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Parents, you’re counting down the precious days left with your college-bound students. Meanwhile, they’re counting down until they experience “freedom” and (gulp) adult responsibilities. In recent posts, we’ve covered a wide variety of skills and information to ensure they are prepared for the world beyond having you as a backup ride, bank, chief cook, and bottle-washer.

Organize Your College-Bound Student for Grown-Up Life: Part 1 identified essential legal documents and insurance policies, and reviewed the key financial skills every first-year student needs. 

Organize Your College-Bound Student for Grownup Life: Part 2 looked at communication skills, staying safe on campus and off, and the under-appreciated life lessons of mastering laundry.

This third installment of the college life skill syllabus delves into keeping all the time management balls in the air, developing an academic safety net, being a safe car operator, and social etiquette to ensure good relationships. There’s even a smattering of bonus life skills.

We finish up with with a bibliography of reading resources for you and for your college-bound student.

HOW TO MASTER TIME AT COLLEGE

In high school, time is fairly regimented; the bell rings every fifty minutes, moving students on to their next classes. There’s study hall to get a start on homework, and teachers provide periodic, staged deadlines for students to show their progress and keep from falling behind; they turn in a topic idea, then a bibliography, outline, first draft, and finally a completed report. Class periods before tests are earmarked for reviews. Academic prep time is spoon-fed.

In college, the freedom to set your own schedule has the drawback of requiring an adult sense of perspective on prioritizing what’s important (and not just urgent or fun). Wide swaths of free time must be divvied up and self-assigned: for studying new material, doing problem sets, completing projects, and preparing for exams.

Food and clean clothes are not delivered by magic fairies; they may require transportation, funds, labor, and time! 

College-bound kids may not want to take advice regarding time management, but try to start conversations to get them thinking about how to: 

• Wake up on time — If they can’t count on conscientiousness, encourage them to make breakfast plans with a friend who can swing by prod them. Also, point them toward Do (Not) Be Alarmed: Paper Doll’s Wake-Up Advice for Productivity.
• Develop a schedule — In order to make time for academics, extracurriculars, sleep, exercise, and self-care, discuss the value of time-blocking and planning an ideal week, then tweaking as the semester goes along. Keeping a schedule in one’s head is a recipe for disaster; a paper or digital planner makes sure nothing falls through the cracks. A few helpful guides:
  • Highlights from the 2023 Task Management & Time Blocking Summit
  • Surprising Productivity Advice & the 2023 Task Management & Time Blocking Summit
  • Paper Doll Shares Secrets from the Task Management & Time Blocking Summit 2022
  • Struggling To Get Things Done? Paper Doll’s Advice & The Task Management & Time Blocking Virtual Summit 2022
  • Playing With Blocks: Success Strategies for Time Blocking Productivity
• Develop and maintain healthy routines to support their goals — Brainstorm ideas for how to ensure healthy habits (exercise, eating actual meals somewhere near meal times, etc.) by linking activities to make a chain of positive behaviors.
• Don’t fight your body clock — In business, we’re often made to feel like there’s something wrong with us if we’re not morning people, but in college, people look askance if you don’t want to party all night. There’s no shame in needing an early night if you have an 8 a.m. class.
• Get out in front of procrastination — We procrastinate because we’re nervous about how something will turn out. We’d prefer our Present Self feeling comfortable; Future Self is on its own.

Explain how to beat procrastination by understanding its causes and then incorporating good planning, prioritizing, and decision-making techniques (like the Eisenhower Decision Matrix), and locating accountability support. These Paper Doll posts can help:

• • Paper Doll On Understanding and Conquering Procrastination
  • Use the Rule of 3 to Improve Your Productivity
  • Frogs, Tomatoes, and Bees: Time Techniques to Get Things Done
  • Count on Accountability: 5 Productivity Support Solutions
  • Paper Doll Sees Double: Body Doubling for Productivity
  • Flow and Faux (Accountability): Productivity, Focus, and Alex Trebek
  • Paper Doll Shares 8 Virtual Co-Working Sites to Amp Up Your Productivity

They can even try some Study with Rory Gilmore videos, including this one that incorporates the Pomodoro Technique!

I can’t think of a better expert for your college (and college-bound high school) students, especially those with ADHD, than my fabulous colleague Leslie Josel. She’s the one who developed an amazing Academic Planner for middle-grade and high school students, and I interviewed her for Paper Doll Peeks Behind the Curtain with Superstar Coach, Author & Speaker Leslie Josel.

