Archive for ‘Downsizing’ Category
The Boo-Hoo Box: Organizing Painful Clutter
This post was originally published on May 17, 2021. It has been updated as of August 21, 2022.
Red Amazon Danbow on Brown Wooden Surface by burak kostak from Pexels
As you read organizing blogs, it may seem as though all of the advice is the same, about reducing clutter and then organizing what remains. However, it’s important to recognize that not all clutter is the same.
CATEGORIES OF CLUTTER
Understanding the different types of clutter gives us good insight into the different reasons we keep things, but also helps develop different strategies for managing that clutter. When working with my organizing clients, we tend to identify six different kinds of clutter.
- Practical clutter — These are things that are useful, in and of themselves, like clothing, bedding, or kitchen implements. It’s not that we don’t need these things, but we generally don’t need so many (black skirts, frying pans) and we need to let go when specific items no longer suit our needs.
- Informational clutter — We keep documents and clippings, whether on paper or digitally, because we believe the information is valuable. The problem is that we rarely go back to consider how valuable something is now vs. when we acquired it, and we tend not to think about whether it might be better to eliminate outdated information, digitize it, or access the information anew via the internet to reduce the bulk.
- Identity clutter — Sometimes, the clutter we keep is an excess of items that we feel help define us. Our clutter may not be useful (in a practical sense) but we perceive it as useful for defining who we are or who we wish to be seen as. Our clutter might say, “I’m the kind of person who runs marathons [or wins spelling bees or bakes from scratch].”
- Aspirational clutter — This type of clutter accounts for all of the items in your space which support hobbies you tell yourself that you are going to take up, but never really do. Whether you are saving a closet full of fancy papers and Cricut gadgets for the day when you finally decide to become a scrapbooker or amass shelves of books on the topic of How To [train championship Greyhounds, write a novel, become a successful crypo-tocurrency miner], there comes a point when you’ve got to recognize that you have an excess of items supporting a life you don’t really lead.
- Nostalgic clutter — Nostalgia is defined as “a sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations.” Obviously, life is made better by the things that truly remind us of happy (or happier) times, but an excess of nostalgic emblems of our past can fill up our homes in the present and prevent us from having space in our lives to make a future. Sometimes, we just have to take photos of those ancient macaroni art projects and discard the originals, letting them crumble in peace.
An excess of nostalgic emblems of our past can fill up our homes in the present and prevent us from having space in our lives to make a future. Share on X - Painful or sad clutter — This category encompasses things that remind us of bad times or bad people.
Break-Up Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
Today, we’re going to look at that final category and how to make letting go easier.
It may seem odd that anyone would hold onto things that make them unhappy. Sometimes, they’re keeping things that are unpleasant but necessary to maintain (for legal or other reasons), but far more often, we professional organizers find clients keeping things that just plain make them feel bad.
KNOW WHEN TO ELIMINATE PAINFUL CLUTTER
Early in my career, I worked with a client who was trying hard to regain control of her life after a variety of disappointments and challenges. We’d made it through her closets, cabinets, and practical storage areas and were working through her home office easily until we encountered personal papers. At that point, we hit a wall.
This is why most professional organizers will encourage you to start with practical items and those with no sentimental attachment; it’s important to build up decluttering and decision-making skills first before attempting to let go of possessions that are fraught with the weight of personal history. For this client, the emotional clutter took the form of a series of letters written by her mother.
These letters were unpleasant, unkind, and to my eye (and according to the client) filled with claims that were patently untrue. My client had done a remarkable job developing emotional strength and stamina to reject emotional abuse from earlier in her life. Intellectually, she wanted to let these items go. Emotionally, she could not bring herself to do it.
It’s not my role as an organizer to make decisions for clients; rather, I present my expertise and advice and try to support them in the ways they most need in order to reach their stated goals.
Getting Ready to Let Go
So, first, we talked about how and when she “used” the letters. She noted that she used to read the letters far too often, in effect abusing herself by becoming a sort of Groundhog Day postal carrier, re-delivering the anger and unkindness to herself. She felt she’d “gotten better” in recent times, only looking at them when her self-esteem was at its lowest. Of course, that’s when they could do the most damage!
Therapy Photo by cottonbro from Pexels
Second, I encouraged her to discuss the letters with a therapist. Although my client has shared much of her prior history in counseling, she had not shared the specific content: the ugly words, threats, and heart-wrenching claims. After several sessions, my client felt relieved because a trained mental health professional was able to disabuse her of the idea that the letters held any more truth than a scary Stephen King novel.
Finally, we talked together about why she thought she was keeping the letters. (She touched on this in therapy, but we found some different angles.)
It’s very common that when we have a tangible reminder that someone has hurt us, we hold on to it as proof. Somewhere deep inside us, we may feel that letting go of the proof is absolving the person of responsibility for what they’ve done.
It’s not true.
Letting go of your college boyfriend’s tacky breakup letter won’t absolve him of the pain he caused you. But it will set you free from the cycle of pain you experience every time you re-encounter it when flipping through your yearbook or sorting through mementos.
Letting go of your college boyfriend's tacky breakup letter won't absolve him of the pain he caused you. But it will set you free from the cycle of pain you experience every time you re-encounter it. Share on XIf you have painful clutter, once you’ve talked through the underlying issues with a licensed mental health professional, it may help you to then recite a quote variously attributed to everyone from St. Augustine to Carrie Fisher:
“Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”
Be Kind To Yourself
Not all of the painful clutter in our lives comes from others. Sometimes, we hold onto things that reflect pain that we’ve caused ourselves. I’ve had clients who keep “fat photos,” pictures of themselves in bathing suits when they were significantly less healthy than they are now, in places where they’ll come across them fairly often — in their underwear drawers, on the walls of their closets, under a silly magnet pinned to the refrigerator door, etc.
