Archive for ‘Downsizing’ Category

Find New Life for Unfinished Needlework Projects and Pre-Loved Stuffed Animals

Posted on: July 8th, 2024 by Julie Bestry | 12 Comments

It’s rare that Paper Doll wanders away from the productivity topics of organizing paper, information, and time management, but a few intriguing services were shared with me recently and may be just what some readers need to put a smile on their faces.

When I work with organizing clients to help them downsize or declutter, some things are always easier to let go off than others. Whether we have ample time or are restricted due to an impending move or change in life circumstances, I always try to begin with the areas of a home that have lesser sentimental attachments. It’s just easier to declutter a bathroom cabinet, linen closet, or kitchen than it is to reduce personal memorabilia, photos, or keepsakes.

Today, we’re going to look at some novel ideas for letting go of things you no longer need or can’t use as-is, but are having difficulty parting with because you feel an obligation to the item in question or the person who owned it.

LOOSE ENDS

Some people just have the knack for knitting, crocheting, and needlework projects.

For example, my grandmother (Paper Mommy‘s mother) supplied the family with an inordinate number of multicolored knit afghans (and, admittedly one set of toddler mittens with square, too-short compartments for thumb and fingers). Her sister, my great-aunt, created a sumptuous brocade coat, sewed an inspired wedding gown, and crocheted the loveliest butter-yellow sundress — all for my sister’s Barbies.

The skills, however, did not pass down to later generations. Finding Paper Mommy sewing on a loosened button, my sister squinted and inquired, “Who are you and what have you done with my real mother?!” I, myself, have never stooped to, but have considered, fixing a ripped seam with a stapler.

Of course, my family is not your family, and your mileage may vary. (In which case, could you help me with this hem?)

Public Domain, Library of Congress, circa 1944

When You Are At Loose Ends with Unfinished Knitting/Needlework Projects

Have you ever gone through the closets or drawers of a loved one who has passed away to find that they’ve left behind a number of unfinished needlework projects? So many of my clients have found that their spouses or parents or grandparents have left half-finished sweaters or blankets. These left-behind pieces of handiwork reside in a no-man’s land, neither finished projects nor purely raw materials.  

Or, have you known people who have derived great satisfaction from their needlework projects but are no longer able to complete them due to serious illness or disability? I have clients, for example, who suffer from conditions ranging from macular degeneration to debilitating arthritis to Parkinson’s, and they have had to relinquish their needlework hobbies.

It can be demoralizing for them to have these unfinished projects mocking them, so they may stuff them away in cabinets or closets. Meanwhile, it’s heartbreaking to give up on the idea of them being transformed into enjoyable pieces.

If you’re an accomplished knitter, and the yarn selection appeals to you, and you have the time and energy, you might take up the project yourself and finish it. But if one or more of those circumstances doesn’t apply?

Yes, you could donate the unfinished piece, as is, and leave it for the universe to match the project to the right person, but what if you could help the universe along?

 

 

Enter Loose Ends, a free service for getting your loved one’s needlework projects completed.

The founders, Jen Simonic and Masey Kaplan are avid knitters who found that they both had the experience of friends asking them to complete needlework projects originally begun by loved ones who had passed away. They were enthusiastic to do so, but recognizing the joy of wearing or using something a loved one created, they realized that there was an opportunity to create and share more joy.

In doing so, they built an organization that turns the clutter of unfinished projects into beautiful collaborations involving those who started the projects, the loved ones who see a chance for completing them, and volunteers who bring the projects to fruition.

Loose Ends turns the clutter of unfinished projects into beautiful collaborations involving those who started the projects, the loved ones who see a chance for completing them, and volunteers who bring the projects to fruition. Share on X

Simonic and Kaplan see themselves and Loose Ends, now a 501(c)3 nonprofit (as of May 2023), as matchmakers. Their website notes that, “In knitting patterns, this is noted as K2Tog (knitting two together).” Not being a knitter, I’ll take their word for it.

How Loose Ends Works

Imagine you’ve gone through Grandma’s craft room, identifying all the unfinished sweaters or doilies or baby blankets. You can submit these unfinished projects to Loose Ends and Simonic and Kaplan’s team will survey the Loose Ends database of “finishers” to find a likely match based on geography, skill level, and the ineffable “druthers,” of what volunteers’ profiles show as their interests.

Loose Ends then contacts the finishers to see if the project is a good match, and if so they introduce the finisher and project owner by email.

Then, like any good yenta (matchmaker), Loose Ends leaves the project owner and finisher to develop the project-completion relationship in their own time and manner. (Of course, if it’s necessary, the Loose Ends team is available for troubleshooting problems, offering advice, or reassigning the project to a different finisher, if circumstances proves necessary.)

It usually takes up to a few weeks to find a finisher for a project, and then more time for the finishers to receive the project from the sender. As I discussed in Paper Doll On Understanding and Conquering Procrastination, it takes activation energy to get the ball rolling.

I imagine how much activation energy it must take just for someone to reach out for help; it might take quite a bit for the project owner to move to the next step of communicating with a finisher and even more to finally ship the project.

Finishers, whether they are knitters, crocheters, quilters, or other types of textile crafters, sign up online; similarly, project owners submit their projects online. 

What Projects Will Loose Ends Accept?

Loose Ends has a detailed FAQ section, but you may be wondering who actually qualifies to have their projects finished by Loose Ends volunteers. The criteria related to who started the project and the material and projects involved: 

  1. The original crafter must be deceased or unable to do handwork due to illness or disability. (In other words, this isn’t a service for people just looking to get free needlework done! These volunteers are lovingly completing projects started by those who are unable to do so.)
  2. The project must be partially begun. (So, no sending in Grandma’s unopened needlepoint kits.)
  3. The project and its materials must be free of moths and moth eggs. Similarly, they will not accept any contaminated yarn or rotting materials. (You would think that this would go without saying, but during my time as a professional organizer, I’ve seen people try to “donate” things that are dirty or otherwise, for want of a better term, yucky. You wouldn’t want someone sending something yucky to your home; right?)
  4. The project must be clean and not smell of mothballs or mold. If the project has been in a home with cigarette smoke, Loose Ends will try to match the project to a volunteer finisher whois not bothered by the scent of cigarettes.
  5. The project owner must want the project back — to keep! (I don’t imagine this means you can’t give the blanket to your kids.)

Submitted projects don’t have to involve knitting. Loose Ends notes that the projects can involve “any textile handwork… knit, crochet, sewing, quilting, mending, rug-making, Tunisian crochet, embroidery, cross-stitch, needlepoint, weaving, etc.”

I didn’t even know what Tunisian crochet was, but apparently it’s not quite as exotic as you might think, and involves the stitching used to make afghans.

Logistics and Costs

Understandably, the more specialized the craft, the more time it may take to match the project to the finisher, and if the project and its finisher are far apart geographically, shipping in both directions will increase the time.

Speaking of geography, finishers and project owners need not be in the United States. Work can come from or be finished anywhere in the world! As of six months ago, Loose Ends had 19,000 finishers in 64 countries!

Public Domain Photo Circa 1914-1918

Library of Congress CALL NUMBER: POS – WWI – US, no. 118 (C size) [P&P]

Finishers complete projects at no cost, but (understandably) any shipping costs in both directions get covered by the project owner. Loose Ends works to minimize costs by matching individuals in nearby geographic areas whenever possible.

Impressively, the site notes that if a project requires acquisition of extra materials, JOANN Fabric and Craft Stores (Loose Ends’ partner) will supply anything available at their stores at no cost. (Editor’s Note: JOANN has recently filed for chapter 11 bankruptcy, so it’s not clear if this will have an impact on their future support.) However, if a project requires the purchase of supplies elsewhere, that’s the project owner’s responsibility. 

Sundries, Notions, and Benefits

What if you (or your loved one) had no projects to finish, but oodles of fabrics, yarn, or craft supplies? Loose Ends can’t accept those materials, but they’ve amassed a huge state-by-state and country-by-country list of organizations that can give new life to these supplies. Go to their donations page and scroll down.

Speaking of donations, if you’d like to donate financially to Loose Ends’s efforts, you can do so through Zeffy, a Canadian donation processing company for nonprofits that does not charge fees.

Paper Doll may not be into crafting, but I find Loose Ends to be a lovely project with benefits for all.

Are you an inveterate knitter whose family and friends just don’t want or need one more sweater, lap blanket or tea cozy? If you just can’t give up the clickety-clacking of your needles, this gives you a fun project to work on without fear of adding fuzzy clutter to your space or the spaces of those you love. (I’m sorry, but some of us just don’t need any more yarn things!)

Meanwhile, those who’ve lost someone one can get one final gift of connection, completed lovingly by a crafter who shares their loved one’s passion for handiwork.

The finished project becomes a legacy instead of a piece of clutter.

For a more in-depth discussion of Loose Ends, co-founder Jen Simonic just appeared on the most recent episode of the video podcast Fiberchats, hosted by Irina Shaar.

LOVED BEFORE

My fabulous colleague Janice Simon, better known as The Clutter Princess, knows I’m a sucker for nifty projects like Loose Ends and recently sent me a TikTok about another sweet service, this one saving the environment while reducing household stuffed animal clutter. 

If you’ve got stuffies that your children have outgrown (or which were given to you by boyfriends later found to be poopyheads) then you know how difficult it can be to move them onward.

We professional organizers usually consider donation first whenever helping clients let go of excess possessions. Stuffed animals and other such toys can be donated to standard charities like Goodwill, hospitals, shelters for unhoused individuals and families, domestic violence shelters, daycare centers, social services agencies, and organizations like Stuffed Animals for Emergencies (SAFE), which give them to the police departments to share with children who’ve experienced a trauma.