Order Leslie’s book, How to Do It Now Because It’s Not Going Away: An Expert Guide to Getting Stuff Done, before the semester gets too far, and you’ll help your first-year college student conquer procrastination, develop excellent study skills, and really dissipate their stress. 

HOW TO SUCCEED ACADEMICALLY

Paper Mommy has been many great things, but an eager student was never one of them. In the mid-1950s, she and her friends stood in the college gymnasium, lost in the registration chaos. They asked one snazzy-looking fellow what he was taking. Statistics. And that’s how my mother, who majored in nursery school education, ended up in a statistics course.

The professor asked Paper Mommy‘s friend, Shirley to her Laverne, about one of the concepts. As if on a game show, the friend said, “I’ll pass.” The professor replied, “You wanna bet?”

Seek support

Navigating college academic life requires a different set of skills and strategies compared to high school. Paper Mommy and her friends would have benefited from knowing to:

• Talk to your advisor — Paper Mommy and her friends did not know that they had assigned advisors, not merely the college equivalent of a high school guidance counselor, but someone with expertise in a student’s chosen major. 
• Read the syllabus — A syllabus is a magic wand for success, spelling out everything a student must know and do, and when. Take notes on the deadlines to plan backward.
• Go to office hours — College professors and teaching assistants won’t spoon-feed the material; it isn’t high school.  But showing up for office hours (after studying to figure out what questions to ask) will help clarify material and set your kid apart from fellow students, 
• Seek out peer tutoring — Colleges offer a variety of academic help, but students have to advocate for themselves, ask for help, and make their own appointments. 
• Find or form study groups — To be certain you understand something, try to teach it to someone else. 

Expand upon good learning and study habits

• Participate in class — Lectures, labs, and tutorials may contain insights that textbooks don’t. Encourage asking questions and participating in discussions. Engaging with the material and observing how the professor and other students engage with it deepens understanding and make the material more compelling.
• Explore different note-taking methods — From outlining and mind-mapping to the Cornell Note-taking Method and the Boxing Method, students can find ways to take notes that support differing learning styles and specific coursework types.
• Find the right study environment — Students should experiment to figure out where they concentrate best, whether it’s the library, a coffee house, or an empty classroom, or under a tree, as Rory Gilmore found at Yale. (The TV Ambiance YouTube page is full of virtual study environments from favorite TV shows!) Just be sure to have a backup location in case someone steals your space!

• Embrace active learning — Go to study skills labs to learn how to use active learning techniques like summarizing, teaching the material to someone else, or using flashcards.
• Review material often — Spaced repetition, or reviewing material frequently, in small chunks, helps reinforce learning and improve retention better than cramming. 

• Embrace editing — One of the biggest failings of new (smart) college students is that they fail to edit their papers. Proofreading is correcting errors; editing involves reviewing arguments to make sure they are logical and actually respond to the assigned questions. Read aloud to see if it makes sense. Seek feedback; does it make sense to someone else?

Parents, encourage your student to balance academic work with self-care. Burnout is real and presents a danger to mental and physical health. Urge them to work hard, but also to participate in informal and formal social activities, hobbies, and relaxation.

Talk often so you can recognize if your student is struggling academically or personally. 

DEVELOP SOCIAL ETIQUETTE FOR COLLEGE

Manners aren’t just about knowing which fork to use when there are a multitude on the table. (But in case they get a good internship and rub elbows with movie stars or royalty, the basics are as simple as: start with the utensils on the outside and work toward your plate!)

They’ll roll their eyes, but remind them that basic manners will help them live more easily with dorm-mates, work smoothly with fellow students on group projects, and not embarrass themselves if invited to the home of a professor or to stay a weekend with a roommate’s family. Like:

• Don’t eat or use what isn’t yours without permission. (Then replace it or return the favor.)
• Don’t move something that doesn’t belong to you; if it’s in your way, put it back as soon as possible.
• Return borrowed items quickly. Launder or dry-clean borrowed clothes. Refill the gas tank of a borrowed car.
• Reciprocate other’s kind behaviors.