Come on now. That’s just bullying yourself. Yes, some people need the stick rather than the carrot approach to be motivated, but it’s important to avail yourself of healthy motivators.
Similarly, people often hold onto what they view as examples of their failures. These often come in the form of messages from others who (generally) mean no ill will, but which individuals use to beat themselves up.
For example, I’ve worked with clients in their fifties who saved college rejection letters and failed tests. In some situations, these kinds of things can have potential to motivate; if you post the 37% you got on your algebra quiz above your desk, it may help you push forward to do your homework, work with a tutor, and attend office hours, but if all it does is sour you on math (or if you’ve been out of school for decades and never have to take another math class again), then OMG, free yourself!
Not everyone has to be good at math. As Paper Mommy often says, “Someone has to make the struedel!”
Not everyone has to be good at math. As @PaperMommy often says: Someone has to make the struedel! Share on XSimilarly, if you’re keeping rejection letters for your novel so you can make them into wallpaper, or show them off as a badge of honor once you make good, that’s cool. But if, instead of motivating you, they just make you sad, then they’re clutter. It’s time to let go. Shred them. Trash them with the wet coffee grounds, cat litter, and dirty diapers. Burn them.
[Note: the above advice is designed to help you let go of the sad kind of painful clutter. However, if you have been the victim of domestic violence, stalking, or workplace or online harassment, it’s important to be able to document the behavior, especially if it escalates, for legal purposes.]
HIDE PAINFUL CLUTTER
Fans of The Gilmore Girls may recall Lorelai’s two pieces of sage advice to her daughter after Rory and her first love, Dean, broke up.
First? “Wallow!”
From an organizing perspective, however, a more important piece of guidance is knowing when to create The Box. In the show, Lorelai helped Rory gather up every reminder of her precious, heart-wrenching three-month relationship with Dean (complete with the box of corn starch Rory accidentally shoplifted after Dean surprised her with her first kiss). Then they put it all in a box. A Dean Box.
Rory begged her to take it all “far, far away from the house” and Lorelai promised that, like any good mafia hit victim, “it sleeps with the fishes.” Of course, as Rory eventually learned, her mom actually just hid the box in the back of the closet, wisely knowing that sometimes, our painful clutter isn’t always painful forever, and it’s not always even clutter, with the passage of time. Sometimes it can become nostalgia.
You may have your own version of the Dean Box. (Even Lorelai had a Max Box, reminders of the man who proposed with a thousand yellow daisies.) I often call it the Boo-Hoo Box, or the Bad Boyfriend Box. Sometimes it starts with reminiscences from one heartbreak and it becomes a repository for all the heartbreak you’ve experienced over time. That’s fine, as long as you stick to one box — the point is to lessen the clutter in your space!
Baby Steps for Hiding Painful Clutter
Use a non-descript container for the Boo-Hoo Box. If you use a pretty hatbox or a container in a designer color, then you’ll never be able to use that container and see anything but heartache. Opt for something quotidian and universal, like a used Amazon box or a classic Bankers Box.
Label the box in a low-key way, especially if you don’t want people poking around. “1997 Tax Prep” is a label that won’t encourage anyone to go spelunking. You’ll know what the box contains, unless you’re one of the rare people gifted with people able to always and completely forget about the Boo-Hoo box. (If you are, then once you come across the box after a long time, you’ll be in a much better position to review the contents and downsize or even eliminate it.)
Store the box where you won’t have to see it all the time. The back of a closet is the best place to hide heartache you’re not ready to toss. (If feng shui matters to you, try not to store the box in the part of the bagua related to romance or family, or whatever the contained items relate to.)
Rename paper file folder tabs if being reminded of the content stirs up too much emotion. One of my clients was going through a divorce. He needed to keep a variety of documents at easy reach, sometimes even on his desk, but didn’t want to be reminded (or have his kids reminded, when they walked by the desk). Yes, obviously everyone knew there was a divorce, but he didn’t need to keep rubbing salt in the wound. We labeled the file “Dallas” because Dallas and divorce both begin with D and because nothing about Dallas duplicated anything he was already working on. Give yourself some emotional distance from the contents when you can’t create physical distance.
Create digital Boo-Hoo boxes for your non-tangible painful clutter:
- To keep but hide certain unhappy-making emails, create a separate subfolder and manually move the email out of your inbox. [Note: If you’re maintaining email from a stalker, an estranged family member, or someone whose message you’d otherwise like to avoid, use the Rules function of your email platform (Gmail, Outlook, Apple Mail) to automate moving all mail arriving from a sender to a specific subfolder.
- If you have painful documents on your computer, it’s important to avoid stumbling upon them. Create a folder that serves as a digital Boo-Hoo Box and put it inside another folder, one where the hierarchy makes sense. A folder called “Yucky Stuff” will alphabetically sort near the bottom of a “Personal Stuff” folder on your computer, and is vague enough that it won’t immediately call to mind the thing that might set off tears.
- On your phone, photos of you and a loved one that are too painful to look at right now could be marked as “hidden” and will be sent to a hidden album to which you need to navigate, rather than randomly showing up in your camera roll. Remember, the purpose of hiding is not security, but just to protect your heart.