The problem? These donations generally need to be brand-new, or at least very gently used, toys. Typically, well-loved stuffed toys generally can’t be donated for hygiene reasons.

The alternative to donation, especially for once-loved but beaten-up fuzzy friends, is the landfill, and nobody wants that.

And, of course, if you believe that your stuffed friends won’t find loving owners through donation, and you can’t bear the thought of them ending up on the junk heap, how will you ever bear letting them go at all? It’s no wonder that so many people have houses filled with ignored, dust-gathering stuffed animals!

Loved Before, a London, UK-based organization, has found an alternative for giving new life to old “soft toys” (what we call stuffed animals). Their mission is to:

make a difference by recycling pre-loved toys into “eco toys” that are not only adorable but also sustainable. We believe through the medium of soft toys we can teach the importance of preserving our planet to future generations.

Loved Before sees itself as the first eco-friendly, fully sustainable soft toy adoption agency.

Donate Your Stuffies — And Their Stories

Loved Before accepts donations of soft toys in “all shapes, sizes, species and conditions,” no matter whether they are store-bought Steiff, Gund, Beanie Babies, or Build-a-Bear friends or multi-generational, wonky, and handmade with love. (However, they can’t accept plastic toys or those with electronic or mechanical parts.)

People are invited to pack the soft toys/stuffed animals to donate securely in a cardboard box, along with a return address (in case the process goes awry and the package must be returned to the sender). You can even include a little note with contact information so Loved Before can assure you that your little friend has arrived at its destination safely.

Along with your donation, you’re encouraged to write up the life story of your sweet little stuffed friend. Attach it with a string or ribbon tied around the neck or waist. It’s helpful to “add a clear descriptions or even photos” so Loved Before can be sure they’re matching the right life story to the right stuffie, especially if you’re sending more than one. 

Including your soft toy’s life story is optional, but contributes to the delight of how they will be matched to future families. Loved Before provides prompts to help you become your toy’s biographer, like:

  • What are the likes and dislikes of your teddy?
  • What is your teddy looking for in a new home?
  • Do you have any memories or funny stories with your teddy?
  • How has your teddy helped or been special to you?
  • Is there anything you’d like to say about yourself?

Package up your soft toy and biography and either book a drop-off appointment at, or ship it to, Loved Before’s HQ:

202 Heath Road
LU73AT
Leighton Buzzard
Bedfordshire, UK

or register to donate it at one of their UK roadshow donations.

UK? Yes, unfortunately for all of us on on this side of the pond, Loved Before currently operates only in the UK. However, they’re looking to expand their efforts globally, and are even seeking volunteers worldwide to reduce the landfill and spread joy.

The Loved Before Spa Experience & Photo Shoot

But wait. Why can these used, possibly shmutzy soft ties be donated? That’s the nifty part!

Loved Before states that although it’s overarching mission is to “change perspectives through the medium of eco-friendly soft toys, our biggest commitment is to ensure all of our pre loved soft toys are safe and clean.”

To ensure safety, every toy gets a “health check.” Then, to make sure that every little stuffed friend is sparklingly clean, Loved Before sends them for a full-on spa experience to clean and re-fluff these “pre-loved” toys.

The actual spa process varies by individual stuffie, and depends on the age, condition, and materials of the soft toy in question. All are “thoroughly cleaned, repaired, and disinfected to ensure cleanliness and safety.” 

Want to see what’s going on during this process? Loved Before documents the entire experience on their Instagram page (and you can see many of the new adoptees and friends on their TikTok).

Eventually, your soft friends make their way through the spa for a full shampoo-and-set (plus any necessary refreshing) and then have their own personal photoshoot before being added to the Loved Before adoption center. 

The Path to Happily Ever After

Once stuffed friends are spa-pretty and have their photo shoot, they are ready to be adopted, and their photos and stories of their adventures go up on the Loved Before store site in anticipation of them being re-homed to find new their new families! 

“Meet” the adoptees newly-ready for adventures by going to the Loved Before website each Monday at 8 pm GMT (3 pm EST). Want a reminder to make sure you get to see each new, delightful adoptee? Subscribe to be sent reminders via a link in the banner!

You can peruse potential adoptees by:

  • brand (Aurora World, Beanie Babies, Build-a-Bear, Charlie Bears, Gund, Jelly Cat, Keel, Merrythought, Steiff, Wild Republic, etc.),  
  • species (bears, giraffes, dinosaurs, etc.), or
  • collection (teenies, mythical creatures, woodland or sea creatures, farm animals, famous “celebrity” characters, etc.)

It’s also possible to see who has been recently adopted.

Once you select a new friend to adopt, click to purchase — I mean, process your adoption fees.

“Meet Ida, the soft toy with a passion for folklore! This little cutie loves listening to stories about mythical creatures and magical adventures. One time, I caught Duha trying to cast a spell with a wand made of popsicle sticks! Always keeping me entertained with their whimsical imagination.”

Loved Before uses fully recyclable, biodegradable, and sustainably sourced materials for all packaging.

The Benefits of Loved Before

Original families who no longer have the space for, or the tiny humans to give attention to, the soft toys can lovingly find them refreshed bodies and new families.

Children (and adults) have the delight of finding new eco-friendly chums with whom to share adventures. 

The landfill stays clear of stuffies.

At least half of the profit from each sustainable soft-toy adoptee goes to Make-A-Wish UK. (Read more about Loved Before’s charity model.)

Final Thoughts

Yes, Loved Before is in the UK, so it’s much farther away than the 100 Acre Woods to send your stuffies or adopt from there. Still, it’s heartwarming to read about the little friends who’ve found new lives with their new families in an environmentally sound way, and we can be hopeful that their efforts will go global sooner rather than later. Here’s the latest update on that very thing!

(P.S. If anyone knows how to center a YouTube short on WordPress, please let me know in the comments!)

Paper Doll Explains Aspirational vs. Inspirational Clutter

Posted on: March 25th, 2024 by Julie Bestry | 12 Comments

Do you ever think about all the different flavors of clutter?

A few years ago, I wrote The Boo-Hoo Box: Organizing Painful Clutter.

In that post, as a precursor to discussing the kinds of heartbreaking clutter people keep, I introduced some of the major categories of clutter, and this is worthy of a review as we explore today’s topic.

CATEGORIES OF CLUTTER

When working with my organizing clients, we tend to identify six different kinds of clutter (though these are only the main ones — there are others).

  1. Practical clutter — These are things that are useful, in and of themselves, like clothing, bedding, or kitchen implements. It’s not that we don’t need these things, but we generally don’t need so many (black skirts, frying pans) and we need to let go when specific items no longer suit our needs. 
  2. Informational clutter — We keep documents and clippings, whether on paper or digitally, because we believe the information is valuable. The problem is that we rarely go back to consider how valuable something is now vs. when we acquired it, and we tend not to think about whether it might be better to eliminate (outdated) information, digitize it, or access the information anew via the internet to reduce the bulk.
  3. Identity clutter — Sometimes, the clutter we keep is an excess of items that we feel help define us. Our clutter may not be useful (in a practical sense) but we perceive it as useful for defining who we are or who we wish to be seen as. Our clutter might say, “I’m the kind of person who runs marathons [or wins spelling bees or bakes from scratch].”
  4. Aspirational clutter — This type of clutter accounts for all of the items in your space which support hobbies you tell yourself that you are going to take up, but never really do. Whether you are saving a closet full of fancy papers and Cricut gadgets for the day when you finally decide to become a scrapbooker or amass shelves of books on the topic of “How To [train championship Greyhounds, write a novel, become a successful crypotocurrency miner],” there comes a point when you’ve got to recognize that you have an excess of items supporting a life you don’t really lead.
  5. Nostalgic clutter — Nostalgia is defined as “a sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations.” Obviously, life is made better by the things that truly remind us of happy (or happier) times, but an excess of nostalgic emblems of our past can fill up our homes in the present and prevent us from having space in our lives to make a future. Sometimes, we just have to take photos of those ancient macaroni art projects and discard the originals, letting them crumble in peace.
    An excess of nostalgic emblems of our past can fill up our homes in the present and prevent us from having space in our lives to make a future. Share on X
  6. Painful or sad clutter — This category encompasses things that remind us of bad times or bad people. 

Break-Up Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Clients tend to have a good handle on both practical and informational clutter. Someone might save useful things that they used in the past (or acquire in the present) because they might be useful now or in the future; the same is true of clippings or online information in case they might be desired later.

Identity clutter, nostalgic clutter, and painful clutter is almost always about the past. But as we’ll see, aspirational clutter is about the future.

WHAT KIND OF CLUTTER IS IT REALLY?

Too often, we think of clutter as if it were a monolith. Yes, a house full of clutter is daunting, but identifying what kind of clutter something is helps us determine why we’re holding onto it so we can (eventually) confidently let it go.

I do prospective client consultations by phone; this gives me a chance to get to know what a client may need and helps them determine whether they like my philosophy and can bear my goofy sense of humor. Early on, I ask them to describe what kinds of clutter they have.

I’m not looking for a hierarchy or categorization, just a sense of what “stuff” is bothering them. Usually, I hear something like: too many clothes that don’t fit (or don’t fit in the closet); outgrown children’s toys; an overwhelm of papers, books, and digital media. This gives me an idea of the tangible items needing attention. However, once in people’s homes, I’m able to see that clutter is not so simple.

