Best Results Organizing

The last time you heard that a friend’s computer has crashed, didn’t you vow to do a better job at regularly backing up your hard drive? Has the tale of an aged retiree on a fixed income ever prompted you to check the status of your 401(k)? And when you hear that someone’s wallet or purse has been lost or stolen, don’t you start imagining what you should be doing to safeguard the contents?

Don’t just think. Do!

There are all sorts of mental and physical precautions you can take to prevent yourself from misplacing your wallet or having it stolen, but today, we’re going to review the three main options for protecting yourself in case your wallet IS ever torn asunder from your loving embrace.

1) WALLET PROTECTION SERVICES

Way back in the pre-web era, when dinosaurs roamed the Earth and DiscoverCard was still a novelty, they offered cardholders a service called The Register. For $33 dollars for three years of service, cardholders could fill out an extensive form listing every credit and identification card, number, expiration date and 800 number and mail it in. (Yes, people still mailed this kind of personal data. That’s right, in 1988, a little 25 cent stamp offered the vaunted protection equal to shouting Civis Romanus! (“I am a Roman citizen”) in ancient days.)

In return, if your wallet were ever lost or stolen, one call to the service would have operators scampering about to identify your missing cards and documents, call all of your card issuers (including your Department of Motor Vehicles and your local police) to report the loss/damages, order replacements, and protect your reputation and credit lines with the initiation of anti-fraud measures.

Ah, but that was long ago and far away.

Recovery services through your credit card company still exist, like The Register’s modern-day equivalent DiscoverCard’s Wallet Protection Services. Individual identity theft protection companies like Trusted ID, IdentityGuard, and WalletLock from Lifelock also offer lost-wallet services. These are sold at rates ranging from $2.99-$40/month and often include identity theft protection services, like credit report monitoring.

Pros:

• Peace of Mind
• Limited Effort

If you have many, many credit and other cards in your wallet (in other words, if you ignored my advice here and here), if you place a high dollar value on your time or are easily annoyed by the Muzak you will hear while waiting on hold to report each missing item, if you are comfortable letting one institution have control over all of your personal information, this kind of service can suit your purposes. Plus, if your wallet escapes you during travel, when you’re least likely to be able to make use of options #2 and #3, this will let you sleep soundly on any business or pleasure trip.

Cons:

• Monthly charges
• Relinquished control (concerns over security and accuracy)
• Extra effort to update records

Aside from having to pay for what amounts to an insurance policy for a tiny piece of (portable) real estate, you may experience stress over relinquishing control of your data to a third party–especially if you are more fearful of the hacking of corporate records than someone sneaking into your office to spy on your computer.

Also, concern over bureaucracy and trusting someone else to correct your records accurately can leave you second-guessing the service. If you spend all that money, month in and month out, over the years, you don’t want to check up on your service to make sure they adequately handled every call.

2) COPY THE CONTENTS OF YOUR WALLET

Alternative 1: PHOTOCOPY

For every email you’ve received from wives of Nigerian dictators hoping to share a small fortune with you, you’ve probably received (from my mom, if not your own), advice to protect you against the dangers of modern life: how to prevent being carjacked, how to tell if you’re having a heart attack, how to alert other drivers that an evil mob boss has locked you in the trunk of his car.

So too, you have probably received the advice to photocopy the front and back of every card in your wallet. This ensures that you:

A) Have a pictorial record of everything you carry in your wallet
B) Are aware of all of your card numbers, the exact name (with or without initials) listed as cardholder for each, and expiration dates
C) Know your CVV Security Codes
D) Have the 800 or other toll-free numbers to report a lost or stolen card

Pros:

• Everything listed in A-D above
• No monthly expenses incurred

Cons:

• You’re unlikely to take the photocopied page(s) with you if you are traveling.
• You have to make all the phone calls yourself.
• You’re responsible for safeguarding the photocopy and/or updating when you add or change cards.
• Access to a public photocopy machine requires a small charge
• By emptying your wallet in public, you risk being distracted, leaving items behind in, or near, the copy machine.