- If your painful clutter comes by way of social media, remember that you have options. Whether your former BFF uninvited you to a wedding, you’re on the outs with a family member, or you don’t want your ex to know how much it hurts to see them moving on, learn the tools that let you play it cool. On Twitter, you can mute someone without unfollowing; on Facebook, you can unfollow without unfriending; on Instagram, mute without unfollowing.
Send your heartbreak on vacation. Sometimes, you need to get painful clutter completely out of your space until you are in the right frame of mind to think about it. One stellar solution is to take your Boo-Hoo Box to a close friend’s home — OK, probably your best friend’s home — and let them babysit it in the back of their closet for six weeks or six months or six years.
Obviously, you don’t want to turn your clutter into theirs, which is why you want to limit this to one reasonably-sized box. Seal it more securely than you would if it were in your own home, especially if your friend has tiny humans, and label it with something that has your return address on it in case something unforeseen happens.
If the contents of the Boo-Hoo Box are sensitive, something that you could not bear to have seen by your BFF or her snooping mother-in-law or have displayed on social media, open a safe deposit box at your bank and secure it there. By the time your box is up for renewal in a year, you’ll have had time to consider the contents with fresh eyes, and hopefully, a refreshed spirit.
EVENTUALLY…
As Lorelai Gilmore wisely knew, heartbreak doesn’t last forever. Eventually (hopefully), it’s the ending of some love stories that creates the poignancy that makes the whole romance worth revisiting, whether after months, years, or decades. (This likely feels more true of anyone’s first lost love than a recent one.)
Other kinds of sadness comes from loss, from cruelty, from embarrassment, and from a variety of sources at which we’d like to stick out our tongues. There’s no timetable for getting ready to review or to eliminate any of these items. But it’s healthier and easier to heal with we’re not confronted with reminders of our pain every day.
The more we can downsize, repackage, and yes — if necessary — hide painful clutter, the more quickly we can regain our emotional strength and resilience.
Ask Paper Doll: How And Where Can I Donate Lots of Books?
This is the first in a recurring series of Ask Paper Doll posts where you can get your burning organizing questions answered by Paper Doll, a 20-year veteran professional organizer and amateur goofball.
Dear @NomdeB,
These are actually three (excellent) questions! The first, implied, is the bulk of what will address today: where and how can we donate a largesse of books? The second, “Who wants so many?” is partly answered along with the first, but the truth is that if you have a huge book collection (and it appears that you do), you’ll probably be making donations to multiple venues.
But the question at the end of your tweet deserves a bit of attention.
PRINT BOOKS VS. DIGITAL
Do people still want real, tangible books?
And, at the risk of sounding like I’m saying, “Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus,” yes, @nomdeB, people do still want, and read, real books. At the very least, in the United States, even in an era where all-things-digital are the rage, physical books still outsell ebooks. Statistics from 2020 have not fully been reviewed, but in the prior year, the U.S. book industry had $26 billion in revenue; $22.6 billion of that was for print books and only $2.04 billion in digital books. (The rest, one imagines, are in audio books, braille, and rarer, specialized formats.)
[Editor’s note: After publication of this post, results were released showing that print book sales rose 8.2% in 2020, the largest annual increase since 2010!]
It seems the death of the printed book has been greatly exaggerated. There’s some academic research as to why many people (like myself) still prefer tangible books. For example, one study found that print books had the edge over print when it comes to greater reading comprehension and lesser eye fatigue. Further anecdotal evidence indicates that people appreciate the tactile sensation of progress as you get further along in a print book. And I’d be remiss if I didn’t share findings from my alma mater, Cornell University, which has found that “both users and non-users of e-books generally preferred using printed versions of textbooks.” (I hope it’s not just because you can satisfying slam a textbook when you can’t understand what you’re reading!)
People like to read, and people who like to read have a fondness for books they can hold in their hands, show off on the subway, bookmark and annotate easily, and display in their homes to impress their beaus or in their offices to impress their bosses. A book is not just the content of what is written inside, but what it allows one to feel upon seeing the cover, and what we hope it says about ourselves. Books, like people, are complicated.
With that concern dispensed of, let’s move on to what to do when you’re simply ready to let go of the excess – the books you’ve already read and won’t read again, the books you’ve outgrown, and the books you never read, either because they were ill-fitting gifts or you acquired them for aspirational rather than practical purposes and you’re finally, finally giving up trying to read them. (Hello, Moby Dick?)
YOUR BOOKS
@nomdeB, you’re not kidding about having a ton of books.
From the photos you showed me, you do, indeed, have a wide variety of books, both on bookshelves and in boxes, and they are almost all perfectly categorized into genres. (Though I do wonder how Hemingway and Thomas Hardy got blended with Geological Hazards.)
From Harry Potter to Mario Puzo, from 660 Curries to Puppies for Dummies, from C.S. Lewis to a Hindi-English/English-Hindi dictionary, you could open up your own bookstore or lending library. (Though I’d be glad to take that Short Walks in English Towns off your hands.)
DONATE YOUR BOOK TO CHARITIES
We’ll begin with a bevy of traditional charities that accept donations of books. As you’ll see further along, this is not the only option, but it’s where most people start. You probably already have some favorite charities, like Goodwill or Vietnam Veterans of America, but if you’d like to look further afield, consider the following.
Donate Books to Members of the Military — Did you know that the surge in popularity of paperback books actually began in World War II, with the creation of publishing arms dedicated to printing smaller, lighter books? (It helps that the proliferation of book-burning by the enemy helped make the reading of books an almost patriotic activity!) If you’d like to read more about this era, Molly Guptill Manning’s When Books Went to War: The Stories That Helped Us Win World War II offers great insight.
