The Now Normal: When the New Normal Changes Quickly
My dear Paper Doll readers:
It’s been two weeks since I posted. In that time, things in the country and in my business quickly went from cautious pessimism based on watching the international COVID-19 statistics to frozen in time. In-person client sessions and speaking engagements are canceled. Days are filled with calling and Zooming and texting to check on loved ones. And sheltering in place has joined the national vocabulary, along with extreme social distance and I’ve gained seven pounds since yesterday.
But let’s talk about sheltering in place for a moment. That’s a term we’re used to hearing when there are national disasters related to weather, like tornadoes or hurricanes. It’s something we do for an hour, or perhaps a day. It’s not something we expect will control our work and personal lives for weeks or months to come. And as we hear sirens, we may fear destruction of property, but we generally assume that insurance will protect us financially.
[Not to get too political, but have you noticed that nobody tells corporations to stop eating avocado toast and giving billionaire CEOs golden parachutes and to put some money aside for troubled times? But we’re left to fend for ourselves and pay rent, mortgages, utilities, and other bills when the entire world comes a halt? Just sayin’.]
So yes, in these days, these early days, we’re all feeling a little raw. And while it’s starting to seem like that odd week between Christmas and New Year’s, when we don’t know whether it’s the weekend or garbage day or whatever, it really is still early days. While last week was the first week at home for many, this week will be the dawn of this new reality for others.
Where You Are
If you have a “knowledge worker” job or a similar corporate existence, you’re having to set up a working office at home and figuring out how to balance your work day without break room doughnuts and your “office spouse” who keeps you in stitches. You’re also realizing that at least you won’t have dry cleaning bills for a while.
For you, the internet is replete with advice for being focused and productive while working from home. I’ve written a lot about that, like 5 Keys to Focus, or What Lord Chesterfield Knew About Multitasking, and eventually, I’m sure, I’ll be writing more of those posts, too. (But if you’d rather laugh, How to Work from Home Most Chaotically will loosen that knot in your neck and start you using the term “chaos muppet.”)
If you’ve been working from home all along, whether for pay or otherwise (and it’s good that people are finally realizing that at-home parents — and teachers — are miracle workers!), you’re likely struggling to maintain focus, both because the world is spinning, but also because your partner or tiny humans or others who are usually out during the day are driving you cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.
Some of you suddenly realize that your spouses think of themselves as visitors, needing to ask you where to find everything from coffee to staplers. Others of you may find that your partners have become that manager from Office Space, bringing their work attitude to bear and passive-aggressively telling you how to run the household, a job you’ve been handling for years or decades. (“I’m gonna need you to start stacking the yogurts by flavor, subcategorized by expiration date. Yeah, that would be great.”)
(Check in with your moms and grandmoms, aunts and older family friends; this is something they may have experienced when their husbands retired, and they may be able to advise you on how to prevent yourself from becoming the title character in a 2025 movie of the week, “Love and Murder In the Time of Corona.”)
And some of you have time-traveled back to an era you thought ended when your kids went off to school. You’re expected to entertain and educate and dazzle your entire family, becoming a 24/7 cruise director on the Good Ship Quarantine. My next post is going to help you organize those activities so you can feel a little greater sense of peace. But let’s focus on now.
The Now Normal
Whoever, wherever you are, even if you’ve kept anxiety over COVID and your loved ones at bay, you’re probably anxious. Everything feels strange, like a dream you had while getting your wisdom teeth pulled. The old rules feel like they don’t apply.
This post was inspired by my colleague Seana Turner’s excellent (and comforting) Reconsidering Productivity. Seana gave great advice, but she said, “this is the new normal.” But I think it’s not. It’s the now normal.
A little over a decade ago, I had a health crisis. Overnight, I had to stop seeing clients, and often could not leave my home. Over the course of that year, I had six hospitalizations, two transfusions, and three surgeries. I was worried about my health, my finances, and keeping up a cheery disposition for the people who loved me. Every few days, just as I’d get used to dealing with things, another shoe dropped. (I began to wonder if the clouds were seeded with well-dressed octopi!)
And every once in a while, the people closest to me would get hit with a barrage of sternly worded exultations. (Um. If you know what I mean.)
During this time, I learned that there is no new normal. There’s only the now normal. Eventually, we have to accept that the sand may shift under our feet.
But there are still some certainties.
Our loved ones may have their own sternly worded exultations, but they will find their centers and regroup. That’s one good thing about the hedonic treadmill! The other thing is that we’re not tempted to hang clothes on it.
Our favorite books are still a source of comfort. Even our annoying coworkers are familiarly annoying in the same ways as always, only now over Zoom.
Contradictory Advice
What does this have to do with organizing? As I always say, organizing isn’t about the stuff, it’s about the person who owns the stuff. And sometimes, that stuff isn’t in your living room or on your calendar. It’s in your head. And my head. And your annoying coworker’s head.