For example, a closet filled with maternity clothes may reflect that that a client has spent a number of years bearing and raising kids. If she’s in her 30s, this may just be practical clutter. She’s been pregnant one or more times, acquired clothing through shopping and gifts, and hasn’t yet winnowed the collection down. However, if the woman is older, perhaps in her 50s or 60s (and her own children are already having babies), she may be holding onto the clothing out of a strong sense of nostalgia, remembering fondly when her family was small (but growing) and possibilities were endless.

It’s even possible that now that her children are adults, she may feel adrift and unneeded. At this point, all of the maternity clothes can be identity clutter, items that people hold onto out of fear of becoming unmoored from their identities. If the woman’s sense of self is closely tied to being a mom, the idea of letting go of those clothes may feel very much like letting go of one’s sense of self. Until a client is prompted to discuss the possessions in question, the category of clutter may not yet be clear.

I recently spoke with an older couple who were hoping to downsize in advance of an eventual move to senior living. When I asked them to describe how they felt about downsizing, the husband recounted that every time he thought about letting go of materials related to his career and hobbies, it made him feel like they (and now he) lacked worth.

Ouch. That showed incredible self-awareness on his part, as well as a pain point. I gently asked him to consider that his identity exists in his memory and in the memories of all who worked with him and knew him.

His adult daughter, also on the call, riffed on some things we’d discussed earlier about donating items, and reminded him that these could be a living legacy if donated to an organization related to his former profession; his materials could find a new life with someone who needs them rather than just rusting away in a storage unit, unused and unnoticed. His identity could actually get refreshed through possessions finding a new life as something other than clutter.

Proud possessions from the past can become clutter in the present and the future, but self-awareness and analysis can open our eyes to options and opportunities.

ASPIRATIONAL CLUTTER VS. INSPIRATIONAL CLUTTER

This brings us to considering things we have acquired (and continue to acquire) for the future.

After a client and I discussed painful clutter and how the Boo-Hoo Box can counter emotional pain, she mentioned that she had a lot of items she’d purchased to inspire her to overcome emotional distress. She said that what I called aspirational, she considered inspirational. It’s a great point, and I think it might be helpful to look at how aspirational and inspirational clutter can be similar and how they are different.

Aspirational Clutter

The way I look at it, aspirational clutter is made up of items that support hobbies or activities you tell yourself that you are going to take up, but never really do. They’re gathering dust. It’s clutter because they can be used, but you aren’t using them. Examples include:

  • Crafting and art supplies — Over the years, I’ve visited a lot of clients homes where cabinets and even rooms are overflowing with yarn and needlework supplies, boxed up sewing machines, canvases, paints and brushes, and packaged art projects. They’re bought with the aspiration of tapping into creativity and expressing artistic talents. But so many people accumulate art supplies without actually dedicating time to create art.

  • Exercise equipment and fitness devices — From gyms to treadmills and Pelotons to fitness trackers, they exist because we aspire to be fit and svelte. Gym memberships can be financial clutter; home equipment and trackers might be tangible clutter. We buy them because we aspire to improve our physical health and believe they’ll get us to work out and track our activity. But if we never unbox the trackers or walk on the treadmills and end up using the equipment to hang cute workout clothes we wear (but don’t work out in), it’s aspirational clutter.
  • Gardening supplies — Got pots? Seeds? Trowels and knee pads and garden storage? Oh, my! Do you aspire to cultivate a green thumb or make everyone in the neighborhood association green with envy? If you never slice open those seed packets or remove the price tags from the tools, you’ll make your self green around the gills with how much you’ve spent on untouched aspirational clutter.
  • Outdoor gear — My sister once had a blind date lean across the table and ask, “Don’t you just love camping?” No, she did not. We do not. But some people would be better off buying stock in REI rather than throwing down money on bikes, boats, hiking gear, camping equipment. Do you aspire to be an outdoorsman or outdoorswoman but never make the time or take the first step to go outside? 

I love this Anne Taintor card, sold by Quiltinia. You can also get magnets at Artworks.

  • Clothes that don’t fit your life — I went through a stage where every time I went shopping, I tried on little black dresses, suitable for fancy dinner parties. But I never went to dinner parties. I was craving a wardrobe for an imaginary life to which I aspired. (TV in the 1970s and 1980s set me up for thinking I’d be going to a lot of dinner parties, even Mary Richards’ famously bad ones!)
  • Musical instruments — When digging through client’s basements or closets, I find dusty electric keyboards or drum sets, or out of tune pianos. Having the intention of learning an instrument (or revisiting childhood lessons) is understandable, but if you never get an instructor, schedule lessons, or practice, it’s an unfulfilled aspiration.
  • Cooking gadgets — I get it. The pandemic made everyone aspire to be a sourdough artiste. But if you’ve got a plethora of bread machines and pasta makers, and drawers bulging with immersion thingies, but you order Door Dash every night, your plan of becoming the next Barefoot Contessa might be a pipe dream.
  • Language education tools
  • Photography equipment
  • Travel Gear

These last three tend to go together. People buy books, recordings, and software courses to learn foreign languages. They purchase luggage and compression cubes, plus all manner of travel guides, to use on those trips where they impress the populace with their fluency in the native language. And oh, the cameras, lenses, and accessories they buy with the intention of learning about f-stops and taking social media influencer-level photos on those trips. 

But if they never practice the language, figure out how the photo equipment works, or book the trips, it’s all just layers of aspirations that go unachieved. Shopping provides that dopamine hit that scratches the itch in our novelty- and reward-seeking brains. But when purchases go ignored, the clutter sneers at us.

(Aspirational clutter is a close cousin of nostalgic or identity clutter. If you formerly used something and keep it to maintain a happy connection to the past or how you see yourself, it could be nostalgia- or identity-driven, but if you’ve never used it at all, that’s purely aspirational.)

Inspirational Clutter

If aspirational clutter is “stuff” that supports who you’d be if you’d do something, inspirational clutter is the tangible reflection of ways to motivate you not to do a specific activity, but to live a “better” way. Inspirational clutter is (usually) commercially-created and message-oriented, designed to make you live out certain values: 

  • Motivational posters and wall art — If it features an inspirational quote or affirmations and reminds you to “Live, Laugh, Love,” but it’s gathering dust in the closet or you’ve stopped even noticing it on the walls, it’s inspirational clutter.

Cluttered Wall of Inspirational Clutter Photo by Mikechie Esparagoza

  • Calendars, sticky notes, and affirmation cards – Ditto. All the positive, empowering, and encouraging messages in the world, no matter where you stick them (if you’ll pardon the expression) start to become like wallpaper (or “parsley”) if you don’t notice them.

  • Self-help and personal development books — Obviously, as a published author myself, I believe in the power of books that focus on organizing, productivity, self-improvement, personal growth, etc. But buying the latest Brené Brown book and leaving it unread on the bedside table won’t really inspire you. It will mock you.
  • Spiritual or religious books and recordings — My clients often own recordings of sermons from their houses of worship (or, quite often, family members’ houses of worship, sent to them with kind intent). The content of the material is inspirational, but there is nothing inspiring about old cassettes, DVDs, or prayer group handouts collecting dust in random corners. Words unread or unheard are meaningless.
  • Mindfulness apps — Digital motivational clutter could be its own category. Whether it’s an app for guided meditation, relaxation techniques, or mindfulness exercises, if you’ve never even signed in because it requires setting up yet another password, what does it inspire? 
  • Blank journals — Wow, people buy (and get gifted) a lot of blank journals. Although I’ve never been able to get the hang of journaling, the research is clear that writing by hand, whether gratitude journals or Julia Cameron’s morning pages, has the positive effect of fostering optimism. But piles of blank notebooks (ignored year after year) foster nothing but dead trees!

Gratitude Journal Photo by Gabrielle Henderson on Unsplash

  • Seminar notes — You can gain tremendous insights at workshops, seminars, and personal development conferences. If going to these events inspires you, keep going! But whether you painstakingly take notes you never look at again or buy the workbooks and lesson plans the speakers and coaches sell, if they are still shrink-wrapped years or decades later, free yourself from the obligation to go through them “someday.”

HOW DO ASPIRATIONAL AND INSPIRATIONAL CLUTTER COMPARE?

There are definite similarities between the two types of clutter.

Perceived Value — Sure, there’s monetary value. You (or someone) spent money on this stuff. But there’s also the value you place on their potential to bring you closer to the life you want to live.

Aspirational clutter (before you recognize it as clutter) holds potential for doing, while inspirational clutter is valued for its anticipated ability to change how you think, feel, and (possibly) act.

Emotional Attachment — Both types of clutter have emotional heft, and decluttering without dealing with the underlying issues can lead to emotional distress.

Aspirational clutter may represent ambitions or dreams that have never been fulfilled, and letting go of the items before reckoning with that can feel like dashing those dreams, leading to a sense of grief. Letting go of inspirational clutter before coming to terms with the diminished (or imaginary) value may evoke a loss of self-worth.

Intentional Acquisition — People generally acquire both types of clutter with good intentions. Whether you buy equipment for a hobby or motivational wall hangings to boost your mindset, the initial intention is positive: a way to enrich your life.

In both cases, the common thread may be the lack of intentionality. Not all gifts are equally desired by the recipient. Ahem.

The differences between aspirational and inspirational clutter come down to the why and the what:

Intended Purpose — Again, aspirational clutter builds up when people intend to pursue hobbies or activities, either out of true desire or hope of becoming “the kind of person who (does X).” Conversely, inspirational clutter comes not from a desire to do something, but to be a better person, either in their own eyes or the eyes of others.

Actual Outcome — Whatever the desired outcome, the two types of clutter tend to yield different effects.