Yes, I digress, but it’s my column and I can meander if I want to! The point is that donating books to our soldiers, sailors, airmen, Marines, Coast Guardsmen, and Guardians is a worthwhile endeavor. Consider these options:
Books for Soldiers – With the motto “Care Packages for the Mind,” Books for Soldiers lets any deployed member of the military request a book (or DVD, or video game). Donors can view book requests, and you send books directly to the troops rather than to a central repository.
Operation Paperback – Through a network of volunteer shippers (that is, donors) around the country, this non-profit lets you input the genres you have and OP’s system will generate a customized address list to which to send books. Operation Paperback also provides books to wounded warrior programs and veterans hospitals in the U.S., as well as USO centers at US Airport transit points.
Donate Books to Prisoners – Education is a key to rehabilitation, which is essential for inhibiting recidivism. In recent years, many prisons have curtailed the ability of prisoners to accept books. During COVID, many prisons are in lockdown, leaving few opportunities for human interaction. Most prisons do not not allow friends or family members to send books directly to prisoners, so only bookstores, online stores, publishers, and donation programs can get books into the hands of prisoners. Each organization has a list of requested genres and items they cannot accept. Please read them carefully, and note that in all cases, dictionaries are highly desirable.
Prison Book Program – In addition to general reading for entertainment, escape (no pun intended) and self-education, they have special programs for disseminating GED study guides, legal books, and dictionaries. Prisoners write essays and reviews of the books they’ve read. Due to COVID, they are not currently taking donations by mail and limiting in-person donations. Please keep an eye on their donation information page as we (hopefully) exit the pandemic.
DC Books to Prisons – This organization accepts English- and Spanish-language paperbacks. Due to COVID, they aren’t currently accepting donations at their usual location, but their volunteers are meeting donors by appointment. The link I’ve provided indicates the genres and titles (both fiction and non-fiction) most desired.
Books Through Bars – This group sends books to prisoners via their offices in New York City, Philadelphia, and Boston.
SATURDAY AND SUNDAY—> Mass-Market paperback drive!
We are in need of the following mass-market paperback fiction*:
* Mystery/Detective (e.g. Sue Grafton, Barbara Neely, Lee Child)
* Thrillers/Action (e.g. P.D. James, James Patterson, Patricia
Cornwell, Clive Cussler) pic.twitter.com/xBWpUasUi5— NYC Books Through Bars (@BtBsNYC) January 16, 2021
Books to Prisoners – This Seattle-based nonprofit mails free books to incarcerated person across the U.S. Operations are currently closed due to COVID, but please keep this option bookmarked for future consideration.
Inside Books Project – This group sends more than 35,000 books to incarcerated Texans each year.
Women’s Book Project – Mail books or donate locally in Minneapolis.
Donate Books to the Wider World – Both at home and abroad, books are heartily desired to build collections in libraries and schools and to be sold so profits can support literacy programs. (The following primarily seek adult books; a future post will cover donations of children’s titles, as the requirements tend to be complex and geographically-specific.)
Better World Books – Simply box up your books, print a shipping label (the cost of which is covered by BWB) and ship to their facilities in Indiana. The books will either be resold to raise money for literacy charities or donated to a child in need, as appropriate. They also have drop boxes in a variety of cities; just enter your community in the search map. (You can also buy used books from their site to help them raise money for their literacy causes.)
Books for Africa – This group seeks paperbacks and hardcovers published in the past 15 years, textbooks, and reference books (including medical and IT/computer books) from the last ten years. Over the past 23 years, they’ve shipped millions of books to children and adults in 46 countries. Donation dropoffs are available in Atlanta, GA and St. Paul, MN. See their requirements.
Open World Books – This Chicago-based 501(c)3 nonprofit accepts donations at their headquarters and at donation drop-boxes around the city, allowing for 24/7 contactless donation. They operate a used bookstore, the proceeds for which fund literacy programs for children and young adults.
Books 4 Cause – Book donations to the Chicago-based Books 4 Cause have helped create 118 libraries in Africa, recirculated hundreds of thousands of books, and saved even more from landfills. Their campus book drives have collected textbooks for developing libraries and supported educational programs in Africa. In addition, donated books for children and adults have been distributed to people in need in Chicago and worldwide. Donations are accepted in Chicago and New York City.
And remember, if you don’t want to even leave your house, Give Back Box is an easy option for getting books donated and on their way with minimal effort and at no cost to you.
DONATE IN YOUR COMMUNITY
While the above non-profits are meaningful, many donors prefer to give their books new lives in the communities where they live. The following donation solutions will differ from community to community and venue to venue. Take an extra few minutes to check out the venues and make calls to each to see what the genre requirements and preferences are, and what, if any, special donation rules exist during COVID.
Retirement homes – If you’ve ever visited a friend or relative in a retirement community or assisted living center, you may have noticed how anemic the “library,” if there is one, seems. A mere smattering of bound Reader’s Digest Condensed Books is heartbreaking to an eager reader. While large print books may be the most appealing for some, lifelong readers love to read and will welcome a wide variety of genres.
Think “old folks” just want classics or naval war histories? Get real. Remember, folks born 90 years ago were just in their 30s in the swinging 60s. My 96-year-old friend watches Grey’s Anatomy and keeps up with the same shows I do. Age is no barrier to reading tastes. If you like a book, someone twice (or even thrice) your age may like it, too!