Other real-world manners and etiquette tips college-bound students might not have absorbed:

Dining

• Know which is your bread and which is your drink — Make the OK sign with both hands on the table in front of you. One makes a lowercase “b” (on your left) and “d” (on your right). The “b” for bread means your bread plate goes to your upper left; the “d” for drink means the glass to your upper right is yours. Don’t butter an entire slice of bread or roll and then eat it (except at your own breakfast table). Break off a bite-sized piece of bread, apply butter (or jam, etc.) and eat.

• Wait until everyone has been served (or seated with their dining tray) to eat. Don’t gobble your food. You are not Cookie Monster.
• Don’t rush to leave before your companions are done eating. (If you need to leave to get to class, apologize for not staying until the other person is finished.)
• Know when and how much to tip in restaurants, for pizza delivery, etc. 

Social Interactions

• Introductions — Know how to properly introduce yourself and others in a social setting, with first and last names. 
• Handshake — Offer a firm (not limp, not crushing) handshake, smile, and make eye contact. (If eye contact makes you uncomfortable, remember, it’s not a staring contest. Connect, then look anywhere in the general vicinity of the other person’s face.)
• Personal space — Respecting others’ personal space in social and professional settings requires situational and cultural awareness and understanding the nuances of physical boundaries. Don’t touch people without asking. 
• Phones — Don’t look at your phone when you’re eating or socializing with others unless responding to something urgent. Put  phones away at the meal table. 
• Thank You Notes —  A good thank you note, sent promptly, goes a long way to show appreciation after receiving a gift, being hosted, getting interviewed, or being the beneficiary of an act of kindness. 
• RSVP — Explain that not replying to an RSVP inconveniences a host. Replying in a timely manner and committing to that response helps the host plan (financially and logistically).
• Online social interactions — A digital footprint lasts forever, and online behavior matters. Being a jerk online has the potential to ruin a reputation just as much as being a jerk at a party. 
• Networking — Your college kid isn’t thinking about the business world, but people help and do business with those they know, like, and trust. Help them see the importance of strengthening connections by sharing personal stories where maintaining connections, being generally useful, and even sending a LinkedIn connection request with a personalized message can mean a lot down the road.

Cultural Sensitivity

Good cross-cultural etiquette means not judging people who don’t follow the above guidelines. 

Respect diversity. Understand cultural differences in manners, and be open to learning and adapting when doing study abroad or interacting in other cultural settings.

Use language that’s respectful, inclusive, and kind. 

CARE FOR THE CAMPUS CAR

@the_leighton_show

The low fuel warning also doesn’t stop my wife from going to @target #teenagers #drivinglessons #driving #parentsoftiktok #funny

♬ Highway to Hell – AC/DC

Even if your student has been on the road for a few years, being a car owner (or responsible party) is different from driving Mom’s car to school. Car care can be a mystifying area of adulthood.

Oversee that inspections and major maintenance gets done when your student is home for breaks, and jointly go through the recommended auto maintenance schedule in the car’s manual. Help them figure out how to either do basic car care or to get it done professionally. 

Teach the basics, like how to:

• Fill the gas tank before it’s only 1/4 full (and not when the gas light comes on). This is especially important if they attend school in wintery locales.
• Fill the tank on a schedule, not when it’s empty, but perhaps every Saturday after lunch. (And don’t try to put diesel in a non-diesel vehicle!)
• Download an app for finding the best gas prices, like Gas Buddy.
• Know how to check the oil before the oil light comes on. Oil and filter changes don’t have to be done as frequently as they used to, due to synthetic oil, but it still must be done.
• Know how to check tire pressure and fill tires properly.
• Know what the dashboard lights mean. — I once heard someone call the tire pressure alert the “Surprise Light.”

• Understand how to check and change fuses, replace windshield wipers, and know when to seek a professional mechanic. 

Prepare them for emergencies. They should:

• Know how to jump start a car — If you’re sending your kids off to college with jumper cables, teach them how to use them! Consider also writing out step-by-step instructions and tucking it in with the cables.
• Know how to change a flat tire — Not everyone has the physical strength to change a tire, and not all locations are safe. Spring for a membership in AAA or similar roadside emergency service.
• Know what to do in case of an accident, or if someone breaks their window or steals the car:
  • Organize for an Accident: Don’t Crash Your Car Insurance Paperwork [UPDATED]
  • Organize to Prevent (or Recover From) a Car Theft

DON’T GET SCAMMED AT COLLEGE

According to a study by the Better Business Bureau, 18-24 year-olds are more often victims of scams than senior citizens! Teaching college students to recognize and avoid scams is crucial. Encourage a skeptical mindset.