Alternative 2: SCAN

You can accomplish the benefits of Alternative 1, with fewer of the cons, by scanning your cards instead of photocopying them.

If you have easy access to a standard scanner (the kind that looks like a photocopy machine), it works the same way…lay the items in related (ID cards, credit cards, etc.) columns/rows, copy, flip them like pancakes to the other side, and copy again.

If you use a portable scanner like Neat Receipts, the process will take you longer, as you’ll be doing one at a time, but even this has a built-in advantage: by methodically taking one item at a time out of your wallet, scanning it and returning it, there’s relatively little likelihood that you’ll lose anything.

Whichever alternative you choose:

• Select a safe copy/scan location
• Return everything your wallet (triple-check under the copier lid)
• Safeguard your copies of your records

3) MAINTAIN A DIGITAL DATABASE OF YOUR CARDS

Instead of photocopying or scanning, create a spreadsheet with the following information in columns along the top:

• Card/Item
• Issuer (i.e., bank, credit card company, library, etc.)
• Expiration Date
• Name on Card
• Number on card
• Security Number
• 800 or toll-free number to report loss
• Web site URL for each issuer (with username/password)

Spreadsheets aren’t your only option, of course. If you use personal finance software like Quicken or MSMoney, you can enter this data in your system.

One caution: There are multiple online personal finance services, like Wesabe and Mint, that will allow you to maintain this information on their servers. Paper Doll loves the web, but at the risk of sounding like a Luddite, I’m not yet comfortable enough with online security of smaller web companies to recommend this method.

If you’re a controlophile (and doesn’t that sound better than “control freak”?), I’d advise sticking with a system you can maintain at home, without access to the internet.

Pros:

• No ongoing charges
• Easy to update
• Easy to safeguard file with a password
• Portable for trips, if you carry a password-protected flash drive

Cons:

• More labor-intensive (to start) than the other options
• You must double-check against sloppy typing, especially of numbers
• You must take pains to guard the security of your information
• You’ll still have to call each number in the event of a theft or loss

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PUTTING THE PREPARATION TO WORK

Whichever of the above options you choose for protecting your wallet in advance of a catastrophe, please know that time is of the essence once you realize your wallet is gone.

With most cards, as long as you make an effort to contact the card issuers once you know your wallet is missing, your maximum exposure is $50/card. Companies will often cover all fraudulent charges as long as you alert them in a timely manner, and obviously, alerting them is easier when you know WHAT you’ve lost.

If your wallet is stolen and you selected options #2 or #3, you must hunker down with a pen and pad of paper to call and report each missing item. Next week, in the final post of this series, we’ll walk through all the steps of what to do if your wallet has disappeared.

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So, off you go–index the contents of your wallet and you can sleep easily tonight. Unless you haven’t yet backed up your computer or checked on that 401(k)…

Are you carrying around security ID badges from three jobs ago? Ticket stubs from 1983? Diner register receipts so faded that you can only guess what you purchased from the color of the faded food stain (ketchup? strawberry jam?)?

Last week, we talked about all the things you shouldn’t be keeping in your wallet, and why you don’t want to emulate George Costanza by having an overstuffed wallet that gives you sciatica from sitting upon it or a hunch from it weighing down your purse. We reviewed the first two of Paper Doll‘s Wallet Organizing Rules:

Rule #1: Keep your wallet under lock and key!
Rule #2: Jettison the Junk, Save Your Sanity (and Scuttle Sciatica)!

This week, let’s talk about what SHOULD be in your wallet, and soon we’ll make sure that you’re properly protecting it.

Paper Doll Wallet Organizing Rule #3:
Maintain the essentials (and ONLY the essentials)!

