Archive for ‘Psychological’ Category
Toxic Productivity Part 5: Technology and a Hungry Ghost
THE MANY TENDRILS OF TOXIC PRODUCTIVITY
I checked in with a friend the other day to see how her new job was going. Her company, an international conglomerate, had laid off several people over the past six months, including my friend, but also did some internal hiring. She’d been excited about getting the new job, but seemed blue when we spoke.
“I’ll be honest,” she told me, “if I hadn’t already worked for this company for years, I’d think I was incompetent. This is really hard.” My friend, a veteran of many, many promotions for merit, is definitely not incompetent. It turns out that only one person had ever held this position before, and was fired after being unable to keep up with the demands.
When I hear these stories from my clients, the first thing I do is get a sense of whether the problem is that someone needs more support or guidance at work. In terms of support, even though she’s at the same company, my friend’s work situation is different, and she’s no longer got the support of a team structure; rather, everyone is on his or her own, with no cross-training and no backup. The company still seems to have unreasonable expectations of how much can be humanly accomplished, as we discussed at the start of this series, in Toxic Productivity In the Workplace and What Comes Next.
Next, she and I talked about the Pareto Principle (AKA: the 80/20 Rule, which we discussed last week in Toxic Productivity, Part 4: Find the Flip Side of Productivity Hacks) and I asked my friend if she’d talked with her boss about priorities, and what the most important aspects of the job needed to be right now.
Remember, 80% of the success comes from 20% of the effort, so finding that 20% can eliminate a lot of the stress and busy-work, creating more mental energy to tackle other aspects of the work.
The Pareto Principle says 80% of the success comes from 20% of the effort, so finding that 20% can eliminate a lot of the stress and busy-work, creating more mental energy to tackle other aspects of the work. Share on XI pointed out that, as a valued employee, and as the second person to try to tackle this role, she might be in a position to (gently) point out these unreasonable expectations. (Yes, this is a touchy issue, but it’s the best way to determine if the problem is bad management practices or merely lack of corporate awareness of how many human-hours it takes to accomplish certain tasks.)
My friend then noted that a colleague of hers, another “island” unto himself in a position similar to herss, has been in his role for about a year and a half. Apparently, this guy regularly works until midnight and starts again before traditional work hours, and works through the weekends.
If you’ve been reading this series all the way through, you may agree with me that this is a sign that the worker has internalized the unsustainable expectations and toxic productivity demands of the company.
This isn’t just a problem for my friend’s co-worker. Yes, he’ll probably burn out, which will be bad for him. It’s bad for my friend (and everyone else at her level) because workers with families, non-work obligations and, y’know, lives, can’t reasonably live up to this automaton-like worker-bee behavior. Nor should they try. So, the worker who has internalized toxic productivity (and who may or may not have productivity dysmorphia), is contributing to the escalating expectations for unsustainable productivity throughout the division, even throughout the company!
In other words, he’s screwing over his colleagues, who are now left positioned between having inferiority complexes and developing productivity dysmorphia to compensate (thereby risking their own mental health, their relationships, and more) or having to leave the company feeling like failures, and the company will need to hire new workers and the cycle will begin again. Oy.
Such is the state of many modern workplaces. Terrifying, isn’t it?
And, as we have discussed over the last several weeks, a corporate structure isn’t necessary for this to take place. There’s a hustle culture out there for all of us who work on our own, solopreneurs and small business owners alike, who are cowed by common practices into believing that nothing we are doing is enough, and that we need to keep up with the Joneses (our colleagues or competitors, and not merely our neighbors) at all cost.
EMBRACE NEW VALUES AND PRINCIPLES
The drive to deliver — to produce — misses the point. I posit that as much as you may (or may not) enjoy creating, your purpose on the planet isn’t to produce documents or deliver services or create or to make money. Your purpose is to enjoy yourself and help the people you love enjoy themselves, too.
We’re here to be fulfilled, not to produce widgets, and if enough of us demand that we be treated (and treat others) as humans rather than producers, we might achieve this very thing.
This can feel like pretty hippy-dippy advice in 2022, but I stand by it.
So, first, let’s start with the wisdom high performance coach Sarah Arnold-Hall puts forth about results, not hours.
Let’s start valuing results created, not hours worked. pic.twitter.com/yebU0Zwrq8
— Sarah Arnold-Hall (@saraharnoldhall) May 13, 2022
Now, on its own, this could create a huge feedback loop into productivity toxicity. Produce more, create more, do more! Grrrr. Arrrrrgggh. But we’re not going to do that.
Instead, we’re going to bear in mind what we learned in Toxic Productivity Part 2: How to Change Your Mindset about the necessity of downtime. Those hours when we’re not working are as important as, if not more important than, the hours we are working.
The task-positive brain network, which we use to take all of our accumulated knowledge and turn it into something useful, helps us focus our attention, arrive at solutions to problems, and confidently make decisions. But we can’t do any of that if we don’t also make use of our default mode network, the way our brain blisses out and thinks about anything except the problem at hand when we’re sleeping, resting, relaxing, and enjoying our loved ones and life.
So, once you accept that success isn’t about the hours worked but the worth of what you’ve done in those hours, you have to pivot to understanding that more and more of your hours have to be given over to the downtime that allows you to create anything worthwhile. Recognizing the finitude of life is key to that attitude change. (Remember that when you get to the end of this post!)
So, what have we learned about healthy productivity?
- It’s not about spending all of your hours on work.
- To make the work you do accomplish valuable, you need to change your mindset and have more downtime.
- Downtime isn’t scrolling through TikTok or Netflix, but truly letting your brain rest and recover — through non-competitive exercise, better sleep, eschewing multitasking, increasing opportunities for a quiet mind, and asking yourself the essential questions about the life you’re currently living and how it compares to the one you truly want — as we discussed in Toxic Productivity Part 3: Get Off the To-Do List Hamster Wheel.
- We can use the same productivity tools designed to help us overcome procrastination and get more done to slow ourselves down to the speed of life. This includes embracing better and smaller (atomic) habits, using the Pareto Principle to focus on what’s truly worthy of being a priority, employing the Pomodoro Technique and block scheduling to focus our work time and ensure our break time.
— Liz Fosslien (@fosslien) June 23, 2022
What else can we do?
CONSIDER TECHNOLOGY’S ROLE
It’s easy to think that technology is essential to productivity. Look at how much more humanity accomplished after the Industrial Revolution vs. when we had an agrarian society. How much more could we accomplish with telephones than when we had to wait for the postal service or telegrams? Certainly we got much more accomplished once we added email to our resources, right? (cough, cough) And surely we’ve reached a pinnacle of productivity now that we have Slack and Asana?
Hopefully, you detected my sarcasm. Yes, technology yields vast improvements in our ability to communicate quickly (if not always clearly, as the multigenerational confusion over emoji and whether ending sentences with periods is an insult have proven), but all of these aspects of technology have led to the always-on misery we discussed at the beginning of the series. France gets it; most of Europe gets it. The US does not yet get it.
We have an inalienable right to disconnect, but it’s going to take all of us, together, to stand up and keep secure that right.
Communication technology is not the only problem.
Along with communication technology, these last few decades have seen a growth in productivity technology, from software and apps that help us brainstorm, assign ourselves (and others) tasks, and conquer our foibles and deficiencies in terms of procrastination, motivation, focus, capturing information, organizing our thoughts, collaborating on projects, and so on.
I am not a Luddite. I believe in the power of technology to make things easier, but sometimes we’re making the wrong things easier. Take collaboration. While Thomas Jefferson wrote the original draft of the Declaration of Independence, historians (including Pauline Maier in American Scripture: Making the Declaration of Independence) have shown how the handwritten edits suggested by the members of the Second Continental Congress became a complicated collaboration.
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In a document listing colonial grievances against the King George III, members of the Congress made Jefferson take out references to slavery and put in references to a Supreme Being (and fishing rights). The handwriting was that of Secretary Charles Thomson; he controlled the document’s additions, deletions, and revisions requested and/or demanded by the cacophony of voices representing 13 colonies.
Now imagine that same collaborative product in Microsoft Word’s Track Changes or Google Docs’ comment section. Now multiply the different voices and competing methods listed on this Wikipedia entry listing types of collaborative software. (I’ll wait while you scroll.) If you know how to be productive in one technology, you might still be flummoxed in another.
The number, variety, complexity, and interoperability (and lack thereof) of technology solutions can be overwhelming.
Have you ever heard about a new task app and wondered if it could be the solution to all of your troubles? Have you tried Todoist? Anydo? TeuxDeux? Remember the Milk? Things 3? Google Tasks? What about more complex productivity suites, like Basecamp? Trello? Clickup? Asana?
In case you were wondering if I’d suggest one app to rule them all, I’m afraid that’s not the case.
The truth is, the best productivity app is the one you’ll use. The one you’ll commit to learning, commit to using, and the one you won’t “cheat” on when another shiny app starts flirting.
The truth is, the best productivity app is the one you'll use. The one you'll commit to learning, commit to using, and the one you won't 'cheat' on when another shiny app starts flirting. Share on XUnfortunately, some productivity technology overwhelms even the most diligent users. This may be because the information we get out of our productivity technology is only as good as the information we put in, and we humans are already overwhelmed.