Common Scams Targeting College Students

Just as I wrote about scams that target seniors in Slam the Scam! Organize to Protect Against Scams, there are many that target college students, including:

• Scholarship and grant scams — Legitimate scholarships don’t ask for fees.  
• Student loan scams — Be wary of companies that promise to forgive or lower student loans for a fee. Confirm loan information through the school’s financial aid office or consult government (.gov) websites like Federal Student Aid.
• Housing scams — When seeking off-campus housing, avoid listings requiring upfront payments before touring properties. Use reputable rental sites; don’t send money via wire transfer.
• Job scams — Know that legitimate employers don’t ask for bank information until you’ve been officially hired. Be wary of job offers promising high pay for minimal work.

Watch for Red Flags

• Urgency and high pressure tactics — The world is full of deadlines, but scammers use fear of missing out to create a sense of urgency. Don’t become a victim by being pressured to act quickly without time to analyze what’s happening.
• Unsolicited Offers — Be dubious about any unsolicited contact from outside of the school’s usual resources, whether by email, phone, or (especially) text, whether seeking personal information or offering services, funds, or assistance.
• Unusual Payment Methods —  Students need to understand that payment by check or credit card is normal, but requests for payment by gift card, wire transfers, or cryptocurrency are hallmarks of scams. Legitimate transactions use secure, traceable payment methods.
• If a financial loan, grant, paid internship, or side hustle seems “too good to be true,” especially if the college’s financial aid office or academic departments doesn’t know anything about it, it’s likely a scam.

Always do independent research and verification. Check websites, Google to make sure phone numbers and addresses aren’t fake, and seek unbiased reviews. Consult trusted sources, including professors and advisors, college financial aid and work/study divisions, and yes, parents.

Online Safety

GenZ will be dubious that parents can advise them on online safety, but talk about:

• Privacy Settings — Adjust social media privacy to limit personal information visible to the public.
• Phishing Scams — Be wary about emails, texts, or social media direct messages that appear to be from trusted individuals or institutions but ask for personal information or money, or contain suspicious links. Pick up the phone and verify by calling people or institutions directly.
• Secure Websites — Look for “https://” in the URL and the padlock icon in the URL bar before entering personal or financial information! 

Report Scams

• Report scams  to campus security, local police, and organizations like the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) fraud division, the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, and the U.S. Department of EducationOffice of Inspector General (OIG).
• Document  — Keep records of all suspicious communications and transactions to support resolving issues.

RANDOM LIFE SKILLS

The Adulting Manual by Milly Smith

The Naked Roommate: And 107 Other Issues You Might Run Into in College by Harlan Cohen

 

RESOURCES FOR PARENTS

Articles for Parents of College-Bound Students and New College Students

• 15 Life Skills Every Kid Should Know Before They Leave for College (SheKnows.com)
• 70 Life Skills Your Kid Needs Before College (MommyPoppins.com)
• 11 Things Your Kid Should Know Before They Leave For College (Huffington Post)
• 100 Essential Life Skills Teens Need to Learn at Home (Grown&Flown.com)
• First kid heading to college next year – what do you wish you knew/wish your parents had known before you went? (Reddit)
• College Parent Central
• A Parent Guide to Supporting Your College-Bound Student (Study.com)
• Tips for Parents/Families of First-Year Students (UC Santa Cruz)

Support and Advice Groups for Parents

• CollegeConfidential.com Parents’ Forum
• College Parent Insider’s Group
• Facebook groups for parents of students at your child’s college — Search Facebook for “parents” and the school’s name. Official groups may be moderated by school personnel; others are independent and moderated by fellow parents.
• College-based forums — Some colleges set up their own online forum or listserv for parents. Google “parent groups” or “parent forum” and your child’s school, and you will find sites like this one from the University of Minnesota.

Note: there’s a balance between asking group members to recommend an emergency dentist for your first-year who just cracked a molar and being a “helicopter parent” who tries to stir up controversy over a professor who gave your student a B. Check out Before You Join That College Parents Group on Social Media… at CollegeInitative.net.

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Dear Parents: It will be a learning experience, and you’ll struggle with the balance between granting independence and being there for support. I hope going through the advice in these past three posts together will help you both feel more ready.

May you and your college student have a stellar first year!