1. Driver’s License or photo ID — Even though you may not write checks at points of purchase anymore, even though Visa and Mastercard aren’t allowed to ask you for another form of ID, even if you’re an “excellent driver” and are sure you’ll never be pulled over, you should still be prepared to furnish your driver’s license upon request. Your license, or the alternative, a valid photo ID, are best kept behind the little plastic “window” in many modern wallets. It allows you to show your ID without taking it out and temporarily relinquishing it–the less often you remove something from your wallet, the less likely you’ll be to lose it.
2. AAA or auto club card—Paper Doll is a big fan of AAA, as it pays for itself with all of the other benefits of membership, including excellent free maps and travel guides. However, whether you use or Joe’s Auto Club and Pizza Parlor, be sure to carry the card in your wallet, preferably right behind your license so that you will be able to access roadside help immediately without worrying that your card is sitting in a desk drawer at home where nobody except Scruffy the Goldfish can hear your voice on the answering machine begging “Pick up, pick UP, PICK UP!” (Free with a AAA card is a bail bond certificate. I don’t imagine many Paper Doll readers are likely to end up in jail, but if you are a AAA member, there’s no harm in carrying this insurance policy.)
3. Auto and home insurance card–In case of an accident on the road, or if a natural disaster or fire displaces you from your home, you need to be able to contact your insurance agent and the folks at the toll-free number quickly. (While it’s helpful to have your agent’s number and the toll-free number programmed into your cell phone, anything from a dead battery to accidental smushing could prevent it from being used.) As with your auto club card, keep your insurance card close to your license. Remember to organize your wallet thematically–keeping like with like.
4. Currency–Nowadays, more and more people are depending on their ATM/debit cards in lieu of cash. Considering the scary talk out there about how dirty and germy cash can be, Paper Doll can’t fault you if you fall into this category. But do at least keep a little pin money or mad money tucked in for emergencies, or for when you want to impress a client (or a date) by tipping the maitre d’. If you do normally carry cash, consider taking a moment after each purchase to put your money in numerical order: $1s, $5s, $10s, $20s. It may seem a little obsessive, but this helps you stay on budget, keeps you aware of how much cash you are carrying, and ensures your teenager isn’t purloining money from your wallet to buy the next Wii game without your knowledge.
5. ATM/Debit Card–These can be used in more places than checks, you can get cash back from purchases, and you can trade germy cash for germy ATM keypads. However, if you keep a low balance in your checking account, stay aware of how close you are to your limit, in order to avoid overdraft charges. Do NOT keep your ATM passcode in your wallet. Ever. Really.
6. Credit Cards–These bits of plastic can be a boon or bane to your financial existence. Recent studies show that people spend more when they use plastic vs. cash, so be cautious. Moreover, just because you are a multiple-card cardholder doesn’t mean you need to carry all of your cards with you. Two major credit cards should suffice (e.g., one for personal expenses, one for business, or one for normal expenses and one for travel and/or emergency expenses). You never need to carry your store charge cards with you; with proof of ID, the cashier will look up your account. Finally, make sure any credit cards you carry are signed and have not yet expired.
7. Library Card–Back in March and April, we were talking about keeping our book collections organized. There is no better way to keep unread books from piling up around than taking advantage of your (or your neighbor’s) tax dollars at work. Personal finance blogger Jennifer Derrick recently had a superb post, 27 Free Things at the Library, that should convince you of the value of carrying this card.
8. Rewards cards used frequently–We talked last week about how to deal with the rewards cards you rarely use, but if you use your Joltin’ Java or Guzzlin’ Gas rewards card weekly or more often, keep it in your wallet to save $$$.
9. Medical alert cards–Even if you have a Medical Alert bracelet for a health condition, be sure to carry a card in your wallet, too, in case the bracelet is damaged or lost. First responders know where to look, but make it easy for them by putting your card in a visible “front” slot of the wallet, near your license. If you don’t have a medical alert card, you can create your own.
10. Medical Insurance cards–You never know when you might become injured or ill. Be sure to have your medical, dental and prescription cards with you at all times.
11. Emergency contact–Even if you carry a medical alert card, first responders need to know how to reach your emergency contacts. In addition to having an ICE number programmed into your cell phone, keep a small card in your wallet that says who to call, text or email in case of an emergency.
12. Today’s receipts — Seriously, folks, a few seconds of focus will vastly improve your financial life. Make sure the cashier hands you your receipt (rather than putting it in the bag) and tuck it in your wallet, behind your cash. Each evening, empty your wallet of all receipts. Toss the ones for cash (unless you’re creating a budget) and file the credit card and ATM deposit/withdrawal receipts until you can check them against online banking or monthly statements.
13. Comfort Item–In general, wallets are utilitarian ways to keep our money and proofs of identity close. But if you’re ever unexpectedly stranded in traffic or a waiting room, having one thing (a photo of a loved one, a prayer card, a folded love letter, a copy of your impressive S.A.T. scores) might help keep your blood pressure from rising. Just be sure to limit your wallet clutter to one comfort item.