All of these apps, working at the speed of light (and life), can’t prioritize for us. We capture tasks with the click of a button, but we are so pressed for time (and productivity) that we fail to take the requisite moments to figure out what work has value and what is busywork.
So, are we supposed to get rid of technology altogether to combat toxic productivity?
Remember how I said I wasn’t a Luddite? Well, I’m not asking you to be one either. Chances are, if you work for a company that you don’t own, you’re stuck with some technology required by your workplace. But in the areas where you do have control over which types of technology you use, I often suggest that my clients put technology completely aside for a little while.
If you’ve got a task app or other tech that works well for you, stick with it. But if you feel beaten down and bruised by the very tech that’s supposed to keep your head above water, try slowing everything down.
- Go analog with your time displays. Wear an analog watch, or set your fancy Apple Watch or Fitbit to display time in an analog manner. Do the same with the display for the clock app on your phone. Seeing time as it ticks by will help you appreciate the finitude of time and feel more in tune with how much you can reasonably accomplish in an hour or a day. (You might want to brush up on Back-to-School Solutions for the Space-Time Continuum for more ideas.)
- Opt for paper over tech to learn key productivity skills. I’m a Certified Evernote Expert, so I realize all of the excellent benefits of collating your clipped websites, inbound emails, saved articles, etc., digitally, tagging them, and organizing them into notebooks. But when you’re overwhelmed, sometimes having your resources, your printed instructions, and other task-triggering action paperwork right in front of you, without need for WiFi or even electricity, can help you slow down and focus without the buzz of the digital world.
One of the many reasons I recommend tickler files for my overwhelmed clients is that learning the process of looking at task-triggering papers and making qualitative decisions (regarding priorities) and chronological decisions (regarding when you can reasonably accomplish specific tasks) is an essential skill for improving productivity in a healthy way. It’s the reason I wrote Tickle Yourself Organized.
- Consider bullet journaling. I’ll be honest, bullet journaling stresses me out. I understand that it’s not necessary to embrace the fancy, artistic designs some people use, but the very hands-on, tangible customization options overwhelm me, and the idea is to achieve healthy productivity by removing overwhelm. But I’m not you. Hundreds of thousands, perhaps millions, of people swear by bullet journaling for tracking tasks and other information. They can’t all be wrong.
PULL IT ALL TOGETHER AND HALT A HUNGRY GHOST
Hopefully, over this past month, you’ve come to recognize that not only are you not a robot, but that it’s unacceptable for anyone — your company, your clients, your mother-in-law, or you — to expect non-stop labor from you.
If machines don’t operate at 100%, why do we expect so much from ourselves?
— Junhan (@junhanchin) May 24, 2022
You’re a living, breathing human being. But you may have a ghost in your machine.
In Brad Stulberg‘s recent post The Constant Restlessness You Feel Has a Name, he describes how many of us experience a constant grind he calls “heroic individualism.”
Heroic individualism says that you will never have enough, be enough, or do enough. It is an endless gauntlet of more. While it may lead to decent short-term performance, long-term, it is a recipe for disaster. This is because long-term fulfillment depends upon things that are inherently inefficient and unproductive, at least on acute timescales.
Sound familiar?
When you look at the ten symptoms of heroic individualism that Stulberg lays out, some of it bears a striking resemblance to toxic productivity and Anna Codreo-Rado‘s perception of productivity dysmorphia, such as:
- Low-level anxiety and a sensation of always being rushed or in a hurry — if not physically, then mentally.
- Not always wanting to be on, but struggling to turn it off and not feeling good when you do.
- Feeling too busy, but also restless when you have open time and space.
- Successful by conventional standards, yet feeling like you’re never enough.
Stulberg’s describes the Buddhist concept of the hungry ghost:
The hungry ghost has an endless stomach. He keeps on eating, stuffing himself sick, but he never feels full. It’s a severe disorder.
The modern world that so many of us inhabit depends on the creation of hungry ghosts. But you, me, all of us can choose to opt out of this game. We don’t have to become hungry ghosts. We simply need to step back and reflect upon what it is that we actually want. Simple, sure. But not necessarily easy.
To combat this hungry ghost, this toxic productivity, this productivity dysmorphia, Stulberg recommends the concept of groundnessness.
His book, The Practice of Groundedness: A Transformative Path to Success That Feeds—Not Crushes—Your Soul, combines research from psychology, neuroscience, and sociology (as we looked at in the first three posts in this Toxic Productivity series), as well as religious and philosophical teachings from Buddhism, Taoism, and our old friend-of-Seneca, Stoicism.
The first of Stulberg’s five points of groundedness is having a realistic sense of where you’re starting on this journey, which I’d argue includes comprehending the role we play in letting toxic productivity into our institutions and our lives.
You can catch up on any part of the series here:
Toxic Productivity In the Workplace and What Comes Next
Toxic Productivity Part 2: How to Change Your Mindset
Toxic Productivity Part 3: Get Off the To-Do List Hamster Wheel
Toxic Productivity, Part 4: Find the Flip Side of Productivity Hacks
and for other perspectives on toxic productivity, you might wish to read:
What is toxic productivity? And 5 tips to overcome it (Trello)
When Doing is Your Undoing: Toxic Productivity (Psychology Today)
Put Avoiding Toxic Productivity At The Top Of Your To-Do List (Vogue UK)
Feeling Burnt Out? Meet Toxic Productivity & Grind Culture with Rest
Thank you for coming along on this five-week tour of how we (individually and as a society) are struggling with unsustainable expectations surrounding productivity. I hope you will share these (and other Paper Doll) posts with those whom you feel the material will help.
And if you’ll pardon my indulgence after putting 15,000 words into this topic, I’d like to share part of the lyrics of my favorite song, Viena by Billy Joel, which has some wise things to say about this topic.
Slow down, you crazy child
You’re so ambitious for a juvenile
But then if you’re so smart, well, tell me
Why are you still so afraid? Mm
Where’s the fire, what’s the hurry about?
You’d better cool it off before you burn it out
You’ve got so much to do
And only so many hours in a day
But you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want or you can just get old
You’re gonna kick off before you even get halfway through, ooh
When will you realize Vienna waits for you?
Paper Doll Post:
Toxic Productivity, Part 4: Find the Flip Side of Productivity Hacks
If you reside in the United States or Canada, you’re coming off the end of a long holiday weekend, an opportunity to rest, relax, and regenerate.
Do you feel relaxed? Or do you feel the itch to be accomplishing something on your to-do list? Do you feel that whatever you got done last week might not quite be enough, and that by taking an actual weekend off — not just two whole weekend days, but an extra holiday — you’re coasting? Cheating? If so, you definitely won’t be the only one.
PREVIOUSLY ON PAPER DOLL…
Throughout this series on toxic productivity, we’ve looked at what society can do to vanquish unsustainable expectations, how we can change our outlook and mindset, and what we can physically do to loosen the ropes with which we’ve bound ourselves. Before we go any further, I encourage you to catch up on the concepts and references we’ve looked at so far:
Toxic Productivity In the Workplace and What Comes Next
Toxic Productivity Part 2: How to Change Your Mindset
Toxic Productivity Part 3: Get Off the To-Do List Hamster Wheel
We can lobby for changes in societal expectations regarding excessive corporate demands on our productivity. We can read wisdom (and get therapy) to examine how we’ve internalized toxic belief systems and developed, as Anna Codrea-Rado calls it, productivity dysmorphia.
We can even recognize the finitude, or shortness, of life, and get off the hamster wheel by adding mindfulness and rest (in terms of non-competitive exercise) and more recuperative sleep, eliminating multitasking, and digging deeply to figure out what we want out of life and who we are.
But if none of that floats your boat, even if I’ve convinced you that toxic productivity is a danger to you, your loved ones, and society, these measures may just be too hard to incorporate in the life you’re already living. Trust me, I get it.
USING THE PRODUCTIVITY HACKS YOU KNOW AND LOVE
So, today, we’re going to look at the same productivity strategies, tactics, and “hacks” that are recommended to conquer lack of productivity — whether that’s a problem with procrastination, prioritization, or planning —and see if we can find ways to use them to stem the tide of toxic productivity.
Start At the Atomic Level
In James Clear‘s Atomic Habits, he posits that all of our outcomes — our productivity (for good or ill), our self-care, our financial state — are a “lagging result” of our habits. In other words, there’s a cumulative effect of what we do that, when repeated over and over, leads to where we’ve arrived.
To achieve what we want, Clear believes that we generally either try to change our habits in the wrong way, or we try to change the wrong things. Clear notes that we approach things in three ways:
- We try to change our outcomes (achieve more work, make more money, lose a certain amount of weight).
- We try to change our habits.
- We try to change our identities — including our belief systems, our views of the world, and our self-images.
Heady stuff. But it doesn’t work.
Clear’s approach is to flip the order and the magnitude of these strategies, and start by building identity-based habits, focusing on who we aspire to be (the non-smoker, the half-marathon runner, the person who can feel proud of their work output without working ourselves to death), and making itty-bitty, teeny-weeny changes at the atomic level (think of atoms, or even sub-atomic particles, not atomic as in “big boom bomb”).
To Clear’s mind, starting with these small steps helps you make the leap from “I’m the kind of person who wants be X” to “I am the kind of person who does X” to “I’m the type of person who is X.” (No, unfortunately, it will not help make Paper Doll a ballerina.)
From a productivity perspective, Clear builds on the now-famous research of Charles Duhigg in The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business.