Age is no barrier to reading tastes. If you like a book, someone twice (or even thrice) your age may like it, too! Share on XHospitals, especially children’s hospitals and veterans’ hospitals – During COVID, patients can’t have their loved ones with them. Many hospitals have terrible Wi-Fi and books offer a rare comfort. And even in “normal” times (remember those?), patients and parents of children often seek something to occupy their minds and time. Call the volunteer director of your local hospital(s) and ask if they have a patient/family lending library and if they are accepting donations.
Ronald McDonald Houses – Across the country, Ronald McDonald Houses offer home-away-from-home respites to families of sick children so they can live close to the hospital during treatment. Not all RM Houses accept used books, though, so call your local RMHC chapter or program house and ask whether they have a library to which you can donate. If you’ve got a TON of books, as @NomdeB has, you might be able to help them create an entire library from scratch!
Homeless shelters – Unhoused people lose so much of the dignity of their former lives; a home is not merely a place in which to live, but it’s a space in which to seek refuge. Books are a place in which to seek mental and emotional refuge. While space is likely to be limited at homeless shelters, it’s worth calling to ask if they have a library area in the building and if they are able and willing to accept donations. (If it’s within your power, you might also want to donate bookshelves.)
Domestic violence shelters – The strength it takes to escape a violent household and build a new life for yourself (and possibly your children) is immense. Emotional reserves of strength can be fortified by education, entertainment, and motivation – all attributes to be found in books. As above, call to see if donations are accepted.
Local professional, community, and high school theaters – When you go to the theater, you probably pay the most attention to the actors, but good sets create an ambiance. Check with your local theaters to see if they would like donations of books, particularly hardcovers to line the shelves of sets for spaces like attorney’s offices or fancy-pants rich people’s home libraries.
Libraries – Although libraries have limited budgets, many public library systems have rules regarding what they can accept for circulation. However, if your community has a Friends of the Library organization, it’s likely that there’s some sort of annual library book sale to which your books can be donated.
Additionally, the American Library Association helps American and international libraries after natural disasters. In general, financial aid is sought, but there are often needs for books, particularly children’s books, when library collections are destroyed. Your library may post requests on your branch web site, so it’s great to get in the habit of visiting your public library’s site to keep abreast of such needs. Also, check out the ever-changing tabs at the ALA’s Book Donation Programs site.
School libraries and academic departments – While public libraries may not be allowed to expand their collections with donations, many public schools, particularly in disadvantaged communities, might find your books a boon. If the middle or high school has a home economics department (do schools still teach Home Ec?), those cookbooks of yours could be a delight!
Homeowners Association Clubhouses and Community Centers – @nomdeB, all those gardening books would be a boon to people in a starter home who have never had their own garden. A quick call to an HOA or community center (sometimes found in houses of worship in smaller communities) could find a great home for your how-to and DIY books!
BUILD YOUR OWN LENDING LIBRARY
One of the greatest book-related charms over the past decade has been the growth of the Little Free Library movement. Their website provides all the information you need to start your own lending library program from right outside your own home. Build your library, register it, and trust that the right people will find their perfect reads.
@nomdeB, thank you for asking the first Ask Paper Doll question, and I hope this helps you find homes for your gorgeous collection of books.
Readers, if you have a favorite option for donating books, I encourage you to share in the comments. And, as always, feel free to reach out through social media or my site’s Contact page to contribute your own Ask Paper Doll question.
6 Steps to Ease Your Way Into Organizing the New Year
Happy New Year! Paper Doll knows that the first week of any new year (let alone after the year we’ve just escaped), can be daunting. Instead of weighing you down with homework, how about we set you up for success with some simple strategies that will ease you into a more organized approach to this year? Deal?
START WITH BABY STEPS
When it comes to clutter, it’s not the space it takes up in your house, it’s the dent it puts in your life!
When it comes to clutter, it's not the space it takes up in your house, it's the dent it puts in your life! Share on XIf you’re late every day because you can’t find your keys or your kids can’t find their homework, that’s a much bigger deal than a cluttered guest room closet or piles of old birthday party photos that haven’t been scrapbooked. (Need I explain to younger readers that photos used to be on paper?)
Focus on your biggest daily stressors, break them down into small, actionable steps, and solve those first.
For example, each night after dinner, sort through and declutter one kitchen drawer. When you change for bed, flip through five hangers to see what’s ready to depart. Put a table near the door for the daily launch pad of essential items you need to take with you. Hang a key hook and charging station there and make it a nighttime ritual with your kids to check that everything you’ll need the next day is there.
Don’t even know where to start? Try some of these easy options to organize your finances, your health, and your life – no heavy lifting required:
- Make a tax prep folder. Just grab a folder, label it Tax Prep 2020, and as documents start trickling in this month, you’ll at least have some place to stow them. (Don’t know what to watch for? Read last year’s Paper Doll Says the Tax Man Cometh: Organize Your Tax Forms to get a head start.)
If you want to get a little more advanced, consider Smead’s All-in-One Income Tax Organizer.
- Flip through your new 2021 planner or your digital calendar to see what medical appointments are already scheduled. Make a list of all the doctor’s appointments that you need — family doctor/GP, pediatrician, dentist and orthodontist, ophthalmologist and/or optometrist, OB/GYN, and any specialists, as appropriate.
Check all those appointment cards at the bottom of your bag or thrown in the junk drawer to make sure you’ve scheduled them on your calendar. Then pick up the phone and make all the other appointments now. (Going forward, always schedule your next appointment before you leave their offices. See if you can make one day a week, like Mondays, your “appointment” day so that you’ll get it out of the way early in any week.
- Look through your wallet and VIP files to see what needs to be renewed — driver’s license, car registration, passport, etc. Instead of marking just the expiration date, make notations on your calendar to handle renewals enough in advance so nothing falls through the cracks.