Aspirational clutter often leads of feelings of guilt or frustration over wasted money, lost space, or inconvenience. Inspirational clutter usually has a less deleterious effect; people feel less like they’ve “failed” if they’re still being reminded to “Be the change they wish to see in the world” than if they have spent hundreds or thousands of dollars on hobby materials that fill the closets and cabinets.

Inspirational clutter tends not to yield the same level of guilt or shame as aspirational clutter; it’s also more easily ignored.

REDUCING ASPIRATIONAL AND INSPIRATIONAL CLUTTER

As I previously said in defining aspirational clutter, there comes a point when you’ve got to recognize that you have an excess of items supporting a life you don’t really lead. 

There comes a point when you've got to recognize that you have an excess of items supporting a life you don't really lead. Share on X

Approach reducing both types of clutter from logical and emotional perspectives.

Reality Check

For aspirational clutter, get real. Analyze how functional the items really is; is it so old, it’s not useful anymore? Is it way beyond the skill level you’re reasonably likely to achieve?

How feasible is it that you’ll invest time in pursuing the activities you’ve ignored? Questions like, “Have I used this item in the last year (or ever)?” are less productive than asking, “Am I willing to start doing this thing (scheduling lessons, getting out in the garden) this month?” If you’re not going to prioritize time for an activity, send the aspirational clutter packing.

Groove is in the Heart

For aspirational clutter, talk about your emotional attachment to the what’s behind the items; what do they mean beyond their ability to create art or make music or improve the garden? Reflect on the significance of the objects, and whether they still represent what you want to do, or if they are echoes of a former version of yourself.

For inspirational clutter, reflect on whether the items are in alignment with your current goals and values. Do you actually need these items to achieve your true and higher self? 

Do the messages on all those wall hangings still genuinely inspire and uplift? Do they actually sometimes make you feel pressured or inadequate? Or are they parsley, unnoticed and unappreciated? Surround yourself with fewer messages, but ones that truly resonate with who you want to to be right now.

Oscar Wilde Quote Photo by Matej 

Think Gratitude, Not Guilt

Even enjoying a sense of freedom, people sometimes feel guilty about letting clutter go on so long. Shift your focus toward being grateful that you’ve developed the ability to recognize your evolving self.

If you like, take Marie Kondo’s advice and express gratitude to (or at least for) things you’re letting go of, knowing they can bring joy to someone who will want, need, and use them.

Once you understand the similarities and differences between aspirational and inspirational clutter, it’s easier to identify your own examples and assess them more critically. Cultivate spaces that authentically support your goals and well-being.

Paper Doll Shares 12 Kinds of Paper To Declutter Now

Posted on: January 8th, 2024 by Julie Bestry | 12 Comments

After last week’s 24 Smart Ways to Get More Organized and Productive in 2024, we continue with GO Month, an entire month devoted to getting organized and being productive. I thought it might be time to hit a classic Paper Doll topic topic: decluttering papers!

Quite often, Paper Doll focuses on the papers and documents you need to acquire and keep. Always start with the essentials:

How to Replace and Organize 7 Essential Government Documents

How to Create, Organize, and Safeguard 5 Essential Legal and Estate Documents

The Professor and Mary Ann: 8 Other Essential Documents You Need To Create

Ask Paper Doll: Do I Really Need A Safe Deposit Box?

However, we must also look at what we no longer need, and what papers we’d be better off without.

OLD RECEIPTS

Some people throw out all of their receipts. Their desks, bags, dresser-tops and bedside tables are clear of crumpled papers, but they have trouble reconstructing their financial history at tax time, they can’t figure out where their cash went, and can’t prove ownership or value of high-ticket items.

More often, people go to the opposite extremes and keep all of their receipts. When working with clients, I’ll often find zip-locked bags and drawers filled with random receipts. In addition to receipts strewn about, the collected and squirreled-away receipts tend to be older, anywhere from a year to five+ years in the past. 

These clients have a vague sense that someone once told them to save receipts in case they needed to return something or create a budget based on tracked expenses. The problem? Neither of these well-intentioned reasons are based on a realistic view of their paper-cluttered lives. 

Yes, you should hold onto receipts for purchases you might return, but most return policies that limit how long after the purchase something may be returned. In general, you’ll need the receipt to return something for a full refund for up to 30 days after purchase; after that, the best you can hope for at most retailers is store credit. (Stores vary, and Nerd Wallet has a great piece, Return Policy Guide: What to Know and Which Stores Stand Out, on the most generous return policies at stores like Costco, Kohl’s, and IKEA.) 

Similarly, if you were going to track your expenses to create a budget, receipts from years ago won’t help now. Paper Doll gives you permission to start fresh with January (and last week’s receipts) and let go of the bulk of your random receipt clutter.

Woman with Receipts Photo by Karolina Grabowska at Pexels

Reasons to Keep Receipts

There are five main reasons to keep receipts, and none are “forever” reasons:

1) The item is returnable — only keep the receipt until the return period ends.

2) It’s a big-ticket item — keep a Big-Ticket Purchases folder for these kinds of receipts in your financial filing section.

Figure out your comfort level to determine whether “big-ticket” is $50 or $500 or $5 zillion; if the receipt is above a certain threshold, you may want to add a rider to your homeowners or renters insurance policy.

The IRS allows taxpayers to choose between deducting state taxes and sales tax; if you opt for sales tax, the default amount is often the wisest option; however, you’ve purchased a house, auto, boat, private plane, or personal rocket ship, you’ll definitely want proof of that big ticket deduction.

3) The receipt helps you prove ownership. This tends to go along with Big-Ticket items, as you’ll rarely be asked to prove that the soon-to-be-moldy asparagus in your fridge actually belongs to you.

4) The receipt is for something tax-deductible. Non-business purchases are more likely to be deductible if they’re related to healthcare, government fees or taxes, child/dependent care, or tax credits for things the government is trying to promote, like environmentally beneficial or energy efficient home improvements.

5) The purchase will be reimbursed by someone (employer, insurance company, etc.) at a later date.

Additionally, if you’re divorcing and seeking alimony and/or child support, you may need to collate receipts to prove the costs of life maintenance.

Here are some basic guidelines for the receipts you can discard, with a few caveats.

Crumpled Receipt Photo by Michael Walter on Unsplash

Cash Receipts

  • Let go of cash receipts for consumable products (like food and beverages) whenever you want. If you’re not tracking expenses, you can toss them immediately. You can even refuse to accept receipts.

If you buy a Slushie at 7-Eleven or a burrito at the taco truck and pay with cash, you’re generally safe tossing receipt — unless you watch too many Law & Order reruns and are convinced you need to be able to prove your time-stamped whereabouts at all times. 

  • Keep cash receipts for things you might return, but only for the duration return period. After the return policy, buh-bye!

For example, if you buy clothes, a toy, or anything for your home, car, or family with cash, keep a plain #10 envelope to stash purchase receipts. Keep the envelope near where you handle your daily finances so that you know where to find receipts if you need to make a return.

Set a reminder, perhaps on the 5th of every month, to flip through the receipts. Once past the store’s return policy, shred the receipt.

The above assumes you’re not buying fancy-pants, expensive things with cash (and that you are not a member of a Sopranos-style crime family. If you are, please confer with your accountant.)

Debit and Credit Card Receipts

  • Keep debit and credit card receipts until the return period has expired and you’ve eyeballed your statement or online account to verify that the final price is accurate.

As with cash receipts, pop credit card and debit card receipts in that #10 envelope. If you get paper statements for your bank and credit card accounts, reconcile the values monthly when your statements arrive. If you no longer get statements, reconcile receipts against your running online account weekly. 

Deposit Slips and ATM Withdrawal Slips

If you think about it, a deposit slip is really a receipt, only instead of paying a store or service provider for what they’ve given you, you’re paying the future version of yourself who will spend that money later. 

As for the five reasons to keep receipts, none particularly apply here. If you wanted to return the cash you withdrew, you could do that without the ATM slip, and taking or giving back your own money doesn’t involve tax deductions. Reimburse-ability doesn’t apply. The “big ticket” status isn’t applicable with withdrawals (as banks limit how much you can take out in one day); deposits are a little stickier, as there’s a paperwork rigamarole to go through if you ever deposit more than $9,999.99.

Of course, if you’re sort who worries about that pesky Law & Order issue regarding your whereabouts, you might also fear having to prove ownership of the money you’ve withdrawn. 

In general, treat these as if they were debit or credit card receipts, and save them until your bank has accurately recorded the information. (But if you are making manual deposits of $10,000 or more, note the purpose, save the receipts, and tuck them in your tax prep folders just in case the amounts are questioned in an audit.)

A Few Other Notes About Receipts

Your pharmacy will print a summary of all prescription purchases. Once you’ve checked your receipts against your bank or credit card statements, you can shred pharmaceutical receipts; just ask your pharmacy to provide printout in early January for the preceding calendar year. (It’s to your benefit to only use one pharmacy so you don’t have to keep track of these things. If you must use a different pharmacy — if you’re on vacation or your regular pharmacy is out of your prescription medication — save those receipts.)

Collect all receipts for tax-deductible expenses (like charitable donations, or medical and pharmaceutical expenses in your Tax Prep hanging folder until you’ve completed your taxes for the prior year. (You won’t know until the end of any given year whether you accumulated a high enough percentage of your adjusted gross income to deduct itemized expenses.)