In the coming days, as we struggle (together and separately) to navigate the ever-changing seas of abnormality, I’ll be providing my best guidance (and a lot of links to my colleagues’ wisdom). Sometimes, the advice we give will conflict, and we must accept that as normal, too, because different situations, different people, even different days will require different advice. For example:
Add structure to your day (with time blocking, with the Pomodoro method, with alarms on your phone and smart devices), but
Be flexible (and don’t make the schedule so rigid that you feel like you are are living at the office or at school)
Or:
Focus on familiar work projects (and try to ignore that nothing feels familiar except that you’re having your regular Monday stand-up meeting but you can’t stand up because you’re wearing pajama bottoms), but
Use this as an opportunity to create (and wonder why you can’t write that Great American Novel you said you’d write if you ever got furloughed or laid off or finally retired because your house is filled with pandemonium (or deafening silence) and every time you rest your chin on your hand to think, your inner voice screams “Don’t touch your face!”)
For today, I’m going to leave you with only one piece of advice.
It’s OK to Not Be OK.
You don’t have to organize your closet or come up with a new home-based side-hustle. At least not today. Maybe tomorrow.
I don’t know if you need a random internet blogger’s permission to muddle through for a bit and not actually be productive, but if you do, you have mine. Wait to see what the now normal is when later becomes now.
And a Special Announcement
A week ago Sunday, I got a phone phone call from Dr. Melissa Gratias, asking me to participate in her new project. You may remember when I interviewed her last year about Seraphina Does Everything, her children’s book on activity overwhelm. Melissa’s experience as a psychologist dovetailed with her love of writing for children, and she’s created something special for these confusing times.
Melissa has written and released a free children’s ebook entitled Captain Corona and the 19 COVID Warriors. In the vein of the oft-quoted Mr. Rogers’ “Look for the helpers” advice, Melissa’s book gently explains to elementary school-aged children what’s going on right now, focusing on honoring all of the people collaborating to help during this crisis. Melissa partnered with illustrator Brittany Curry to create the book in a matter of ten days, and I am honored to have played a small part as the book’s editor.
The publishing world is complicated, and Melissa didn’t want any barriers between readers and this book, so she has made it available at no cost as a free download from her site. However, Melissa encourages everyone to donate to the Center for Disaster Philanthropy’s COVID-19 Response Fund, an international organization that seeks to “support preparedness, containment, response and recovery activities for those affected and for the responders” or to the non-profit of their choice.
I encourage you to download this book and share it with the tiny humans in your life. It will remind them, and you, of all the people working to get us back to “normal.” Until then, I wish you health and safety as you navigate each day’s now normal.
Yours truly,
Paper Doll
Julie Bestry, Certified Professional Organizer®
Paper Doll Post:
Thank you so much, Julie, for your amazing work on the Captain Corona team. You have a gift with both words and grammar and made the book better.
Like you, I am adjusting to a new normal and very much appreciate this article from someone as brilliant as you.
Thank you, Melissa! If we weren’t in the age of COVID-19, I’d hug you for your beautiful words.
Thanks for the shoutout, Julie! I love your term “NOW normal.” We experience many phases in life, each of which settles into a temporary normal – until things change once again. I totally agree that it is okay to be feel ok. We all are going through waves of peace and anxiety, contentment and frustration, joy and sadness. I’ve noticed my husband and I are going through this peaks and valleys at different times, so trying to help each other through the troughs!
Thank you, too, Seana, for providing the inspiration. It’s great that you and your husband have one another for support as things change on a dime. I’ve been saying that it seems like everyone’s going through adolescence and menopause at the same time. High emotion and peak frustration!
I’ve been reading a lot of articles about coping during the pandemic and yours is one of the best – it acknowledges that this is hard and is reassuring in a very realistic way. Will be sharing the coloring book with my grandkids. xo
Oh, Janet, thank you! I sat for a while, thinking about what I wanted to say to readers, and I wanted it to be more than my usual “Consider doing this” approach. I wanted to speak from the heart, and acknowledge that this is messy.
And Melissa’s book is a great, uplifting read. I’m so glad you’ll be sharing with your tiny grand-humans!
Hi Janet – I hope your grandkids found some hope from the COVID Warriors in the storybook. Thanks for all the amazing work you do to promote the productivity profession. ~ Melissa
Julie- I love the phrase “now normal.” I suppose “new normal” suggests that things will be that way forever. But “now” speaks to this rapidly changing situation we are experiencing. “Normal” keeps morphing. And in this shift, we have the opportunity to learn, explore, get creative, or just roll up in a little ball until we’re ready for the next moment. We are experiencing so many emotions and challenges. They range from grief to creativity to learning how to be in a household of many- living, working, and, as you said, “cruise-directing.”
Perhaps the best we can do is to be here now. Whatever now looks and feels like. For some, this pause will be a time of creativity. For others, it will be fraught with sadness and depression. And there will be every experience in between.
I was still at first with the wind knocked out of me. I was scared. How will we manage? How will I be able to keep my loved ones from harm’s way, stay healthy and safe? How will I make a living? Little by little, I began accessing resources within and then finding strength, inspiration, and guidance from others.
The book that Melissa wrote is impressive. It’s a testament to the human spirit of what can be created and shared to create something positive in the world. It’s also incredible how quickly she got it done. Congrats on playing a part in making it happen.
Be well and stay healthy.