GIVE UP TOLERATING WHAT BRINGS YOU DOWN
Last summer, in Organize Away Frustration: Practice the Only Good Kind of Intolerance, we talked about this at length. Take notice of the things that annoy you, whether it’s a closet too cluttered that you can’t close the door, a light fixture that keeps flickering, or a cable bill that should be renegotiated with a gentle threat to cut the cord. If something doesn’t bring you closer to the life you want to be living, make this the year you let it go. Don’t tolerate what doesn’t delight you.
Do a brain dump. Think of a brain dump as mental hygiene, like the cognitive equivalent of brushing your teeth. Ever have the taste of garlic or fish in your mouth after dinner, such that you couldn’t really enjoy your dessert? A brain dump, where you get everything out of your head and onto paper, let’s you stop thinking of things and start thinking about them, in context. Taste your life!
Try to make a list of everything that you know you have to do in order to stop being frustrated. Go room to room and write down what you need to address. (If you’re the kind of person who really needs categories, you can create columns for things that are free or only require your own effort vs. things that require payment.)
Once you have the list, you can start working through what are immediate priorities, what’s worth scheduling, and what can go on the “I’ll do it if I’m so bored it’s between doing this task or watching paint try” list.
Feel free to tackle the tasks in any order you choose, but come up with a plan. Easiest-to-hardest helps you gain confidence; hardest-to-easiest makes everything less stressful because you’ve tackled the most difficult item first. Doing the free tasks first gives you time to budget for the more costly ones, but if you can purchase freedom from a frustration, it’ll release mental energy for other tasks.
STOP USING CLUTTER AS A TO-DO LIST
- Are you keeping a holiday gift on the dining table so you’ll remember to write a thank you note?
- Do you have boxes of donations in the middle of the hall to prompt you deliver them?
- Are you keeping a receipt to remind you to get someone to pay you back for their half of a gift (or to remind yourself to pay them back)?
- Is your unopened electric bill sitting out to remind you to pay it?
- Do you have months’ old email in your inbox hoping that keeping it there will push you to reply?
How’s that working for you? Instead, follow these steps.
- Clear your desk or a space at your kitchen or dining room table to give yourself work space.
- Take five minutes and look around the room you’re in. What do you see that’s out of place because you’re (intentionally or otherwise) using it to prompt you to do something?
- Grab a notebook and for each thing that’s in the wrong place, write down what you should be doing, instead. Yes, this gives you a To Do list that will stare you in the face (but we’ll get to that).
- Put the item away so that it’s no longer clutter.
- DO THE THING!
©2010 Allie Brosh, Hyperbole and a Half, via MemeGenerator
Let’s see how this works. Unpack and put away the holiday gift and go grab a notecard, envelope, return address label and stamp. Put it down on your cleared desk space.
Now, here’s the first tricky part. You can either write out the thank you note right now (check out my Gratitude, Mr. Rogers, and How To Organize A Thank You Note for guidance) and then you won’t use all your mental energy procrastinating about it, or you can put it on your To Do list. If you write the note now, you can put it on your To Do list and check it off your list, all at once, giving you an immediate sense of accomplishment! Whoohoo!
Repeat the process. Carry the donation boxes to your car, then eyeball your calendar to figure out when you can deliver the donations. Schedule the task, delegate it to a family member, or use GiveBackBox to schedule a free pickup.
And again! Use your favorite app, like Zelle, CashApp, Paypal (or ugh, fine, Venmo) to pay or request money and either file or shred the receipt as necessary. Pay the electric bill. Reply to the email or declare bankruptcy on it.
FOLLOW THE ICE CREAM RULE
So maybe your clutter is there because you don’t know where else to put it.
I tell my clients, “Don’t put things down, put them away.” By “away,” we assume you’ve already got a location in mind. Good organizing systems have two parts: the where & the how. If you bring home a bag with three items, ice cream, toilet paper, and breakfast cereal, I’m pretty sure you’re going to put the ice cream away in the freezer first (and immediately) to keep from having a melted, sticky mess. The freezer is the “where” but putting the ice cream away first is the “how.” It’s so innate, you don’t even think about.
Clutter comes from deferring that decision making. With ice cream, you don’t even have to stop and think; it’s instinct built from life-long experience. With everything else entering your home (whether a purchase, a gift, or a freebie), decide on a home before you buy or bring it in. Once it’s in your space, build time into your calendar for how/when you’ll deal with maintaining it or getting it back to where it lives.
Do you bristle at the idea of planning when you’ll do things? Maybe you feel like scheduling things belongs in the category of “budgets” and “diets” — it’s about The Man trying to keep you down!
The thing is, if you’re organized, you probably already have a system and your system feels like a safety net rather than a suffocating obligation. If you’re NOT organized, you’ll just have to trust that a system – a plan, if you will – makes life more organized so you don’t have to keep thinking about these things.
What are the triggers in your system? When will you do laundry: when the laundry basket is full or when it’s Tuesday morning after breakfast? When will you file financial papers? When your in-box is overflowing, or when your computer dings to tell you it’s 11:45a on Wednesday?
Remember: “Someday” is not a day on the calendar. Until something is innate, having an auditory or visual trigger (or both) will help remind you where and when to put things away.
REMEMBER THAT EVERYTHING SHOULD HAVE A HOME…BUT NOT EVERYTHING HAS TO LIVE WITH YOU
Systems are important, but don’t forget a universal truth: not everything you own needs to stay in your orbit forever.