That research focused on four stages: Cue, Craving, Response, and Reward. From a toxic productivity perspective, the cue may be some kind of request in our inbox or voicemail, or even seeing what one of our colleagues is doing, and feeling like we have to learn to emulate that behavior.
That feeling of “Ooooh, my successful colleague just started a YouTube channel and is getting all of this attention. I want to feel respected and admired, so I need to add videos to my repertoire of what I deliver to the world.”
The response in this case might be you buying video equipment, writing scripts, and pushing yourself beyond your capacity to start developing these videos, and the reward might be the sense of achievement of having completed it. You’ve satisfied that craving! Yay!
Wait, yay? Are you sure?
Rewards are supposed to teach us which cues and cravings will make us feel good. But remember what we said a few weeks ago about the hedonic treadmill, how you get used to a certain level of productivity and thus no longer feel any level of excitement or satisfaction? Time after time, your automatic process of building your habits may be contributing to your sense of productivity dysmorphia!
So, how can we use Clear’s ideas to help us create better habits that will separate ourselves from toxic productivity? Clear’s book is too packed with wisdom for me to cover its value in a blog post, but here are two methods to try, based on his teachings. His guidance is in bold type.
To embrace healthier habits that will get you away from the cues to keep working:
Make It Obvious — If you want to get in the habit of taking a walking break at lunch, put your lunch bag (or wallet) on top of your walking shoes.
Make It Attractive — Arrange to take a yoga class or go for an adult beverage (or ice cream, or an afternoon tea) with a good friend. Make taking a break social to remind you of when your life was fun. Then do fun stuff!
Make It Easy — Block time on your schedule for non-work things so nobody can steal your self-care by making a Calendly request for time that isn’t available. That person will never know that you’re not in some other “productive” meeting.
Make It Satisfying — Make those get-off-the-hamster-wheel experiences delightful; if you’re an introvert, don’t schedule social things that will steal your energy, and if you’re a hiker, don’t book a yoga class because it seems socially preferable. You do you, boo!
To break your bad (toxic) productivity habits and get off that hamster wheel of constantly feeling like your value depends on your output:
Make It Invisible — To reduce your exposure so you don’t experience the cues to constantly feel like you’re not doing enough, reduce your attention to requests when you don’t need to deal with them. Turn off your notifications unless you’re waiting for a particular response. Stop checking your email every 15 minutes; check it in the morning, right after lunch, and about an hour before the end of the day. Otherwise, focus on your priorities, not other people’s.
Yep, this is the same advice I’d give you if I were encouraging you to be more productive; the point isn’t to be less productive, per se, but to feel less driven by those cues to feel like your value equals your productivity!
Make It Unattractive — The point here is to re-adjust your mindset (as we discussed in the second post in this series). You want to accent the benefits and importance of avoiding the bad habits (of working through lunch, checking email when your kid is talking to you, etc.). Maybe a photo posting your last blood pressure test or the lyrics to Cats In the Cradle will remind you of what hyperfocusing on productivity costs you. (Wait, you don’t know that song? Grab a tissue!)
Make It Difficult — This is about increasing friction so it’s harder to work long hours and feel obligated to keep going when you’re completely wrung out. Set your computer to turn off every day at 5 (or 6 p.m., or 4:30 p.m.). Delete one-third to one-half of the available time slots from your appointment scheduling software. Prioritize yourself on the schedule (and see the time-blocking section, below).
Make It Unsatisfying — You know what makes you tick. Would the social cringe of failing to knock off work and go home (after you’d promised to do so) do the trick? For good or ill, the fear of disappointing your spouse might not be enough, but support from an accountability partner, someone without the guarantee of unconditional love? Could work!
Normally, we’d use accountability to get us working, but sometimes, having a body-double for the “last hour” of the day will ensure we shut down when we need to. If that’s the case for you, reread Count on Accountability: 5 Productivity Support Solutions for some key ways to get help honoring your goal to respect yourself, your time, and your value.
Two P’s Against One: Conquer Toxic Productivity With the Pareto Principle and the Pomodoro Technique
There are two popular strategies in the productivity realm we experts apply to help people not only achieve more, but more of the right thing. Sneakily, these two concepts can also help you get off that hedonic treadmill.
Let’s start with the Pareto Principle, which you might know as the 80/20 Rule. It comes from a theory of economics that says that 80% of outcomes come from 20% of causes, and it’s been found that 80% of successes come from 20% of efforts or sources. This is one of those weird concepts that while not always perfectly true, is surprisingly accurate.
Freelancers will find that 80% of their money comes from 20% of their client base. All those toys your kids are actually playing with (and the apps on your phone that you actually use)? About 20% of them are what’s yielding the most activity.
Use the Pareto Principle to figure out what of the work you’re doing is actually the vital work. The deep work (in the words of Cal Newport). The meaningful work. The work that appears in the Eisenhower Matrix’s “important and urgent” quadrant!
Look at your list of everything you accomplished today. Wait, you don’t know what you did?
You probably added “done” things to the to-do things so you could cross them off. But if not, look at your outbound emails, your calendar, your “recent documents” and “recent spreadsheets.” Going forward, you might track your time with an analog list on paper or software like Toggl or Rescue Time.
Look at everything you’re doing and measure the value — is it financially remunerative (does it pay?!), is it helping you grow professionally or personally, is it emotionally rewarding? It’s very likely you’ll find that the vast majority of your work’s value is coming from 20% (OK, or even 30% or 40%) of your output.
Use the Pareto Principle to give yourself permission (there’s another P-word!) to stop doing everything! With luck, you’ll be able to appreciate all that you have accomplished, focus less on what you didn’t complete, and eliminate a bit more of that productivity dysmorphia.
Same results. Different expectations. pic.twitter.com/fXbf6gY1AA
— Janis Ozolins (@OzolinsJanis) March 27, 2022
Next, let’s look at the Pomodoro Technique, developed by Francesco Cirillo. We’ve discussed this many times on the pages of Paper Doll, most recently in Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is? 5 Strategies to Cope With Pandemic Time Dilation, but at it’s most reductive, you decide what you want to work on, you set a timer for 25 minutes, and you work on just that thing until the timer goes off. Then take a break.
This is another tactic we productivity gurus use to help clients get their butts in the chair; to conquer inertia, we encourage someone try just five minutes (on the treadmill, writing a blog post, studying a chapter), and more often than not, this is enough to get someone over the hump and keep the mojo going.
However, the Pomodoro Technique also works to dissipate toxic productivity because breaks are built in. In usual circumstances, the Pomodoro-er is thinking, “Sigh, OK, I have to do this. But in 25 minutes I get to take a break.” To the person who struggles to let go of their sense of worthiness being tied to their output, being forced to take a break is a real eye-opener! Permission to stop working is one thing; being required to stop is a much bigger deal!
For more on the Pomodoro Technique:
Take It From Someone Who Hates Productivity Hacks—the Pomodoro Technique Actually Works
Explore Being a Kid Again: See How Playing with Blocks Can Flummox Toxic Productivity
We’ve already talked a lot about time blocking. Your best bet is to review:
Playing With Blocks: Success Strategies for Time Blocking Productivity
Paper Doll Shares Secrets from the Task Management & Time Blocking Summit 2022
How to Use Block Scheduling to Revamp Your Workflow (Wired)
Usually, when we discuss time blocking, we’re trying to fit as much into our limited, valuable, time as possible, to make sure we create homes for all the work that’s necessary to do. But we’ve already established that not everything we’re doing is of equal value.
When we want to circumvent toxic productivity, reduce busy-ness in favorite of doing our most important work, and get a hearty mix of what we discussed back in the second week, we need to think about our brains!
In that post, I explained that using our central executive network (think: executive function, not CEOs), or task-positive brain network, activates to help us use our memories of previously-acquired information to comprehend new information, focus our attention, come up with solutions, and make decisions.
But our brains also need to operate in the default mode network — it’s what your brain is thinking about when nobody’s expecting anything from you.
What does that have to do with time blocking? Simple — block time to do all those things we talked about in Toxic Productivity Part 3: Get Off the To-Do List Hamster Wheel that turn active the brain off for a little while. Just blocking your time, without considering downtime, will let you get a lot done, maybe even the right stuff done, but it won’t reduce that drive to be “always on.”
In his July 3rd email, How to Be a Productivity Ninja author Graham Allcott talked three ways to use his attention: to create, to collaborate, and to chill.
When you block your time, “create” is going to be anything that achieves that deep work, that 20ish% of effort to yield the 80ish% of success. Allcott says, “When I’m in Create mode, my mindset is disciplined, closed and distraction-free.”
“Collaborate” is as you’d guess, all of those meetings and calls and emails, those Zooms and those moments you’re in shared documents. And it’s the collaboration (whether anticipated or unanticipated) that often steals the time we need to spend on the other two C’s.
And, obviously, “chill” is about engaging the default mode network by disengaging from the task-positive brain network.
When you put together your time blocks, be sure to consider all three elements. Balancing your creative and collaborative time with your chilling time will help your step off the hamster wheel and live a healthier, more fulfilled, and less toxic life.
Momentum matters more than perfection. pic.twitter.com/ju76b7gsqj
— Sarah Arnold-Hall (@saraharnoldhall) April 6, 2022
Give yourself a break. Give yourself some grace. Give yourself a more organized space, more planning time on the calendar, and more opportunities to “win” by not expecting so damned much of yourself.
