Best Results Organizing

My birthday was last week. I don’t need to say exactly how old I am; let’s just say I was born sometime between the Pleistocene Era and the invention of the internet. I came into the world with big mouth (as evidence below) and a fondness for sharing my thoughts. 

Paper Doll and Paper Mommy, mid-March 1967

Birthdays are nice. They come with gifts and cake. In my case, they come with cheese, too. All my favorite people know how much I love cheese, and Craig, my friend since grad school, has started a tradition of sending me a box of 50 mini (3/4-ounce) wrapped Cabot Seriously Sharp white cheddar cheeses every year through Vermont’s Dakin Farm. 

In the 21st century with relatively little effort on one’s part, birthdays can also come with freebies. So far this month, I’ve received emails and texts alerting me to the following birthday freebies and discounts:

Birthday Food Freebies

• Auntie Anne’s — one free hot pretzel
• Bad Daddy Burger Bar — one free burger, salad, or sandwich
• Ben & Jerry’s — one free scoop of ice cream
• Chicken Salad Chick — one free meal (I get the Pimento Cheese on a croissant!)
• Fresh Market — one free (gigantic) slice of cake
• Jimmy John’s — one free sandwich or wrap
• Krispy Kreme — free 3-count of Original Glazed doughnuts
• Moe’s Southwest Grill — one free order of queso (cheese!) or guacamole
• Publix — one free container of ice cream or a cake “bar” from the bakery
• Regal Theater — one free small popcorn
• Starbucks — one free drink or snack
• Waffle House — one free classic waffle

Birthday Non-Food Freebies

• The Container Store — 15% off
• IKEA — $10 off any purchase of $10 or more
• Kohl’s — $5 off
• Lane Bryant — $20 off any purchase of $20.01 or more (Ample-bosomed ladies, this is definitely the big ticket winner!)
• Target — 5% off any shopping trip (and yes, I acknowledge Target’s “issues”)
• World Market — $5 off as well as a separate 15% off

By now, you may be wondering, what does this have to do with organizing?

FREEBIES: A DOUBLE-EDGED SLICE OF CAKE

I didn’t have to go to much effort to secure these freebies and discounts. Most apps and reward programs ask for your birthday when you sign up. We can debate whether giving up our month and date of birth to a corporate entity is an invasion of privacy (and whether it’s worth it to get a Bloomin’ Onion or a Chocolate Thunder from Down Under).

By the time my inbox finished shouting “Happy Birthday!” I felt less like the birthday girl and more like a walking coupon book. Birthday freebies, and freebies in general, feel like a win. And when I nibbled a bite of cinnamon coffee cake or try on a deeply-discounted article of clothing I coveted, but didn’t want to splurge on, I felt like a winner.

But these freebies can come with strings attached — financial, organizational, and productivity-related strings. 

Obviously, birthday freebies are a marketing tool. We generally ignore that, though, as we all get that little dopamine rush when someone (even a random corporation) recognizes our birthday.

And we all love “free” things, even as we recognize that being the object of a marketing campaign means that, while we are not necessarily paying for something with money, we are paying with our loyalty and our attention. As the saying goes, if you’re not paying for it, you’re the product.

Advertisers are buying our attention; rewards programs are buying our loyalty. Conversely, my grad school friend Craig is only getting my good will and my resplendently awful — or awfully gouda — cheese puns in my thank you cards.

Maybe you feel like you’re wise to the freebie game, but there are some sneaky gremlins hiding among the balloons and presents.

The “I’ll Just Spend a Little Extra” Trap

Let’s say your freebie gives you a free fancy burger, like the Fried Mozzarella Burger at Bad Daddy’s Burger Bar. (It’s my go-to, with the Impossible Burger pinch hitting for the meat version.)

You’re probably not going out to eat by yourself. Yes, you may make a Starbies run on your own, but you’ll probably bring your spouse or significant other, your kids, your bestie, or whomever is available so you don’t have to eat dinner alone while scrolling your phone. On one hand, this prompts a social activity; on the other, depending on the economics of those with you, you may be digging into your wallet. (I mean, when it’s not your actual birthday; on that day, people are likely to treat you.)     

Second, everything on this particular menu is standalone. Who eats a burger (even a plant-based one) without fries or onion rings or, in this case, fried pickles? So, you’re going to pay for that. And when you’re having a burger, are you really going to wash it down with water? You probably want a cola, or perhaps an adult beverage. 

And hey, it’s your birthday! (Or, at least it was when you found out about this freebie). On your birthday, or whenever you’re dining out for a special occasion — even if that special occasion is just that you’re dining out — you’re going to want a delicious dessert, too, even if it’s not your habit to get dessert.

Last week at the Greek restaurant, my dining companion had a Bananas Foster cheesecake and I had a baklava cheesecake. And I barely looked at the price because it was a special occasion.

It’s rare to get a free food item and not end up buying a beverage, a side dish, or a dessert.  Suddenly, that “free” molten lava cake costs you $24.99 in dinner, beverage, tax, and tip. That “free” milkshake? It came with a $15 burger and a side of buyer’s remorse.

When you get a freebie, what you “spend” is almost certainly going to dig into your financial budget, but it’s also draining your calorie or carbohydrate budget.

The “Gotta Catch ‘Em All” Effect 

Freebies create a sense of urgency: “If I don’t grab this TODAY, I’m missing out!” 

I received some of the notices on the first of the month and they are good for all of March; others I received on my birthday and are good for thirty days after. Just a few of the meals are only good until the middle of the last week of March, and one, for Starbucks, had to be used on my birthday. (My dinner with a friend at my favorite Greek restaurant just happenned to be next to Starbucks, which made that easy, but some years, I’ve been known to take a Starbucks run at 10 p.m. just to grab my freebie.)

If you aren’t organized in your approach to taking advantage of them, you may feel pressured to go out chasing your freebies like they’re Pokémon and —  spoiler alert — you can’t catch ’em all.

 

This attitude can lead to impulse shopping. You plan to just use the $5 off at a store to buy something you want, but maybe when you get there, the item you had in mind isn’t in stock. Or maybe you didn’t have anything in mind (beyond getting something worth $5), so you roam the aisles and end up buying something random you didn’t need because you’re not going to be cheated out of your opportunity to get something for free!

This doesn’t just apply to birthday freebies, of course. Sometimes you’ll see a great deal in an ad, and you’ll think, “Ooh, SuchAndSuchAStore is having a 30% off sale; I have to go!” But unless you were already interested in buying something that you know they have, and you were just waiting for a convenient time to go, that sale is sneaking into your subconscious, and you’re not going to leave the store without some purchase, even possibly something you didn’t (and still don’t really) want or need.

The Clutter Conundrum of Freebies

Your voicemail is full. Why?

Your junk drawer called — it’s staging an intervention. (Speaking of which, this is a good time to plug a classic Paper Doll post, Is Your Junk Drawer a Drunk Drawer? 3 Steps to An Organized Junk Drawer.)

Oh, and your pile of free T-shirts called — it’s tired of being the wardrobe for your imaginary gym life.

This is less of a problem with birthdays freebies, as you already participate in the rewards programs of all of the companies inviting you, their loyal customer, to partake of their largesse in wishing you a glorious natal day! And what they’re offering you is something in the general area of what you already want — food you like or the kind of merchandise you already buy.

But if you’ve ever gone to a conference, a convention, a fair, a festival, a workshop, or anyplace that they were giving away free swag, you know what those kinds of freebies that pile up:

• pens — The ink will dry up before you’ll ever use them
• canvas bags  — Your trunk is already overloaded with more canvas bags than any amount of groceries you could possible tote in them — or even afford. You don’t need to adopt every orphaned tote bag on the planet!
• keychains  — How many keychains does a person need? That’s why the extras end up in your junk drawer!
• T-shirts promoting somebody else’s business, so that you becoming a walking billboard (which is why you never wear any of them in public)
• candles — It may be adorable or smell delicious until you realize you’ve collected enough unused free candles to illuminate the final season of Stranger Things.

The Time-Suck Spiral of Freebies: What Is Your Time Worth? 

Hunting down all of your freebies takes time and energy.

Let’s go back to what I said about feeling that you need to “catch ’em all.” That prompts you to run errands to places you might otherwise have skipped. For example, while I love Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, the only Ben & Jerry’s ice cream parlor is downtown, and I don’t get there very often. If I want their ice cream (and when don’t I?) I could go to the corner grocery store and buy a pint; but with self-induced pressure to use up all my freebies, I could be tempted to come up with a reason (OK, an excuse) to go downtown.

But I’d be missing something important. My time has value!

I don’t have any errands to run downtown. Do I need to use up the time and gasoline to go there just to get a scoop of ice cream?

Consider this: if you’re driving twenty minutes for a free coffee or pastry, is it actually free?

Develop a Freebie ROI Rule. Discern what the return on your investment is, in order to figure out if it’s worth the effort.

To be fair, it might be. If you’re an overworked, over-scheduled parent, taking advantage of a food freebie like a coffee or an ice cream doesn’t just mean you’ll get a food treat at no cost. It means you get a reason — or yeah, an excuse — to put yourself first. That round-trip drive, and that time to a far-away store or coffee house and the time to enjoy it, might very well be the only “you” time you get all week. You have this stranger on the internet’s permission: take inner peace where you can get it.

The only way, for sure, that you will know whether it’s worth your time to collect on your freebie is that if you make sure you remember that your freebie is an option, not an obligation.

HOW TO ENJOY FREEBIES WITHOUT THE CHAOS

It doesn’t seem like birthday freebies were this chaotic a decade ago, or even just before the pandemic. It feels like it’s really become a key marketing technique to get people into restaurants and stores. Embrace them, but employ caution.

Be Organized

At the start of March, I made an inbox folder and routed all birthday freebie/discount-related emails to it. Once I had several, I made two lists, one for edible freebies and one for merchandise freebies.

Most of the emails alerted me to freebies in the apps, but this is one of those times where Paper Doll really prefers paper. I printed the pages of the emails with essential info: QR codes, bar codes, deadlines, and crucial legalese. I made note of the expiration dates in the upper right corner of each printout, separated officers by food and non-food, and sorted them with the earliest expiration dates on the top of the stack.

Of course, I could have just as easily routed the emails to Evernote and set a pre-deadline reminder on each note. A short list of the freebie and expiration date maybe organized enough for you.

On my actual birthday, I got a whole new slew of alerts, and followed the same procedure, so what I needed to attend to the soonest was at the top of each clipped stack. 

I’m keeping the folder in the car, so if I unexpectedly find myself near the place to redeem the freebie, I’ll have what I need.

This doesn’t mean I’ll absolutely take advantage of each birthday freebie; it just means I won’t miss any opportunities due to the clutter or chaos of announcements in random places.

Be Selective

Prioritize freebies you genuinely want or will use.

There are some apps or accounts I have because I needed to take advantage of a very specific discount or availability of something that I’ll never need again. Maybe it was for buying a gift for an ex-boyfriend who is no longer in the picture. (Who’s to say?)

Just because you have the opportunity to use a freebie (really and truly) doesn’t mean you have to. You have options:

• Ignore it — Toss out the mail or close the app, and just don’t think about it. (Yes, if you’re a Frugal Felicity, that may be difficult, but Paper Doll gives you permission.)
• Go halfsies — Don’t feel like you have to make an immediate decision. Look up the restaurant menu online and if something appeals to you, order just the free item in the app and arrange for curbside pickup so you won’t be tempted to eat/buy more than you want. For a store, surf the app or the website and see if there’s anything you were already planning to buy. If so, let the idea percolate and see if it boils over or your better angels turn off the burner. If not, let the freebie expire.
• Arrange to let a friend use the freebie or discount. — Even if you have to go there with your friend, you get the benefit of their company without the obligation to spend from your financial or caloric budgets.

Declutter as you go. If a freebie isn’t useful, set it free or find a way to make it a blessing for someone else. But as you do acquire tangible things with your freebies, make an effort to toss whatever is being replaced.  

Set a Spending Limit

Decide in advance how much you’re willing to spend when redeeming a “free” item. 

This might be a monetary amount you’re comfortable with because of your actual budget, or you may just want to keep yourself from going hog-wild with temptation.

Sometimes when I’m bored or in the neighborhood and waiting for an appointment, I’ll go into Ollie’s Bargain Outlet, a sort-of factory discount store and window shop for entertainment value. But I will set a dollar limit in advance — usually $15, but sometimes even $5 or $10. I can afford more, thank goodness, but I’m much more discerning if I’ve got that limit in mind. If I really want to spend more, I know I can, but the limit forces me to be mindful, and I’m more likely to leave without that impulse purchase. (And of course, I can always come back the next day if I’m  hankering for a purchase.)

Similarly, you may want to set a caloric budget when taking advantage of an edible freebie. I’m diabetic, so I already know that I have a limited number of carbs I want to eat at a meal. If I’m going to a restaurant with amazing desserts, I’ll probably opt for seafood for dinner to use my carb count for cake; if the desserts aren’t tempting, I am much more likely to get pasta or something else equally carbalicious.

That free caramel macchiato will feel less like a win when you add a muffin, a sandwich, and a reusable cup that’s destined to live in your car’s cup holder. 

If you have (or would like to have) more willpower when dining out with a freebie offer, organize your ordering plan around your food budget.

Schedule Strategically

Just as you’re being judicious with your financial resources or nutritional boundaries, be just as cautious and wise when scheduling how and when you’ll take advantage of freebies.

Don’t cram a dozen freebie redemptions into one weekend! 

If you’ve never seen the Gilmore Girls episode called A Deep-Fried Korean Thanksgiving, Lorelai and Rory end up racing to four different Thanksgiving celebrations in one day. At Emily and Richard’s, there a get-dressed-up traditional meal. At Lane’s house, Mrs. Kim’s holds a strict, Korean dinner. At Sookie and Jackson’s, there’s a farm-to-table feast complete with Jackson’s wild and turkey-frying family, and at Luke’s diner, they settle in for a real family meal.

They found it fun (like freebies), but stressful (also like freebies).

 

If you’re sprinting through the mall like you’re on Supermarket Sweep, maybe it’s time to rethink your freebie game plan.

Spreading redemptions out will have three benefits.

First, you’ll have less stress. You’ll be fitting freebies into a carefully considered calendar instead of feeling like you’re battling Black Friday crowds.

Second, you’ll be less likely to bump up against the margins of your willpower (re: your financial and caloric budgets).

Third, the special delight of your birthday will last longer. Won’t it be more fun to celebrate each day of your birthday month (or the weeks following your actual birthday) if there’s a little treat each day?

Turn Down the Guilt

If you were raised with few resources, you may feel guilty or uncomfortable not taking reaping the financial benefits of free things. But, again, some free things have strings attached.

Your resources (of money, physical and mental health, and time) affiliated with the freebies have value, as does your sanity and chance to have a less chaotic schedule. And nobody gets to say how you spend your resources except you. 

It’s alright to enjoy your freebies. It’s okay to let some offers go. It’s your (birthday) party, and you can cry if you want to, but you can also get $20 off a pretty bra at Lane Bryant or eat a free slice of cake if you want to, too!

Your birthday’s about you, not about proving you’re the reigning champ of Birthday Freebie Bingo! 

FINAL BIRTHDAY FREEBIE THOUGHTS

There’s a yummy Italian restaurant, Provino’s, with six locations in Georgia and one here in Chattanooga. They’re known for their buttery garlic knots and free birthday dinners:

We have made quite a name for ourselves when it comes time for a birthday celebration. Come in on your birthday and get the Spaghetti Classica with marinara or meat sauce or if you choose take $14.50 off any menu choice, this includes our famous salad, garlic rolls and a birthday dessert. (Please show I.D.)

This is why there’s always a massive crowd in Provino’s lobby waiting to get in. There are only 365 days in year, which means there’s a good chance on any given day, that it’s a lot of people’s birthdays, and as previously noted, when you are getting a free meal, you’re pretty likely to want to take people with you. 

On the plus side, free food and festivity! (Also on the plus side, those garlicky, buttery knots.) On the downside, the crowds mean there may be a long wait. Only you know which matters more to you.

Don’t let a handful of free offers turn your birthday into a part-time job. The real gift is your time, so spend it wisely — and maybe on cake. Or cheese. Or cheesecake.