Oh, Linda, what a beautiful thing you’ve written. Thank you! I wasn’t sure whether this post would be embraced, because so many people are/were focused on making this a productive time. But it’s such an emotional time that we are unpredictable, even to ourselves.
Personally, I often find myself a little lost during the days, as except when they’re punctuated by the inevitable Zoom webinars, the whole of daylight yawns before me. But at night, because I’m such a night-owl, certainty takes hold and I am better able to focus and be productive for myself. I think we’re all going to have to be patient, whether it’s the new normal, my NOW normal, or what you talk about on your blog, “Next.”
Be well!
Linda – The Captain Corona team is up to about twenty “human spirits” and growing. This work is a testament to the dedication of people who want to do something good during a time of uncertainty. Thank you for your kind words. ~ Melissa
Julie, This is fabulous! I can hear you talking to me. What I particularly love about this is your piece on conflicting advice. What applies today may not tomorrow and what works for you may not work for me.
Congratulations on editing and helping Dr. Gratias with her book. It sounds perfect and downloading it will be next on my list of things to do.
Be well, my friend.
Thank you so much, Diane! If you feel like I was speaking to you, then I feel like I have succeeded. I kept reading so many blog posts that espoused such certainty, keeping up with the same, “OK, now that it’s X, just go forth and do Y.” And I figured that if it’s not that easy for us as organizers, it must not be that easy for many, for whom order is aspirational rather than a given.
Thanks also for your words about the book; I hope you’ll enjoy and share! I’m looking forward to the next time I see you in person!
Hi Diane – Julie’s editorial work was perfect! Thanks for downloading the book. ~ Melissa
Awwwww. It’s Mutual Admiration Society. Thanks, Melissa!
Wonderful post Julie!
Congrats to Melissa on her new book.
And, about that quote of yours, “Well dressed octopi . . .”
Like Linda Samuels said “for some, this pause will be a time of creativity.” With that in mind. . .
I have an out of control aloe plant in my home office. I named her Ursula because she looks like the octopus from The Little Mermaid. Thanks to your quote I will now use my already over active imagination and think about shoes for all of her itty bitty pointed feet. Maybe shoe storage options too.
Very much look forward to your future posts about The Now Normal.
Geralin, you crack me up, but now I’m imagining you buying a bunch of Barbie shoes and hanging them, Christmas Tree-style, from the ends of your aloe! That would be YOUR now normal.
I appreciate your well wishes on the book, Geralin. Thanks to people like Julie, it is a project that has helped keep me sane during this “Now Normal”.
Well, I’m blushing down to my toes. Sending you hugs, Doc!
I am trying to wrap my head around my Now Normal but it hasn’t settled yet. Things are changing so much everyday. I try not to watch much news, but still want to be informed. I want to keep in touch with family and friends, but everyday hear about someone I know losing their job or struggling with bills. I’m finding it hard to coop in this Now Normal. Hoping things will settle down in my head at least and I can begin to feel like I am able to better control my reaction to what is going on around me.
Janet, I keep comparing the Now Normal to grief. When someone dies, it’s powerful and palpable, but as the days go on, different things ebb and flow — there’s a reason they refer to “waves of grief.” I think the best we can do is look at our certainties, the things that remain unchangeable about ourselves, our loved ones, and our surroundings, and build our days from there.
Thank you for writing.
Julie,
This was a wonderful read. I really like your perspective, especially that what we’re going through now is the “now normal.” Unfortunately, we don’t have a playbook to help guide us through these difficult times. That’s why passages of inspiration are so helpful.
I love the new ebook and sent it to all my young moms.
Bravo!
Thank you, Ronni! In small ways, I we can take comfort in the “gumption” and “sticktoitiveness” of the homefront during WWII (and Londonders during the Blitz), but on a day-to-day basis, it’s as you say, there’s no playbook.
I know Melissa will be delighted to know that you’re sharing the link to Captain Corona, as am I.
I am delighted that you are sharing Captain Corona! I hope it provides some comfort to the children (and the young moms) who receive it.
Thank you, Julie, for a well-written and informative post. I will admit that as an essential worker, I am grateful for an excuse to leave the house. However, as I am now spending all my free time at home, your advice is still applicable to me. Three things that I especially liked:
1. The “Now Normal”
2. The “Pomodoro Method” (reminds me of our trip to Italy!
3. “Hedonic Treadmill” I’ve never heard of that phrasing before, but I am familiar with the concept.
Yes, Dr. Valerie, you are an essential worker! Stay safe!
I love the Now Normal! It brings me right back to where my attention needs to be. Well put.
Book title maybe?
Thanks, Francis. I don’t know whether the idea of writing a book with that title should be exciting or depression. I don’t know that anyone really wants to live in the (or even “a”) Now Normal. 😉
[…] feel an unattainable pull, as Julie Bestry playfully put it, to “entertain and educate and dazzle your entire family, becoming a 24/7 cruise director on the […]
[…] Julie Bestry’s blog post, The Now Normal […]
[…] or even what we want it to be. As my friend and colleague Julie Bestry wrote in her recent post, The Now Normal: When the New Normal Changes Quickly: The old rules feel like they don’t […]