With so much to consider regarding toxic productivity, there’s actually one more post to round out the series. We’ll be looking at how tools, whether analog or digital, can help or hinder us as we seek to reduce the toxicity of our productivity. And then we’ll close with a little philosophizing and sum up all we’ve discussed.
Until then, I hope you’ve found some of this helpful to reduce any of the unwelcome stress you may feel as you approach the second half of this year.
Paper Doll Post:
Toxic Productivity Part 2: How to Change Your Mindset
Last week, in Toxic Productivity in the Workplace and What Comes Next, we addressed systemic toxic productivity, when the workplace demands a seemingly endless series of achievements, undue (and unreciprocated) loyalty, and more of one’s heart, soul, and time than is reasonable. We also touched on the concept of personal toxic productivity, or productivity dysmorphia.
Going forward, we’re going to look at what we can do to give ourselves some grace and separate our productivity from our identity. Today, we’re focused on changing the way we think about ourselves and what we accomplish.
But first, let’s look at three stories that illustrate what toxic productivity is not.
WHAT TOXIC PRODUCTIVITY IS NOT
Story #1: At the end of April, my delightful colleague Linda Samuels wrote a blog post entitled How to Successfully Let Go Now Even If It’s Only For Today. In that post, she described how she enjoys getting things accomplished and often feels compelled to do so. She had a list of what she intended to accomplish on that particular Sunday, but was beckoned by the beautiful spring wearther and instead enjoyed a day in nature with her husband. In my blog comment, I gently teased her:
LOL, I’m glad you let go, but I think I see your problem right away, Linda. You had a to-do list for a Sunday. Sunday is the weekend. You’re not supposed to DO anything on the weekends except eat, play, and be entertained in the first place! 😉 No housework, no work-work, just enjoying yourself. I’m glad you let go; now we need to help you plan letting go as your weekend task so you don’t even try to work!
Linda is not an example of toxic productivity. She’s self-driven, but she also knows how and when to let go and grant herself buffer time to enjoy life.
Story #2: Another colleague (we’ll call her X), is a real go-getter. She had been working to create a virtual course, but has not yet made it go live because she’s so busy with her client load and is booked through the end of the summer. Disappointed that she hasn’t completed this combined educational/marketing tool, we’ve pointed out that the whole purpose of making people aware of one’s expertise is to get clients, and she already has more clients than spaces on the calendar! The girl is in serious demand!
Meanwhile, a few months back, X contracted COVID. Luckily, she had very mild symptoms, but of course she was quarantining. With no work to do, she headed outside and spent her quarantine weeding her garden! (Apparently, X didn’t know that the only acceptable reaction to being ill is to mope, wear fuzzy socks, and intersperse reading trashy magazines with bingeing guilty pleasure TV!)
X is also not an example of toxic productivity. She’s a product of a particular cultural background that especially prizes hard work and efficiency, but she also enjoys vacationing with her husband and entertaining friends around her pool.
Story #3: My BFF is a full-on, leaning-in career woman now that her children are all grown, but I recall a time when, for the 43rd conversation in a row, I was giving her a hard time about working so hard. She was raising four kids, volunteering in many realms, and though she had a bad case of bronchitis, was — as I was speaking with her on the phone — making cupcakes for a school bake sale!
As only a BFF can push, I pointed out that 1) she was sick and did not need to be doing anything for anyone else, 2) she could have sent her husband to the store to buy cupcakes, and 3) nobody wanted her bronchitis-germy cupcakes anyway! (I’m sure my voice went up three octaves by the time I got to the end of my diatribe.)
If I didn’t know better, I might think my BFF might be an example of toxic productivity. But she’s actually an example of systemic expectations of mental load, emotional labor, and American women unintentionally embracing the societal view that a woman’s value is based on what she does for others. (For superb writing on how to counter this, check out Emotional Labor: Why A Woman’s Work Is Never Done and What To Do About It, by my colleagues Regina Lark and Judith Kolberg.)
So, toxic productivity isn’t always what it seems. But also, what you do is not who you are.
REVISITING PRODUCTIVITY DYSMORPHIA
Last week, I referenced Anna Codrea-Rado piece, What is Productivity Dysmorphia?, for Refinery 29. In it, Codrea-Rado, a successful author, pointed out some of the hallmarks of productivity dysmorphia as she experiences it and as others have described it:
- a difficulty experiencing pride in one’s accomplishments
- a focus on what could have done better or what more could have accomplished
- a disconnect between objective achievements (what you might put down on your “have done” list) and emotions about those accomplishments
Codrea-Rado says of productivity dysmorphia that:
It is ambition’s alter ego: the pursuit of productivity spurs us to do more while robbing us of the ability to savour any success we might encounter along the way.
In particular, I was intrigued that by Codrea-Rado interview with Dr. Jacinta M. Jiménez about hedonic adaption. Usually, we talk about hedonic adaption, or the hedonic treadmill, in terms of our desire for tangible things.
In the famous story of Diderot’s dressing gown, the French philosopher was gifted a fancy robe to replace a tatty one. As Diderot got used to his new dressing gown, he came to see his sense of self as defined by its finery. He felt dissatisfaction with his older possessions and began of spiral of 18th century keeping-up-with-the-Joneses consumerism, replacing the perfectly good items associated with his old life and going into debt to keep up with the identity of the new.
Hedonic adaption applied to the sense of one’s productivity is compelling. Like Diderot and his dressing gown, the more we accomplish, the more we expect of ourselves, and the more we build our identities on a foundation of being the kind of person who accomplishes things. Initially, we may delight in what we have already done, but soon the new “finery” of our most recent client acquisition, business coup, or media exposure becomes the baseline, and we hunger to accomplish more and more (as we appreciate our successes less and less).
Of course, there’s more to all of this, as Codrea-Rado’s piece shows: gender, race, class, mental health, neurology, and how society views performance within and across groups all determine how we view (and mischaracterize) our own performance. There’s no wonder that a tweet like this might resonate.
“how do you do so much?” it’s a little thing called never feeling like i am doing enough ?
— ashley ray (@theeashleyray) June 13, 2022
And it’s also no wonder that there’s finally a backlash against a culture that promotes productivity above all, as seen in books like Jenny Odell’s How To Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy and pieces like The Frustration With Productivity Culture in The New Yorker.
HOW TO CHANGE THE PRODUCTIVITY MINDSET
So, what can we do to approach being productive in a way that’s healthier for society and for ourselves? I’m a professional organizer, not a mental health professional, so the first thing I recommend when I’m working with clients to help them be productive on their own terms is to listen.
Each person’s story is unique, and the solutions for finding the right combination of tools and solutions to “right-size” their productivity is going to be unique, too. We start where they are.
That said, I’m a big believer in recommending therapy if someone’s sense of self doesn’t reflect objective reality. But beyond a therapeutic approach, any and all of the following may prove fruitful in achieving a healthy productivity mindset.
Debunk the Common Myths About Productivity
There’s a lot of bad productivity advice out there, and a lot if it will make you feel bad about yourself. For example, there are oodles of articles, podcasts, and books telling you that if you want to accomplish the goals you set, you have to rise early in the morning, to which I say:
PIFFLE!
I have been a night-owl since childhood. My creativity comes alive at night. My clients know that my brainpower increases as the day goes on. (And I write all of these Paper Doll posts in the post-midnight hours.) Before 10 a.m., I’m cranky and poorly disposed to craft a useful sentence.
So, productivity myths abound.
I suggest you start with this excellent article Linda Samuels shared with me, Your Productive Brain, by Dr. Dean Burnett with the BBC Science Focus. From the time you awaken, to the claim that “we all have the same 24 hours” (which I’ve previously debunked here, often), to the false equivalency between busy-ness and productivity, the piece is eye-opening.
Chances are that if your identity is based in how much you accomplish, you might have trouble embracing the idea of doing less? But what if science told you that that would be the best way to get more done, or at least more done well?
Jay Dixit’s piece in NeuroLeadership entitled We’re Doing Downtime Wrong explains that cognition depends on two different brain networks. The central executive network (think: executive function, not CEOs), or task-positive brain network, activates to help us use our memories of previously-acquired information to comprehend new information, focus our attention, come up with solutions, and make decisions.
But this aspect of our brain doesn’t work alone! The other is the default mode network — it’s what your brain is thinking about when nobody’s expecting anything from you. (So, for Paper Doll, that would be either Reese Peanut Butter Cups or Doctor Who.) And we NEED this network if we want to be creative! That’s why, when we’re having trouble solving a problem and we go away to take a shower or go for a walk, the answer seems to magically come to us!
Light Bulb Moment Photo by Pixabay
We need downtime for our brains to make those big, creative leaps. All work and no play makes Jack and Jill decidedly dull kiddos.
So, if you focus all of your attention on being productive because your identity is forged in what you accomplish, you might want to remind yourself (until you gain a more healthy self-image) that getting stuff done (well) requires periodically doing nothing.
This only touches on one part of the NeuroLeadership piece. We’ll be coming back to it next week when we look at physical, tangible ways we can change our responses to toxic productivity.
Embrace a Completely New Philosophy of Work…
I was intrigued by How To Care Less About Work by Charlie Warzel and Anne Helen Petersen in The Atlantic. The piece ties what we discussed last week, regarding how corporatized expectations of our productivity can help determine (and warp) our sense of our own value to the solutions individuals can take to reconfigure how we see the value of work as just one part (and not the most important part) of life.