Once you’ve jettisoned the junk and pared down to just the essentials…and you know what’s actually in your wallet…it’s time to protect yourself.

Next week, we’ll review the three main methods for preventing sticky fingers and klutzy wallet owners from making a stolen or lost wallet such a painful experience. We’ll review wallet protection services, the popular DIY photocopy machine method and how to create your own Financial Emergency Response spreadsheet).

Until then, reread last week’s post and today’s, and get your wallet in shape. Make sure you can answer the question: “What’s in your wallet?”

No, you haven’t accidentally stumbled upon a Capital One commercial.

Paper Doll was recently working with a client to help him organize his financial information. When we ran into an obstacle, I said “Oh, well, let’s start with the cards in your wallet. Where’s your wallet?” After a few moments of that deer-in-the-headlights look clients often have, a smile came to his face. “It’s in the truck!” and off he sprinted to get it. He was one of three clients that week whose wallets were in located in unlocked vehicles in driveways or unlocked garages. Yikes!

Paper Doll Wallet Organizing Rule #1: Keep your wallet under lock and key!

Unless you are in the third grade and the only things in your wallet are your class picture and a stick of Juicy Fruit gum, your wallet should be adequately protected. You should keep it in your pocket or purse/bag, and that bag should be within your reach and eyeline at all times. Otherwise, it should be kept out of sight and locked away in a locker at school, a filing cabinet or drawer at work, in a locked car or trunk, preferably in a closed garage (and hidden from view) when motoring, or in a safe place at home.

Not to make you paranoid, but my dear Paper Mommy once had $100 stolen from her wallet AT A FUNERAL! Better safe than sorry.

Paper Doll Wallet Organizing Rule #2: Jettison the Junk, Save Your Sanity (and Scuttle Sciatica)!

The security of your actual wallet, aside, let’s talk about the safety of carrying your overfed wallet on your person. For those of you who are fans of Seinfeld, you may recall George Costanza’s wallet, so overstuffed that it did him bodily harm.

Think that’s just a sitcom trope? Nope! The New England Journal of Medicine (back in 1966) and The New York Times have reported on the back-pain and sciatica dangers of people (usually men) carrying overstuffed wallets in their back pockets.

But there are other excellent reasons not to carry clutter around with you. Yes, your wallet is a subset of “your stuff”, and in the great George Carlin tradition, you “gotta have a place for your stuff”.

However, as we should all know by a now, a cluttered home or office contributes to lost time (spent searching for missing items and redoing work), lost money (everything from lost opportunities to actual lost cash to the lost dollar value of your time when you hold up the Express Lane to dump everything out of your pockets and bags to find your thirty-five cents-off coupon for eggs…only to learn that it expired in 1982!), damaged reputations, increased stress and decreased productivity. Well, a wallet cluttered with unnecessary papers and other items yields the same obstacles.