Keep receipts for anything for which you are due reimbursement until you get paid. This may include:

  • Work and travel-related expenses where your company reimburses you. Label a folder “Reimbursable Expenses” and toss receipts in there. Set a reminder on your calendar for the week prior to when expense reports are due, to ensure you don’t put it off and delay recouping your costs.
  • Healthcare expenses for which your health insurance company reimburses you. Usually, you pay a co-pay or co-insurance to a healthcare provider, but sometimes providers won’t file insurance claims. You may have to submit documents from the provider, plus your receipt, and forms directly to your insurance company to get reimbursed for medical expenses.
  • Sometimes, you’ll need to submit receipts to your car or homeowners/renters policy insurance company for repairs done to your auto or home. You might need to submit receipts to someone else’s insurance company if the other party was at fault. Always keep the original and provide them with photocopies).

If you’re reimbursed for a high-dollar amount for anything unusual, keep the receipt and the proof of reimbursement in your tax prep folder. If audited, it will be easy to say, “Hey, I anticipated that you’d wonder about this! So, here’s the receipt where I chartered a helicopter to get my boss to the top of the mountain for a super-important meeting, and here’s the income you’re questioning, where I was reimbursed for what I paid out.”

Always have a system for collecting your receipts until you get home. Do not stuff receipts in your coat pocket, no matter how many people are behind you in line. Do not put receipts in the shopping bag, because it’s too easy for them to fall out in the car, or for the bag to be discarded with a receipt still inside. Make 2024 the year you resolve not to have any crumpled receipts in your pockets or your car!

[We’ll take a fresh look at digital receipts in a future post, but the rules regarding what you can let go of are the same for digital as paper.]

OLD HOUSEHOLD UTILITY BILLS

It’s common for me to find that clients have saved multiple years of old electric, gas, water, and sewer bills. They shrug. Someone, somewhere, told them they were supposed to save all records.

People’s parents (particularly fathers) rightly told them that it’s important to keep all records regarding auto maintenance. A full and detailed record helps boost the resale value of a car. (Secondarily, if there’s a recall, the car owner can get reimbursed for work previously done.)

The thing is, even if you keep meticulous records, a prospective home buyer isn’t going to offer you more for your house based on ancient utility bills. Knowing what it cost to heat your home in January or cool it in July back in 1992 is not useful information!

Little House Photo by Kostiantyn Li on Unsplash

Keep paper utility statements for the prior calendar year and the current one, just so that you can easily compare year-to-year (for example, to trace the likelihood of a leak vs. “Oh, yeah, July water bills are always high because we use the Slip & Slide). Shred the older ones.

(Note: if you take a tax deduction for a home office for your home-based business, keep utility bills as supporting documents for business tax returns.)

OLD INSURANCE POLICIES

People have a habit of keeping really old insurance policy paperwork.

I advise that if you don’t have any pending claims against your insurer and nobody has a lawsuit against you, it’s OK to shred old declaration pages and toss the generic boilerplate from old home and car policies. You may want to keep the front page of the policy listing the old policy number and contact information for the insurer.

With health insurance policies, if you’ve changed policies recently, I find it’s helpful to keep the paperwork related to coverage you had in the prior calendar year. While medical providers are supposed to process claims within 90 days, I’ve seen where physicians’ offices were so disorganized they were trying to recoup fees (either through insurance or directly from patients) more than a year later. Keeping the essential info about the policy can help if you get caught with “zombie” claims. But policies older than the prior calendar year, unless you’re still fighting about claims, can be shredded.

One insurance policy caveat: If you cash in a life insurance policy, either for the cash value or after someone has passed, make sure you log that you have done so. I’ve worked with clients where there’s been great excitement upon finding old life insurance policy paperwork, only to learn the original policy holder cashed in the policy up to 50 years earlier, but never destroyed or discarded the old paperwork. Bummer.

For clarity, if you cash in a policy, make a note somewhere accessible (like your inventory of assets and debts) so that your future fuzzy brain or your inheritors can make sense of what happened.

EXPIRED WARRANTIES 

If the warranty or guarantee period has already expired, toss out the warranty/guarantee card. (If it was a bigger ticket item and you’d stapled the receipt to the warranty card, make sure the receipt gets saved.)

If you no longer even own the product associated with the warranty or guarantee, dunk it like a basketball! Swoosh! (But shred the receipt.)

MANUALS FOR THINGS YOU DON’T OWN (AND SOME YOU DO)

If you don’t own the thing anymore, you don’t need the manual!

If you own the thing, but know how to use it, you don’t need the manual! (I often joke that if you don’t know how to use your toaster or hair dryer, you have a bigger problem than clutter.)

For guidance, there are ways to pare down and organize your manuals, find digital alternatives, or even digitize your collection to help keep things streamlined:

Paper Doll’s Manual Override – Part 1: Declutter and Organize Owner’s Manuals

Paper Doll’s Manual Override – Part 2: Twelve Resources To Find An Owner’s Manual

Paper Doll’s Manual Override – Part 3: Create & Organize A Digital Owner’s Manual Library

OLD DRIVING DIRECTIONS MADE REDUNDANT BY GPS

As you go through your files and piles of old papers, you may find driving directions to anywhere from hotel venues to summer camps to doctor’s offices. 

If you’re never going there again, toss the paper. If Siri or Google Maps can get you there, toss the paper. If there’s anything special about the directions (maybe for the last tenth of a mile) and you could get the information again easily, toss the paper. If that last bit of the trip requires special instructions, create a contact (for the venue, the camp, or the office) in your phone and put those final, special directions in the “Notes” field.

DUPLICATE DOCUMENTS

Have you ever accidentally printed a copy of something multiple times and kept the copies? If the item is a form or a template you have to share (physically) with others and can’t just forward a digital file, make a folder. But if you just have random duplicate or triplicate or seventeenplicate of something you printed for no discernible reason, recycle or shred, as applicable.

OLD BOARDING PASSES

Yes, most of us now use digital boarding passes, but if anything changes about your flight, the nice typey-typey airport people will give you a new set of paper boarding passes. When you get home, don’t toss them in a pile with other crumpled receipts. Old boarding passes are of no future use to you. Shred them!

FYI, those QR codes along the edges have all sorts of personally identifiable information about you. They may not be useful to you, but leaving them out on your desk for anyone to find makes it easier for someone to purloin that information.

OLD CONFERENCE PAPERS AND BINDERS

Not all conference material is created equal. Go through your old conference binders and folders, especially those from early in your career. Be ruthless about letting go of handouts and notes related topics that no longer interest you or fields of study in which you never worked, or never intend to work again.

Trust that any information you want can be found again, and found more easily than spelunking in piles of old binders in the back of a closet.

Similarly, get rid of flyers, programs, and any other conference materials that don’t contain essential information.

JUNK MAIL

Did you ask for it? Do you want or need it? No? It’s junk! Instead of letting it pile up, shred it and sent it on its way. To stop junk mail in its tracks:

  • Opt out of credit card and insurance offers for 5 years by going to optoutprescreen.com or call 1-888-5-OPT-OUT (1-888-567-8688), operated by the major credit bureaus. You’ll have to supply personal information like your name and address. They’ll also ask for your Social Security number and date of birth; it’s optional, and they’ve always claimed it’s confidential, but this is the 21st-century, so who knows?
  • If you prefer to opt out permanently, start the process at optoutprescreen.com or call 1-888-5-OPT-OUT, but to complete the request, they’ll make you sign and return a Permanent Opt-Out Election form.

For other kinds of marketing junk mail, register at the Direct Marketing Association’s (DMA) consumer site, DMAchoice.org and pay a $4 processing fee for ten years of protection from most (but not all) junk mail.

OUTDATED, LOW-QUALITY, OR IRRELEVANT INFORMATION

I once worked with a (very) organized author. I initially joked that I wasn’t sure how I could help, as her office seemed orderly and tidy. However, when we looked in her files, I saw the problem.

The client wrote novels with storylines that included medical information, so she’d saved a few decades of internet printouts regarding diagnoses and treatments of various conditions. In almost every folder, any clip from the web from more than two or three years earlier was completely outdated. While some fields may include timeless information, research related to the sciences is likely to be superseded by newer data and analysis each year.

Unless your actual job description requires analyzing what used to be advised or believed vs. what is now known to be true, toss the outdated information.

Similarly, let go of any clipped articles or printouts that reflect information you already know (or that has become common knowledge), that has been disproven, lacks credibility, or isn’t related to your work or interests. 

Tips from 1999 on traveling to Europe won’t fly (pun intended) in a post-9/11 world, but even advice from pre-COVID may not be valid. Introductory-level parenting articles from when your kids were tiny might have been useful, but if you’re cruising toward grandparenthood, you’ll find guidance has changed. Just let the internet be your filing cabinet!

DAMAGED PAPERS

This should go without saying, but discard any papers that are damaged due to water, fire, or animal predation. Papers with tiny blobs of mold can damage your neurological and pulmonological health. If a piece of paper is readable but yucky, digitize it (but then disinfect your scanner).

FINAL RESOURCES

You’ll be delighted to lessen your paper clutter knowing that much of what you’ve saved (due to misinformation, fear, or just plain inertia) can go. However, anytime there’s anything personally identifiable in your papers, make sure you shred them. 

Paper Doll’s Secrets: Shred Successfully & Save Money is a good resource for making it easy to destroy what you don’t need and prevent identify thieves and other sneaky folks from benefiting from your decluttering.

Finally, knowing what to get rid of is only part of the paper decluttering process. For a full-on look at strategies for knowing papers to keep, and for how long, check out my classic ebook, Do I Have To Keep this Piece of Paper.

A Professional Organizer’s Take on National Library Card Sign-up Month

Posted on: September 27th, 2021 by Julie Bestry | 18 Comments

September is National Library Card Sign-up Month, and I want to make the case that library cards are your passport to a better and more organized life.