Without calling it toxic productivity, as such, Warzel and Peterson recognize that we are all, collectively, having a bit of angst these days, these years. Instead of the quarter-life crisis everyone was worried about a few decades ago, it seems we’re all having what the authors call “the existential crisis of personal value.”
And in response, we’re all trying to be as productive as possible, whether we are working for others (as described last week) and being squeezed dry of our creativity and humanity, or if we are solopreneurs, self-employed, and small business owners doing it to ourselves, all in the hope that we will discover what Warzel and Peterson eloquently call our “purpose, dignity, and security.”
Oy.
The piece makes several points, but I keep returning to one central question the authors ask: Who would you be if work was no longer the axis of your life?
The authors also invite readers to consider a time when work meant things done at work, for pay — recall being a newspaper carrier or a restaurant server, where labor had a distinct end point. Then they ask, what did you do with your unscheduled time, just because it was what you liked to do? And to clarify, they note they are asking about what you did…
Not because it would look interesting if you posted it on social media, or because it somehow optimized your body, or because it would give you better things to talk about at drinks, but because you took pleasure in it.
I don’t know about you, dear readers, but this sure gave me pause.
Child on Bike at Sunset Photo by Clark Young on Unsplash
They continue:
Once you figure out what that thing is, see if you can recall its contours. Were you in charge? Were there achievable goals or no goals at all? Did you do it alone or with others? Was it something that really felt as if it was yours, not your siblings’? Did it mean regular time spent with someone you liked? Did it involve organizing, creating, practicing, following patterns, or collaborating? See if you can describe, out loud or in writing, what you did and why you loved it. Now see if there’s anything at all that resembles that experience in your life today.
From these questions, Warzel and Peterson stand in for the therapists and encourage the embrace of those joyous things. Not Arts & Crafts to develop a side hustle for Etsy but for the radical delight of painting or drawing or fiddling with crayons and pipe cleaners and sparkly glue. Not biking to get a count for your Fitbit or fill the rings on your Apple Watch, but for the sheer joy of the wind in your hair. Not dancing because it burns calories or to get likes on your TikTok version of Lizzo’s latest song, but because of the sheer exuberance it brings you.
Consider the possibility that what you are when you are working is not who you are, or at least not all that you are. And not to put words in the authors’ mouths, but find your bliss. Find your crayons on pipe cleaners.
…or Embrace a Completely New Philosophy of Life
Last year, I read Oliver Burkeman’s Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals. Combining psychology, ancient and modern philosophy, spirituality, and a bit of popular culture, it slaps a reality check on the constantly turning wheels of productivity culture.
Burkeman invites us to embrace “finitude” — the understanding of the shortness of life.* Starting from the premise that, given an average life span of 80 years, he notes that we have just 4000 weeks, give or take, on the planet. As you approach week 3972 or so, do you really think you’ll look back and be unalterably happy that you spent most of those weeks doing TPS reports (yes, another Office Space reference) or making cold calls or quantifying your worth in checked-off boxes or bank balances?
In the book, Burkeman posits some questions that I think most of us who dabble with productivity dysmorphia might find mind-blowing:
- Is it possible you are holding yourself (and others) to impossible standards?
- Are you holding yourself back from doing certain things you really want to do because you don’t think you are smart enough, experienced enough, talented enough, or just plain enough?
- Are you doing what you are doing because you’re trying to be the person you think others expect you to be? Or the person you’re “supposed” to be (as if that were even a thing)?
- How would you live your life, your years, your days differently if you stopped focusing on what you achieve.
Pretty heady stuff, eh? Nobody is saying run off to the beach to be the next Gidget or Moondoggie (oh, gee, is anyone under 50 going to get that reference?), but perhaps we shouldn’t center our achievements, especially if we’re having trouble appreciating them in the first place.
Burkeman avoids providing productivity hacks, but he does have some atypical advice for living with an appreciation of the finitude of life. Some are obvious — get rid of the technology (like social media) that doesn’t add to the joy of your life, not because it steals time from what you accomplish, but because it steals time from what makes you happy.
Burkeman also recommends some pretty philosophical tasks that can’t be quantified, which has the benefit of taking you off the productivity merry-go-round. For example, we know that the brain appreciates novelty; we remember what happens on vacations because everything is out of the ordinary. So, he recommends avoiding routine (the things we productivity experts often praise) and seeking novelty in the “mundanity of life.”
He also suggests building a habit of instantaneous generosity, wherein you act on thoughts of doing a kindness in the moment when you think of it. It’s certainly the opposite of the advice we usually see about maintaining focus on our tasks. But again, we’re trying to improve our life satisfaction rather than our joy in ticking one more task off of our to-do list.
*Does “the shortness of life” sound familiar? In On the Shortness of Life, Stoic philosopher Seneca wrote, “It’s not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste so much of it.”
In case you assumed (as I did) that the Stoic philosophers were all Spock-like and devoid of emotion (based on a common (mis)understanding of the usual meaning for “stoic,”) I’ve got some delightful news for you. The Stoics, and Seneca in particular, offer up great advice for coping with life and making it feel like more than just a race to the finish line. David Fideler’s Breakfast with Seneca: A Stoic Guide to the Art of Living is a great place to start for an ancient approach to our modern productivity mindset problem.
Consider This Baby Step for Adjusting Your Productivity Mindset
Matt Haig, the author of some truly compelling novels like The Midnight Library and How to Stop Time has written a remarkable book I turn to time and again. It’s called The Comfort Book, and I’d recommend it to anyone who is dealing with depression or anxiety, or a broken heart or a moment (or several) of doubt, or the experience of living in the 21st century.
As I was preparing this post, what Haig wrote about “Being, Not Doing” felt particularly apt.
You don’t need to exhaust yourself trying to find your own value. You are not an iPhone needing an upgrade. Your value is not a condition of productivity or exercise or body shape or something you lose via inactivity. Value is not a plate to be continually spun. The value is there. It is intrinsic, innate. It is in the “being” not the “doing.”
“You are not an iPhone needing an upgrade.” Damn, Matt Haig, that’s good.
As we part ways until next time, if you hold onto one thought during the internal struggle over how much you’re getting done: It’s in the being, not the doing.
As this series continues, we’re going to be looking at specific ways we can change our physical actions to help our brains accommodate a different view of our productivity. This will include focus, sleep, silence, nature, walking, companionship, technology (and the absence of it), and more.
And in the final installment, we will circle back around to productivity techniques. Not hacks. Not ways to get more done in less time so that you can cross the finish line to then do something else productive. Rather, we’ll look at some modern productivity science and so we can complete what is essential and then walk away from doing and focus on being.
Until then, please feel free to share your thoughts about the dark side of personal productivity.
Paper Doll Post:
Paper Doll on the Magic of Making Lists
THE APPEAL OF A LIST
Paper Doll is a sucker for lists.
My childhood diaries (y’know the kind, pink with a lock that could easily be opened by a bobby pin) were just page after page of my mini-me wishes and hopes.
One of the first organizing-related books I ever purchased (when I was still in high school, back when dinosaurs roamed the earth and the top song on the Billboard charts
was Olivia Newton-John’s Physical), which still sits on my bookshelf, was Checklists: 88 Essential Lists to Help You Organize Your Life. It contains a wide variety of lists my 15-year-old self assumed would be, as the book title indicated, essential for becoming an adult.
Many of the lists were, and still are, useful. The “What To Do” checklists started with life transitions like how to find a roommate, plan a wedding, prepare for having a baby (or adopting one), buy a new or used car, or get ready for a move. These continued on through less happy events, like what to do if you’re going through a separation or a divorce, are a victim of a burglary, have to stay in the hospital, or need to plan funeral arrangements.
I will grant you that many of these step-by-step To Do lists, such as how to apply to college or for a mortgage are outdated these forty (gasp!) years later, and I can’t say I ever found the lists for buying a summer home or putting my boat in the water particularly useful. Oh, but the aspirational aspect of it all!
The other sections of the book were equally magical, with checklists for packing (for everything from a day at the beach to — I kid you not — sending your child to boarding school) to hosting social events (from children’s birthday parties to showers to Christmas dinners and Passover seders). And even after 20 years as a professional organizer, I still take a gander at the “What to Have” checklists for organizing every space from tool boxes and medicine chests to linen closets and garden sheds.
Even last week, when I was perusing the new books shelves at my public library, I couldn’t bring myself to bypass 52 Ways to Walk: The Surprising Science of Walking for Wellness and Joy, One Week at a Time.
It’s not that I don’t know how to walk; I get my 10,000 steps every day. But I was captivated by a portion of the introduction, where author Annabel Streets (yes, a book on walking by someone named Streets!) writes:
Nor is walking merely step-counting or “exercise.” Yes, good physical and mental health are happy by-products. But the joys of walking are infinitely greater than clocking up steps. Think of it as a means of unraveling towns and cities, of connecting with nature, of bonding with our dogs, of fostering friendships of finding faith and freedom, of giving the finger to air-polluting traffic of nurturing our sense of smell, of satisfying our cravings for starlight and darkness, of helping us appreciate the exquisitely complicated and beautiful world we inhabit.
However, had the title on the spine not seemed like a ready-made list, I’d surely have moved on without it.