Here are a few things to remember about your wallet:

• It’s not a photo album.
• It’s not an address book or a client database.
• It’s not a diary or scrapbook.
• It’s not a calendar or appointment book.
• It’s not an archaeological dig-site in progress…yet!

The purpose of your wallet to provide you with a mobile storage device for containing money, simulated money, and things that identify or protect you in order to prevent you having to expend exorbitant amounts of money.

The wisest thing to do is find a clean kitchen table or desk and pull everything out of your wallet. The following things do NOT go back in:

1. Your Social Security Card — As we discussed previously, your Social Security card is the Willy Wonka Golden Ticket for identity thieves. Keep yours safely at home in your VIP folder, in your fireproof safe or in your safe deposit box. Don’t carry it around along with your gym membership card and your coupon for 50% your next In-and-Out Burger.
2. Your Voter Registration Card — Unless it’s a primary day (in your community) or Election Day, you are wasting valuable space in your wallet and risking losing this card. It’s safer and wiser to keep this in your VIP (Very Important Paper) folder at home until you need it. If you’re carrying it around 24/7/365 because you’re afraid you’ll forget to put it back in your wallet for the few days you’ll need it, just enter a note on your calendar, in your Blackberry/iPhone/PDA or your tickler file. Don’t schlep what you don’t need now because you’re afraid you’ll forget it later!
3. A zillion photos of your loved ones — If your moment of zen comes from opening your wallet and looking lovingly upon a photo of your beloved, your kids or your pet, far be it from Paper Doll to harsh your mellow (or whatever the kids are saying these days). But limit it to one or two photos, and for safety’s sake, DO NOT LIST YOUR CHILDREN’S NAMES ON THE REVERSE OF THEIR PICTURES. If someone purloined your wallet, he’d not only have your name and address, but enough information to gain access to your kids at school or camp!
4. Your ATM passcode — Duh! Think having it in your wallet but NOT right next to your ATM card is going to fool anybody? Think again.
5. Any other passwords or passcodes for entering office buildings, safety gates or computer files. If someone has your wallet and your passcodes, they can effectively become you long enough to wreak havoc on your life. Not scared? Then do not pass go and do not collect $200; go back and read the posts on identity theft (here, and here, in particular).
6. Medicare or Insurance Card — IF it includes your Social Security Number — For more on medical identity theft, skip back to the posts here and here.
7. Love letters — OK, well, one love letter is acceptable, if it’s the kind of thing you’re likely to remember you have and will actually take out to read for comfort, encouragement or even to pass the time of day if trapped in an elevator.
8. Receipts — the ones for cash purchases (which can be tossed immediately, unless you’re constructing a spending map or creating a budget), for credit card purchases or ATM withdrawals or deposits from prior to today (which should have been removed from your wallet nightly and filed away in advance of checking them against your credit card or bank statements)
9. Pounds of Loose change — more than a dollar’s worth. Seriously, change is heavy (and dirty). Keep a piggy bank at home and empty most of your change from your wallet every day. Keep a few of each type of coin (to prevent getting back so much change from a dollar that you’ll dislocate your shoulder trying to carry your bag), but keep the rest out of your wallet.
10. Spare keys — Again, if a bad guy has your wallet, he knows where you live and probably which car is yours. Do you really want to help him break into your house or steal your sweet ride?
11. Video rental cards — Seriously, in this age of DVRs and Netflix, do you really still rent from Blockbuster and Hollywood Video? (Are the stores in your town even still in business?)
12. Rewards Cards — If you don’t regularly use a club or rewards card, why carry it daily? Get a little credit card holder with sleeves and pop the cards in. They’re no good for identification purposes, so it’s safe to keep the little holder in your trunk; otherwise, store it somewhere easy to grab if you are planning a visit to a specific store. Better yet, check out the One Club Card that lets you create your own all-in-one rewards/club card (including bar codes) for free.
13. Other People’s Business Cards — If you think you’ll be dialing the number often, program it into your cell phone; otherwise, the card goes to your home or office for inclusion in your card file or database. (Do you really think you’ll remember that the business card for the dentist you met on a plane to Albuquerque three years ago is squished between your almost-full SuperSandwich Card and last week’s grocery list?)
14. Appointment cards — The little business-card size reminders to get your hair cut, your teeth cleaned, your insides probed and your outsides molded actually remind you of very little when buried in your wallet. When you’re pulling the receipts out nightly, also grab these cards and mark the dates and times on your calendar.
15. Condoms — OK, lest you think that Paper Doll is arguing against personal responsibility, let’s be clear. A thinly-wrapped latex protective device is not at its safest, mechanical integrity-speaking, shmushed between layers of credit cards and then sat-upon (or knocked around in a likely-overstuffed bag) for months or years on end. If you’re a teenager and it’s purely for show, have at it; if you’re a grown-up and it’s for go, let’s just say that if you’re aiming for personal responsibility, actually BE RESPONSIBLE and find a safer storage location.
16. Clutter/Trash — You know what I mean. Gum wrappers (hopefully without used, discarded gum. To Do lists. Grocery lists. Addresses or phone numbers without names. Expired coupons. Expired credit cards. Movie ticket stubs. Concert ticket stubs. Ballgame ticket stubs. Pay stubs. Book titles. Movie titles. Floozies! Toss them out!