WHY PAPER DOLL LOVES LIBRARIES

I love libraries. My first real job, from my sixteenth birthday until I left for college, was as a page at the Clearfield Branch of the Erie County (New York) Public Library. My job involved helping patrons find books (back when we had paper card catalogs and no computers) and checking books out (back when the system involved using an overhead camera to take a photo of someone’s paper library card and the “borrow” card for the book).

However, the bulk of my job involved shelving books and “reading” shelves. The latter involved starting at the beginning of a section (for example, non-fiction) and making sure each book belonged after the one before it and before the one after it, per the Library of Congress classification system. I often think that this was the ideal training to become a professional organizer.

Back then, local public libraries had relatively few types of holdings: books, maps, record albums, and a truly dinky collection of audio cassettes. Libraries have come a long way, baby!

I marvel at systems I learned then, which I now use professionally, like organizing toddler books in dishpans, with book covers facing outward (record store-style) so that little hands can flip each book forward or backward without destroying a bookshelf. Because toddlers can’t read, they have no use for the spines of books, but a series of dishpans (filled with vertically arrayed, face-out books) allows tiny humans to recognize and access their favorite titles.

 

I have seen many beautiful libraries in cities all over the world, but my favorite is the A.D. White Library at my alma mater, Cornell University.

For most of history, libraries were closely guarded bastions of knowledge, and access was limited to those whose religious, academic, or financial positions allowed them to be considered worthy, but few libraries of significance were truly open to the public. In general, most libraries were subscription-based, where one paid for access, similar to how we use Netflix and Audible these days.

And even though public libraries had to close their doors to the public for much of the first year of the COVID pandemic, they did not turn their backs on their patrons. Most libraries offered curbside pickup; you could reserve your books online and then call (or, if your library was really fancy, use an app) to alert the staff of which pick-up parking space you were using, and diligent, masked librarians would verify your card, check you out over the phone, and deliver your “borrows” to your car’s trunk or hatchback. Most libraries also continued to offer programming for students, seniors, and other constituencies virtually.

To my mind, one of the greatest benefits of modern society is access to tax-supported public library systems. I consider my library card, my voter registration card, and my driver’s license as three keys to my sense of freedom (of intellect, of democracy, and the ability to work, play, and have an empowered life).

I consider my library card, my voter registration card, and my driver's license as three keys to my sense of freedom (of intellect, of democracy, and the ability to work, play, and have an empowered life). Share on X

But that’s me. You’re probably wondering why you should care about libraries, and more importantly, what this has to do with organzing.

WHAT CAN A LIBRARY CARD OFFER YOU?

So, what magical powers does your library card bestow? Your library card, what bibliophiles and library peeps like to call “the smartest card in your wallet,” grants access to a vast array of offerings.

Items to borrow

Although some special collections and reference materials can only be read in-house, the majority of tangible items at libraries circulate. This means they can be borrowed and taken home for at least a week, and sometimes up to a month, including:

  • Printed materials (and no, it’s not just books and magazines anymore, though libraries still have huge collections of those):
    • print books (including large-print books for the visually impaired)
    • audio books
    • books on CD
    • books in Braille
    • magazines
    • trade journals
    • graphic novels/comic books
    • sheet music

You can reserve materials that are currently out (or at another branch). In most cases, if your library is able to send you a digital notification of a reserved item’s availability, there will be no charge; for older libraries still using postcard systems, your reservation may be about the cost of a postage stamp.

Also, your library is likely to be a member of one or more systems through which you can request an interlibrary loan. That means that even if your library system doesn’t have a resource you want or need, you should be able to have them request it from a different system, possibly even across the country! (See? Libraries are cool!)

  • Electronic entertainment and educational materials
    • vinyl phonograph/record albums (though these are often in library system archives, the hipster appeal of vinyl has librarians bringing these out for display)
    • CDs (whether music, language CDs, or books on CD)
    • DVDs (including movies, courses, exercise, and how-to videos
  • Digital materials — Your library likely gives you access to a variety of digital downloadable services through the web or a free app. So, whether you want to satisfy your insatiable desire for mystery audiobooks while you’re getting your 10,000 steps a day or suddenly need to borrow a stress-reduction video while you’re stuck in the airport when your flight is delayed, all you need is your library card number, digital device, and some decent WiFi. Not all libraries have the same services, though these seem to be the most widespread:
    • OverDrive offers an absolutely massive collection of premium audiobooks, ebooks, and music that can be downloaded to your smartphone, Kindle, tablet, or computer via your browser or the Libby app. 
    • Hoopla has collections of thousands of ebooks, audiobooks, graphic novels/comic books, movies, television shows, and music. You can download content to your device or stream it, and it works with computers, tablets, and phones. (Personal note: I downloaded Frommer’s and Fodor’s guidebooks to Italy and the UK to use when traveling, and it was amazing to have thousand-page guidebooks at the ready with no extra schlepping.)
    • Kanopy-affiliated library patrons can download or stream a wide variety of movies, including modern flicks, documentaries, foreign films, classic cinema, independent films, and educational videos.
    • Less common library offerings include AcornTV (classic and modern UK television shows and movies), IndieFlix (part of the library-friendly RB Media offerings) for independent films, and other services.

As with print resources, you can usually put ebooks and audiobooks on hold if there isn’t an immediate availability. You might be wondering why, if it’s digital, there’s not endless access. That’s because libraries purchase licenses to electronic media, much the same way you purchase an individual ebook or audiobook. Buying a license for each copy of a digital work ensures (or at least tries to ensure) that authors and creators get their fair share.

  • Digital educational platforms — While every library has different offerings, there are some particularly common and popular ones, including:
    • LinkedIn Learning (formerly Lynda.com) normally requires a paid LinkedIn membership, but if you’ve got a library card at a system associated with LinkedIn Learning, you won’t have to pony up any money for the technology and creative courses offered for current and aspiring professionals. Learn a language, gain computer skills, or study project management or leadership development, all from your digital device.
    • Infobase has collections of how-to and documentary programming, newsreels and archival films, speciality educational films in business and economics, social sciences, arts and humanities, STEM (science, technology, engineering, and math), and health and wellness. Infobase also has career skill resources for creating resumes, interviewing, and finding jobs.
    • Language education  — While my library system uses Transparent Language, your public library may offer Mango, Rosetta Stone, or any of a variety of other platforms to help you separate your Ciao from your Shalom.
    • Academic and career preparation resources — My library system uses the Peterson’s prep materials for standardized tests and college and career searches. You may have access to other resources for the high schoolers and job searchers in your life.
    • Database Access — Public libraries subscribe to an amazing array of financial, medical, legal, and other databases (including LexisNexis, PsychInfo, EBSCO — even the Chilton Auto Repair Database!) which are made available to patrons. 
    • Genealogical support — I don’t know much about genealogical research. (That’s why I wrote Paper Doll Interviews the Genealogy Organizers.) But libraries have everything from maps and directories to digital access to resources like Ancestry.com’s Library Edition and state archives.

It doesn’t stop there, though. Just a sampling of some of the other things you may be able to borrow from your public library system, either for circulation or in-library use, include:

  • Museum passes — Call ahead to see what museum passes your library maintains and ascertain whether you’ll need to make reservations to borrow them.
  • Eclipse glasses — During the last solar eclipse on August 21, 2017, I was surprised to find that my library had arranged for loans of eclipses glasses. The next solar eclipse visible in North America will be April 8, 2024, so check with your library well before then to make sure you put a hold on yours!
  • Board games
  • Classic games, like chess, checkers and backgammon
  • Computer and video games
  • Video game controllers
  • Headphones — Because it’s easy to forget your ear buds before an impromptu library trip and nobody wants to wear borrowed ear buds (ew), so go old-school with the over-the-ear kind.
  • Tools — Over the last few decades, more and more public library systems have started a lending library of tools, ranging from socket wrench sets to power sanders, saws to stud finders, cordless drills to hedge trimmers. Take a peek at the visual tool catalog of what I can borrow from the downtown branch of my library. 

Free (and almost free) library services

Computer Access — Almost all public libraries offer computer access for free; you’ll only pay for pages you choose to print.

Wi-Fi and Wired Internet Access — Not everyone has high speed internet access. In addition to there being a huge economic divide between those who can and cannot afford internet access, there are also infrastructure issues. Many rural areas of North America lack dependable internet and even cell service.

Because of these issues, during the pandemic students were often attending their remote classes in the parking lots of schools and libraries (which remained shuttered, but there were employees inside, keeping the WiFi going). Remote workers also had a tough time accessing essential tools. Libraries are an inexpensive alternative to setting up your workspace at the coffee house.

Tech Support — Many libraries offer free courses in basic computer and web skills. Also, some librarians are able to provide guidance on common computer issues.

Homework Help — Librarians won’t do your children’s homework, but they’re fonts of information regarding selection of the appropriate resources. Many public libraries also have homework assistance hot-lines and online homework help.

Tax Prep Assistance — Libraries don’t supply tax advice directly, but AARP and other community organizations provide volunteer, pro-bono tax preparation assistance at most branches. And even though many people file digitally now, tax forms are usually made available to patrons who want to noodle the math with paper and pencil.

Delivery — Not everyone is able to get to the library. Elderly, housebound or disabled patrons can often request to have library materials delivered to them. Contact your local library for available resources and review the offerings of the National Library Service for the Blind and Handicapped.

Children’s Entertainment — Public libraries have story hours, magic shows, movies, puppet shows, arts and craft activities, and other events to keep children engaged while giving parents some breathing space.