The world has been conspiring to put lists on my mind even more than usual lately, and if you don’t mind the presumption, I’d like to share some of the thoughts I’ve had regarding list-making.
USE LISTS TO SET (AND MAINTAIN) BOUNDARIES
Last Thursday, I was reading James Clear‘s weekly newsletter. If you’re not familiar with Clear, I encourage you to read his excellent Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones.
While I’m careful to keep my inbox lean, I confess that I subscribe to many (perhaps too many) newsletters for inspiration for this blog and to find resources for my clients. Some are on organizing and productivity; others are financial. I enjoy many of the AARP newsletters, particularly Sisters from AARP, which celebrates and offers wisdom for Black women. And though they profess to be about mindfulness, mental health, and positive psychology, I realize that many of the newsletters are written for millennials and Gen Z. I’m voracious.
Clear’s 3-2-1 Newsletter avoids any and all of the excesses many of my other newsletters display; his is pared down to the essentials: three wise (tweetable) quotes from Clear himself, two quotes from others, and one question for the week. (Last week’s remarkable question, “What is a small but courageous choice you can make today?” has floated through my head for days.)
A short “list” itself, the newsletter is what I, in all my years of blogging, can never aspire to: brevity. But I do not begrudge Clear’s success because you, my dear readers, are often the benefactors of the concepts he shares. Last week, he linked to a tweet by Jenée Desmond-Harris, a writer, editorialist, editor, and the current Dear Prudence for Slate.
I started dividing my to-do list into 1) things I have to do, 2) things I want to do, and 3) things other people want me to do. Life changing! I often don’t get to 3 and I finally realized omg, is this what it means to have boundaries?! ???
— Jenée (@jdesmondharris) June 26, 2021
I loved this tweet. First, I always try to teach my clients that when they’re overwhelmed and overburdened by a To Do list that is more a Could Do list, they need to check to make sure what they’re doing brings them closer to their goals.
When you're overwhelmed and overburdened by a To Do list that is more a *Could* Do list, check to make sure what you're doing brings you closer to your goals. Share on XAnd I’m sure you’ve heard me say that, more important than SMART goals (which are specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-specific) are SMARTY goals, where they Y represents values and ideals that are YOURS.
If you are constantly laboring toward goals that are not your own, but are your spouse’s, your parents’, or society’s, you will eventually come to resent the labor and the sense of obligation, and likely passive-aggressively (or just aggressively) rebel, possibly without even realizing it, but to your detriment.
Second, I appreciated this tweet because it dovetails nicely with a quote from one my colleagues. Four of my veteran professional organizing colleagues — Maria White, Yve Irish, Karen Sprinkle, and Nancy Haworth — and I are in a mastermind group. To help us achieve our goals, we start each week sharing our intentions; at the end of the week, we report back on how well we’ve done, and discuss our obstacles (and whether they’ve been internal or external).
Yve, famous for her enthusiastic Memojis when sending cheerleading texts, replied to one of my weekly emails with, “Woohoo Julie! Two great organizing sessions and they both booked follow-ups! I think you got all of the important things done. Much of the not-dones are items from someone else’s To Do list.”
Until then, I’d been feeling a little down about not having achieved everything in my (admittedly overambitious) list. But Yve was right. The things I hadn’t completed had not been, in the words of Jenée Desmond-Harris, things I had to do or things I wanted to do.
They were things someone else wanted from me, tasks for which I had not obligated myself. Without recognizing I’d done it, I’d practiced that mantra found photocopied and posted on assistants’ desks nationwide: “Lack of preparation on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.”
I was focusing on the important and urgent tasks on my own To Do lists. I was guarding my own boundaries.
When we make our To Do lists, perhaps we should consider dividing them into these categories, what we must do and what we want to do, and put the oxygen masks over our own noses and mouths first before attending to others (tiny humans notwithstanding).
USE LISTS TO DECIDE WHAT YOU WANT FROM LIFE
Desmond-Harris, as well as my colleague Yve, got me thinking about the kinds of lists we create. We all have task lists, those To Do items, whether analog or digital, that get us through our days or weeks. At the micro level, these lists help us achieve our smaller, more discrete goals.
But what about our big ticket goals? Do you keep lists of those?
I went back to the post I wrote at the start of this year, Review & Renew for 2022: Resolutions, Goals, and Words of the Year to think about goals and visions. I found plenty of lists there, including Gretchen Rubin’s list of 21 things she’d wanted to do in 2021. Of course, she’s got a 22 in 2022.
When I got to the end of the post, I saw I’d linked to Jack Canfield‘s post on creating vision boards. About 16 or 17 years ago, Jack Canfield (of the Chicken Soup for the Soul books) was a guest speaker at a NAPO Conference. He’d just authored The Success Principles: How to Get From Where You Are to Where You Want to Be, and everyone heading to conference was buzzing about it.
It’s been enough years (I was still in my thirties!) that you’d think the book would not have had such a hold on me, but the “assignment” on page 28 has held a fascination for me ever since.
In the chapter “Decide What You Want,” Canfield suggests readers make an “I Want” list and delineate 30 things you want to do, thirty things you want to have, and thirty things you want to be — before you die.
Readers, I went to an Ivy League college. I have a Master’s degree. I started my own business. But I have to tell you, writing out these three lists was the most difficult intellectual experience of my life. I’ve carried this folded-up list in my daily planner all of these years, taking it out with some frequency, and occasionally adding something new or checking off an accomplishment. My inability to complete the lists sometimes makes me wonder if I need a therapist or a life coach!
I only managed to come up with 11 things I wanted to do, of which I’ve done three (including finally reading Anna Karenina last year); and though I got to check off visiting the UK, the most exciting things I’ve done since creating the list, visiting Italy and publishing my book, didn’t even make the list! My imagination was too confined!
Similarly, my list of (tangible and intangible) things I wanted to have only made it to item 15. I’ve only acquired three, but those three (including my little, red Kia Soul) give me joy each day. And my shortest list, of things I wanted to be, only reached eight items, of which I’ve only achieved one.
And yet, I’m happy with my life and with my lists. The things we want at any given time help shape the choices we make; but the choices we make can shape what we want next.
The things we want at any given time help shape the choices we make; but the choices we make can shape what we want next. Share on XSometimes, our lists (like the ones in my elementary school diary) may seem silly in retrospect; others show us how far we’ve come.
What would you put on Jack Canfield’s lists? What are:
- 30 things you want to do?
- 30 things you want to have?
- 30 things you want to be?
DO YOU NEED A NEEDLE LIST?
About a month ago, the Huffington Post published a piece by Kelsey Borresen called Want to Declutter Your Brain? Cross Something Off Your Needle List. I read it within a day or two of publication, agreed with the general gist, and went on about my life, not having given it much thought. Since then, there hasn’t been a day when it hasn’t shown up in one of those many newsletters to which I subscribe or appeared in my Twitter feed.
The article is needling me!
It’s easy to see why. I encourage you to read it in full, but the basic concept is that we all have these things on our To Do lists that we fail, repeatedly, to do. Usually, they aren’t huge projects, but fairly simple tasks that we avoid, over and over. And yet we cross them off today’s task list and dutifully put them on tomorrow’s, where they will fail to be attended to for several days (or weeks) hence. And they’ll continue to needle us.
Quoting an Instagram post of chef/author Serena Wolf, who coined the term, Needle Lists are filled with the small tasks that create that hum of low-level anxiety as we continue to fail to accomplish them.
It’s the donation bags in our trunk (or worse, blocking the front hall) that haven’t been taken to charity. It’s the sink that’s full of dishes because the dishwasher of clean dishes hasn’t been unloaded. It’s the thank you notes that have gone unmailed (or unwritten). And for the past two weeks, for me, it was the oil change that I planned to get each day, but by the time everything else got accomplished, my mechanic had closed for the evening.
Wolf’s plan, simple but a bit of genius, was to set aside 30-60 minutes each Friday to tackle items on her Needle List. She notes, “Not only do I feel more relaxed on weekends, but it also makes me more productive during the week because I find it easier to focus with less mental clutter. The batching mentality also helps relieve any stress/anxiety when a new Needle List item pops up because I can drop it into Friday’s brain basket.”
Happily, this goes along with advice I’ve shared about time-blocking, here:
Playing With Blocks: Success Strategies for Time Blocking Productivity
Paper Doll Shares Secrets from the Task Management & Time Blocking Summit 2022
Time blocking basics are key to the Needle List. Wolf has a place to collect these otherwise needling, cringe-provoking tasks.
She sidesteps the problem of there being no “Someday” on the calendar by scheduling these tasks for a fixed block, on Fridays. (For you, it might be a Saturday morning or a Monday afternoon or a Wednesday lunch hour.)
And she goes through her week confident that a task won’t fall through the cracks, so she can stop constantly reminding herself that there’s something undone.
If you’d like to try making a Needle List and time blocking a part of your week to address these things in a batch, I’d encourage you to use a tickler file to its best advantage.
Let’s say, like Wolf, you’re going to block Friday afternoons to stop things from needling you. Why not write yourself notes (so you’ll think about what you have to do, in a nuanced way, rather than just constantly thinking of what you will do) and collect them with receipts, items to mail, etc., in that Friday slot of the ticker file. Anything left incomplete this Friday gets moved to the next Friday opportunity; it’s no longer hanging over you; it’s been rescheduled!