Paper Doll Wallet Organizing Rule #3: Maintain the essentials (and ONLY the essentials)!

Tune in next week, when we talk about what SHOULD be in your wallet, as well as how you can prepare now to protect yourself in case your wallet is stolen.

Until then:

• Find your wallet!
• Remove the clutter and send it on its way.
• Store your wallet somewhere safe.

See you next Tuesday–and remember to bring your wallet!

 

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Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths.

Over the last few weeks, we’ve talked about all digital solutions that that provide alternatives to offices cluttered with Post-It Notes and reminders written on the backs of deposit slips. In general, these solutions focused on creating digital To Do lists, or taking advantage of virtual virtual assistants like Sandy and Jott.

Sometimes, however, the cluttering paper reminders don’t fill up our own environment, but pile up around our friends, family members, colleagues or employees as we nag them to accomplish what we need or desire. Then, our stickies and notes and memos add just a bit more fuel to the fire of their (and, if we share space, our) frustration. Let’s face it, no matter how efficient we are, if we’re adding to someone else’s clutter, it’s like raking the leaves and then dumping them in our neighbor’s yard. Sneaky fun, but not entirely a bright idea.

Instead, our friends atMonkeyOnYourBack have a cute solution that yields all the sneaky fun, without grumpy people coming after us with pitchforks.

Registration is simple:

• Fill in a teeny form with your email address, name, time zone and password, and then confirm that you agree with their Terms and Conditions.

• Check your email inbox for a confirmation email to prove you really are who you say you are. Click on the link in the email, and you’re good to go!

By the way, registration is free, as is the service as long as you only have five or fewer “live monkeys” currently active. For a one-time fee of $20, registered users can have an unlimited number of monkeys active at any one time.

(This gives one pause to consider the famed infinite monkey theorem and how we might finally arrive at those infinite number of monkeys typing on an infinite number of typewriters to achieve Shakespearian quality literature and theater. Indeed, with all the time you’ll save by not nagging reminding your loved ones or co-workers, you might be able to create a world-famous blog to unite the populace in updating the theorem to include computers and not just typewriters, but perhaps that’s just Paper Doll‘s fantasy To Do list item.)

Once you’re registered, you have a few options. First, you can create a new monkey (insert your own Darwin joke, folks — Paper Doll tries to steer clear of controversy like that) and send it to a recipient.