Give what is no longer age-, size-, or lifestyle-appropriate new life via charity or consignment. Let it be a blessing to someone else.
Give what is no longer age-, size-, or lifestyle-appropriate new life via charity or consignment. Let it be a blessing to someone else. Share on XIf it’s broken and you’re not willing to spend the time or money to repair it, let it go. If you have an emotional attachment to something that’s broken, outdated, or takes up too much space to keep, take a photo of you holding it or wearing it. Then set it free!
Setting up a donation station in your home is as easy as putting a box or plastic tub in your utility room, mudroom, or garage. When you’re doing laundry or sorting through toys in the playroom, if it doesn’t fit your life, take it to the donation box right away. When the box is full, log the contents (if you’ll be taking a deduction), and send it to your favorite non-profit. Don’t wait until you have lots of boxes – one box of useful items or clothes, sent on its way, is more useful to others than mountains of boxes that never make it out of your home.
Are your file folders bulging? Do I Have To Keep This Piece of Paper? gives you a clear idea of what you need to keep and for how long. The rest? Shred and send on its way! Buh-bye!
FOLLOW THE BUDDY SYSTEM
Getting your space, time, and priorities in order can be overwhelming, but you don’t have to go it alone. For accountability and support in reaching your organizing goals, buddy up with:
- Your spouse – Trade the chore you hate (unloading the dishwasher) for the one that annoys your spouse (folding laundry) and you’re each less likely to procrastinate.
- Your kids – Make organizing a game – play Beat the Clock with your kids to see who can collect the most things that don’t belong in the living room before the song ends, and then work together to put the items away.
- Friends – Make organizing social, even when you can’t get together. Text “fashion show” photos or do a Zoom call as you organize your closets. (Friend-of-the-blog Nancy Haworth of OnTask Organizing and I did this last week! I got rid of big-shoulder-pad 80s-style blazers and she jettisoned clothes that pre-dated her strong, lithe, “certified exercise instructor” shoulders!)
- A professional organizer – As a Certified Professional Organizer®, I know how much my clients get out of having someone who knows the ropes guide them in making solid decisions and developing systems to surmount those challenging obstacles. Find a professional organizer near you by using the search function for the National Association of Productivity and Organizing Professionals (NAPO).
Speaking of which, it’s January, so that means it’s GO (Get Organized and Be Productive) Month! It’s the perfect time to focus on making your life run the way you want it to. Happy New Year, Happy GO Month, and just plain…be happy!
Paper Doll’s 6 Organizing Secrets to Kick-Start Your 2018
We’re a few days into the new year, and people are still buzzing about resolutions (Paper Doll doesn’t make them) and theme words or mantras (mine for 2018 is LAUNCH). Americans’ top New Year’s resolutions always include losing weight, straightening out finances, and breaking bad habits, but according to market research, 80% of resolutions are broken by the second week of January. It doesn’t have to be that way.
January is National Get Organized Month, and I was on my local NBC affiliate’s morning lifestyle program today, sharing my organizing philosophy and providing tips on how you can kick start your resolution to get organized this year. The conversation was free-flowing, covering some specifics of organizing, but also delving into the personal. For example, Julie Edwards, the host of 3 Plus You, asked me whether you can “make” your children become organized adults. I said that I believe that like anything else, the best way to help your children is to teach useful skills and model good behavior.
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When I was asked about how to deal with different personal organizing styles, I pointed out that within families (and with co-workers), the key is to maintain good communication, and understand that just because someone’s organizing approach is different from yours, it’s not “wrong.” It just may not be right for you.
Here are some tips I think will help you get a running start to achieving your organizing goals in 2018.
1) FOLLOW THE ICE CREAM RULE
I tell my clients, “Don’t put things down, put them away.” The word “away” presupposes you’ve already got a location in mind. But good organizing systems have two parts: the where & the how. When you bring groceries home, you put the ice cream away in the freezer immediately to keep from having a melted, sticky mess. It’s very rare for someone to put away the toilet paper or breakfast cereal before the frozen foods. The freezer is the “where” but putting the ice cream away first is the “how.” It’s so innate, you don’t even think about.
Clutter comes from deferred decision making. With ice cream, you don’t even have to stop and think; it’s instinct. With everything else in your life, when you go shopping (or even when offered things for free), decide on a home before you buy or bring it in. Once it’s in your space, build fixed time into your calendar for how/when you’ll deal with maintaining it or getting it back to where it lives. (When will you do laundry? When will you file financial papers? What will be your trigger — when the laundry basket or in-box is full, or will you put it on your calendar?)
Remember: “Someday” is not a day on the calendar.
2) EVERYTHING SHOULD HAVE A HOME…BUT NOT EVERYTHING HAS TO LIVE WITH YOU
I say this to every prospective client. The eople calling me are focused on the idea of creating systems and order, but don’t always recognize the larger truth, that not everything you own needs to stay in your orbit forever. If it’s broken and you’re not willing to spend the time or money to repair it, let it go. If you have an emotional attachment to something that’s broken, outdated, or takes up too much space to keep, take a photo of you holding it or wearing it. Then set it free!
Give what is no longer age, size, or lifestyle-appropriate new life via charity or consignment. Let it be a blessing to someone else. Setting up a donation station in your home is as easy as putting a box or plastic tub in your utility room, mudroom, or garage. When you’re doing laundry or sorting through toys in the playroom, if it doesn’t fit your life, take it to the donation box right away. When the box is full, log the contents (if you’ll be taking a deduction), and deliver it to your favorite non-profit. Don’t wait until you have lots of boxes – one box of useful items or clothes, sent on its way, is more useful to others than mountains of boxes that never make it out of your home.