THE POWER OF LISTS
- Lists can be organizational — they create structure and boundaries.
A shopping list ensures that you purchase what you need, and assuming you don’t go into Target (because it’s impossible to leave Target with just what’s on your shopping list) you won’t buy what you don’t need. Gift wish lists (including wedding registries) make it more likely that people won’t waste their money on things you don’t want or need, that won’t mesh with your values or fit your physique.
A To Do list helps you do a brain-dump of everything you know you must accomplish, and then create lists of tasks, whether in the order you intend to accomplish them or batched in groups so that you can take them from list-mode on paper (or in an app) to time-blocking mode on your calendar. And if your lists are divided, as Desmond-Harris suggests, into what you must do and what you want to do, leaving those things others want you to do for last (or never), safeguarding your boundaries, how many more of your big-ticket goals might you achieve?
A packing list, and other travel-related lists, can ensure that you consider your needs and wants without last-minute pressure. (Take Paper Doll’s 5 Essential Lists For Planning an International Vacation, for example.)
Lists of books we want to read, movies and television programs we want to watch, and places we’d like to visit create structure and boundaries without greatly limiting our options. When we’re faced with an Amazon or Netflix full of titles, lists of recommendations can keep us from wasting time surfing or making mediocre choices.
- Lists can relieve anxiety.
Trying to remember everything you need and want to do is exhausting. It’s also untenable. That’s where lists come in.
A well-done, properly-approached list can prune the stress out of your life. A massive list written on both sides of piece of paper, with items you need at the market combined with 5-year-plan types of projects without distinct tasks is not a well-done list.
Neither is anything scribbled on the back of an envelope, or on 63 sticky notes on every vertical and horizontal surface around you. Lists that live in all the different in-boxes of your life, in email and Asana and Evernote, in the notebook in your bag and the whiteboard in your office, are too likely to discombobulate you.
Some people swear by David Allen’s Getting Things Done, which, when followed closely, is a love letter to lists. I appreciate GTD and teach it to clients whose style it fits, but find elements of it to be overly complex.
Others swear by list-based bullet journaling, created by Ryder Carroll,
but which has long since taken on a life of its own, and which I (and many of my clients find intimidating in its modern form).
Personally, I’m a fan of the 1-2-3 list. I believe in the philosophy that if it won’t fit on a Post-it®, it won’t fit in your day, so I counsel overburdened clients to look through their master lists, brain dump lists, and inboxes, and for any given day, find one big task, two medium-sized tasks, and three small tasks which are their absolute must-do items for the day, the ones that if that’s all they complete, they’ll declare victory.
This is why, when I first teach clients how to use a tickler file (you have read my Tickle Yourself Organized, right?), I’m often discouraging them from piling too many things in any one day’s slot. I may write without brevity, but I coach others to embrace it!
- Lists can be aspirational.
As with Jack Canfield’s entries, not every list is designed to accomplish the things listed in that book I bought back in 1982. Yes, we need lists to tell us what to do, pack, and purchase. But for envisioning the possibilities in our life — and for reviewing with less embarrassment than reading our teenage journals — lists can help us imagine different lives.
Might you make a list of other careers you could have? Other cities (or countries) in which you might live? Other personal attributes you’d like to have, or habits you’d like to extinguish?
There are days (or years) where we feel boxed in, where it can be difficult to imagine a different “we” that we could be. Vision boards are highly touted for helping people imagine how (and as whom) else they might live. However, I’ve found that whenever I clip photos to create a vision board, they always end up being full of tall, lithe women with long ponytails, doing yoga with lush, green mountains in the background. Eventually, I learned that I don’t want to do yoga; I just want to be a tall, lithe woman with a long ponytail.
For me, vision boards don’t work for expanding my self-view, but lists do. Perhaps they will for you, too?
What lists are essential in your life? Please share in the comments!
Paper Doll Post:
Organize To Reverse a Bad Day
Summer Tears by Mark Seton (Creative Commons License)
In a perfect world, our time and task management wouldn’t depend upon our moods. Unfortunately, we don’t live in a perfect world.
In theory, our organizational systems should be designed so that we can accomplish our goals whether we’re feeling motivated or not. That’s the whole point of a system, to give us a framework when something external or internal prevents us from feeling our usual drive to achieve.
Last September, in Rhymes With Brain: Languishing, Flow, and Building a Better Routine, I wrote:
We also depend on activation energy. Because the hardest part of what we do is the getting started, we have to incentivize ourselves to get going. There are all sorts of ways we can trick ourselves (a little bit) with rewards, like pretty desk accessories or a coffee break, but the problem is that action precedes motivation. We’re not usually psyched to get going until we have already started!
Action precedes motivation. We're not usually psyched to get going until we have already started, whether it's a runner's high or Csikszentmihalyi's flow. Share on XWe may not feel like working out, but once we’re dressed in our best approximation of Venus and Serena, or the yogi of the moment, or whichever quarterback is getting all the endorsements, and have gotten ourselves warmed up, we’re well on our way.
When we lack our usual oomph, our knowledge of the benefits of staying organized may not be enough to keep us motivated to track our expenses, pay our bills on time, file our papers, and stick with our routines, but if we nudge ourselves with giving it just a little try (“just five minutes” or a Pomodoro of 25 minutes or whatever), we may find ourselves able to get into flow.
In other words, well begun is half done.
In that post on languishing, I talked about how to get past the (likely pandemic-induced) blahs and generate flow. We looked at several rhymes-with-brain solutions:
- Abstain from the distractions that steal your focus.
- Retrain your brain by shaking up the synapses and making different connections.
- Restrain yourself from frequenting the people who eating up your time and energy.
- Constrain your work areas and minimize the space they take up to keep from spending all your energy looking for your supplies and resources instead of using them to achieve your goals.
- Contain those items in the areas you’ve constrained (above).
- Maintain your successful routines.
- Attain (and explain) knowledge to keep your brain active.
- Gain momentum and jump-start your enthusiasm.
If you haven’t read that post, skedaddle over to it first, as conquering languishing might be just what you need.
BEYOND LANGUISHING
The problem with productivity is that sometimes, we’ll be going along just fine and hit a brick wall. If languishing is the “blah,” a really bad day is the “waaaaaaaaah.”
Judith Viorst captured it best in the title Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. Whether you remember it from childhood, babysitting days, or from parenthood, you know what she means. There are days that can go wrong and completely wreck our moods and take our whole day off course.
Maybe it starts small: you accidentally pour the orange juice into your
Perhaps you have a fight with a loved one or the person with whom you get along the least well (that’s a nice way of saying it, right?) gets a promotion or media attention or some other kind of success.
Or maybe something truly terrible (but still in the realm of “bad day”) happens, like a fender bender or news of impending layoffs at work.
When a few small bad things happen in sequence, no matter how strong your intention, the collective experience tends to upend your schedule, foul your mood, and destroy your day. If you let nature take its course, you may feel better after a delicious grilled cheese sandwich or a tearful phone call to your bestie, or your bad morning may turn into a bad day that scrolls into a bad week.
So, let’s not let nature take its course. Let’s stop that bad day in its tracks.
ORGANIZE YOUR WAY OUT OF A BAD DAY
Organizing your space, time, and thoughts can be powerful. It can even prevent catastrophes. But other times, the best it can do is make catastrophes less catastrophic. At those moments, we must accept what has happened, or what is happening, and turn inward to control our response.
Insert a Break
Anyone who has ever used a word processing program knows the command to Insert Page Break makes sure that there’s ample white space between one set of content and another. You insert a page break between chapters in a book, or between sections in a report. It keeps unrelated material from flowing together.
In your time management, when you’re having a bad day, take a pause to keep your bad morning from flowing into a bad afternoon.
Let’s say something annoying happens at 9:45 a.m. Depending on how resilient we’re feeling, we may get a fat-laden snack from the vending machine or take a walk to get some fresh air, and then regroup. If that little break is enough to reverse course on your bad day, count it as a win!
Embrace Time Blocking
But if you’re feeling resentment from multiple recent annoying things bubbling up inside of you, you may be at risk of bringing the whole day down. Here’s where your break needs to be a little more focused. This is where we can steal from the concept of time blocking.
We’ve explored time blocking often, most recently in Playing With Blocks: Success Strategies for Time Blocking Productivity. At its most basic, time blocking focuses on creating chunks of time for particular activities.
The whole notion is that an endless to-do list never sets aside fixed time for the categories of activities we claim to value. If we are constantly putting out fires and dealing with interruptions, the most important tasks never get done. With time blocking in the way we normally approach it, there are some basic tasks:
Start with a brain dump of everything you need to accomplish.
Group all your tasks into categories. At the time, I said, Work categories may not be all that different from school categories. You had math (now it’s bookkeeping or bill-paying) or English (now correspondence, marketing projects, or reading for fun). All of those activities were regulated by a fixed schedule that ensured you had ample time to focus on each subject. A bell triggered transition time. Your schedule even accounted for lunch and phys. ed. to keep your brain and body healthy.
Schedule your blocks so that you guarantee yourself set time for dealing with each important category.
I also said to “bubble-wrap” your time blocks with buffer time, so instead of trying to having Zoom meetings and major projects back-to-back, you’ll have recovery time.
Sometimes, life circumstances require you to replace a planned day with different activities. But by grouping categories of tasks into blocks, it’s easier to slide the tasks around and move them to where they’ll fit.
