a YouTube short on WordPress, please let me know in the comments!)

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