Quiet Spaces — OK, this isn’t a service, per se. But sometimes, you need a place to go to center yourself, read, or just disconnect. Libraries are safe, temperature-controlled, and, unless you’re sitting right next to the children’s area, fairly serene. Obviously, this is more difficult when we’re in pandemic mode, but libraries were known for their shhhh-iness long before quiet cars on rail transportation existed.

Low-cost Services

In addition to free services, libraries provide a number of services are supplied at at limited cost. These include:

  • Printing
  • Photocopying
  • Faxing — Stop laughing. It’s shocking how often something like this crosses my Twitter feed:

  • Scanning
  • Notary Services — Call your library branch in advance to find out if and when the services of a notary public will be available. If a member of the library staff is a notary, you may not even be charged.
  • Passport Services — New and renewal applications for passports can be confusing. Many libraries provide assistance with applications and photo services by appointment.
  • Meeting rooms — Libraries maintain private rooms for not-for-profit endeavors, and the cost is usually limited to making sure the room bookings are serious. Rooms may be booked for:
    • Book Clubs
    • Game Groups for children and adults. (Pokémon card trading clubs having been going strong for decades!)
    • Community Meetings
    • Guest Lectures and Classes — Years ago, Paper Doll took courses in origami and in how to use the library’s electronic book borrowing systems to transfer books to Kindle and Nook. (I remain more proficient at the latter than the former. Folding cranes is hard!) I’ve also taught classes and workshops on organizing at public libraries, and chances are good that you can find one of my colleagues teaching similar workshops wherever you are.

Libraries around the country lend Santa suits and prom dresses, cake pans and artwork, knitting needles and selfie sticks:

18 Weird Things You Can Borrow from Your Public Library

200 Things You Can Check Out of a Library Besides Books

The downtown branch of my own public library has an entire floor set aside as a “maker space” with 3D printers, laser cutters, an HTC Vive virtual reality booth, a sewing lab, a soldering bench, Agile co-working spaces with white boards and projectors, a photography studio — and a state of the art recording studio!!!

This is not Marian the Librarian’s public library, and Chattanooga is not even a big city. It’s just one that values libraries. Check out (pun intended) what your own library system has to offer.

SO HOW DOES GETTING A LIBRARY CARD HELP YOU GET AND STAY ORGANIZED?

Maybe I have convinced you that libraries are the bees’ knees, but you still don’t get what it has to do with organizing?

Self-decluttering

From a professional organizer’s perspective, the best thing about libraries is the opportunity to allow yourself to trust that you need not maintain the entire world at your house.

Those four hundred issues of National Geographic making your guest room floor buckle, but which you never approach except to dust? The library has them, too, for whenever you want to learn about the mating habits of the elephants of the Serengeti, but you’ll never have to dust them. (The Nat Geos, I mean, not the elephants. Well, those too.)

Of course, I’m not saying to give up purchasing books and magazines, but understand that there’s an alternative to becoming an accidental collector of books you’ll never read (or never read again).

If you are overwhelmed by clutter in your space, but have a voracious hunger to read (or listen to music, or watch movies), check your public library’s collections first before running off to Amazon or your local indie bookseller. (But do support your local indie booksellers when you find things you want to own. This has been a hard time for them, OK? OK!)

Having a library means you can have access to any printed book, ebook, or audiobook, or tangible item (DVD, CD, graphic novel, magazine) without it permanently taking up residence in your home. Clutter often develops because we have too much stuff and no place to permanently store it, and we keep it forever because we don’t have the time or inclination to deal with it.

Library resources come with a built-in decluttering mechanism: due dates! Sure, you can renew things online, but in general, things need to be returned to the library. You don’t have to make the difficult decision as to whether it should stay or go because it’s not yours! It belongs to the library.

Or, if you prefer, think of it as yours, but stored (and dusted, repaired, and maintained) by the nice folks at the free (with your tax dollars) self-storage location called The Public Library!

And you don’t have to worry about digital items you borrow. Ebooks, audiobooks, movies, and music all “return themselves” automagically.

Just make sure you develop a system for keeping track of the tangible items you borrow. I recommend having one bookshelf or counter in your house where you keep all library items. If you have kids, help them get in the habit of returning items to that shelf or space when they’re not using them. (Oh, and let your kids help you get in the same habit. Kids love “catching” parents neglect an organizing task, and it helps reinforce the standards you’re trying to teach them.)

Money-saving

Rather than spending lots of money for books you’ll only read once, or perhaps not even finish, or for accessing any of a huge variety of tangible and digital resources, you can take advantage of the benefits of the public library.

Adore a book or piece of music beyond measure? Consider the library experience to be your free ice cream taste test; then purchase it with the knowledge that it’s something you love and will keep forever and share with others. But you don’t have to shell out money for entertainment and educational experiences you’re not sure are the right fit. And you don’t have to feel guilty, because you know the authors and creators will still be getting paid through the system of library licenses.

Still not sure about the benefits? How about saving and organizing those little green pieces of paper in your wallet? This simple form will automatically calculate the financial value of your library card in terms of annual savings. (Of course, the cognitive, emotional, and societal values are priceless.)

SO GET YOUR LIBRARY CARD

I always ask new clients a variety of questions to make sure they have life essentials: “Do you have a calendar? A file system? A will? A fire extinguisher?” On the advice of my friend, internet-famous librarian extraordinaire Jessamyn West, I also ask, “Do you have a library card?”

I’ve even been known to drag friends to sign up for a library card when I visit them in their new cities. (Shoutout: Hey, Chris, I’m looking at you!)

National Library Card Sign-Up Month is the perfect time to get a card for yourself or your kids. 

1) Locate your public library.

2) Fill out an application, available at your branch or on most library web sites.

3) Show valid ID with your current address. If you’re new to town and don’t yet have a photo ID bearing your address, most libraries will accept two items showing your name and street address (but not PO box), such as current utility bills (e.g., telephone, gas, electric or cable), voter registration cards, or other mail with postmarks from the past 30 days.

4) Use your new library card often. Plan a weekly visit with your family and explore your library’s offerings. Develop a ritual for going to the library and your children will grow up appreciating all that libraries have to offer. Let your kids help you mark down due-dates for returning tangible items.

5) Set up a library shelf in your house where all the items you borrow from the public library “live” when they’re not being read or used. Having a set location where library items belong when not in use prevents them from going missing and assures you’ll be able to return them on time. 

Happy National Library Card Sign-Up Month!

The Boo-Hoo Box: Organizing Painful Clutter

Posted on: May 17th, 2021 by Julie Bestry | 32 Comments

This post was originally published on May 17, 2021. It has been updated as of August 21, 2022.

Red Amazon Danbow on Brown Wooden Surface by burak kostak from Pexels

As you read organizing blogs, it may seem as though all of the advice is the same, about reducing clutter and then organizing what remains. However, it’s important to recognize that not all clutter is the same.

CATEGORIES OF CLUTTER

Understanding the different types of clutter gives us good insight into the different reasons we keep things, but also helps develop different strategies for managing that clutter. When working with my organizing clients, we tend to identify six different kinds of clutter.

  1. Practical clutter — These are things that are useful, in and of themselves, like clothing, bedding, or kitchen implements. It’s not that we don’t need these things, but we generally don’t need so many (black skirts, frying pans) and we need to let go when specific items no longer suit our needs. 
  2. Informational clutter — We keep documents and clippings, whether on paper or digitally, because we believe the information is valuable. The problem is that we rarely go back to consider how valuable something is now vs. when we acquired it, and we tend not to think about whether it might be better to eliminate outdated information, digitize it, or access the information anew via the internet to reduce the bulk.
  3. Identity clutter — Sometimes, the clutter we keep is an excess of items that we feel help define us. Our clutter may not be useful (in a practical sense) but we perceive it as useful for defining who we are or who we wish to be seen as. Our clutter might say, “I’m the kind of person who runs marathons [or wins spelling bees or bakes from scratch].”
  4. Aspirational clutter — This type of clutter accounts for all of the items in your space which support hobbies you tell yourself that you are going to take up, but never really do. Whether you are saving a closet full of fancy papers and Cricut gadgets for the day when you finally decide to become a scrapbooker or amass shelves of books on the topic of How To [train championship Greyhounds, write a novel, become a successful crypo-tocurrency miner], there comes a point when you’ve got to recognize that you have an excess of items supporting a life you don’t really lead.
  5. Nostalgic clutter — Nostalgia is defined as “a sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations.” Obviously, life is made better by the things that truly remind us of happy (or happier) times, but an excess of nostalgic emblems of our past can fill up our homes in the present and prevent us from having space in our lives to make a future. Sometimes, we just have to take photos of those ancient macaroni art projects and discard the originals, letting them crumble in peace.
    An excess of nostalgic emblems of our past can fill up our homes in the present and prevent us from having space in our lives to make a future. Share on X
  6. Painful or sad clutter — This category encompasses things that remind us of bad times or bad people. 

Break-Up Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Today, we’re going to look at that final category and how to make letting go easier.

It may seem odd that anyone would hold onto things that make them unhappy. Sometimes, they’re keeping things that are unpleasant but necessary to maintain (for legal or other reasons), but far more often, we professional organizers find clients keeping things that just plain make them feel bad.

KNOW WHEN TO ELIMINATE PAINFUL CLUTTER

Early in my career, I worked with a client who was trying hard to regain control of her life after a variety of disappointments and challenges. We’d made it through her closets, cabinets, and practical storage areas and were working through her home office easily until we encountered personal papers. At that point, we hit a wall.

This is why most professional organizers will encourage you to start with practical items and those with no sentimental attachment; it’s important to build up decluttering and decision-making skills first before attempting to let go of possessions that are fraught with the weight of personal history. For this client, the emotional clutter took the form of a series of letters written by her mother.

These letters were unpleasant, unkind, and to my eye (and according to the client) filled with claims that were patently untrue. My client had done a remarkable job developing emotional strength and stamina to reject emotional abuse from earlier in her life. Intellectually, she wanted to let these items go. Emotionally, she could not bring herself to do it.

It’s not my role as an organizer to make decisions for clients; rather, I present my expertise and advice and try to support them in the ways they most need in order to reach their stated goals.

Getting Ready to Let Go

So, first, we talked about how and when she “used” the letters. She noted that she used to read the letters far too often, in effect abusing herself by becoming a sort of Groundhog Day postal carrier, re-delivering the anger and unkindness to herself. She felt she’d “gotten better” in recent times, only looking at them when her self-esteem was at its lowest. Of course, that’s when they could do the most damage! 

Therapy Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

Second, I encouraged her to discuss the letters with a therapist. Although my client has shared much of her prior history in counseling, she had not shared the specific content: the ugly words, threats, and heart-wrenching claims. After several sessions, my client felt relieved because a trained mental health professional was able to disabuse her of the idea that the letters held any more truth than a scary Stephen King novel.

Finally, we talked together about why she thought she was keeping the letters. (She touched on this in therapy, but we found some different angles.)

It’s very common that when we have a tangible reminder that someone has hurt us, we hold on to it as proof. Somewhere deep inside us, we may feel that letting go of the proof is absolving the person of responsibility for what they’ve done.

It’s not true.

Letting go of your college boyfriend’s tacky breakup letter won’t absolve him of the pain he caused you. But it will set you free from the cycle of pain you experience every time you re-encounter it when flipping through your yearbook or sorting through mementos. 

Letting go of your college boyfriend's tacky breakup letter won't absolve him of the pain he caused you. But it will set you free from the cycle of pain you experience every time you re-encounter it. Share on X

If you have painful clutter, once you’ve talked through the underlying issues with a licensed mental health professional, it may help you to then recite a quote variously attributed to everyone from St. Augustine to Carrie Fisher:

“Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”

Be Kind To Yourself

Not all of the painful clutter in our lives comes from others. Sometimes, we hold onto things that reflect pain that we’ve caused ourselves. I’ve had clients who keep “fat photos,” pictures of themselves in bathing suits when they were significantly less healthy than they are now, in places where they’ll come across them fairly often — in their underwear drawers, on the walls of their closets, under a silly magnet pinned to the refrigerator door, etc. 

Come on now. That’s just bullying yourself. Yes, some people need the stick rather than the carrot approach to be motivated, but it’s important to avail yourself of healthy motivators. 

Similarly, people often hold onto what they view as examples of their failures. These often come in the form of messages from others who (generally) mean no ill will, but which individuals use to beat themselves up.

For example, I’ve worked with clients in their fifties who saved college rejection letters and failed tests. In some situations, these kinds of things can have potential to motivate; if you post the 37% you got on your algebra quiz above your desk, it may help you push forward to do your homework, work with a tutor, and attend office hours, but if all it does is sour you on math (or if you’ve been out of school for decades and never have to take another math class again), then OMG, free yourself! 

Not everyone has to be good at math. As Paper Mommy often says, “Someone has to make the struedel!”

Not everyone has to be good at math. As @PaperMommy often says: Someone has to make the struedel! Share on X

Similarly, if you’re keeping rejection letters for your novel so you can make them into wallpaper, or show them off as a badge of honor once you make good, that’s cool. But if, instead of motivating you, they just make you sad, then they’re clutter. It’s time to let go. Shred them. Trash them with the wet coffee grounds, cat litter, and dirty diapers. Burn them.  

[Note: the above advice is designed to help you let go of the sad kind of painful clutter. However, if you have been the victim of domestic violence, stalking, or workplace or online harassment, it’s important to be able to document the behavior, especially if it escalates, for legal purposes.]

HIDE PAINFUL CLUTTER

Fans of The Gilmore Girls may recall Lorelai’s two pieces of sage advice to her daughter after Rory and her first love, Dean, broke up.

First? “Wallow!”

From an organizing perspective, however, a more important piece of guidance is knowing when to create The Box. In the show, Lorelai helped Rory gather up every reminder of her precious, heart-wrenching three-month relationship with Dean (complete with the box of corn starch Rory accidentally shoplifted after Dean surprised her with her first kiss). Then they put it all in a box. A Dean Box.

Rory begged her to take it all “far, far away from the house” and Lorelai promised that, like any good mafia hit victim, “it sleeps with the fishes.” Of course, as Rory eventually learned, her mom actually just hid the box in the back of the closet, wisely knowing that sometimes, our painful clutter isn’t always painful forever, and it’s not always even clutter, with the passage of time. Sometimes it can become nostalgia.

You may have your own version of the Dean Box. (Even Lorelai had a Max Box, reminders of the man who proposed with a thousand yellow daisies.) I often call it the Boo-Hoo Box, or the Bad Boyfriend Box. Sometimes it starts with reminiscences from one heartbreak and it becomes a repository for all the heartbreak you’ve experienced over time. That’s fine, as long as you stick to one box — the point is to lessen the clutter in your space!

Baby Steps for Hiding Painful Clutter

Use a non-descript container for the Boo-Hoo Box. If you use a pretty hatbox or a container in a designer color, then you’ll never be able to use that container and see anything but heartache. Opt for something quotidian and universal, like a used Amazon box or a classic Bankers Box.

Label the box in a low-key way, especially if you don’t want people poking around. “1997 Tax Prep” is a label that won’t encourage anyone to go spelunking. You’ll know what the box contains, unless you’re one of the rare people gifted with people able to always and completely forget about the Boo-Hoo box. (If you are, then once you come across the box after a long time, you’ll be in a much better position to review the contents and downsize or even eliminate it.)

Store the box where you won’t have to see it all the time. The back of a closet is the best place to hide heartache you’re not ready to toss. (If feng shui matters to you, try not to store the box in the part of the bagua related to romance or family, or whatever the contained items relate to.)

Rename paper file folder tabs if being reminded of the content stirs up too much emotion. One of my clients was going through a divorce. He needed to keep a variety of documents at easy reach, sometimes even on his desk, but didn’t want to be reminded (or have his kids reminded, when they walked by the desk). Yes, obviously everyone knew there was a divorce, but he didn’t need to keep rubbing salt in the wound. We labeled the file “Dallas” because Dallas and divorce both begin with D and because nothing about Dallas duplicated anything he was already working on. Give yourself some emotional distance from the contents when you can’t create physical distance. 

Create digital Boo-Hoo boxes for your non-tangible painful clutter:

  • To keep but hide certain unhappy-making emails, create a separate subfolder and manually move the email out of your inbox. [Note: If you’re maintaining email from a stalker, an estranged family member, or someone whose message you’d otherwise like to avoid, use the Rules function of your email platform (Gmail, Outlook, Apple Mail) to automate moving all mail arriving from a sender to a specific subfolder.
  • If you have painful documents on your computer, it’s important to avoid stumbling upon them. Create a folder that serves as a digital Boo-Hoo Box and put it inside another folder, one where the hierarchy makes sense. A folder called “Yucky Stuff” will alphabetically sort near the bottom of a “Personal Stuff” folder on your computer, and is vague enough that it won’t immediately call to mind the thing that might set off tears.
  • On your phone, photos of you and a loved one that are too painful to look at right now could be marked as “hidden” and will be sent to a hidden album to which you need to navigate, rather than randomly showing up in your camera roll. Remember, the purpose of hiding is not security, but just to protect your heart.
  • If your painful clutter comes by way of social media, remember that you have options. Whether your former BFF uninvited you to a wedding, you’re on the outs with a family member, or you don’t want your ex to know how much it hurts to see them moving on, learn the tools that let you play it cool. On Twitter, you can mute someone without unfollowing; on Facebook, you can unfollow without unfriending; on Instagram, mute without unfollowing. 

Send your heartbreak on vacation. Sometimes, you need to get painful clutter completely out of your space until you are in the right frame of mind to think about it. One stellar solution is to take your Boo-Hoo Box to a close friend’s home — OK, probably your best friend’s home — and let them babysit it in the back of their closet for six weeks or six months or six years.   

Obviously, you don’t want to turn your clutter into theirs, which is why you want to limit this to one reasonably-sized box. Seal it more securely than you would if it were in your own home, especially if your friend has tiny humans, and label it with something that has your return address on it in case something unforeseen happens.

If the contents of the Boo-Hoo Box are sensitive, something that you could not bear to have seen by your BFF or her snooping mother-in-law or have displayed on social media, open a safe deposit box at your bank and secure it there. By the time your box is up for renewal in a year, you’ll have had time to consider the contents with fresh eyes, and hopefully, a refreshed spirit.

EVENTUALLY…

As Lorelai Gilmore wisely knew, heartbreak doesn’t last forever. Eventually (hopefully), it’s the ending of some love stories that creates the poignancy that makes the whole romance worth revisiting, whether after months, years, or decades. (This likely feels more true of anyone’s first lost love than a recent one.) 

Other kinds of sadness comes from loss, from cruelty, from embarrassment, and from a variety of sources at which we’d like to stick out our tongues. There’s no timetable for getting ready to review or to eliminate any of these items. But it’s healthier and easier to heal with we’re not confronted with reminders of our pain every day.

The more we can downsize, repackage, and yes — if necessary — hide painful clutter, the more quickly we can regain our emotional strength and resilience.

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