3) DON’T FIGHT CLUTTER WITH MORE CLUTTER
I love The Container Store as much as the next professional organizer. But buying oodles of storage containers – bins, boxes, tubs, and shelves – can only help you organize if you pare down to what you need and want.
Think of it this way: when you see a great outfit at the store, it’s not realistic to say, “Hey, I’ll buy this now and then lose 30 pounds to fit into it.” Even if you do declutter the personal poundage, you never know from where, exactly, that weight will disappear, so shouldn’t buy the new outfit hoping you’ll lose weight in the right places to fit into it.
I’m not saying not to acquire storage containers, but don’t do it first. Once you pare down, pick colorful, fun containers that suit your needs, space, and tastes.
4) TAKE BABY STEPS & DECLARE SMALL VICTORIES
When it comes to clutter, it’s not the space it takes up in your house, it’s the dent it puts in your life! If you’re late every day because you can’t find your keys and your kids can’t find their homework, it’s a much bigger deal than a cluttered guest room closet or drawers of old birthday party pictures that haven’t been scrapbooked.
Focus on your biggest daily stressors, break them down into small, actionable steps, and solve those first. You don’t need to do it all at once, but if you develop a habit of doing a little bit at a time, once your space is straightened up, maintenance will feel natural.
Go through just 5 hangers or one drawer each night. Clear a counter for the daily launch pad of essential items to get out the door. Hang a key hook by the front door and make it a nighttime ritual with your kids to check everything is there that you’ll all need the next day.
5) DECLARE BANKRUPTCY ON CLUTTER DEBT & STOP FEELING GUILTY!
Give yourself permission to declare bankruptcy on the “debt” of unworn clothes three sizes too small or catching up on reading months of magazines. Holding onto something just because you spent money on it or because it was a gift doesn’t make it any more valuable or useful; it just ends of costing you time (dusting or caring for it), space (that you could use for more important things), or money (spent on dry-cleaning or storage rental).
If you’re overwhelmed with thousands (or tens of thousands) or unread emails, magazines, catalogs, junk mail, or check out the classic Paper Doll post, A Different Kind of Bankruptcy, to give you some step-by-step action items.
Don’t feel guilty! Remember, supermodels on those magazine covers are airbrushed and Photoshopped. They don’t really look like that. The same is true with the rooms you see in home and garden magazines. Nobody actually lives in spaces like that – those rooms were specially designed and curated to look “perfect.” No dual-career families with toddler toys and pre-teen soccer team sleepovers live in those magazine homes. Cut yourself some slack.
6) FOLLOW THE BUDDY SYSTEM
Getting your space, time, and priorities in order can be overwhelming, but you don’t have to go it alone. Weight Watchers and 12-step programs succeed because they give people accountability and support. To help you reach your organizing goals, buddy up with:
- Your spouse – Trade tasks you don’t particularly love (like laundry for balancing the checkbook) and you’re less likely to procrastinate on doing what you enjoy.
- Your kids – Children love to “catch” adults breaking the rules and best them at competitions. Make organizing a game – play Beat the Clock to see who can collect the most things that don’t belong in the living room before the song ends, and then work together to put the items away. Make a rule that anything found on the wrong level of the house goes in a basket by the stairs, and everyone must take something (one item for little ones; the whole basket for grownups), and let everyone have a chance to “blow the whistle” on those who forget.
- Friends – Make organizing social. Invite a friend over for lunch and to help organize your closet or kitchen this weekend. Then do the same for your friend’s pantry or laundry room next week.
- A professional organizer – As a Certified Professional Organizer®, I know how much my clients get out of having someone who knows the ropes guide them in making solid decisions and developing systems to surmount those challenging obstacles. Find a professional organizer near you by using the search function for the National Association of Productivity and Organizing Professionals (NAPO).
May you have a happy, healthy, and organized 2018!
Paper Doll Doubles Down on Downsizing: Chattanooga-area Event
In this space, we usually talk about organizing paper, information, and finances. Of course, we often dig deeply into the intellectual and emotional reasons why we keep clutter, and how we can best arrange what’s left. But if you spend any time peeking behind the curtain here at Best Results Organizing (that’s Paper Doll HQ to you blog readers), you know that my services and expertise extend beyond on the realm of paper and information.
Over the past few years, one arm of my business has focused on helping individuals and couples downsize to prepare for the next stages in their lives. Sometimes, this is just clearing the decks to make room for more of the fun stuff of retirement. Other times, it’s in preparation for a move — to a smaller home or senior living. This has included a variety of speaking engagements, including the following upcoming presentation.
If you find yourself in the Chattanooga, Tennessee or North Georgia area, please consider attending. The presentation will cover:
- All the reasons why it’s so difficult to let go of things, even things we know we don’t need and won’t use
- How to understand the three types of relative value of the things you might downsize — sentimental value, financial value, and practical value
- What goes into determining marketability of the items you might want to sell, including rarity, age, and condition, and why not everything “old” is an antique, and not everything collected is a “collectible”
- Strategies for coping with the stresses of downsizing
- How to choose where downsized items should go when they leave your home
- and much more…
So, if you are starting to think about downsizing for the next stage in your life, and you’re in Paper Doll‘s general geographic area, please call Garden Plaza to RSVP.
Of course, that’s not all that’s going on for Paper Doll. I’m spending this week in Pittsburgh with my fabulous colleagues at the National Association of Professional Organizers Annual Conference and Expo. I’m looking forward to telling you about all the organizing wonders I see and what we learn in our classes.
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