And this is where time blocking comes into play on a bad day. When teaching clients how to time block, I usually suggest they make use of 90-minute blocks. Just focusing on the workday, and not taking into account your early mornings and what you’re trying to deal with from dinner to bedtime, it’s easy to see we have not one big blob of a day, but multiple blocks:
- Early Morning
- Late Morning
- Early Afternoon
- Mid-Afternoon
- Late Afternoon
Let’s say you have a run-in with a co-worker or get bad news from your boss in the early morning. Or you have a fight with your spouse or a frustration with a parent in the drop-off line at school. Or, someone is wrong on the internet!
©XKCD/Randall Munroe (Creative Commons License)
It is so freakin’ easy to let an ugly mood settle into your day like a bad cough in your chest. If inserting that page break into the story of your day did work, your next option is to tell yourself that the day isn’t lost.
Take a deep breath. If you’re actually time-blocking, look at the the blocks you have on your calendar and figure out what’s the next possible block you can slide to a different day so that you can use your Bad Day Rescue Toolkit (see below) to get out of your funk.
If your day is not so carefully blocked out, mentally flip through your obligations for the next several hours until a good dividing line appears. If it’s 11:30 a.m., declare bankruptcy on your late morning block, know that lunch is a built-in daily mental health repair kit, and try to move or cancel whatever is in that first block in the afternoon.
The point isn’t to run away and join the circus, but to give yourself ample time to treat the yucky experience as a bad chunk, rather than an entire bad day. Then apply chocolate, or a soothing phone call, or an unplanned yoga class, or whatever, to the bruise forming from your crash with whatever ruined your mood. Instead:
- Acknowledge that something unpleasant happened.
- Give yourself permission not to deal with all of your emotions regarding the experience right now.
- Take responsibility for clearing the decks for the next block (or two) so you can recuperate.
- Use your Bad Day Rescue Toolkit.
- Find your path to resilience.
Create a Bad Day Rescue Toolkit
More than a decade ago, Daniel Powter had a hit with the song Bad Day.
My favorite part of the lyrics is when, after cataloguing the various travails, Powter sings, “You need a blue sky holiday.”
Every person’s Bad Day Rescue Toolkit will include different items, but use these ideas as a guidepost. The key is to organize as much of this now, when you’re having a fine or neutral day, so you’ll have it when you need it.
- Make a list of the phone numbers of your most upbeat and/or most supportive friends.
Note: these may not be the same people. Scroll through your phone and think about who you might call if you need to vent or need to be perked up. My BFF is my go-to when I need to vent, and I try to be that for her. I’m not as good at refraining from trying to fix the situation as she is. (If you just want to vent, tell the person that before you get started.)
But here’s a sneaky tip. Try to tell the whole story of whatever frustrated you only once, to just one person. Get it out — all the “grrrrr, arghh” — and then move on to the rest of the experience. If it’s the right time to start looking for support with solutions, do that. Otherwise, invite your callee to distract you. Let them tell you about an awful situation at work, something ridiculous their mother-in-law said, or what’s making them bananas these days. (Try to avoid politics. That’s giving us all bad days.)
- Keep a browser-bar folder on your computer or phone for websites that distract and amuse you — better yet, sync them for easy access. On Mac/iOS, back them up to iCloud. And here’s an article for How to Sync Browsers Between Your Phone and PC.
Similarly, start maintaining a folder (digital or paper) of jokes, funny stories, cartoons, or goofy memes. If you’re on Twitter, use the bookmark tool to save those long, ridiculous threads where people report silly family stories or embarrassing tales.
Airport cashier: “Have a safe flight.” Me: “You too!” I CAN NEVER COME HERE AGAIN.
— Jenny Lawson (@TheBloggess) November 1, 2015
This classic is one of my all-time favorite threads, and by the time I get days into the contributions, I usually end up looking like the laughing-crying emoji.
For professional humor, I particularly like comics that are gentle. My favorites are:
Liz Climo’s The Little World of Liz books and Twitter feed
Dinosaur Comics and Twitter feed
Nathan W Pyle’s Strange Planet comics, books, and Twitter feed
recently I started drawing a series called ✨Strange Planet✨
here is a thread of these comicshttps://t.co/WcqCOljAIJ pic.twitter.com/uuYnqeuCc8
— Nathan W. Pyle (@nathanwpyle) February 21, 2019
- Start saving videos that make you happy.
It’s shockingly easy. Make sure you’re logged into Google (because Google owns YouTube) and then whenever you come across a video that makes you laugh or lifts your spirits, click on the SAVE button to the lower right of the video.
This is how you create a playlist. When the little window pops up, click “Create New Playlist” and give your playlist a name, like Make Me Happy! You can also decide whether this playlist is public or private.
- Consider making YouTube playlists of other kinds of videos, like travelogues or workout routines — anything that focuses on what take you out of your head long enough to regroup.
Sometimes, you don’t even need to do the workouts (though it helps). Consider watching The Kilted Coaches. (Your mileage may vary.)
- Create a playlist of songs that reverse crankiness.
Having grown up in the era of mix-tapes, I found the late-90s/early-00’s experience of trying to make CD mixes frustrating.
Nowadays, most folks are going to make playlists directly in Spotify, so whether you want to do it on the desktop or via mobile, here are Spotify’s directions for creating playlists. (And, of course, if you prefer to watch videos along with listening to your music, you can search out your favorite songs on YouTube and follow my directions above.)
If you’re not that up on popular music, you can also search online for happiness-including playlists that other people have created. For example, The Ultimate Happy Playlist on Spotify runs almost two-and-a-half joy-inspiring hours and has more than 10,000 followers. From Katrina and the Waves’ Walking on Sunshine to Pharrell Williams’ Happy to many less obvious choices, it’s a good starter for dissipating a bad mood.
- Build up your success folders.
As we’ve discussed before, having tangible folders for papers and digital folders (generally for email) allow you to keep proof of your successes to read when you’re feeling down on yourself.
In my prior career, I had one particular manager who bore a striking resemblance to Dilbert’s evil, pointy-haired boss — I’m not sure what exactly went on during his long lunches, but depending on his mood, he’d either hunker down in his office or roam around to a pick a fight. He was once heard to scream at a hapless employee, “Everyone hates you because you use too much copy paper!”
That was the point when I first recognized how valuable and life-affirming it can be to keep written copies of positive comments.
You might have an email from a client saying that they couldn’t have accomplished their goals without you, or a handwritten thank you note that shows appreciation for something you’ve done for a friend. Or you might just get a note that says, “You’re the best!” or “You really made me laugh.”
The point is that we never know when an evil, pointy-haired boss, or a bad boyfriend, or a good person having a bad day is going to do or say something to puncture our self-confidence. You can’t organize your way out of being disappointed in a representative of the human race, but gathering up the equivalent of a positive affirmation in the form of someone else’s handwriting (or over their email signature block) can really help reverse a bad day.
Other options to develop for your Bad Day Rescue Toolkit might include:
- a happy list — Whether you keep a note on your phone or have a sprawling list at the back of your journal, keep a running list of things that please you. My own list is a heady mix of things my friend’s four-year-old has said (most recently, with a big sigh, “HOW am I ever going to find a wife?), experiences I love (like waking up, seeing I have hours before the alarm will go off, and going back to sleep), funny lines from beloved TV shows like The West Wing and Ted Lasso, and a sub-list of just completely unexpected experiences that always remind me that you never know what might happen next!
- a workout plan with moves that boost your endorphins, or a bookmarked schedule of live exercise classes (in-person or remote) for when you need some human interaction along with your running/biking/downward-dogging.
- a set of mantras to get you going again (whether it’s a serious one, like “I am not defined by one mistake” or one that makes you laugh, with expletives not deleted)
- a meditation app — Good Housekeeping has put together a list of the 15 Best Meditation Apps of 2022. Calm and Headspace get all the media buzz, there are lots of good alternatives, including quite a few that are free.
- essential oils — OK, to be fair, I really don’t know anything about essential oils. Mostly, I know that my favorite scent is a grilled cheese sandwich, but many people swear by essential oils, either in the bath or through a diffuser. And I hear lavender oil can release tension. (If you’ve tried this option, let us know in the comments.)
When It’s More Than a Bad Day
Obviously, all of these suggestions are for resources that will help you tackle a garden-variety bad mood or bad day. If you find you’re having more back-to-back bad days or weeks than simple organizing can handle, please give yourself the gift of qualified professional support.
Call your health insurance Member Services number or check their website for mental health providers in your network. If you are experiencing a mental health emergency, please know that you can call NAMI (the National Alliance of Mental Illness) hotline at 800-950-NAMI or text “NAMI” to 741741, or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255)
A Parting (Musical) Note
I hope you’re having a good day right now and that this post has helped you prepare for the future, in case you need to turn a bad day around. Please share your own ideas for organizing your way out of a bad day in the comments section below.
Finally, when I originally created this post, YouTube would not let me share the official video for Bad Day, which you can now see up above. Over the past few years, so many people have told me through the years that it lifts their spirits, so in case YouTube makes the official video unavailable again, I wanted you to have the option to at least year the song and read the lyrics. While there are a variety of explanations for the neurological or psychological mechanism, but truth is that sometimes a sad song helps turn a bad day around.
Paper Doll Post:
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