The elements are simple: WHO (at what address) do you wish to urge to do WHAT, by WHEN? To create a new monkey, just:

1) Send a monkey to remind…

Enter the email address of the person you wish to nag remind. For example, you could prompt a team member at work to update a spreadsheet, or you could alert your computer-addicted teen that it’s almost dinner time and he should come downstairs to set the table. Thus, you’d type the email of the remindee, teamgoofball@BigCompany.biz or darlingchild@ourfamily.com, just as you would if you were sending an email.

2) To do the following…

Fill in the “brief description”–that is, what do you want them to do?

You also have an option to click on “add a longer description”. For example, if you’ve got a series of instructions you wish to include, or have the urge to pontificate on WHY you are reminding your spouse, yet again, that he has purchased the wrong brand (of toilet paper, charcoal briquettes, luxury automobile, etc.) and you wish him to return it, posthaste, in iambic pentameter, no less, have at it! Monkey On Your Back gives you space to do this.

3) By…

Enter the date and time frame by which you want the task completed; there’s even a calendar you can click to search ahead, so you need not know upon what day of the week your birthday will fall 5 years from now, in case you wish to remind your spouse to buy you candy and flowers.

Please note that Monkey’s web site was created by our friends at AlienCamel in Australia, so they use the date construct popular in most places outside North America: Day of the Week, Date, Month, Year.

You may specify an actual time, or select from pre-created options: “Start of the day”, “Middle of the Day”, and “End of the day”. Sorry to say, you can’t send a monkey to make them do something five minutes ago, as the time travel module has not yet been added.

That’s it! Your recipient will receive an email that looks something like the one below, only with a larger and cuter graphic of the monkey delivering the message.

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Paper Doll has sent me, a highly trained and super-intelligent monkey, to remind you to:

Read Paper Doll’s blog post on Family Filing from 11/6/2007

by Wed, 23 Jul 2008, 5:00 PM

You’ll be sent further reminder emails as the deadline approaches! If you want this monkey to stop bothering you, click here to kill the monkey.

To send your own monkeys, visit http://monkeyon.com

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When your recipient (AKA: the remindee) gets that email, he or she has the option to “kill” the monkey, which isn’t as violent as it sounds. When one clicks on “click here to kill the monkey”, the task/reminder is canceled and the recipients have the ability to send you a return comment telling you why they’ve killed the monkey and whether or not the task was completed.

Meanwhile, you can view your “LIVE” monkeys under the “Monkeys You’ve Sent” section, detailing the tasks, recipients, deadlines and status of each. Under each task, you have the ability to edit, “kill” (i.e., cancel) or view the history of each monkey.

There’s even a section to view your own monkeys, those reminders you’ve either sent to yourself (at this registered address) or others have sent to you.

Is it silly? Absolutely, but once someone has tired of receiving memo after note after stickie after stern look, it might behoove you to send a monkey to do your bidding and keep the paper clutter and bad feelings to a minimum.

Right now, the monkeys are just cute, but the developers promise updates with “tricks” our little Curious George-esque workers might do in the future. And let’s face it, if you feel the need to be the monkey on someone’s back, perhaps it couldn’t hurt to monkey around a little to keep everyone from going bananas.

IN CONGRESS, JULY 4, 1776
The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America

When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. — Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their Public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected, whereby the Legislative Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

He has obstructed the Administration of Justice by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers.

He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.

He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Power.

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:

For protecting them, by a mock Trial from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:

For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:

For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of Trial by Jury:

For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences:

For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies

For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:

For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.

He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.

He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation, and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & Perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.

He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these united Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States, that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. — And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.

— John Hancock

New Hampshire:
Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton

Massachusetts:
John Hancock, Samuel Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry

Rhode Island:
Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery

Connecticut:
Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott

New York:
William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris

New Jersey:
Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark

Pennsylvania:
Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross

Delaware:
Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean

Maryland:
Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton

Virginia:
George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton

North Carolina:
William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn

South Carolina:
Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton

Georgia:
Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton