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THE PSYCHOLOGY OF EXPERIENTIAL GIFTS

What’s the best tangible holiday present you ever received? Hold that thought. Now, what’s best experiential gift?

If your biggest sense of delight came from a gift you got as a child, most of your gifts were probably tangible. When we’re little, our frames are reference are smaller, and our wished-for things take up a large proportion of our hopes and dreams: a bicycle, a dollhouse, a magic set. You probably remember getting stuff.

If the holiday gift came in adulthood, however, there may be a few special tangible gifts you recall, but I’d bet you’d be hard-pressed to talk about the gifts you received in 2021, or 2017, or a decade ago. Tangible gifts recede in our memories; gadgets get replaced by updates, clothing wears out, books and music gets consumed and blended in among our possessions. But experiential gifts, in part because our experiences are unique to us and are also separate from our everyday lives, live on in our memories.

Experiential gifts are not only more memorable, they are also more satisfying than tangible ones, overall. Research from a variety of sources, including Thomas Gilovich, the Irene Blecker Rosenfeld Professor of Psychology at Cornell University, found that enjoyment received from experiential purchases far exceeds that of tangible items. 

The anticipatory aspect is part of it. When we decide to do something, we start thinking about what we will be experiencing. Thus, our imaginations fill in the details in a way that makes thinking about tangible items pale in comparison. Most research has followed this with regard to the things we buy for ourselves, but when we get experiential gifts, they are endowed with the same anticipatory delight between when we get them and when we can use them. The gifts we give should have the same power to stir imagination in our recipients between when they unwrap their presents and when they get to use them.

There’s also a reflective or retrospective aspect that makes experiential gifts more powerful. While we shouldn’t compare the gifts we get to what our friends and loved ones gets, comparison is natural. My iPhone 14 to your Google Pixel; my air fryer to your InstaPot. 

If what I have is inferior to what you have in even one aspect, it it may decrease the delight I feel about what I received, even if I loved mine before comparing it with yours. And if mine is better than yours, well, the excitement doesn’t last. It’s just a thing. Moreover, very few tangible things retain their charm after weeks or months or years. (We’ve talked about the concept of the hedonic treadmill before, with regard to Diderot’s dressing gown in Toxic Productivity Part 2: How to Change Your Mindset. Basically, we get used to stuff.)

Conversely, it’s practically impossible to compare different experiences (yours vs. someone else’s) because there are so many relative differences. My family’s hour in an escape room is going to be completely different from the hour your family spent in one, even if it was at the same location following the same clues and scripts.

At most, you can compare elements of your memories (of the escape room clues, of locations in your trip to Italy, with someone else’s memories of their experiences, but you’re far less likely to compare and feel your own experience to be unfavorable unless your trip was a catastrophe. (Fell into a volcano? Well, at least you get to sell the movie rights!) Experiences, like the individuals who do the experiencing, are unique. 

Today, we’re going to look at a specific kind of experiential gifts — gifts of learning, which involve both learning how to do things and learning for the sheer joy of knowledge.

GIFTS OF EDUCATION

The opportunity to learn something new is a gift that keeps on giving. Outside of the formal education of high school or college, we rarely get permission to be a “beginner” in a subject, and the stakes are so much lower because we need not worry about our permanent record. Paper Doll didn’t study Italian or learn how to ballroom dance, two courses readily available at my university, out of a fear of failure. But as an adult, the stakes for “failure” are much lower if there are no grades or rankings.

Learn By Doing

We’ll begin with participatory educational gifts that let you learn by doing. Consider these gifts for your friends and loved ones.

• Music lessons — Whether your recipient wants to pick up where they left off in middle school and learn the flute without being forced to participate in the marching band, or learn guitar for the first time to play a favorite song, learning to play an instrument has been found to improve patience, memory, and self-confidence, among other benefits.
• Singing lessons — Your bestie may want to get up on stage or just feel more confident singing in the shower, but vocal lessons have been proven to improve posture, boost concentration, and even reduce sleep apnea.
• Dance classes — It doesn’t matter whether you want master the TikTok dances like Lizzo’s About Damned Time or Meghan Trainor’s Made You Look; dancing isn’t just for tots in tutus and hip GenZ kids. From ballroom to ballet, tap to jazz, if you know someone who loves to dance and wants to master some skills, a package of classes from a dance studio may make your giftee twirl!
• Physical education classes — This isn’t about passing that Presidential Physical Fitness Test. (Oh, how I hated that!) And obviously you don’t want to body shame a loved one into working out.

However, if your BFF wants to get leaner or stronger, you can gift several months of an in-person gym membership or a package of online on-demand classes, like at Obé Fitness, Barre3, ClassPass, Alo Moves, and Peleton.

From aerobics and bootcamp to Pilates and Peleton to yoga and Zumba, you can find classes that work for your recipient. Or maybe your bestie would prefer to have private fitness coaching sessions. (You can even secure gifts of session with online personal trainers, such as with Future.)

©Erik Brolin, via Unsplash

• Self-Defense Classes — This may seem like a downer; nobody wants to be reminded that the world isn’t safe. But there are so many other benefits to learning self-defense methods, from improved self-confidence and self-respect to better balance and quicker reflexes!
• Horseback riding — Horseback riding has been incorporated into some types of therapy because of a variety physical benefits (improved core strength, balance, and coordination) and mental ones (reduced anxiety, increased compassion, and relaxation). If your loved one shouts “Horsie!” any time you pass a horse while driving and can’t pass up a repeat viewing of National Velvet, consider riding lessons as a gift.
• Driver’s education — For teens or adults, a package of driving lessons can help give the twin gifts of safe driving skills and confidence. As a bonus, many 55+ drivers can find their car insurance rates reduced if they take safe driving or defensive driving classes.
• Language lessons — Learning a language may initially seem like a purely intellectual pursuit, but it’s definitely a learn-by-doing experience. Your mouth has to move in different (dare I say, “foreign”) ways, and learning a language can be a full-body experience. (You really have to throw yourself into listening, speaking, reading, and writing in a different language, and you may find yourself walking and gesturing in line with the language you learn!)

If you’ve been reading Paper Doll for a while, you know that I’ve been studying Italian since 2018. So far, I’ve been happy with the free lessons via Duolingo. In fact, I recently hit a milestone! 

However, Duo (as the cool kids call it) has a paid “Super” (formerly “Plus”) subscription with advanced features for $6.99/month.

Other options for giving online language learning subscriptions include Pimsleur, Rosetta Stone, Mango, Babbel, and Memrise. If you think your recipient would prefer more structured, in-person classes, you could pay for a local university or community college class. Another alternative, especially if your giftee would like to refresh long-lost language skills, might be a package of lessons with a language tutor.

• Cooking classes — Whether your recipient is a post-college cooking novice or a veteran who wants to learn to specialize in a particular cuisine, there are so many great cooking class options. Just type “cooking classes” and the name of your recipient’s city into a search engine to find classes taught at local restaurants, culinary schools, community colleges, and cooking supply stores. 

Other in-person options include:

Eataly — With locations in Boston, Chicago, Dallas, Las Vegas, Los Angeles, New York City, and Silicon Valley, these Italian marketplace/restaurants have classes and special events ranging from cooking classes for adults and kids to market tours (to learn where the experts go), from butcher to baker.

Sur La Table, maker of fine cookware, offers both in-store classes as well as a variety of affordably-priced online courses (beginning at $29/household). Experts teach the live 90-120 minute classes, offered via password-protected Zoom sessions, so your giftee (and any other family members hanging out in the kitchen) can ask questions as they follow along step-by-step.

From Thai stir-fried dumplings to homemade tiramisu, they’ve got you covered.

Creampuff Snow People. ©Sur La Table 

Goldbelly Live! Cook-Alongs help you send a combination gift of food and education. You purchase a Goldbelly meal kit and the Live! (via Zoom) cook-along group classes are included. The ingredients arrive the day prior to your class, and you can learn how to make pizza to dumplings to cookies, class-and-kit combos tend to range from $99 to $159. 

Unfortunately, it looks like all the current classes are sold out, but take a peek at the video to get a sense of what might make a great upcoming gift. 

Would your recipients prefer more intimate cooking class experiences? Buy a gift card (from $100+) from The Chef & the Dish‘s to give private classes with “white glove service” taught by chefs around the world. Your giftee books a class, and a Kitchen Assistant makes contact to host a personal Kitchen Prep Session to check the camera settings, review the shopping list, and answer pre-class questions.

Recipients can pick from 100+ courses covering a variety of cuisines: American Basque Country, Brazilian, Canary Island, Caribbean, Dominican, Eastern European, Hungarian, Indian, Italian, Japanese Mediterranean, Mexican, Moroccan, Peruvian, South African, Spanish, Thai, Turkish, and Tuscan. (There are also group classes, if your recipient prefers that kind of conviviality.) See it in action!

One of my favorite finds is League of Kitchens, which features immigrant women from around the world who are experienced home cooks rather than restaurant chefs. League of Kitchens describes itself as is a “culinary dream-team of women from around the world who will welcome you into their homes, teach you their family recipes, and inspire you with their personal stories.”

League of Kitchens’ online cooking classes include an interactive cooking instruction session, a virtual dinner party, a packet with the instructor’s family recipes, and a video recording of the class. (For New York City-based learners, there are also in-person immersion cooking classes in the instructors’ homes, featuring lessons as well as a light lunch and beverage.) 

International cuisines represented include Afghan, Argentinian, Bengali, Greek (nomnomnom), Indonesian, Japanese, Lebanese, Mexican, Nepali, Persian, Russian, and Uzbek. Classes are $60/device, and you can buy gift cards so your besties can pick the cooking course of their choice.

This is just the beginning; the internet is full of intriguing cooking classes; review the courses for your recipient’s tastes and check the reviews. Other options:

Cozymeal offers live vegetarian, vegan, pescatarian, and other healthy-option cooking classes for $29; you can buy a gift card in increments of $50+.

Traveling Spoon is an option if your giftees like to travel abroad and would like to have a cooking lesson with a home cook wherever they journey. Options include in-home meals, cooking classes, and half-day market visits. You pick the gift card, they pick the location. 

Speaking of travel, if your giftee likes to eat but (like Paper Doll) isn’t that enamored of cooking, another educational option might be gifting a food tour. Depending on the tour, one might learn the historical or cultural significance of different types of foods or dining experiences.

To find tours to give as gifts, use your favorite search engine and type in the recipients’ hometowns or wherever they tend to travel (i.e., where their parents, in-laws, or adult children live). Alternatively, for food tour ideas around the world, check out:

• 10 Best Food Tours in the USA
• 25 Best Food Tours in the United States
• 20 of the Best Food Tours Around the World

Similarly, winery and brewery tours might be just the surprise your recipients might enjoy to learn about their favorite adult beverages.

Learn for the Delight of Learning

Not all gifts of learning center around about doing. Sometimes, people just want to absorb knowledge, whether it’s about literature, music, and the arts, or about how the world has come to be the way it is.

The Great Courses is a perfect place to start, because there’s an absolute buffet of options, from history, literature, and language, to economics and finance, to philosophy and religion, to science and mathematics, and so much more.

Your recipients can take a (virtual) grand tour of England, Scotland, and Wales, or get tips on how to train a dog; they can get a handle on Norse Mythology or understand the Federalist Papers;  there are even language classes for those wanting to learn Spanish, Japanese, Italian, and more. The 2022 Great Courses Gift-Giving Guide is full of (currently) discounted course offerings — 537 of them! 

The Great Courses’ Wondrium YouTube channel provides playlists of video equivalents of free “ice cream samples” of various classes. Peruse them to spark ideas for which of your people would like which classes.

Courses are offered on online as “instant” audio or video (and on DVD!), and are priced anywhere from $29.95 upward. You can purchase a specific course for a gift, or buy a gift certificate so your giftees can choose what they like best.

Master Class is the ultimate option if you want to give a gift that’s educational but less academic. I’m sure you’ve seen the ads everywhere you go online, but in case you’re unfamiliar, MasterClass is a streaming platform where you (or, y’know, your recipients) can watch or listen to hundreds of video lessons taught by 100+ of the world’s best in their fields.

Master Class content is less like sitting in a classroom and more like being mentored by recognized experts. From business and leadership to filmmaking, screenwriting, and acting, to a melange of photography, cooking, music, sports, science and technology, and government, it’s all there.

Even within categories, there’s lots of variety. Does your recipient like music? Master Class has courses taught by Yo-Yo Ma, Big Nas, and Metallica. (Yes, really.) Bill Nye teaches Science and Problem Solving, Malala instructs on how to create change, and Gloria Steinem and colleagues present the evolution of feminism.

Melinda Gates teaches a course for using your powers (and money, one imagines) for good. From Indian cooking to how to think like an FBI profiler to courses on creating an athlete’s mindset to buying and selling real estate, your recipient will never get bored. From Neil Gaiman to Neil deGrasse Tyson, and from Jane Goodall to Christina Aguilera (and seriously, watch both those links to see how similarly these women begin their videos!), there should be something here your giftee will find compelling.

Master Class offers three annual plans: Standard, Plus, or Premium (at $15, $20, and $23/month, respectively, billed annually, though right now they’re offering a $180, 2-for-1 holiday special — buy an annual membership for yourself and get one free to give as a gift). The main difference is the number of devices one can be using simultaneously (1, 2, or 6, respectively), and if using the Standard plan, you can’t download the courses for offline viewing.

Gifts of learning are one kind of experiential gift; next week we’ll round out the gift advice with other alternative types of clutter-free presents that allow your recipients to have memorable, appealing experiences.

Meanwhile, please share in the comments about your favorite thing to learn. What kind of classes or learning experiences have you received, or would you like to get, as a gift?